Honest question

[dynomyte]

I have tons if respect for the ladies in this industry. The shit they out up with but yet continue to find ways to stay grounded is mind blowing. I often read here and on Twitter how ladies hate it when guys ask for services like it is some sort of menu. They remind us time and again that they are selling time and an experience and that each experience is unique. Again, I totally respect that. I never try to barter, nor do I ask what the" menu is.

My question or confusion is this: These same ladies will then turn around and say this, or that service is extra in their ads or on their website. Which is it? I really do mean it respectfully as it is incredibly challenging to navigate proper etiquette when receiving such mixed signals.

 

[whiskeysour]

The honest answer to your honest question is that there is no "they" with a universal set of policies that they then hypocritically implement to sow confusion. Different girls have different rules for what they'll discuss.

I myself always ask specific questions regarding service, options, and prices beforehand. By far the majority are willing to discuss these with me, either in detail or by confirming at least some crucial details. There is a minority that will not discuss at all, which I choose not to patronize.

 

[CanuckSoldier]

The honest answer to your honest question is that there is no "they" with a universal set of policies that they then hypocritically implement to sow confusion. Different girls have different rules for what they'll discuss.

I myself always ask specific questions regarding service, options, and prices beforehand. By far the majority are willing to discuss these with me, either in detail or by confirming at least some crucial details. There is a minority that will not discuss at all, which I choose not to patronize.

SAme with me, I do not try and negotiate price at all, I except what they want, and can either afford it or not, but services....for sure I want to discuss them, if the lady won't that is the end of the discussion

 

[DirtyMiind]

Yeah, I just respectfully decline when they hit me with the "it's an experience", or "let's discuss this in person" lines. No, thank you.

Personally, I view it as they are presuming to know me better than I know myself, which I find unattractive. I always respect their right to refuse anything agreed upon once we meet, I just want to know if things like DFK or bbbj are absolute no's or dependent on hygiene/connection. If that makes some ladies view me negatively, so be it. No one likes, or is liked by, everyone, so I'm not worried.

True story - I've been lectured/cussed out for both asking and not asking for what I want. I shit you not. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Now, I just ask away and consider the tone/substance of their response when ultimately deciding to book or not.

 

[Nesbot]

All good points. I too ask about services I am interested in. When it's met with vagueness, anger or an unwillingness to respond, I take it as a sign that we probably aren't a good match anyways.

The questions are simple and easy enough to answer. If they don't want to, how do I know what type of experience I am paying for? And yes, I know that will rub some people the wrong way.

 

[gibarian]

This ain't an honest question. I'm not sure how much time I have to dedicate to you tonight, but we'll start here:

I often read here and on Twitter how ladies hate it when guys ask for services like it is some sort of menu. They remind us time and again that they are selling time and an experience and that each experience is unique.

...

These same ladies will then turn around and say this, or that service is extra in their ads or on their website. Which is it?

Do you have examples of a single person saying those two things?

Or by "the same ladies" do you *actually* mean "completely different ladies who have nothing to do with one another"? Meaning you're bundling up entirely different people with different perspectives and business practices in order to fabricate the existence of a perceived contradiction.

And, for the record, it's entirely consistent and non-contradictory for someone to dislike the "menu" or "checklist" approaches and then still list certain extras. I think it's a failure of your imagination to understand how noxious the checklist approach could potentially be, in, for example the case of a client wants to specifically inquire about every detail on the spectrum between first greeting and attire to anal sex, and then arrange them all chronologically for specific durations, etc..

The honest answer to your honest question is that there is no "they" with a universal set of policies that they then hypocritically implement to sow confusion.

Exactly right!

The whiny mentality on display in this thread requires the flattening of all SWs into a single (non-existent) individual. It's goldfish-memory behaviour. I'm imagining the OP reading one escort's policies ("No explicit inquiries, I'm not a menu") then moving along and reading another escort's policies ("extra x dollars for y service") and then screaming into their pillow about hypocrisy.

 

[DirtyMiind]

This ain't an honest question. I'm not sure how much time I have to dedicate to you tonight, but we'll start here:


Do you have examples of a single person saying those two things?

Or by "the same ladies" do you *actually* mean "completely different ladies who have nothing to do with one another"? Meaning you're bundling up entirely different people with different perspectives and business practices in order to fabricate the existence of a perceived contradiction.

And, for the record, it's entirely consistent and non-contradictory for someone to dislike the "menu" or "checklist" approaches and then still list certain extras. I think it's a failure of your imagination to understand how noxious the checklist approach could potentially be, in, for example the case of a client wants to specifically inquire about every detail on the spectrum between first greeting and attire to anal sex, and then arrange them all chronologically for specific durations, etc..


Exactly right!

The whiny mentality on display in this thread requires the flattening of all SWs into a single (non-existent) individual. It's goldfish-memory behaviour. I'm imagining the OP reading one escort's policies ("No explicit inquiries, I'm not a menu") then moving along and reading another escort's policies ("extra x dollars for y service") and then screaming into their pillow about hypocrisy.

W T F. Are you for real??

 

[scarecrow119]

This ain't an honest question. I'm not sure how much time I have to dedicate to you tonight, but we'll start here:


Do you have examples of a single person saying those two things?

Or by "the same ladies" do you *actually* mean "completely different ladies who have nothing to do with one another"? Meaning you're bundling up entirely different people with different perspectives and business practices in order to fabricate the existence of a perceived contradiction.

And, for the record, it's entirely consistent and non-contradictory for someone to dislike the "menu" or "checklist" approaches and then still list certain extras. I think it's a failure of your imagination to understand how noxious the checklist approach could potentially be, in, for example the case of a client wants to specifically inquire about every detail on the spectrum between first greeting and attire to anal sex, and then arrange them all chronologically for specific durations, etc..


Exactly right!

The whiny mentality on display in this thread requires the flattening of all SWs into a single (non-existent) individual. It's goldfish-memory behaviour. I'm imagining the OP reading one escort's policies ("No explicit inquiries, I'm not a menu") then moving along and reading another escort's policies ("extra x dollars for y service") and then screaming into their pillow about hypocrisy.

I would suggest that is is best to set expectations before agreeing to meet the provider. I think for the most part, any reputable provider will have no issue with explaining what they do and don't do. It is really all about the asking. I think a lot of people asked to provide a list may find it a bit offensive. If you know what you want you can ask for that specific experience. I would suggest being clear, if you want kissing, ask for kissing, don't ask for GFE since to some this does not include kissing. If yjier ad speaks to providing an experience, ask for details as to what that experience entails.

That being said, very often, I have texted a provider to see of they are available only to get back a menu of acronyms and a price list, so you never know.

 

[MarianneC]

I find that a diplomatic way of asking this question, without asking this question is to ask, "if I were to take all of your options, how much money should I bring?" This gives you an upper limit of how much all of her services are going to cost, and you can decide on the spot if it's worth your time to visit her or not. If you can afford this or not. There could be a big difference between basic services and all-options services, which depends on the girl obviously.

 

[massman]

I find that a question like “could you let me know about your rates/ services, and if there are any extras/ restrictions I should know about?” Has hardly ever been met with a negative response.
If a guy is really looking for a specific service, I’d suggest 1. Doing your research here and on the SPs ad or website to see if they advertise it being offered or 2. Politely ask. Instead of “bbbj/cof/ anal?” Try “im looking for a girl who is into Greek and facials. l prefer bbbj, but obviously safe for everything else. Are those things you are comfortable with?” Or something similar.

 

[DirtyMiind]

I find that a diplomatic way of asking this question, without asking this question is to ask, "if I were to take all of your options, how much money should I bring?" This gives you an upper limit of how much all of her services are going to cost, and you can decide on the spot if it's worth your time to visit her or not. If you can afford this or not. There could be a big difference between basic services and all-options services, which depends on the girl obviously.

Unfortunately this does nothing to help confirm a lady's comfort level regarding specific services. Knowing how much money to bring doesn't tell me if you're okay with x, y, or z service. I've tried.

 

[DirtyMiind]

I find that a question like “could you let me know about your rates/ services, and if there are any extras/ restrictions I should know about?” Has hardly ever been met with a negative response.
If a guy is really looking for a specific service, I’d suggest 1. Doing your research here and on the SPs ad or website to see if they advertise it being offered or 2. Politely ask. Instead of “bbbj/cof/ anal?” Try “im looking for a girl who is into Greek and facials. l prefer bbbj, but obviously safe for everything else. Are those things you are comfortable with?” Or something similar.

You can be as polite and well intentioned as you'd like and still get shit on, but yes, honey over vinegar does help.

 

[massman]

You can be as polite and well intentioned as you'd like and still get shit on, but yes, honey over vinegar does help.

Well if you get “shit on” you have your answer, and can move on.

For me, personally, “the experience “ is more important than a list of acts, but I accept that some participate in this to get the chance to fulfil certain specific fantasies. If an sp prefers not to discuss that, then they are probably not for you, and you should move on to the one of
many that will.

Another way of more diplomatically introducing the issue is to ask about specific restrictions or “don’ts”. If your preferred activity is on that list, you can move on. If your preferred activity isn’t mentioned you can say “I’m really into “x”. Is that something you offer?

When choosing an sp and you are hoping for certain activities, ask yourself how important that activity is. If it is really important (ie you won’t be happy if that is not done) then stick to girls that clearly advertise / promote their interest and skill in that service, or have good reviews describing that service.

SPs are just people. They will have widely differing responses to such enquiries. Be as professional and straightforward in your communication as you can, and remember that all these extras are subject to the ymmv rule

 

[DirtyMiind]

Well if you get “shit on” you have your answer, and can move on.

For me, personally, “the experience “ is more important than a list of acts, but I accept that some participate in this to get the chance to fulfil certain specific fantasies. If an sp prefers not to discuss that, then they are probably not for you, and you should move on to the one of
many that will.

Another way of more diplomatically introducing the issue is to ask about specific restrictions or “don’ts”. If your preferred activity is on that list, you can move on. If your preferred activity isn’t mentioned you can say “I’m really into “x”. Is that something you offer?

When choosing an sp and you are hoping for certain activities, ask yourself how important that activity is. If it is really important (ie you won’t be happy if that is not done) then stick to girls that clearly advertise / promote their interest and skill in that service, or have good reviews describing that service.

SPs are just people. They will have widely differing responses to such enquiries. Be as professional and straightforward in your communication as you can, and remember that all these extras are subject to the ymmv rule

Yup, and that is exactly what I do.

See, I am not after acts per se, as is commonly assumed when someone asks if DFK and bbbj are okay. I am after an experience. The experience of feeling like this beautiful woman in front of me is into me and wants to have sex with me, even if it is a lie. I find it hard to experience that when I can't touch or kiss her, or if she seems repulsed to be with me/touch me/have me in her.

Also, I enjoy prolonged encounters for multiple reasons such as as I like to chat, touch, and get to know the lady a bit as part of the experience, but also, my first shot is always hella quick with a new lady. The excitement just gets to me every time. It is only during the 2nd and possibly 3rd shots that I can really enjoy myself, but those require engagement on the SP's part. A lady who doesn't enjoy breast play, doesn't like to kiss, isn't sensual, and won't provide a bbbj isn't going to get me going for a 2nd or 3rd round.

I did have one of my best experiences in TO with Jessica Rabbit/Amber Foxxy Lady. True PSE/GFE session. Lots of foreplay, intense full service for the first shot, then a relaxing bbbjcim for the second shot. I repeated this template with Amanda Labelle when she was Isabelle, and threw in some cuddling/chatting after the second shot which was really enjoyable. Both of those encounters hold special places in my memory and are the style of session I prefer. Am I really wrong for knowing what I like, looking for it, and asking if it's a possibility before I drop $$$ for an hour? I don't think so but I'm sure many will disagree.

Asking about specific don'ts, for me at least, has been met with vague or incomplete responses at times. They will say "no greek no bbfs", then I reply, "Great! So just to confirm, you would be okay with bbbjcim, depending on hygiene and connection of course?", to which I have received a quick yes/no or no/no answer, dead silence, or a lecture, you just never know lol. It can also lead to a lot of back and forth which annoys the ladies I'm sure. I prefer the direct but polite route. I don't think my approach is an issue as I've had ladies cuss me out only to then turn around and try to take my booking when I didn't respond in kind and calmly explained where I was coming from. I still refuse at that point since the moment is ruined, but all the same I try to always be polite and respectful in my communications. Sometimes it's just not reciprocated, to which I just shrug my shoulders and move on.

How do we find the newcomers that offer this? If this were TO I think your suggestion to stick to the known providers of x service would be more plausible. In Ottawa, you have to constantly search and inquire as there seems to be more travelers than locals, at least that catch my eye on LL anyway.

Couldn't agree more with that.

Sorry for the long post, I just hate the generalization that because I want to feel close to the lady I spend time with and know what I like, I'm just a slobbyist with a menu. We all know what I mean.

 

[massman]

Yup, and that is exactly what I do.

See, I am not after acts per se, as is commonly assumed when someone asks if DFK and bbbj are okay. I am after an experience. The experience of feeling like this beautiful woman in front of me is into me and wants to have sex with me, even if it is a lie. I find it hard to experience that when I can't touch or kiss her, or if she seems repulsed to be with me/touch me/have me in her.

Also, I enjoy prolonged encounters for multiple reasons such as as I like to chat, touch, and get to know the lady a bit as part of the experience, but also, my first shot is always hella quick with a new lady. The excitement just gets to me every time. It is only during the 2nd and possibly 3rd shots that I can really enjoy myself, but those require engagement on the SP's part. A lady who doesn't enjoy breast play, doesn't like to kiss, isn't sensual, and won't provide a bbbj isn't going to get me going for a 2nd or 3rd round.

I did have one of my best experiences in TO with Jessica Rabbit/Amber Foxxy Lady. True PSE/GFE session. Lots of foreplay, intense full service for the first shot, then a relaxing bbbjcim for the second shot. I repeated this template with Amanda Labelle when she was Isabelle, and threw in some cuddling/chatting after the second shot which was really enjoyable. Both of those encounters hold special places in my memory and are the style of session I prefer. Am I really wrong for knowing what I like, looking for it, and asking if it's a possibility before I drop $$$ for an hour? I don't think so but I'm sure many will disagree.

Asking about specific don'ts, for me at least, has been met with vague or incomplete responses at times. They will say "no greek no bbfs", then I reply, "Great! So just to confirm, you would be okay with bbbjcim, depending on hygiene and connection of course?", to which I have received a quick yes/no or no/no answer, dead silence, or a lecture, you just never know lol. It can also lead to a lot of back and forth which annoys the ladies I'm sure. I prefer the direct but polite route. I don't think my approach is an issue as I've had ladies cuss me out only to then turn around and try to take my booking when I didn't respond in kind and calmly explained where I was coming from. I still refuse at that point since the moment is ruined, but all the same I try to always be polite and respectful in my communications. Sometimes it's just not reciprocated, to which I just shrug my shoulders and move on.

How do we find the newcomers that offer this? If this were TO I think your suggestion to stick to the known provides of x service would be more plausible. In Ottawa, you have to constantly search and inquire as there seems to be more travelers than locals, at least that catch my eye on LL anyway.

Couldn't agree more with that.

Sorry for the long post, I just hate the generalization that because I want to feel close to the lady I spend time with and know what I like, I'm just a slobbyist with a menu. We all know what I mean.

Totally understand what you are saying. Kissing, daty, and bbbj make for more of an intimate experience for sure, beyond acronym check boxes. (And def agree about @foxxxy lady !)
You aren’t wrong at all for knowing what you want and seeking out those who will provide it. I would just politely describe the experience you are looking for, and ask if that is something she provides. Those who take your polite enquiries as offensive are probably not the ones you will want to see anyway.

And finally, unreviewed LL ads will always be a crapshoot, no matter what the response is. You may find some gems, but it’s a gamble.

 

[PeteOsborne]

Totally understand what you are saying. Kissing, daty, and bbbj make for more of an intimate experience for sure, beyond acronym check boxes. (And def agree about @foxxxy lady !)
You aren’t wrong at all for knowing what you want and seeking out those who will provide it. I would just politely describe the experience you are looking for, and ask if that is something she provides. Those who take your polite enquiries as offensive are probably not the ones you will want to see anyway.

And finally, unreviewed LL ads will always be a crapshoot, no matter what the response is. You may find some gems, but it’s a gamble.

Yup, agreed LL is a crapshoot especially when TOFTT.
I usually just ask for rates and restrictions but have been texted one thing and when I arrive its another, some examples are, an agreed rate, then once you are in the door its 20 or 40 dollars more.
Another that happened was a qoute of 300/hr with no bbfs as the only restriction, upon arrival it turned into, "no sorry that is extra, this is extra", the experience turned into CBJ and CFS with no kissing of any body part.

 

[Josephine Grey]

I have tons if respect for the ladies in this industry. The shit they out up with but yet continue to find ways to stay grounded is mind blowing. I often read here and on Twitter how ladies hate it when guys ask for services like it is some sort of menu. They remind us time and again that they are selling time and an experience and that each experience is unique. Again, I totally respect that. I never try to barter, nor do I ask what the" menu is.

My question or confusion is this: These same ladies will then turn around and say this, or that service is extra in their ads or on their website. Which is it? I really do mean it respectfully as it is incredibly challenging to navigate proper etiquette when receiving such mixed signals.

There is 2 school in this game. The ones that rather be specific and therefore are not subject to ymmv and the girls that leave that blank because it's up to how she feels around you. Their website will be a good indicator of what they like to do. If there are no details, dont ask. If there is details, I guess you can ask. If they offer acronyms and get pissy when you ask, take your business elsewhere.

Personally I chose to be very specific about my services but I kind of regret it today. I wish I would have been more ymmv. I often found myself wishing people were coming for me and not for a very specific type of service. It's hard to explain. I found myself having to deliver to people who couldn't careless if it was a blowup Doll or me, as long as they can cum in my face.
It makes you more picky.

 

[DirtyMiind]

There is 2 school in this game. The ones that rather be specific and therefore are not subject to ymmv and the girls that leave that blank because it's up to how she feels around you. Their website will be a good indicator of what they like to do. If there are no details, dont ask. If there is details, I guess you can ask. If they offer acronyms and get pissy when you ask, take your business elsewhere.

Personally I chose to be very specific about my services but I kind of regret it today. I wish I would have been more ymmv. I often found myself wishing people were coming for me and not for a very specific type of service. It's hard to explain. I found myself having to deliver to people who couldn't careless if it was a blowup Doll or me, as long as they can cum in my face.
It makes you more picky.

I completely understand why you would feel that way after being treated like that. It really is a disgusting feeling, and a disgusting way to treat someone. When taken to the extreme where you simply go for the act even though you have zero attraction to, and interest in, the actual provider, I can understand the label of slobbyist with a menu being applied. A few bad apples spoiling the bunch.

 

[ChasingDaylight]

I've never had any pushback from asking about specific services/options. It's the most respectable way to arrange a meeting.

Now, if they already stated they don't do XYZ, and you ask them afterwards, that might be annoying.

 

[MarianneC]

Unfortunately this does nothing to help confirm a lady's comfort level regarding specific services. Knowing how much money to bring doesn't tell me if you're okay with x, y, or z service. I've tried.

In a case like that, then I found clients who used to use this technique the most polite:
You: "Do you have any restrictions?"
Lady: "I don't do X,Y, and Z."

At this point, she has already opened up the discussion about specific services, so you're now free to ask her specific questions too. If she didn't answer or says something like "I only discuss that in private" -- then that too is an answer which you're free to interpret. She may be too shy for the services you're looking for.