HELP!! am i in the right state of mind to drive back into hobbying?

[vmaze]

I'm am considering seeing providers again after quitting 5 months ago.

PROBLEM:
I meet an SP at the beginning of 2013 and continue to see her twice a month regularly until July of 2014. i had a serious infatuation and could not stop thinking about her,spent lots of waking hours messaging her and was even so addicted i was constantly viewing her online profile here to see what she was doing, could say i was beginning to stalk her, thats when i knew i had a problem.

HEARTBREAK:
I decided to take the plunge and risk the relationship by asking her for "off the clock" activities :frusty:. She declined and wanted to keep things the way they were which was strictly on a professional level. things were never the same after that conversation, she realise i wanted more and i realise she was just in it for the money.

SOLUTION:
I took an offshore job down in the caribbean to get away from the temptations of wanting to see her again and now i'm set to return to ottawa and back to my old job there and just when i thought i have heard the last of her or any feelings towards her
i got a christmas greeting and a message about how she misses me and wants to see me again but i dont want to be taken for a "fool" again.

i meet and marry my college sweetheart of 15 years so this SP was only the second women i have ever had a long term relationship with, i never thought i would fall for this girl but i was on the rebound after separating from my wife and wanted someone to fill that void temporarily, did'nt think i would get so emotionally attached.


ADIVCES:

Should i visits other SPs ?
Should i seek this SP and hope my infatuation with her is over and we can progress in a professional manner ?
Should i just stay away? and look elsewhere like dating sites?
Was i scaring her before?
I'm an openminded person.

replys by both SPs and experience players would be greatly appreciated on how to avoid this from recurring again in the future.

I'm not using my old terb account by choice to remain anonymous. have not logged in over 3months.

 

[pablice]

Read up and understand the concept of EI, emotional intelligence, apply it in practice, learn from your experiences, refine your self and get better. If your EI in not mature enough, you are not cut out for this hobby...in other words you will not be able to handle it.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence

 

[vmaze]

Read up and understand the concept of EI, emotional intelligence, apply it in practice, learn from your experiences, refine your self and get better. If your EI in not mature enough, you are not cut out for this hobby...in other words you will not be able to handle it.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence

thanks!! will do.

 

[explorerzip]

You're married and you're asking if it's okay to visit other SP's or date other women? The answer should be obvious to you. You know what will happen if you get caught by your wife right? If you're prepared for the fallout, then go ahead and date and see other SP's.

 

[MPAsquared]

This was not a relationship. Of course she's in it for the money. Do you go to work for free? YOUR expectations changed, YOU lost track of fantasy/reality...she did not take you for a fool. Yes, providers can miss fave clients. NO you should not see her again. If you've only ever had 2 women, you must get out there and enjoy variety. You've only ever had 2 flavors of icecream, go live a little.

 

[james t kirk]

Odds are that business is very slow for her (this time of year plus the new laws threatening to arrest Johns) and she sent out a mass text to all her customers.

If your heart can handle the rejection again, you could simply reply to her that it was great hearing from her and you would still very much like to see her off the clock for a nice dinner and a movie (say).

Odds are she will just tell you that she just wants to keep it professional still (though you never know) in which case you don't even respond to her.

 

[SexyFriendsTO]

You cannot step twice into the same river. Find a favorite agency or go to a different independent companions. See different ladies all the time and don't stick to one lady only and you will not get attached. Or have at least 10 regular ladies not one and don't go to see your old companion unless you want your heart to be broken again. At the end of the day its a job for companions and nobody wants to work for free.

Thanks

Sexy Friends Toronto

 

[dirkd101]

If you are serious about getting back in the game, go see a different SP. She knows you are potential for money flow so check out the market and try something new.

 

[Jasmine Raine]

You're married and you're asking if it's okay to visit other SP's or date other women? The answer should be obvious to you. You know what will happen if you get caught by your wife right? If you're prepared for the fallout, then go ahead and date and see other SP's.

Please read the highlighted part, he was separated from his wife at the time. I am assuming he is single. However, I don't think it is very appropriate to be somewhat scolding to married men. Since we don't know their personal situation, I don't think it is our place to judge.

I'm am considering seeing providers again after quitting 5 months ago.

PROBLEM:
I meet an SP at the beginning of 2013 and continue to see her twice a month regularly until July of 2014. i had a serious infatuation and could not stop thinking about her,spent lots of waking hours messaging her and was even so addicted i was constantly viewing her online profile here to see what she was doing, could say i was beginning to stalk her, thats when i knew i had a problem.

HEARTBREAK:
I decided to take the plunge and risk the relationship by asking her for "off the clock" activities :frusty:. She declined and wanted to keep things the way they were which was strictly on a professional level. things were never the same after that conversation, she realise i wanted more and i realise she was just in it for the money.

SOLUTION:
I took an offshore job down in the caribbean to get away from the temptations of wanting to see her again and now i'm set to return to ottawa and back to my old job there and just when i thought i have heard the last of her or any feelings towards her
i got a christmas greeting and a message about how she misses me and wants to see me again but i dont want to be taken for a "fool" again.

i meet and marry my college sweetheart of 15 years so this SP was only the second women i have ever had a long term relationship with, i never thought i would fall for this girl but i was on the rebound after separating from my wife and wanted someone to fill that void temporarily, did'nt think i would get so emotionally attached.


ADIVCES:

Should i visits other SPs ?
Should i seek this SP and hope my infatuation with her is over and we can progress in a professional manner ?
Should i just stay away? and look elsewhere like dating sites?
Was i scaring her before?
I'm an openminded person.

replys by both SPs and experience players would be greatly appreciated on how to avoid this from recurring again in the future.

I'm not using my old terb account by choice to remain anonymous. have not logged in over 3months.

The heart is a tricky little thing sometimes. I think that you should evaluate the SP relationship for what it was and that may help you greatly going forward. Remember that when you would see her, everything was set up to your liking. That is the way it should be for a client and why it is understandable that the heart sneaks its way in there. What you have to remember is, you have no idea what she is like "off the clock". You and her may have been worlds apart in the civilian lifestyle as far as compatibility goes. Sometimes even people who truly do love each, can't be together because of a variety of reasons. So if you look at all the things that could have and most likely would have changed in civilian dating, you might see that she was not the woman for you. That is why the fantasy is a fantasy. It is great when two people can get together and enjoy each others company for a few hours, but life outside of that is completely different. Who knows, she may fart and snore in her sleep and you just saved yourself years of sleepless nights. :wink:

As for moving forward, I think you need to do two things.

One - you need to take some responsibility for the fall out of this business relationship with the first SP. If you do not, you run the risk of repeating the same mistakes. This was not her fault in any way. She was/is doing her job and by the sounds of it, very well. You got to enjoy a year of wonderful times with her and you should cherish the experiences you had, but realize that it was indeed you who got emotionally attached and therefore had to emotionally detach. Nothing at all wrong with that. It happens and helps us grow in the future. Now you know and can look forward to a different future.

Two - I would suggest a new SP. Politely let the first know you would prefer no more contact. She was great but you are moving forward. I would suggest seeing multiple SP's at the beginning to help you separate the emotional side from the business side of this industry. I would also look deep down and see if you are longing a loving civilian relationship. If the answer is yes, then peruse that in the mainstream world and use SP's for the temporary companionship they offer to help take the edge off.

I wish you all the best with which ever you decide.

 

[rgkv]

I once ruined a relationship by going back....

 

[explorerzip]

Please read the highlighted part, he was separated from his wife at the time. I am assuming he is single. However, I don't think it is very appropriate to be somewhat scolding to married men. Since we don't know their personal situation, I don't think it is our place to judge.



The heart is a tricky little thing sometimes. I think that you should evaluate the SP relationship for what it was and that may help you greatly going forward. Remember that when you would see her, everything was set up to your liking. That is the way it should be for a client and why it is understandable that the heart sneaks its way in there. What you have to remember is, you have no idea what she is like "off the clock". You and her may have been worlds apart in the civilian lifestyle as far as compatibility goes. Sometimes even people who truly do love each, can't be together because of a variety of reasons. So if you look at all the things that could have and most likely would have changed in civilian dating, you might see that she was not the woman for you. That is why the fantasy is a fantasy. It is great when two people can get together and enjoy each others company for a few hours, but life outside of that is completely different. Who knows, she may fart and snore in her sleep and you just saved yourself years of sleepless nights. :wink:

As for moving forward, I think you need to do two things.

One - you need to take some responsibility for the fall out of this business relationship with the first SP. If you do not, you run the risk of repeating the same mistakes. This was not her fault in any way. She was/is doing her job and by the sounds of it, very well. You got to enjoy a year of wonderful times with her and you should cherish the experiences you had, but realize that it was indeed you who got emotionally attached and therefore had to emotionally detach. Nothing at all wrong with that. It happens and helps us grow in the future. Now you know and can look forward to a different future.

Two - I would suggest a new SP. Politely let the first know you would prefer no more contact. She was great but you are moving forward. I would suggest seeing multiple SP's at the beginning to help you separate the emotional side from the business side of this industry. I would also look deep down and see if you are longing a loving civilian relationship. If the answer is yes, then peruse that in the mainstream world and use SP's for the temporary companionship they offer to help take the edge off.

I wish you all the best with which ever you decide.

I missed that part about the OP being separated, sorry. I wasn't trying to scold the OP, but the fact remains that if you are in a long-term or committed relationship and choose to see escorts, you have to assume you will get caught and deal with the fallout. There's no avoiding that. If the OP is fine with that, then it's perfectly fine to see one or many SP's.

I don't think there is a 100% fail safe way of avoiding getting attached to an escort. Sometimes you hit it off (or not) with certain people. That's kind of a risk of participating in this hobby.

 

[pablice]

You only get caught if you wanna get caught...many wanna get caught...they just don't know it yet.

I missed that part about the OP being separated, sorry. I wasn't trying to scold the OP, but the fact remains that if you are in a long-term or committed relationship and choose to see escorts, you have to assume you will get caught and deal with the fallout. There's no avoiding that. If the OP is fine with that, then it's perfectly fine to see one or many SP's.

I don't think there is a 100% fail safe way of avoiding getting attached to an escort. Sometimes you hit it off (or not) with certain people. That's kind of a risk of participating in this hobby.

 

[out4fun]

Doesn't sound like you were in the right state of mind to even get into the hobby in the first place...

 

[legmann]

If your EI in not mature enough, you are not cut out for this hobby...in other words you will not be able to handle it.

Should be a sticky at the top of the forum and required reading for membership on the board.

 

[Celticman]

This was not a relationship. Of course she's in it for the money. Do you go to work for free? YOUR expectations changed, YOU lost track of fantasy/reality...she did not take you for a fool. Yes, providers can miss fave clients. NO you should not see her again. If you've only ever had 2 women, you must get out there and enjoy variety. You've only ever had 2 flavors of icecream, go live a little.

Whilst I agree with MPAsquared, I would caution the OP that she is a clandestine handle for Baskin Robbins. She presides over 31 great flavours and has a vested interest in variety

 

[Marla]

V Maze, I have read the advice given here today and what MPA squared and Jessica Rain have told you is bang on. For starters it is rare that one can ever go back. Let's face it, it just doesn't work but as Jessica said maybe you need to take some responsibility and look at what made you become so deeply attached and if you do want a civi relationship. You really haven't gotten your feet wet so to speak and experienced the sp world at all. It is time for you to break loose and let go with yourself and be free to choose new women. There is so much to choose from. And I don't think you were taken. I think you let yourself be taken in by someone's beauty and charm but not skillfully manipulatively taken.
Your moving away was not a solution it was a bandaid to a problem that still persists for you. Move on....

 

[vmaze]

Thanks everyone for your well wishes and advice! for the record i did see a few other SPs at the beginning but she connected best with me and help me through my separation and we develop a LTR. maybe she knew i was venerable at the time and played me by saying everything i needed to hear.
It did leave a sour taste that she didn't handle the situation more delicately and went about it strictly in a professional manner with no regards to my personal well being and then sends me an email 5 months later saying "we had a good thing before" and would like to see me again.

 

[freestuff]

If you're looking for something "meaningful" then look for a mistress and not a SP.

 

[waba]

It did leave a sour taste that she didn't handle the situation more delicately and went about it strictly in a professional manner with no regards to my personal well being and then sends me an email 5 months later saying "we had a good thing before" and would like to see me again.

she probably sent the same email to the other 1000 johns.

 

[Titalian]

You're married and you're asking if it's okay to visit other SP's or date other women? The answer should be obvious to you. You know what will happen if you get caught by your wife right? If you're prepared for the fallout, then go ahead and date and see other SP's.

No he's not he's separated