Jesus has problems with his connection right now.
http://www.antioffline.com/HUM/hackers-breach-heaven.com.htm
Hacker breaches heaven.com
JERUSALEM - In an announcement yesterday which came as a surprise even to himself, Jesus apologised for what he termed a "minor breach of heavenly security". Mankind's Saviour revealed that, traumatised and "slightly hurt" by his embarrasingly self-inflicted experience being nailed to a cross, his security had been somewhat lax of late and that someone had hacked into Christ's mainframe root account and been issuing decrees for quite some time under His alias.
The hacker, who called himself "d3TOn@Tor" has avoided detection thus far but Christ was confident of his imminent arrest.
"Yea, I am all seeing." Christ said "and whilst I have a deep and unending compassion and love for all makind, I'm going to fuck that guy up so bad when I catch him even his own mother won't recognise him. Amen."
The hacker gained access to the heaven.org domain root via the nameserver on the heaven.com domain, a newer domain Christ was forced to establish after Internic authorities ruled that an annual income of over $40bn might conceivably be classified as a "commercial enterprise", and thus undeserving of an *.org domain extension. The new domain was running Microsoft's Windows NT Server 4.0 without several key security patches.
"Verily I say unto you, that Windows NT server t'is the Devil's own operating system, and I cast it from me." Christ told reporters.
"Begone spawn of Satan," added Mankind's Saviour.
"It explains alot." Bishop Redmond Kingston told reporters, "Things were getting kinda hairy for a while. We were trying not to let on, but the whole thing had just gone to shit, I mean priests being arrested for pornography and embezzlement, we were wondering exactly when Our Saviour was going to step in. Took his fucking time, didn't He?"
"Quite frankly, Christ just hasn't been the same since the whole Cross incident." said Michael Gerben, religious scholar and head of Comparative Religious Studies at Michigan State University. "Really put the willies up him, that did, He hasn't been the same since. His mind's just not been on the job."
http://www.antioffline.com/HUM/hackers-breach-heaven.com.htm
Hacker breaches heaven.com
JERUSALEM - In an announcement yesterday which came as a surprise even to himself, Jesus apologised for what he termed a "minor breach of heavenly security". Mankind's Saviour revealed that, traumatised and "slightly hurt" by his embarrasingly self-inflicted experience being nailed to a cross, his security had been somewhat lax of late and that someone had hacked into Christ's mainframe root account and been issuing decrees for quite some time under His alias.
The hacker, who called himself "d3TOn@Tor" has avoided detection thus far but Christ was confident of his imminent arrest.
"Yea, I am all seeing." Christ said "and whilst I have a deep and unending compassion and love for all makind, I'm going to fuck that guy up so bad when I catch him even his own mother won't recognise him. Amen."
The hacker gained access to the heaven.org domain root via the nameserver on the heaven.com domain, a newer domain Christ was forced to establish after Internic authorities ruled that an annual income of over $40bn might conceivably be classified as a "commercial enterprise", and thus undeserving of an *.org domain extension. The new domain was running Microsoft's Windows NT Server 4.0 without several key security patches.
"Verily I say unto you, that Windows NT server t'is the Devil's own operating system, and I cast it from me." Christ told reporters.
"Begone spawn of Satan," added Mankind's Saviour.
"It explains alot." Bishop Redmond Kingston told reporters, "Things were getting kinda hairy for a while. We were trying not to let on, but the whole thing had just gone to shit, I mean priests being arrested for pornography and embezzlement, we were wondering exactly when Our Saviour was going to step in. Took his fucking time, didn't He?"
"Quite frankly, Christ just hasn't been the same since the whole Cross incident." said Michael Gerben, religious scholar and head of Comparative Religious Studies at Michigan State University. "Really put the willies up him, that did, He hasn't been the same since. His mind's just not been on the job."
