Harassment - Was I Wrong?

[Aardvark154]

I decided to see what the standard is in Ontario for the attention being unwanted and find that it is a lower bar than in a number of other places.

Behaviour of a sexual nature that: a
person knows or ought to know is unwelcome.

From my reading there is no requirement to she has to tell you to stop if a reasonable person ought to know that the behaviour is unwelcome.
All of this merely goes to reinforce what a number of others have already said.

 

[fuji]

Guess that is why you felt the need to double post - LOL

Not sure how the double post happened, but sure!

 

[fuji]

We had a guy come around to where I work to educate people on what is discrimination, harassment, etc., and what should be done about it, supposedly an expert on the Ontario Human Rights code--HR set it up. When asked about whether it's inappropriate to hit on someone at your work place he had this to say:

"There's nothing wrong with asking someone out once. It's human nature. Asking them repeatedly might be harassment."

So I guess the protocol is you get to make your move once. Then it's her turn, and if she never takes her turn then it's over and you move on.

 

[genintoronto]

I decided to see what the standard is in Ontario for the attention being unwanted and find that it is a lower bar than in a number of other places.

Behaviour of a sexual nature that: a
person knows or ought to know is unwelcome.

From my reading there is no requirement to she has to tell you to stop if a reasonable person ought to know that the behaviour is unwelcome.
All of this merely goes to reinforce what a number of others have already said.

It really isn't that complicated:

Unless the recipient of your attentions is showing ENTHUSIASTIC consent and participation (ie, not objecting ISN'T enthusiastic consent), your attentions aren't welcome.

 

[Aardvark154]

Unless the recipient of your attentions is showing ENTHUSIASTIC consent and participation (ie, not objecting ISN'T enthusiastic consent), your attentions aren't welcome.

Tangentially related to all this a number of companies are now insisting on "co-worker dating statements" which release the company from liability, make clear that both parties agree the relationship is consensual and voluntary, and spell out provisions dealing with break-up of the relationship.

 

[Hard Idle]

This thread is getting real strange...I wonder how many workplaces are openly TERBite anyway.

In addition to what's been said, I'll add that as a general rule, it's probably a little too much to give somebody of the opposite sex an underwear catalogue until you have seen that person in undeerwear she already owns.

 

[Aardvark154]

This thread is getting real strange...I wonder how many workplaces are openly TERBite anyway.

TERBites are like submarines.

 

[train]

Tangentially related to all this a number of companies are now insisting on "co-worker dating statements" which release the company from liability, make clear that both parties agree the relationship is consensual and voluntary, and spell out provisions dealing with break-up of the relationship.

It was tough enough asking her out.

So do these co-worker dating statements deal with setting paramenters for getting a good-night kiss ? The number of dates before you get to 'round the bases and score ? Establish responsibilities in writing for birth control, who pays which tabs, sleepover privleges, toothbrush inventory maintenance etc. Are there the standard boilerplate clauses like " Para 3.2 a) Boinking in the photocopy room is prohibited"

If they had this 50 years ago I wouldn't be here
My Dad married one of his employees and I married an employee of a client.

 

[basketcase]

I think she was having fun flirting, and then realized he actually was interested in her and that gave her the creeps because she wasnt interested in him. I think she told his pain in the ass buddy first to try to get him to stop.

Based on past experiences, that would be my guess too.


(and there's nothing wrong IMO with swimming in the company pool unless company rules say so or one of you is the other's boss - and you don't mind potential awkwardness).

...
This woman either
...
b) is a basketcase who was trying to set you up for a harassment threat
...

Hey, if he's flirting with me he's got more issues than being creepy - unless overweight middle aged guys are his thing.

 

[basketcase]

... and spell out provisions dealing with break-up of the relationship.

If a break-up means she gets half my work load, it sounds good to me

 

[The Cunning Linguist]

If a break-up means she gets half my work load, it sounds good to me

now that's funny...

 

[The Cunning Linguist]

How were you used? You were friends and enjoyed each other's company but you clearly evolved professionally and personally and so did she. Do you feel taken advantage of? Why - because you didn't fuck her?

Maybe so...lol....

Seriously...I felt taken advantage of because it became clear the "friendship" was based on me "doing" things for her. There was little, to no reciprocity. Once she became "independent", she felt no need to continue. Even others in the office noticed.

 

[Aardvark154]

It was tough enough asking her out.

If they had this 50 years ago I wouldn't be here
My Dad married one of his employees and I married an employee of a client.

I agree it's a brave new world.

 

[RTRD]

That...

This thread is getting real strange...I wonder how many workplaces are openly TERBite anyway.

In addition to what's been said, I'll add that as a general rule, it's probably a little too much to give somebody of the opposite sex an underwear catalogue until you have seen that person in undeerwear she already owns.

...sounds like a very good rule of thumb.

It also sounds obvious, but I guess it wasn't.

 

[SmegHead]

There are worse outcomes than simply getting fired in these cases. Trust me, I know from personal experience. I once sexually harassed a subordinate at the office and ended up regretting it deeply. I didn't realize at the time how vengeful she would be about it. She made sure I suffered terribly by marrying me.

 

[james t kirk]

At my former place of employment, I slept with 2 of my female co-workers.

At my current place, I've received blow jobs from 1 female coworker from time to time.

Not the smartest of moves, but, knock on wood, I've never gotten burned.

Now, one of my major clients has a SMOKING 25 year old daughter. Last year at his Xmas party she had on this very very slinky dress which showed off her all natural D's extremely well. She proceeded to get a wee bit tanked and the the attraction was there. Thank Christ I had the will power to get out of there early.