good joke

[stevieray]

Heard this one the other day.....

Man`s in bed with his Thai girlfriend. After having great sex, she spends the next hour just stroking his cock, something she`d lovingly done on many occasions. Rather enjoying it, he turns to her and asks: "Why do you like doing that?" She replies, "Because I really miss mine!"

 

[Bobman]

Good one Definitely got a few people I'll use that one on!

 

[GlavaMan]

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an
attractive man standing alone. She approached him.

'My name is Carmen,' she told him.

'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name?'

'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the things
I like most -- cars and men.'

'What's your name?' she asked.

He said, 'B. J. Titsandgolf'

 

[rep_pot]

LIE DETECTOR!

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual
gimmick.
His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases.
It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy,
their 11 year old son, returned home from school.
Tommy was over 2 hours late.
'Where have you been?
Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit
project,' said Tommy.
The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy,
knocking him completely out of his chair.
'Son,' said John,
'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after
school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.
'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.
'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him,
knocking him off his chair once more.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up,

sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied.
We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'
'I am ashamed of you son,' said John.

'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.'
The robot then walked around to John
and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said,
'Boy, did you ever ask for that one!
You can't be too mad with Tommy.
After all, he is your son!'
With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha
and knocked her out of her chair.

 

[rep_pot]

Lost Wives in Home depot>>Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home>Depot when they collide.>>The old guy says to the young guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my>wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.'>>'The young guy says, 'That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my>wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'>>The old guy says, 'Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your>wife look like?'>>The young guy says, 'Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blond hair,>blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a>halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?'>>The old guy says, 'Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours.'

 

[Porto Lover]

Computer Gender
A Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether 'computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won!!

 

[stevieray]

No sex since 1955....

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma`am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma`am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don`t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma`am."

"Well, there you are! No wonder you`re so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!" She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to `relax` him. Several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn`t forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it`s only 2130 now."

(Gotta love military time.....)

 

[OnTheWayOut]

good one stevieray!

thx