For your summertime reading pleasure, here are some thoughts on my most recent visit to the greater Toronto area. See if anything sounds familiar.
First, to the person who poured the sticky vanilla milk shake all over the handle and door of my vehicle (Square One shopping mall parking lot, afternoon of July 19): You've punished the wrong person. The fast food trash was already there before I parked. I even stepped in it while getting out. I tried to push it out of the way the best I could. How dare you play judge and jury? Thanks for ruining my day, just don't ever try that stunt in New Jersey.
Speaking of Square One, whoever the hell designed that place should be dropped in the middle of Jersey City without a map. You're supposed to be able to go into a mall, make one loop on each floor, and know you've seen every store...and easily find the entrance you used.
Had a great time singing at the Gladstone Hotel on Queen Street. Built in 1889, and the bar is a real dive. But it was voted Toronto's best karaoke bar by the Now weekly. I sang four songs and got the biggest applause of the evening for "The Lady is a Tramp". Nick the bartender gave me a Jack Daniels on the house. Peter the D.J. was very nice to me. The highlight of the evening was the girl in the black leather dress with no panties, black hair, and black framed glasses who sang "Mack the Knife".
Met the Ukrainian lovely Irena at CC's Sports Cafe. She wanted me to admit, since I work for one of the Atlantic City hotel casinos, that the Shuffle Master machines used on the card games are "Fixed". (Maybe she's onto something. I wonder how my employer, Park Place Entertainment that owns Caesars and Bally's, can afford to bring Cher, Brittany Spears, and now Paul McCartney all into town this summer and still can't afford to give me a decent raise.) My fellow paisano Paul at CC's pours some strong brown drinks, and makes the hottest, crispiest fries in super sized portions.
More about food. Please, Toronto, learn how to make a Philly cheese steak. I was born in South Philadelphia so don't bullshit me. I watched in horror as the customers in front of me had their cheesesteaks built. Philly cheese steaks do not have lettuce and tomato, and don't *ever* put mayonnaise. I had to do the Sign of the Cross when I saw that. Only use fresh sub rolls from a local Italian bread bakery. The proper meat is thinly sliced ribeye steak only, fresh, or if you must, frozen. The proper condiments are fried onions and ketchup. Acceptable cheeses are Provolone, American, or Cheese Whiz. If you want to taste the real thing, go to Gino's Steaks in Philly and order one "Provy Wit" (You'll be laughed at if you say it any other way, it just means a steak sandwich with (wit) fried onions and using Provolone (Provy) cheese.)
Went to PK Creek bar & grill, nice food and outdoor seating. Watched the karaoke contest but didn't feel like singing.
Also tried Club Atrium, sang one song but didn't like the locals. Smoking girl with beer breath kept hitting on me. "For the tenth time, I do *not* want to go home with you and sit by your pool." When that didn't work, she simply said "Come on, I feel like getting laid tonight". Jeez!! I had to leave that joint because of her.
What the hell is "Squeeze Left"? Where I'm from, we have signs that say "Right Lane Ends 1000 Ft." "Merge Ahead." We don't have lanes that narrow and end without warning! At least the word is honest: "Squeeze"...Do I have a friggin choice? Drive Safely...saw many traffic accidents in the Toronto area.
About the nice house for sale the South end of Islington Avenue with the price that looks too good to be true...It is.
Looking for good Southern Italian/Italian American cuisine, red gravy (sauce) old family run restaurant. Must be Zagat rated. Any info on Ferro Bar Cafe, Mammina's, Ferraro 502, Gio's, Fusilli, and Filippo's? Thanks.
Need info on the Four Seasons hotel...Is it as good as the one in Philadelphia? Also Courtyard by Marriott do the escorts like that one? By the way, any escorts reading this, if you ever come to do a job where I work and you lose your cell phone, please, all I can do is a missing property report, we can't make the phone magically appear if it has not been turned in.
Look for my reviews of Hollywood's Asha and Independent Rada (yes, finally got to see her for myself) under "Toronto Escorts". I'll use artistic license to make them interesting reading and I'll be vague when it comes to the intimate moments, but the facts will be true. My next Toronto pilgrimage will not be until mid-September.
First, to the person who poured the sticky vanilla milk shake all over the handle and door of my vehicle (Square One shopping mall parking lot, afternoon of July 19): You've punished the wrong person. The fast food trash was already there before I parked. I even stepped in it while getting out. I tried to push it out of the way the best I could. How dare you play judge and jury? Thanks for ruining my day, just don't ever try that stunt in New Jersey.
Speaking of Square One, whoever the hell designed that place should be dropped in the middle of Jersey City without a map. You're supposed to be able to go into a mall, make one loop on each floor, and know you've seen every store...and easily find the entrance you used.
Had a great time singing at the Gladstone Hotel on Queen Street. Built in 1889, and the bar is a real dive. But it was voted Toronto's best karaoke bar by the Now weekly. I sang four songs and got the biggest applause of the evening for "The Lady is a Tramp". Nick the bartender gave me a Jack Daniels on the house. Peter the D.J. was very nice to me. The highlight of the evening was the girl in the black leather dress with no panties, black hair, and black framed glasses who sang "Mack the Knife".
Met the Ukrainian lovely Irena at CC's Sports Cafe. She wanted me to admit, since I work for one of the Atlantic City hotel casinos, that the Shuffle Master machines used on the card games are "Fixed". (Maybe she's onto something. I wonder how my employer, Park Place Entertainment that owns Caesars and Bally's, can afford to bring Cher, Brittany Spears, and now Paul McCartney all into town this summer and still can't afford to give me a decent raise.) My fellow paisano Paul at CC's pours some strong brown drinks, and makes the hottest, crispiest fries in super sized portions.
More about food. Please, Toronto, learn how to make a Philly cheese steak. I was born in South Philadelphia so don't bullshit me. I watched in horror as the customers in front of me had their cheesesteaks built. Philly cheese steaks do not have lettuce and tomato, and don't *ever* put mayonnaise. I had to do the Sign of the Cross when I saw that. Only use fresh sub rolls from a local Italian bread bakery. The proper meat is thinly sliced ribeye steak only, fresh, or if you must, frozen. The proper condiments are fried onions and ketchup. Acceptable cheeses are Provolone, American, or Cheese Whiz. If you want to taste the real thing, go to Gino's Steaks in Philly and order one "Provy Wit" (You'll be laughed at if you say it any other way, it just means a steak sandwich with (wit) fried onions and using Provolone (Provy) cheese.)
Went to PK Creek bar & grill, nice food and outdoor seating. Watched the karaoke contest but didn't feel like singing.
Also tried Club Atrium, sang one song but didn't like the locals. Smoking girl with beer breath kept hitting on me. "For the tenth time, I do *not* want to go home with you and sit by your pool." When that didn't work, she simply said "Come on, I feel like getting laid tonight". Jeez!! I had to leave that joint because of her.
What the hell is "Squeeze Left"? Where I'm from, we have signs that say "Right Lane Ends 1000 Ft." "Merge Ahead." We don't have lanes that narrow and end without warning! At least the word is honest: "Squeeze"...Do I have a friggin choice? Drive Safely...saw many traffic accidents in the Toronto area.
About the nice house for sale the South end of Islington Avenue with the price that looks too good to be true...It is.
Looking for good Southern Italian/Italian American cuisine, red gravy (sauce) old family run restaurant. Must be Zagat rated. Any info on Ferro Bar Cafe, Mammina's, Ferraro 502, Gio's, Fusilli, and Filippo's? Thanks.
Need info on the Four Seasons hotel...Is it as good as the one in Philadelphia? Also Courtyard by Marriott do the escorts like that one? By the way, any escorts reading this, if you ever come to do a job where I work and you lose your cell phone, please, all I can do is a missing property report, we can't make the phone magically appear if it has not been turned in.
Look for my reviews of Hollywood's Asha and Independent Rada (yes, finally got to see her for myself) under "Toronto Escorts". I'll use artistic license to make them interesting reading and I'll be vague when it comes to the intimate moments, but the facts will be true. My next Toronto pilgrimage will not be until mid-September.
