Ever date gal in a wheel chair?

[herames]

Has anyone had a experience in the dating world(Good or Bad)with paralyzed from the waist down lady? ..does up my chances she does not get away...as its not easy for them to flee from me if i steal their wheels ..jokes

 

[a 1 player]

No, I never have, but there was this one girl I really wanted to. Man oh man was I shot down.

 

[RayFinkel]

No, I never have, but there was this one girl I really wanted to. Man oh man was I shot down.

I bet she could of been wheelie fun


.

 

[RED WHITE]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXVjAeIrkfQ

 

[irishguy0323]

Ok there's tons I could say here. As a person with a disability this is definately an area where I can speak with some authority. Firstly from my perspective I think you should be applauded for seeing past the chair and being attracted/interested. The sad truth is, in the minds of many disability and sexuality are mutually exclusive. Many see a chair and that part of you is simply discounted or written of. I think it's important to say that paralysis is not the only disability out there. Again many assume wheelchair = broken. Even where paralysis is the case sexual function(sensation) is not always impossible. If there is a woman you are honestly interested in and attracted to who is in this situation I say go for it. People get too tied up in wondering, worrying and overthinking. She lives with her disability everyday, chances are she's very aware of her capabilities and limits and has them well in hand. Dating a person wth a disability need not be vastly different from dating anyone else. I think some people panic and imagine they'll be called upon to do so much more. This is completely not always true. I would cation you though if your interest is rooted in her disability and not HER save her the trouble. I know there are fetishes out there around disability and the whole "power" thing, vulnerability ect. This is not cool. Unless its part of an otherwise healthy happy relationship and is merly exploring an avenue both parties enjoy some element of

 

[a 1 player]

Ok there's tons I could say here. As a person with a disability this is definately an area where I can speak with some authority. Firstly from my perspective I think you should be applauded for seeing past the chair and being attracted/interested. The sad truth is, in the minds of many disability and sexuality are mutually exclusive. Many see a chair and that part of you is simply discounted or written of. I think it's important to say that paralysis is not the only disability out there. Again many assume wheelchair = broken. Even where paralysis is the case sexual function(sensation) is not always impossible. If there is a woman you are honestly interested in and attracted to who is in this situation I say go for it. People get too tied up in wondering, worrying and overthinking. She lives with her disability everyday, chances are she's very aware of her capabilities and limits and has them well in hand. Dating a person wth a disability need not be vastly different from dating anyone else. I think some people panic and imagine they'll be called upon to do so much more. This is completely not always true. I would cation you though if your interest is rooted in her disability and not HER save her the trouble. I know there are fetishes out there around disability and the whole "power" thing, vulnerability ect. This is not cool. Unless its part of an otherwise healthy happy relationship and is merly exploring an avenue both parties enjoy some element of

Well said.

 

[herames]

Ok there's tons I could say here. As a person with a disability this is definately an area where I can speak with some authority. Firstly from my perspective I think you should be applauded for seeing past the chair and being attracted/interested. The sad truth is, in the minds of many disability and sexuality are mutually exclusive. Many see a chair and that part of you is simply discounted or written of. I think it's important to say that paralysis is not the only disability out there. Again many assume wheelchair = broken. Even where paralysis is the case sexual function(sensation) is not always impossible. If there is a woman you are honestly interested in and attracted to who is in this situation I say go for it. People get too tied up in wondering, worrying and overthinking. She lives with her disability everyday, chances are she's very aware of her capabilities and limits and has them well in hand. Dating a person wth a disability need not be vastly different from dating anyone else. I think some people panic and imagine they'll be called upon to do so much more. This is completely not always true. I would cation you though if your interest is rooted in her disability and not HER save her the trouble. I know there are fetishes out there around disability and the whole "power" thing, vulnerability ect. This is not cool. Unless its part of an otherwise healthy happy relationship and is merly exploring an avenue both parties enjoy some element of

Thanks IrshGuy..much appreciate that prospective..i see as a complete lady...no fetishes here. No harm in mutual interests and going the distance...like a said..if i fancy her...i'll steal her wheels so she can't get away from me..hehe...jokes

 

[Bill the Pirate]

I did once years ago. I think the worst part of the whole experience was the comments and opinions of my so called friends. Irishguy is right on the money and you seem to be as well Herames. It's the person not the situation.

good luck to you. If shes smart you won't need to steel her wheels.

 

[irishguy0323]

Thanks IrshGuy..much appreciate that prospective..i see as a complete lady...no fetishes here. No harm in mutual interests and going the distance...like a said..if i fancy her...i'll steal her wheels so she can't get away from me..hehe...jokes

Brilliant! As I said I applaud you for getting what many miss. To be honest I think a lot of women could take a cue from guys here. It's widely known women in chairs get dated by able bodied men much more readily then disabled men by able bodied women. Now I know this might be because a horny guy will try ANYTHING LOL. As I mentioned there are those that just like the vulnerability aspect or the power shift. That element worries me I confess.

I'm a good looking, fit, funny, active, educated guy in a wheelchair. I am often noticed, fussed over, even flirted with. I am the KING of the "Almosts". I hear a ton of talk but rarely is it linked to intent. As I said before I think people panic and overthink the disability. They start imaging how different it might be, how much harder ect ect. None of this is called for. I always think..."If you're attracted, you're having fun, you're mind is engaged, that should be grounds to get to step 2" Step's 17, 18, and 19 will be handled when and if we get there.

But sadly many let their mind run away with them and the afore mentioned panic, fear and doubt set in. Bravo to anyone who let's the person be the thing, not the chair or the "what if's"

 

[herames]

Brilliant! As I said I applaud you for getting what many miss. To be honest I think a lot of women could take a cue from guys here. It's widely known women in chairs get dated by able bodied men much more readily then disabled men by able bodied women. Now I know this might be because a horny guy will try ANYTHING LOL. As I mentioned there are those that just like the vulnerability aspect or the power shift. That element worries me I confess.

I'm a good looking, fit, funny, active, educated guy in a wheelchair. I am often noticed, fussed over, even flirted with. I am the KING of the "Almosts". I hear a ton of talk but rarely is it linked to intent. As I said before I think people panic and overthink the disability. They start imaging how different it might be, how much harder ect ect. None of this is called for. I always think..."If you're attracted, you're having fun, you're mind is engaged, that should be grounds to get to step 2" Step's 17, 18, and 19 will be handled when and if we get there.

But sadly many let their mind run away with them and the afore mentioned panic, fear and doubt set in. Bravo to anyone who let's the person be the thing, not the chair or the "what if's"

i hear ya...but my concern is helping out too much and unknowingly offending the lass. its somethings not good to be overly chivalrous and thoughtful.

 

[ang]

I have a disabled child and my hope is

Brilliant! As I said I applaud you for getting what many miss. To be honest I think a lot of women could take a cue from guys here. It's widely known women in chairs get dated by able bodied men much more readily then disabled men by able bodied women. Now I know this might be because a horny guy will try ANYTHING LOL. As I mentioned there are those that just like the vulnerability aspect or the power shift. That element worries me I confess.

I'm a good looking, fit, funny, active, educated guy in a wheelchair. I am often noticed, fussed over, even flirted with. I am the KING of the "Almosts". I hear a ton of talk but rarely is it linked to intent. As I said before I think people panic and overthink the disability. They start imaging how different it might be, how much harder ect ect. None of this is called for. I always think..."If you're attracted, you're having fun, you're mind is engaged, that should be grounds to get to step 2" Step's 17, 18, and 19 will be handled when and if we get there.

But sadly many let their mind run away with them and the afore mentioned panic, fear and doubt set in. Bravo to anyone who let's the person be the thing, not the chair or the "what if's"

that one day when my daugter is much older and ready to meet men that she meets someone who respects her, and loves her for who she is, I mean truly loves her...it would just kill me to see her taken advantage of in any way, she is the most loving little girl in the world, and deserves to be happy...so I have alot of understanding of the disabled world, and what she goes through on a day to day basis.

 

[Captain Fantastic]

As an "able-bodied" person, I have dated a girl in a wheelchair. She was bright, articulate, fun and very attractive.

For me, the problem was the constant murmurs in the background, by so-called "friends" and family on both sides and by the rest of the world. People thought that I was taking advantage of her, that I was desperate, that I was a pervert, etc. When in reality, I just happened to really like her and enjoy her company.

I didn't see her as a girl in a wheelchair, just a girl I thought was really cool and attractive on many levels. She was a blast - a ray of positivity in a generally negative world and she certainly helped give me a whole new perspective on life that I still have today. However, I was young (19-20) and stupid, so the constant questioning of me/us was hard to take and eventually we just kinda stopped seeing each other, mostly by my doing.

One of but a handful of regrets in my life.

 

[irishguy0323]

I must say again I'm really pleasantly surprised by this thread. Captain Fantastic and Skiierman related similiar experiences with the reaction of supposed friends, and even family. This just illustrates the pervasive attitudes or idea's that abound out there. I hesitate to say it "takes strength to date a person with a disability". It really doesn't. What IS hard seeing people you respect and even love, not recognize the bigger picture. When you find someone you're into and it's good, exciting and fulfilling that should be enough..for everyone. Unfortunately many miss the point as I've mentioned before. I don't judge either of you for letting the relationship go, it really depends where you are in your life and the kind of stand you're willing to make.

Again, I think the fact that most of the responses on this topic, especially the ones with experience are from men says a lot. There's a willingness thee I find. Women often times intellectually SAY they would date a guy in a chair but then when faced with it, faulter somehow.

In many ways this is why I began seeing SP's. Having a healthy libido and normal needs and yet not feeling seen as a "Sexual being", I looked for temporary solutions.

Sadly, I came to find some of the same hesitation I encountered in public was present with SP's. I guess fear, doubt, or questions...about anything in life are there until they're not. That is to say until you have an experience that answers your questions and quells the fears. Where you're left saying...."what was I worried about again?"

In closing....Herames in regard to helping to much, let her lead. She may not need near as much as you think. When she does, and where you're the right person to provide it, she'll let you know.

 

[jeffham29]

Ok there's tons I could say here. As a person with a disability this is definately an area where I can speak with some authority. Firstly from my perspective I think you should be applauded for seeing past the chair and being attracted/interested. The sad truth is, in the minds of many disability and sexuality are mutually exclusive. Many see a chair and that part of you is simply discounted or written of. I think it's important to say that paralysis is not the only disability out there. Again many assume wheelchair = broken. Even where paralysis is the case sexual function(sensation) is not always impossible. If there is a woman you are honestly interested in and attracted to who is in this situation I say go for it. People get too tied up in wondering, worrying and overthinking. She lives with her disability everyday, chances are she's very aware of her capabilities and limits and has them well in hand. Dating a person wth a disability need not be vastly different from dating anyone else. I think some people panic and imagine they'll be called upon to do so much more. This is completely not always true. I would cation you though if your interest is rooted in her disability and not HER save her the trouble. I know there are fetishes out there around disability and the whole "power" thing, vulnerability ect. This is not cool. Unless its part of an otherwise healthy happy relationship and is merly exploring an avenue both parties enjoy some element of

I've been a quadriplegic for over 30 years and I couldn't have said it better. Well done.

 

[herames]

...
In closing....Herames in regard to helping to much, let her lead. She may not need near as much as you think. When she does, and where you're the right person to provide it, she'll let you know.

i admire the wheeled independence of the life you lead. you are made of stronger stuff than many i know.
i am pretty conscious off others.but i pray pray pray i never make anyone feel uncomfortable in any way shape or form. the lady i met seems like a fine balanced lady.

 

[scouser1]

This is a very interesting thread which got to me as a person who has a disability all of their life (spinabifida) but not in a wheel chair, I find that when it comes to relationships with women it goes through ebbs and flows. Irishguy you have articulated it very well my exact thoughts, as a single guy I struggle in meeting the right gal going on various dating sites, meeting women but it just hasnt happened. For the most part I have found most women do not notice the disability or at least do an excellent job of doing so, I have only come across twice maybe women where they said outright that it was because of my disability that they could not date me. And I am convinced one of them was actually lacking the full mental skills of an adult, but of course the fact she had a natural set of DD's overrode my judgement.

 

[LexingtonJeremy]

Brilliant! As I said I applaud you for getting what many miss. To be honest I think a lot of women could take a cue from guys here. It's widely known women in chairs get dated by able bodied men much more readily then disabled men by able bodied women. Now I know this might be because a horny guy will try ANYTHING LOL. As I mentioned there are those that just like the vulnerability aspect or the power shift. That element worries me I confess.

I'm a good looking, fit, funny, active, educated guy in a wheelchair. I am often noticed, fussed over, even flirted with. I am the KING of the "Almosts". I hear a ton of talk but rarely is it linked to intent. As I said before I think people panic and overthink the disability. They start imaging how different it might be, how much harder ect ect. None of this is called for. I always think..."If you're attracted, you're having fun, you're mind is engaged, that should be grounds to get to step 2" Step's 17, 18, and 19 will be handled when and if we get there.

But sadly many let their mind run away with them and the afore mentioned panic, fear and doubt set in. Bravo to anyone who let's the person be the thing, not the chair or the "what if's"

You don't need to be in a chair or even have anything really "wrong" with you to be summarily rejected by every woman you ever approach. It could be the littlest thing. Women are super picky, regardless of what they look like, because they have so many options. They know every guy wants to bang them.

So if you have one eyebrow higher than the other, don't wear the right shoes, don't have the right voice tonality or posture, don't say all the right things, aren't a natural at wooing and haven't mastered some pua crap like the Mystery Method, or are too short, you better have cash to spend or just be content with your hand. In fact, I'd say a guy who's under 5'6" is just as crippled in the dating market as a guy in weelchair. Maybe that sounds patronizing, but it's true.

 

[Captain Fantastic]

Are you kidding or are you just cute-bald, part 2?

You don't need to be in a chair or even have anything really "wrong" with you to be summarily rejected by every woman you ever approach. It could be the littlest thing. If you have one eyebrow higher than the other, don't wear the right clothes, don't have the right voice tonality or posture, don't say all the right things, or are too short, you better have cash to spend. In fact, I'd say a guy who's under 5'6" is just as crippled in the dating market as someone in a weelchair. Maybe that sounds patronizing, but it's true.

I think in your case, it's probably your attitude and complete lack of redeemable personality. Just an edumacated guess...



Seriously, to compare a serious disabilities to height and other superficial things has put you in contention for the stupidest post of the year.

Either that or you're just a troll trying to wreck a good thread. Either way, you're the one who's disabled. Mentally disabled, that is.

 

[LexingtonJeremy]

I think in your case, it's probably your attitude and complete lack of redeemable personality. Just an edumacated guess...



Seriously, to compare a serious disabilities to height and other superficial things has put you in contention for the stupidest post of the year.

Either that or you're just a troll trying to wreck a good thread. Either way, you're the one who's disabled. Mentally disabled, that is.

If that's the case, then I wonder what my great group of guy friends see in me. I'm sure they just keep me around for my good looks.

There's nothing stupid about it. A guy who's under 5'6" and a guy in a weelchair are equally screwed. Sure they could get some plain Jane, but even then they better be about ten times as charming as Mr. Joe Perfect. Why would a woman settle for bad genes when she could easily get a guy without some noticeable defect?

Just read the OP's post. The fact that some presumably average guy is so willing to get with a chick in a weelchair is a testament to what I'm saying. Because guys are this desperate and sexually starved, women have the luxury of rejecting everything and everything that comes along. They don't have this problem of having to be perfect. Do you think a woman who's freakishly tall or has Asperger's is going to have trouble finding a guy? lol Not very likely. Now a guy in that same position might as well just throw in the towel.

I'm no troll. I'm just sick of these pretty lies people tell themselves. And you didn't have to come at me like that, but since you did, you know what you can kiss.

 

[irishguy0323]

You don't need to be in a chair or even have anything really "wrong" with you to be summarily rejected by every woman you ever approach. It could be the littlest thing. Women are super picky, regardless of what they look like, because they have so many options. They know every guy wants to bang them.

So if you have one eyebrow higher than the other, don't wear the right shoes, don't have the right voice tonality or posture, don't say all the right things, aren't a natural at wooing and haven't mastered some pua crap like the Mystery Method, or are too short, you better have cash to spend or just be content with your hand. In fact, I'd say a guy who's under 5'6" is just as crippled in the dating market as a guy in weelchair. Maybe that sounds patronizing, but it's true.

No my friend, it's not true. Of course I'm aware that ALL people face judgement and are accepted or rejected on a million different criteria. I in no way think the disabled or any other group have the market cornered on rejection or denial.

However, as I said earlier in the eyes of the masses sexuality and disability are rarely linked. It's more than overlooking, it's often a total discounting of our sexuailty. I was a professional model. I'm not talking about Sear's catalogue or commercials here. I grew up in Yorkville. I have women actualy say "you're HOT, it's a shame" Or years into a friendship they'll look at me and say "You really ARE good looking you know?" As though they'd only just seen me first the first time.

It's a completely different animal than simple rejection. It's like not being fully seen or even regarded.