Difficult/Sensitive question and a sort of an introductory post

[Floyd101]

Hello gents (and ladies?). I have a bit of a tough question to ask. But before i do a quick bit of context.

I started seeing ladies (hobbying I think it's called?) over a year ago. I'm married and in a sexless marriage with no intimacy. I stay because it's better life for my family (including my wife believe it or not), and that to me is more important than my own happiness. To a degree I guess, as I've been missing sex for so long and how good it can feel, even "pretend" sex, I turned to the idea of escorts. Anyways, when i first tried this and got over my extreme nerves and worries, I was blown away, (literally and figuratively!), that these gorgeous, hot and talented women [edited by moderator] would have sex and, more over, give me a BJ to full completion (BBBJ+CIM I believe it's called) for a relatively modest fee, in a clean and relatively discreet/safe environment. I chose this route over an affair possibility at work because I thought this was "less worse" than getting emotionally involved as well as physically involved. ANYWAYS, because I was stupid, I thought there was no risk of getting an STI from receiving an unprotected BJ from a woman. I realized recently how stupid I was to think that.

So given all that rambling, is there a way to get STI tested anonymously in Ottawa? I did a lot of research but all i could find from the sexual health clinics here was anonymous AIDS testing. I realize that if I test positive, I have a moral obligation (I know I haven't been great in that department) and probably a legal obligation to disclose to my wife, and I would. I'd have to suffer all the damage and consequences that my action would bring. What i don't want is any record of getting tested if I'm negative. Like nothing. Is there a way to get testing done where you don't need to give your health number, more like just an email or phone number? Our Doctor is a friend of my wife's and I know a lot of medical records are linked nowadays. Oh yeah, my wife is in the medical profession too.

So if anyone has any suggestions about anonymous STI testing in Ontario (Ottawa specifically), I'd be very grateful for any info as I can't seem to find any and don't want to have to visit a clinic in person if I don't need to.

Thanks,

Floyd101.

 

[solo223]

Hello gents (and ladies?). I have a bit of a tough question to ask. But before i do a quick bit of context.

I started seeing ladies (hobbying I think it's called?) over a year ago. I'm married and in a sexless marriage with no intimacy. I stay because it's better life for my family (including my wife believe it or not), and that to me is more important than my own happiness. To a degree I guess, as I've been missing sex for so long and how good it can feel, even "pretend" sex, I turned to the idea of escorts. Anyways, when i first tried this and got over my extreme nerves and worries, I was blown away, (literally and figuratively!), that these gorgeous, hot and talented women [edited by moderator] would have sex and, more over, give me a BJ to full completion (BBBJ+CIM I believe it's called) for a relatively modest fee, in a clean and relatively discreet/safe environment. I chose this route over an affair possibility at work because I thought this was "less worse" than getting emotionally involved as well as physically involved. ANYWAYS, because I was stupid, I thought there was no risk of getting an STI from receiving an unprotected BJ from a woman. I realized recently how stupid I was to think that.

So given all that rambling, is there a way to get STI tested anonymously in Ottawa? I did a lot of research but all i could find from the sexual health clinics here was anonymous AIDS testing. I realize that if I test positive, I have a moral obligation (I know I haven't been great in that department) and probably a legal obligation to disclose to my wife, and I would. I'd have to suffer all the damage and consequences that my action would bring. What i don't want is any record of getting tested if I'm negative. Like nothing. Is there a way to get testing done where you don't need to give your health number, more like just an email or phone number? Our Doctor is a friend of my wife's and I know a lot of medical records are linked nowadays. Oh yeah, my wife is in the medical profession too.

So if anyone has any suggestions about anonymous STI testing in Ontario (Ottawa specifically), I'd be very grateful for any info as I can't seem to find any and don't want to have to visit a clinic in person if I don't need to.

Thanks,

Floyd101.

don't think you can be tested without going to a clinic....you could try outside the country with the fees that would entail and make up another excuse to go....as for your wife, i think you should have asked her about hobbying beforehand and explain why you were entertaining the idea, you might have been surprised at her attitude towards it, as things stand you have no moral standing with her if you test positive and have to disclose, it would only get worse and you will have ruined everything...i'm glad i ain't in your shoes man...and there is a saying, women always find out however hard you may try to hide things....good luck with that man, you'll need every once of it....

on a side note, was speaking with another and the topic of cheating came up...she said she warned her boyfriend that if he ever cheated on her, she'd rip his eyes out...lol...that made me consider....hahaha....so if i bag the girl i'm looking at, i will definitely stop fooling around...

 

[castle_79]

I'd recommend the Sexual health Centre at 179 Clarence St in the Market. http://ottawa.ca/en/residents/public-health/sexual-health/sexual-health-centre. Fully anonymous. They tell you on the spot approximately when your results will be ready and when you should come back for them, they do not phone you. And they test for a full range of STI's including but not limited to AIDS/HIV. The only thing they don't seem to do is blood tests for is Herpes, for which they recommend seeing your family doctor (who should also be confidential). If you don't trust your family doctor to check for Herpes and remain confidential....perhaps a walk in clinic?

 

[ElCapitain]

The city-run walk-in sexual health clinic on 179 Clarence Street in Ottawa does confidential STD testing. Last time I was there, they wanted a phone number to call if you tested positive for anything. You may be able to ask them to hold your results and you call, not sure. Or pick up a throwaway phone at 7-11 if they can't do that.

The reason the web sites of so many STD clinics in the province focus on HIV is because some clinics have a mandatory disclosure obligation for HIV. Others, like the Hassle Free Clinic in Toronto, operate fully anonymously for HIV. But I believe all the sexual health clinics offer anonymous STD testing for other STDs. Note that some (most?) of the publicly funded clinics in Ontario will not test for herpes unless you presently show symptoms (they might make an exception if you have shown symptoms in the very recent past, not sure), and may not test for HSV (genital warts) at all unless you have visual symptoms.

 

[ElCapitain]

The one thing I'll add is that you're wise to stick to anonymous STD testing clinics rather than standard walk-in clinics like Appletree. Due to the rostering system for doctors in Ontario, your existing doctor will be notified if you go to a standard walk-in clinic.

I empathize with your situation a lot, by the way.

 

[GlavaMan]

If you are not intimate with your wife and won't be, then she cannot contract an STI from you. Therefore, DONOT TELL HER. Why risk breaking up your 'happy home'.

 

[Floyd101]

WOW, thank you for the feedback everybody. Very much appreciated if not a little surprising ! Wanted reply to those that responded:

@solo223 - it's not that simple but yes, I'm ultimately in the wrong for being dishonest. Ten years of trying to work on things, trying anything under the sun to make things better, trying to get someone meet you a quarter of the way let alone half, even going to therapy to have that person walk out on the third session. It all eventually just leaves you feeling bitter resentful and kind of helpless. If it's just us, easy, I walk away and wish her all the best (honestly), but with kids, I'm not going to break up our home for my personal happiness. She would fall apart too and my kids need their mum. So I take this risk to have a litle something just for me. To remember the pleasure of sex and how good it can feel even without the emotional aspect.

@castle_79+ElCaiptain+DelilahRose - thank you all for the very useful information (and in ElCapitains case - the empathy). This is very useful. I had found that clinic in me research but the one thing i was concerned about was needing to use my health card. So that was a big question for me about it being anontmous and not having to use your health card. DelilahRose you mention only having to flash it. Castle_79 and/or ElCaiptain, did you ever have to use your health card there when (or if) you went? I also have the worry of being seen there or going there but there"s o way around that.

@GlavaMan. We do have sex a few glorious times a year when my wife feels charitable enough or drunk enough to sleep with me. I won't ever tell her unless i have to (testing positive).

By the way, I'm not showing any symptoms but through a LOT of research found out that often (especially in men) symptoms may not present. Also, I'm not sure if this question is appropriate or not (sorry if it isn't), but has anyone contracted an STI just through giving/receiving oral sex to/from a woman? Just trying to get a sense of the odds.

Again, thanks all for the feedback. Didn't expect so much help. Wow, I've oped up a lot on this forum. Crazy!

 

[solo223]

Wow, do you drip with condescension much?


i'm no sugar coating it that's all,..sorry if i point out the reality....i could elaborate but i'll leave it at that...

 

[GoinDown91]

Crabs went extinct the same time as hairy pussies !

 

[ElCapitain]

By the way, I'm not showing any symptoms but through a LOT of research found out that often (especially in men) symptoms may not present. Also, I'm not sure if this question is appropriate or not (sorry if it isn't), but has anyone contracted an STI just through giving/receiving oral sex to/from a woman? Just trying to get a sense of the odds.

If you're not showing any symptoms (and have never had in the past... you would know if you had either an initial herpes flare up), the only things you could realistically have caught from oral sex are chlamydia or gonhorrea, both of which you can have fixed up before your wife finds out, or a strain of HPV (the virus that causes warts). These are less likely to be transmitted orally than through vaginal sex though. The likelihood of catching HIV from fellatio by a woman is so low I would not worry about it. Most people who are sexually active have at least one form of HPV (there are many, many strains, most of which may not develop warts in most cases). There is a small but nontrivial risk that you could have caught a variant of HPV that doesn't cause warts for you but which could be transmitted to your wife who could then possibly develop symptoms or an abnormal pap. But that's the most you should be worried about in terms of being discovered, provided that you get tested for chlamydia and gonhorrea and get treated if necessary. (Note that even without symptoms, HPV can increase the chances of cervical cancer in women.)

But don't kid yourself -- you can get herpes from unprotected oral sex. (Like I said, you would know if you had it because you would have had an initial flare up though, so you're in the clear there.) That is the #1 risk for the types of activities you're engaged in. You can also get herpes from a condom blow job, incidentally, just the risk is less. Herpes is spread by skin-to-skin contact, so even with a condom, avoid women who show visible signs of external cold sores. Cold sores can also be present in the mouth, but the risk of transmission there is less if you wear a condom. It is possible for herpes to be transmitted when your partner appears asymptomatic, but the risk is less.

By the way, if you're having unprotected oral sex, I'm guessing you're spending time with girls who might be giving pussyslides as well. (Pussyslides are when they slide your cock right in between their labia, but there is no penetration.) This is marginally more risky for getting chlamydia and gonhorrea than oral sex, actually, and of course comes with the risks of herpes and HPV as well. It's often hard to say no to pussyslides, but do be aware of the risks. I find it easier to tell a woman I'm not comfortable with unprotected pussyslides before a session starts, because once you're into a session, other more primitive parts of your brain take over and it's hard to say no.

I used to be a peer health educator on STDs in university, btw, and this is roughly the type of info I used to give in frank talks. Note that I'm not discussing hepatitis... you should try to get at least the Hep A/B vaccine if you don't already have it. Use your next overseas trip as a pretext for getting this vaccine if you don't have it. There are also two HPV vaccines in Canada (the standard one and a more expensive one that covers more strains and is worth paying for), but I'm not sure how you can get this without your family doctor eventually being notified in Ontario. You could ask at the STD clinic.

 

[Floyd101]

Thanks again for the replies gents!

@whiteman - Decades -wow!! You must have some stories! thanks for the feedback it makes me feel better (although I realize that doesn't put my in the good yet).

@ElCapitain - thanks again for the excellent info. Yes a lot of my research showed that after Herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea (and I read syphilis too) were the main concerns. It's the testing. I want to figure out the least risky way to get tested with little to no record of it. Pussy slides!! Wow, I hadn't even thpught of that. Now that I do I can see why you would want to stipulate that up front. Once into things that could feel freaking incredible. Its seems a lot more risky to me than marginally though. But that comes from a completely uneducated opinion on the matter. It sounds like you definitely know what you are talking about.

 

[John Gilbunni]

Done Clarence many times. Ran into a lot of people I know lol. You don't have a GP? They can't disclose. And dude if the sexless shit is killing you, move on. You deserve happiness.

 

[GoinDown91]

I got chlamydia from a bbbj 5 years ago. I took monster doses of echinacea for 2 weeks and the symptoms disappeared. Got tested about a year later as part of a routine med exam and was clean. Antibiotics are overprescibed today and often your own immune system can fight off these garden variety infections. Chlamydia spreads very easily but often plays itself out for males. But Much less so for women !!

 

[Gntlmn]

I live alone so didn't retain the info in its entirety (because I don't need to). I've been to the Clarence St. clinic 3 times over the past 5 years. The first time I went I think they explained that they can call you with a code you choose so you know it's them, like "Bob's Autobody and Taco Emporium" or something better.
And @GoinDown91, Echinacea has been discredited ("no discernible effects" was the phrase, I believe) so the symptoms disappearing are either coincidental or due to some other reasons. However, I'm not a research biologist in those fields.

 

[OnTheWayOut]

Crabs went extinct the same time as hairy pussies !

Makes you wonder why hairy asians don't seem to have crabs .... at least I never got any from them!

I did however have an unpleasant experience with crabs in my teens, involved falling into a Christmas tree when drunk and then taking a shower with some powerful anti crab stuff with a bunch of guys walking in and out of the bathroom. Fuckin wierd shit there I tell ya! At least it makes me chuckle now ............

I once had a chlamydia scare from a regular SP who said she was positive along with other clients of hers. Went to Clarence St for my confidential exam. They give you the antibiotics immediately at visit and then tell you result later. Turns out I was negative, still trying to figure out how that could happen because I saw that SP a LOT. And we did daty every time and she liked it so it was not just a quick kissy kissy .... it was a feast!

 

[OnTheWayOut]

I'm thinking this was not sexually transmitted then?

Of course it was sexually transmitted. I was supposed to talk this girl into dating my friend (he was a coward), I invited her to the Christmas party so he could charm her. She asked me to come over and talk to her, we fucked and then she said she would not see my friend. She came to the party and went home with the cowardly friend when I spurned her. Hey, this chick I really wanted was at the party and it was the 70s. He called later to tell me he found crabs all over his bed and that's when I fell into the tree in a drunken stupor. Being the friend he was he brought the crab cure stuff and told me to wash all my stuff after taking a bath with scalding hot water and dousing myself with anti-crab powder. I never really saw a crab, although when drunk every speck of dust looked like a crab, even though I didn't really know what one looked like. I am sure he was just getting back at me for fucking his love interest but we laughed at it later. And I fucked another GF of his making sure he didn't find out this time, just cuz I could. LOL Ahhh, the 70s when no one (almost no one) had to pay for sex and never went horny.......... free love baby!!

 

[ogoargn]

I would say go to the clinic on clarence, don't wait, they are very professional, confidentiality is respected; they called me on my cell for results few years back, they are the pro's in Ottawa. Be honest with them, they heard everything.
That beeing said, some sti are reportable by law to the public health services. Visit this site: http://www.catie.ca/en/hiv-canada/3/3-2
Each person is treated with confidentiality while they will make sure you and your contacts are treated.
In my situation (not a reportable sti), they ask me to tell my contacts.

For the choices you are making, I guess it's personal but I agree with one of the comment; no matter how hard you will try to hide your hobby, your wife will eventually find out.