Accommodating China and disappointing America
March 19, 2015
Robert ShrimsleyRobert Shrimsley
Obama is displeased with Cameron over the AIIB
The US has publicly rebuked the UK for signing up to China’s Asian Infrastructure Investment Bank.
The telephone rings in the prime minister’s study in Downing Street. David Cameron picks it up.
DC - Barack, lovely to talk to you. Seems like ages.
BO - David, good to catch up. Sorry we haven’t spoken for a while but I’ve been dealing with foreign affairs — not your thing.
DC - Yes, I know, you’ve been very busy with François and Angela. You know we’re always happy to talk about foreign policy.
BO - That’s good to know. In fact, in a way, it’s a foreign policy matter I was keen to discuss. I have to be honest, David, we were surprised to learn that Great Britain had signed up to be a founding member of the AIIB. I thought we had made clear, we do not want you to do this.
DC - Yes, we got your message delivered through the Financial Times. Look, we are close to the election, and standing up to the US plays pretty well here but for future reference we have this chap in DC we call the ambassador and he’s always happy to deliver a message. Point of his job, really.
BO - Yes, I’m afraid feelings are running high on this, David.
DC - I understand. Perhaps we could close the embassy and send you a couple of reporters. Or maybe you could set up an @angrypres Twitter feed and we could just follow you.
BO - I hear you David but that’s water under the bridge. We need to talk about the AIIB.
DC - Um, Barack if you don’t mind I’m going to bring George Osborne, my chancellor of the exchequer, into this conversation. This is his baby, really.
(The door opens and Osborne enters)
GO - Ni hao, Mr President.
BO - That’s what I’m talking about.
GO - Mr President, we have learnt that, if something is going to happen, it is often better to be present at the creation. As Confucius said: “Heaven sends its signals; wise men act accordingly.”
DC - I thought that was Mao.
GO - And we really are not putting up very much money.
BO - How much?
GO - It was going to be a few million but I’ve diverted some to a church roof repair scheme and I spent £1m on a Budget day joke about Agincourt.
BO - Yes, but even the longest journey starts with a single step.
DC - Now, that was Mao.
GO - Lao Tzu, actually.
DC - Is he the commerce minister?
BO - But this bank will be used to spread Chinese political influence. It will undermine the World Bank’s efforts to set standards for integrity and human rights.
GO - Ah, yes, but as they say in China: “A straight foot is not afraid of a crooked shoe.” And we remain totally committed to human rights.
DC - That’s right. In fact I’m due to meet the Dalai Lama next month.
BO - In Downing Street?
DC - Not quite. I’ve agreed to run into him by the Nando’s near Oxford Circus. But we will have a full and frank discussion, as well as some peri-peri chicken.
BO - Now, look, David, obviously this is sovereign matter for the UK. But that means we don’t expect you to louse up the decision. You know what happens if you get too far out of line with our foreign policy.
DC - An invitation to address both houses of Congress?
GO - Mr President, we see many benefits in joining China’s initiative.
BO - Such as?
GO - Well, we are still hoping they are going to rebuild the Crystal Palace for us. And we’ve got some ground to make up because of the opium wars if London is to be the international centre for the renminbi.
BO - This constant accommodation of China is bad for the west. Beijing does not respect weakness. It seems you are losing your will to be an ally for freedom. Worse still, your proposed cuts would take defence spending below 2 per cent of GDP.
GO - Actually, we may have some good news on that. We are talking to Beijing about sponsorship of our aircraft carriers. HMS Alibaba and HMS Sinopec could be built within three years. They are made in Dalian and come with a full set of Shenyang J-15s. Terrific value. We may send them on a tour of the Diaoyu islands.
BO - You mean the Senkaku Islands?
GO - You say potato . . .
http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/20130e60-ce27-11e4-86fc-00144feab7de.html#axzz3Uvr5BkNs
