Cheating to save a relationship

[lewd]

Okay okay, I admit, this sounds like a Seinfeld-ism.
But I'm in a predicament that I'd like to run by terbites.

My 3 year relationship is at a crossroads...she wants committment (marriage) or else it's over.
I don't want to lose her, but I feel I've yet to sew all my wild oats as I've only had her as a true sexual partner.
I feel I need to get it out of my system and experience others. But only in a physical way...nothing emotional.

Is this stupid? And does this mean I truly don't love her?

 

[a 1 player]

Welcome to being a man.

 

[maveriiick]

Yes we are all in conflict with this dilemma. It's our biology to want lots of ladies, yet were brought up to repress these desires. It always amazes me how men check out women continuously even when their with their SO. It sucks to be man at times. Its probably why pornography and escort services are so rampant and popular. I think we all rationalize our own reasons as to why we cheat or think of cheating.

 

[Mongrel4u]

Dude you will NEVER get it out of your system....if you've learned anything from the majority of your fellow terbies, learn that.

If thats the only thing holding you back... I say do it

 

[hunter001]

If you can't make a commitment before your married. Get married is a really bad idea.

 

[hunter001]

Does anybody really make a committment before they get married these days? I swear it's almost time to change the vows to say to love honour and do my best but when I can't I'll call an sp and not have a child with the secretary at work.
Most marriages dont' last these days. If people would just be honest with themselves and admit their shortcomings, at least to themselves, then a higher percentage might stand a chance.

Yeah your assuming it is just the guys... Not...

Anyway life is complicated. You might be better off consulting a professional (not SP) and getting advise. Getting advise here without knowing the whole story is not a great idea.

 

[magicmanofmassage]

Most men cheat, it's a fact of life (and these days many woman do too). If your man takes good care of you, pays the bills, is respectful, treats you well, and is a good father, you ignore it. What you don't know won't hurt you.
Sandy

Sandy, is there a particular time of the year you wanted to get married? I like a woman that has common sense and can be logical.......right behind romantic, sexy and passionate.

 

[toughb]

Hold on Charlie Brown...

Welcome to being a man.

*****************************

Don't group all men or women with the bottom feeders.

 

[gdurham]

Animals don't mate for life, so I truly don't believe humans are supposed to either...

Not to nit pick, but many animals mate for life. Gibbon apes, wolves, termites, coyotes, barn owls, beavers, bald eagles, golden eagles, condors, swans, brolga cranes, Canada Geese, French angel fish, sandhill cranes, pigeons, prions (a seabird), red-tailed hawks, anglerfish, ospreys, prairie voles (a rodent), and black vultures — are a few that mate for life.

Interestingly, Black vultures discourage infidelity. All nearby vultures attack any vulture caught philandering.

Did I miss some major biological evolution in the human race? I seem to recall that infidelity, in any significant numbers, is a very recent phenomenon in history. I would tend to think that this has nothing to do with genetics, or being human as you contend, but rather changes in the social fabric of developed nations.

 

[Mikehorn]

Animals don't mate for life, so I truly don't believe humans are supposed to either...

My cat thinks I'm her mate for life... and she's not crazy about me doing escorts in front of her either Luckily animals don't hold grudges (not for more than 20 minutes or so, anyway).

 

[Berlin]

I don't want to lose her, but I feel I've yet to sew all my wild oats as I've only had her as a true sexual partner.

Well you said it yourself, you ain't ready. So why don't you be a man and tell her it's not time yet and let her choose.

Is this stupid? And does this mean I truly don't love her?

Stupid ? Don't know about that. But how would you feel if she does the same to you by marrying you then continues sewing her seeds of lust all over town ? Would you still call her love, true love ?

 

[chazz_matzz]

In this day and age I think very few men are 100% faithful to their SO.....My hobbying is probally what keeps us together

 

[peeler_feeler]

End the relationship and get cracking on the wild oats. I married at 22 years of age and very much regret not getting it out of my system. Now almost 20 years later I`m thinking too much about those damn oats.

If you truly love her, then the last thing you would be thinking about is sex with other women. And believe me when you have kids there had better be some strong love bond between your wife and you otherwise the strain will make your hobbying truly increase.

If you want to continue with a secret double life then continue as you are but it slowly wears on you...trust me.

You may want to look at this old thread you created. Some interesting thoughts from others who have posted: Love is a decision. https://terb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=90938

 

[scouser1]

a site where a whole string of guys have significant others and still mess around, and women who cater to those guys otherwise the majority of business would be gone, should be the last place on earth you should get relationship advice.

 

[WinterHawk]

People "cheat" because it was a way to broaden our Gene Pool... it's hardwared into who we are. But there is a right and a wrong way to go about it. Just as was said earlier, be respectful of your partner and keep it out of sight and quite.

 

[fuji]

a site where a whole string of guys have significant others and still mess around, and women who cater to those guys otherwise the majority of business would be gone, should be the last place on earth you should get relationship advice.

He's not looking for advice, he's looking for excuses, so he's come to the right place!

 

[TQM]

"I don't want to lose her".

Forget the rest of the shit in this thread and focus yourself on this statement.

1. What do you mean by this?

2. Why don't you want to lose her?

Be honest. You've already told us you don't want to be faithful to her. If you really want answers, the psychoanalysis begins with you doing the talking.

 

[fasner]

Okay okay, I admit, this sounds like a Seinfeld-ism.
But I'm in a predicament that I'd like to run by terbites.

My 3 year relationship is at a crossroads...she wants committment (marriage) or else it's over.
I don't want to lose her, but I feel I've yet to sew all my wild oats as I've only had her as a true sexual partner.
I feel I need to get it out of my system and experience others. But only in a physical way...nothing emotional.

Is this stupid? And does this mean I truly don't love her?

It means you do not want to marry her, nothing more nothing less.

If You Love Something Set It Free
If It Comes Back, It Was And Always Will Be Yours.

If It Never Returns,
It Was Never Yours To Begin With.

 

[red]

If you can't make a commitment before your married. Get married is a really bad idea.

even if you can it is still a bad idea

 

[fuji]

What appears more likely to me is that consorting with multiple partners is the behavior genetically encoded into humans and that cultural pressures at some point altered this (this cultural pressure may be relaxing for what ever reasons allowing people to feel more comfortable admitting to their true instincts).

I don't believe that, but I believe something close.

I don't think infidelity has EVER been OK from a communal perspective, either for us, or for our ancestors, or for any of our pre-human ancestors, all the way back at LEAST to the earliest mammal, and perhaps further back than that.

There is a strong genetic, communal interest in stopping infidelity: Where it is permitted, members of the community are subject to cuckolding, and wind up investing their reproductive energy into raising someone else's offpsring. Any species for which there is communal support for offspring, be it field mice or humans, has evolved a strong main-line genetic naturally selected interest in punishing cheaters.

At the same time, individuals have an equally strong genetic interest in cuckolding others, and so I also don't believe there has ever been a time, back to our earliest ancestor, where we were truly monogamous. In other words, I think there are strong instinctual urges to cheat, but it has always been viewed as cheating by others, and we all instinctually want to punish it when others commit it.

It's ridiculous to believe there was some happy pre-history where we were either idealistically monogamous or idealistically polyamorous.

The conflict between the cuckolder and cuckoldee is probably as old as sexual reproduction itself; or at least as old as sexual reproduction in communal species.