Penis Man To Guys, Size Matters Married, with Zinc
Can you really make it bigger by answering your spam? A wife watches her husband's transformation
July 9, 2003
I have a penis. Near as I can tell, it's a perfectly acceptable penis as regards both length and girth. It is neither something you could club a person to death with nor an embarrassment. I like my penis and my penis is liked, from what I hear.
But like all things good, my penis prompts this question: Could it be better? Could it be a bigger, mightier, more productive tallywacker? And if it could--oh, if it could--what would be the appropriate mechanism to effect this change? Do we have the technology?
Well, anyone who's ever checked his or her e-mail inbox after a weekend out of the office knows the answer to the above question is a succinct "Yup." Amid the offers for cut-rate mortgages, attractive Christian singles, porn and no-sweat credit repair lurks the most frequently and vigorously made of all spam offers: the penis enlargement pill.
"Transform your rod into a monster," read the subject line. Don't mind if I do, thank you very much. Turns out the good people at Quicksilver Natural Labs have unlocked the secret to creating a member to remember--an herb and vitamin cocktail assembled from 17 herbs and minerals (including cayenne, pumpkin seed, licorice root, muira puana and 500 milligrams of "300 yohimbe," an African herb that is used as a sex tonic) and stuffed into a brownish easy-to-swallow gelatin capsule. They call their creation Pinacle (sic).
What Quicksilver Labs lacks in spelling acumen, it makes up with breathy ad copy. From the e-mail text: "You'll radiate confidence and success whenever you enter a locker room, and other men will look at you with real envy. ... As you drive your penis deep inside her she'll gasp as you dominate her. ... At the same time you are satisfying her cravings with your large, manly penis, YOU are receiving more pleasure in your sensitive nerve endings than you can imagine. Once you reach this sexual height you'll never look back. It's awesome!"
Indeed. Awesome is doubtless the right word for a product which, regardless of race, creed, job, social status or, apparently, sexuality, can make a man "radiate confidence and success" in the company of his nude and sweaty fellows. Such is the spell cast by a "large and manly" (as opposed to womanly?) penis. All this for a mere $49.95. Cheap at twice the price which, if you're willing to pay, will get you two months' worth of Pinacle. But be careful. Quicksilver Labs' missive ends with this caveat: "Remember, a penis larger than 9 inches may be too large for most women." And a handful of larger mammals. (If you're wondering if spammers know something about you--penis size, credit rating, marital status--consider this: Four female colleagues also received this e-mail. None has a penis.)
My interest in Pinacle was piqued. Being that my credit card was not maxed out, likewise my pants, and that I'm more or less willing to ingest stuff of unknown provenance, I ordered a month's worth of Pinacle and began to take pills, side effects be damned.
Reluctant to employ a ruler to gauge my progress (it's creepy enough to take these pills; charting the growth of "my wife's best friend" is beyond the pale), I waited a week before engaging in a practical experiment. It was at this time I chose to make love to my dear wife Colleen. She, not a ruler with its cruelly graduated lines parsing the penis down to sixteenths of an inch, would be the judge. The event went something like this:
For rest of article see: http://westchesterweekly.com/gbase/News/content?oid=oid:24199
Can you really make it bigger by answering your spam? A wife watches her husband's transformation
July 9, 2003
I have a penis. Near as I can tell, it's a perfectly acceptable penis as regards both length and girth. It is neither something you could club a person to death with nor an embarrassment. I like my penis and my penis is liked, from what I hear.
But like all things good, my penis prompts this question: Could it be better? Could it be a bigger, mightier, more productive tallywacker? And if it could--oh, if it could--what would be the appropriate mechanism to effect this change? Do we have the technology?
Well, anyone who's ever checked his or her e-mail inbox after a weekend out of the office knows the answer to the above question is a succinct "Yup." Amid the offers for cut-rate mortgages, attractive Christian singles, porn and no-sweat credit repair lurks the most frequently and vigorously made of all spam offers: the penis enlargement pill.
"Transform your rod into a monster," read the subject line. Don't mind if I do, thank you very much. Turns out the good people at Quicksilver Natural Labs have unlocked the secret to creating a member to remember--an herb and vitamin cocktail assembled from 17 herbs and minerals (including cayenne, pumpkin seed, licorice root, muira puana and 500 milligrams of "300 yohimbe," an African herb that is used as a sex tonic) and stuffed into a brownish easy-to-swallow gelatin capsule. They call their creation Pinacle (sic).
What Quicksilver Labs lacks in spelling acumen, it makes up with breathy ad copy. From the e-mail text: "You'll radiate confidence and success whenever you enter a locker room, and other men will look at you with real envy. ... As you drive your penis deep inside her she'll gasp as you dominate her. ... At the same time you are satisfying her cravings with your large, manly penis, YOU are receiving more pleasure in your sensitive nerve endings than you can imagine. Once you reach this sexual height you'll never look back. It's awesome!"
Indeed. Awesome is doubtless the right word for a product which, regardless of race, creed, job, social status or, apparently, sexuality, can make a man "radiate confidence and success" in the company of his nude and sweaty fellows. Such is the spell cast by a "large and manly" (as opposed to womanly?) penis. All this for a mere $49.95. Cheap at twice the price which, if you're willing to pay, will get you two months' worth of Pinacle. But be careful. Quicksilver Labs' missive ends with this caveat: "Remember, a penis larger than 9 inches may be too large for most women." And a handful of larger mammals. (If you're wondering if spammers know something about you--penis size, credit rating, marital status--consider this: Four female colleagues also received this e-mail. None has a penis.)
My interest in Pinacle was piqued. Being that my credit card was not maxed out, likewise my pants, and that I'm more or less willing to ingest stuff of unknown provenance, I ordered a month's worth of Pinacle and began to take pills, side effects be damned.
Reluctant to employ a ruler to gauge my progress (it's creepy enough to take these pills; charting the growth of "my wife's best friend" is beyond the pale), I waited a week before engaging in a practical experiment. It was at this time I chose to make love to my dear wife Colleen. She, not a ruler with its cruelly graduated lines parsing the penis down to sixteenths of an inch, would be the judge. The event went something like this:
For rest of article see: http://westchesterweekly.com/gbase/News/content?oid=oid:24199
