Aspergers and Hobbying

[C Dick]

I have been reading about Asperger's Syndrome. It is a mild form of autism which impairs the person's ability to understand social and emotional interactions. The people who have it often do not fit in, and find it difficult to make friends or have relationships. And it impairs your ability to read non-verbal cues from a person you are talking to.

To me, this seems tailor made for someone to pay for sex. It is hard to have a regular relationship, but Aspergers people like structured interactions, such as hiring a prostitute. And when the SP says she likes the the customer, the Aspergers guy believes her, because he can not read the non-verbal cues that would tell a regular person that she is just being professional. So he falls in love with her, because he does not know any better.

So I would expect that there was a higher percentage of Aspergers in hobby communities, and at Terb, than in the whole population. Does anybody have any comments about this? PM me if you wish.

 

[stinkynuts]

I don't believe that at all, but why are you bringing this up? Do you know people with this condition?

Seems to me that many people like myself are just too shy to approach women. Others who see escorts are just very old and don't have the opportunity to sleep with younger women. Many others can and just hobby for the convenience, or some other reason. Given the rarity of the condition, and the fact that more than 99% of "Johns" don't have it, I don't think they make up a significant proportion of Johns. Neither do I believe that there is a higher percentage of them who hobby, since many of them would not have the financial freedom to do so, or are restricted by other means.

 

[lickrolaine]

watch Denny Crane,aka,Boston Legal.

 

[anonemouse]

Supposedly the numbers of ppl with this in the tech field is high compared to the general public.

So is the number of angst-ridden emo teenagers on the net with aspbergers higher than the general public.

 

[Crixus]

The logic sounds good - but I am reminded of the quote "logic is a means to go wrong with confidence".

There's no real way to tell, unless you plan to do field research, and I think that might be tough to do, given the legal and social status of this little world.

I'm not sure where stinkynuts' assertion "many of them would not have the financial freedom to do so, or are restricted by other means" comes from - I suspect he's assuming that they're not able to function in other ways - which is a big leap, I think. I think that such a condition would have a whole spectrum of severity, and many such individuals might very well find careers and the "financial freedom".

 

[Crixus]

Aspergers people like structured interactions

Also makes you think about the BDSM community.

 

[gibsomstreet]

I'm Asperger's.

But as for

And when the SP says she likes the the customer, the Aspergers guy believes her, because he can not read the non-verbal cues that would tell a regular person that she is just being professional. So he falls in love with her, because he does not know any better.

I find that a rather patronizing way to put it--particularly if a lot of "Aspies" are already disconnected from a conventional "love" reflex in the first place.

More than likely (and accounting for Asperger types generally having higher-than-normal gifts of intellect and/or creativity--think of Glenn Gould, or even Einstein), if they choose hobbying, it's not because they're looking for love, it's because they're looking for a sexual situation minus the tricky "love" part--intimacy without intimacy, so to speak. Hobbying as a repetitive ritual, not unlike many "autistic" habits--perhaps they're also more prone to "quickies" (i.e. not hour-plus sessions) and shy away from being repeat customers, because that's more inappropriate "intimacy" than they're prepared to handle. And its being purely professional and money-transactional "seals the deal".

While they might not "fall in love" with a SP, I can understand where there could be an intense, lasting "object relationship", at least in the memory; perhaps certain Aspies are the sort who might privately keep obsessive-compulsive diaries of their hobbying history, and idiosyncratically identify certain SPs with certain other objects or events in their life. If one can dissassociate the "serial killer" tinge to such traits, they're fairly benign and harmless, albeit eccentric.

I'm not speaking specifically of myself re many of these characteristics (especially the more "serial killeresque" ones)--Aspergers takes many forms--but I can understand and relate through my experiences.

 

[gibsomstreet]

watch Denny Crane,aka,Boston Legal.

Interesting point.

 

[themexi]

If they're smart enough & are trained early enough Aspergers isn't an impairment at all. In fact I'd say is can be helluva advantage. The thing is, the social smarts most people take for granted is hard earned knowledge to someone not born with those instincts.

It takes a long time of intensive discipline to learn non verbal cues like body language & facial expressions & tone of voice. It takes even longer to lean the finer nuances of things like social dynamics, etc. But it can be learned. A lot of the basic therapies involve something called "scripts"..... basically a set of if/then types of remembered reactions so that the "sufferer" can mimic being normal enough to get by in many situations. Helpful to be sure, but honestly it's pathetically inadequate compared to what can be achieved.

Many with this condition if allowed to just withdraw & focus their minds on solitary pursuits because dealing with people is too confusing because on the face of it it all seems so illogical & chaotic. To many it's just too much of a bother to try to "pass" as normal.... too much of a waste of time & resources that could be better spent on a hobby or work that will consume ll their attention & more importantly keep them away form the attention & notice of others. Many are born to parents that just don't have the understanding, time & resources to devote to early identification & proper training.

Sad, because think about it... most people are pretty good at naturally reading signals & situations & don't bother taking it any further...... but a disciplined & well brought up person with Aspergers has been taught all of that in the finest detail & practices it every moment of their life.

Most people spend time wondering & worrying what was meant by something a well practiced guy with aspergers pretty much Knows & then just reacts with focussed, learned instinct & the confidence that goes with it. No hesitation, no fucking around, just a routine appropriate response to an event. S.O.P.

Kind of like the difference between the average guy that can hold his own in a barfight vs a well trained MMA. If he has a good deal of intellect behind him he will do Extremely well in social settings. To some, social interaction is not just an important life skill...it's a hobby & a source of pride.

So in short.... not all people with Aspergers consider it to be anything less than a blessing. Though there is the tendency to take things a bit too literally it can easily be corrected with the application of observation, logic & practice.......



P.S. gibsomstreet: it the nail on the head as far as SP motivation for some. Some simply see it as a logical surrogate for needs until just the right person comes along..... Personally I have an issue with "settling" just to get some sex..... Not fair to the girl & it's beneath me to use people like that.

 

[Esco!]

Bill Gates has mild Asparagus

 

[JD75]

I have been reading about Asperger's Syndrome. It is a mild form of autism which impairs the person's ability to understand social and emotional interactions. The people who have it often do not fit in, and find it difficult to make friends or have relationships. And it impairs your ability to read non-verbal cues from a person you are talking to.

To me, this seems tailor made for someone to pay for sex. It is hard to have a regular relationship, but Aspergers people like structured interactions, such as hiring a prostitute. And when the SP says she likes the the customer, the Aspergers guy believes her, because he can not read the non-verbal cues that would tell a regular person that she is just being professional. So he falls in love with her, because he does not know any better.

So I would expect that there was a higher percentage of Aspergers in hobby communities, and at Terb, than in the whole population. Does anybody have any comments about this? PM me if you wish.

You're oversimplifying a complex condition. Kudos to gibsom and themexi for making some good points.

 

[gibsomstreet]

Bill Gates has mild Asparagus

You looked inside his pants, didn't you

Anyway, if I can imagine problems btw/an Aspie and an SP (nicely congruent terms there!), they'd more likely be related to issues like, say, lax hygeine than to "inappropriate feelings of love" on his part...

 

[C Dick]

I find that a rather patronizing way to put it--particularly if a lot of "Aspies" are already disconnected from a conventional "love" reflex in the first place.

I am sorry that you found it patronizing. I was speaking of my own experiences, where I hobby for a variety of reasons, like anyone. But I find I encounter the problem of getting confused by what the provider says and does, because I can't tell the difference between someone who actually likes me, and someone who pretends because they are good at their job. Dealing with non-providers is easier, in a way, because when they do not like you, they avoid you. But it is harder in a way also, because they are more likely to hit the road sooner, because they are not being paid not to. I have learned (the hard way), not to become too attached to providers, just as I have learned to deal with regular people by analyzing their cues, where regular people would not have to think about it. But dealing with people who may be pretending to be nice is a particular challenge, at least for me.

 

[JD75]

Hi C Dick, have you been diagnosed? The other guys made some really good explanations on the subject, so I didn't think being repetitive would offer much. If you are just discovering this and learning to deal with it, stop reading what you find on the internet and see your doctor. He'll be better suited to put you on the right path.

The reason I'd posted my first note is because this hits close to home for me. My brother was officially diagnosed when he was a teen. As mentionned, Aspie's tend to have above average intelligence. My brother is a testament to that. He graduated from McGill and now works in research and development for Ericsson in California. He's also in a relationship...with a guy! No kidding.

My suggestion to you is simple. Keep reminding yourself that escorts are there for a good time, not a long time. Who cares is she really likes you or not? Think of that hour as an escape from real life.

 

[jiggaplz2]

Assburgers

 

[gibsomstreet]

I am sorry that you found it patronizing. I was speaking of my own experiences, where I hobby for a variety of reasons, like anyone. But I find I encounter the problem of getting confused by what the provider says and does, because I can't tell the difference between someone who actually likes me, and someone who pretends because they are good at their job. Dealing with non-providers is easier, in a way, because when they do not like you, they avoid you. But it is harder in a way also, because they are more likely to hit the road sooner, because they are not being paid not to. I have learned (the hard way), not to become too attached to providers, just as I have learned to deal with regular people by analyzing their cues, where regular people would not have to think about it. But dealing with people who may be pretending to be nice is a particular challenge, at least for me.

As I suggested, Aspergers may take different forms in different people--though I'm wondering whether "results may vary" depending on whether, say, one's first experience is with a non-provider rather than a provider, and the quality of said experience...

 

[great bear]

Take two aspergers, drink plenty of fluids, and get bed rest.

 

[dreamblade]

As someone who has always identified himself as a freak, I find C Dick's original post interesting, but doesn't fit the molds of most Aspies I've known. I either have a mild from of Asperger's, or just have great empathy for those people, as I seem to have always counted them among my friends.

Socially awkward, oblivious to body language cues if not the entire world around them, mild OCD, but brilliant in front of a computer or chalk board. Perpetual foot-in-mouth syndrome when dealing with people face to face, but set them on a discussion board or chat room, they're smooth like silk.

I suppose the theory they employ SP's has merit, but for most, I'd say they just sublimate the desire in favour of more intellectual pursuits. After all, it's easier to get on Bitorrent and download Pirates, then go back to coding another Linux application than to shower, dress, get out of the house, travel there, travel back, slip back into comfy clothes, and get back to work.

 

[canada-man]

I have been reading about Asperger's Syndrome. It is a mild form of autism which impairs the person's ability to understand social and emotional interactions. The people who have it often do not fit in, and find it difficult to make friends or have relationships. And it impairs your ability to read non-verbal cues from a person you are talking to.

To me, this seems tailor made for someone to pay for sex. It is hard to have a regular relationship, but Aspergers people like structured interactions, such as hiring a prostitute. And when the SP says she likes the the customer, the Aspergers guy believes her, because he can not read the non-verbal cues that would tell a regular person that she is just being professional. So he falls in love with her, because he does not know any better.

So I would expect that there was a higher percentage of Aspergers in hobby communities, and at Terb, than in the whole population. Does anybody have any comments about this? PM me if you wish.

most men who hobby are married or have girlfriends and they don't have aspergers

 

[C Dick]

most men who hobby are married or have girlfriends and they don't have aspergers

Yes, obviously. My contention was that there would be a higher proportion of Aspergers guys among Terbites than among the general population. Estimates for the proportion of the general population with Aspergers range between 1 in 250 and 1 in 10,000. It depends on where you draw the line. So perhaps it is 1 in 1,000. If that was the case, my guess would be that 1 in 500 or less of Terbites would be Aspergers guys. 1 in 500 is still not many, but more than in the general population.

And do not assume that having Aspergers means you can not be married, some Aspergers people are a lot more functional than others, and more determined. And some women like different kinds of guys.