Age versus Maturity in a relationship ...

[JeremytheWicked]

I seem to always attract/get involved with younger women. My ex-wife and I were together for 5 years - 2 of them married. One of the main problems that I had with her was her lack of maturity. It was something that didn't immediately rear its ugly head until we started having problems.

I just turned 34 on Jan 2nd. She was 24.

Recently I have began dating a young lady who is ANYTHING but immature. She does lack quite a bit of real-life experience however since she grew up the sheltered farmer's daughter on the family's farm on Manitoulin Island. This girl is going to be 23 next week.

Needless to say I adore her. We have been together for about 5 months now. My main fear is that I am re-making an old mistake here, and the relationship seems to be steaming right along. I don't feel the need to put the brakes on, but I have that sense of apprehension that this is the same thing all over again. Not a strong feeling, just the slight sense. I could just be afraid of re-living the horror that was my marriage.

Has anyone out there been in my shoes? I realize that age and maturity don't go hand-in-hand, but I have to wonder. I don't think about her age as I don't see her as 'less mature' than I.

What to do?

 

[Flower]

Two cents!

You're correct (at least IMHO) that age and maturity don't go hand in hand. Stop worrying and allow the relationship to flow.

 

[Goober Mcfly]

Proof positive that age and maturity don't always go together? Annalee (longfirmleggss).

She's VERY mature for a 25 year old.

 

[Cardinal Fang]

*Stands completely clear of Goober so as not to be killed by the shrapnel*

 

[The Doctor]

I've seen some 60 year old folks...

Oh now that's just sick man!

 

[jwmorrice]

Here are some optimistic thoughts on love!

This is from an introductory essay, by Mark Edmundson, to a new Penguin translation of Freud. It's in the volume entitled 'Beyond the Pleasure Principle and Other Writings'. Most appropriate, I'd say, for this thread and for Valentine's Day. Enjoy!

jwm

"The heart breaks time and again and, Freud insists, it is prone to do so in the same fashion. Freud...put the idea of erotic repetition at the centre of his thought. He believed that we are all inclined - many of us are doomed - to repeat, and what we repeat is disaster...For most people, there is not much to be done about these sad tendencies. Through experience, Freud believed, most of us learn nothing, unless it is to repeat our own worst experiences.

Life, from Freud's perspective, frequently circles from romance to disillusionment, then does so again and again. We seek perfect love, perfect truth, perfect protection. We believe that we once had those things (though we never did) and we continually sight them, glowing, on the far side of a noisy room or dispensing truth from a banner-draped stage, Klieg- or torch-lights flaring. We are drawn into the golden circle, abase ourselves, submit, and for a while enjoy an extraordinary sense of well-being. It is as though we have attained a long-sought completion. We never feel so strongly as then, in the midst of love, that we live in the present. (Though the truth is that in love, more than at any other time, we are dwelling in the past.) But soon our idealizations dissolve, the honey-glow disappears, and we're tolled back, as Keats has it, to our sole selves. We find ourselves then disillusioned, void of life (illusion, whatever its pitfalls, is to Freud the great energizer), and waiting for the next irresistible falsehood, the next narcissistic ploy, to come along. For once the period of disillusion - or mourning - is over, Freud says in a memorable phrase, we pursue the next 'object' the way a starving man pursues bread."

 

[JeremytheWicked]

Well on that note ........

Thanks for that jwm!

On that note I'll just cotinue tying the noose I've prepared .......

 

[train]

At the end of the day people are individuals and you do them injustice by categorizing , labelling etc - one 23 yr old is not the same as every other one . While love may not be totally logical at the beginning it has to be better than rationalizing yourself into a problem that probably doesn't exist .

Just a long-winded way of saying I agree with Annalee .

 

[JeremytheWicked]

I would like to thank everybody who has posted. The members here are obviously mature themselves, as the ones who have replied all seem to feel that the feelings of love should be followed. I agree.
I should have mentioned that my feelings of apprehension may have come from the fact that most of my friends feel that now that I am free of my ex-wife, I should pursue an older woman, someone more grounded, experienced, settled both in career and life, etc. My family however absolutely loves my new girlfriend.

I guess I just needed to hear that I wasn't being stupid for following my heart (again).

 

[WNYTOFN]

maturity-immaturity
young-older


prenup !

nuf said

 

[jwmorrice]

It'd be interesting to hear how this relationship works out - or doesn't!

jwm