Advice request...

[SweetSerenity]

So early yesterday I got quite sick, and had to go home. One of my girls had been planning to come see me. Knowing I was sick, she still wanted to come and hang out. We've done this a couple times before, she comes over, stays the night, then we drive her home the next day.
On fridays we have friends over to hang out and play games. Last night I went into the kitchen to put my glass in the sink while everyone was packing up to leave. I come back in and my girl has her coat on. She informs me she is leaving with one of them, and will be back sometime the next day(today). No warning, nothing. She still isn't back either.
Normally this kind of thing would bother me, except I had no warning, and she was supposed to be there to see me, not the other person. On top of that, it was the second time she has done this, and I talked to her about it last time. She lives an hour away, so the gas to drive her home, and get back home myself after isn't exactly cheap. We also feed her while she is here. And she doesn't pay me back for any of this.
I've been majorly pissed off since the only reason I don't ask her to pay me back for everything is I want to see her too, and then she leaves to go hang with someone else for the night.
Am I overreacting? Or should I just tell her if she wants to come again, she can find her own way back?

 

[papasmerf]

So early yesterday I got quite sick, and had to go home. One of my girls had been planning to come see me. Knowing I was sick, she still wanted to come and hang out. We've done this a couple times before, she comes over, stays the night, then we drive her home the next day.
On fridays we have friends over to hang out and play games. Last night I went into the kitchen to put my glass in the sink while everyone was packing up to leave. I come back in and my girl has her coat on. She informs me she is leaving with one of them, and will be back sometime the next day(today). No warning, nothing. She still isn't back either.
Normally this kind of thing would bother me, except I had no warning, and she was supposed to be there to see me, not the other person. On top of that, it was the second time she has done this, and I talked to her about it last time. She lives an hour away, so the gas to drive her home, and get back home myself after isn't exactly cheap. We also feed her while she is here. And she doesn't pay me back for any of this.
I've been majorly pissed off since the only reason I don't ask her to pay me back for everything is I want to see her too, and then she leaves to go hang with someone else for the night.
Am I overreacting? Or should I just tell her if she wants to come again, she can find her own way back?

Is this your daughter, girlfriend or a SP?

 

[SweetSerenity]

A girlfriend.

 

[papasmerf]

A girlfriend.

Looks like you done broke up last night.

 

[dCaveman]

I'm thinking that she sees you as a convenience; if something better happens along, she takes advantage. Seems like she is not willing to make a commitment to you and think you gotta honor that choice.

 

[Kya_Jean]

Looks like you done broke up last night.

Agreed!

I wouldn't take that kind of crap from a boyfriend, I am not about to take it from a girlfriend.

 

[SweetSerenity]

Yeah... thats pretty much what I figured. But I anger easily, and since I haven't been well, I wasn't sure if it was just causing me to overract to the situation... Thanks everyone.

 

[papasmerf]

Yeah... thats pretty much what I figured. But I anger easily, and since I haven't been well, I wasn't sure if it was just causing me to overract to the situation... Thanks everyone.

No
but if you are on anger meds you need to get back on them

 

[SweetSerenity]

No
but if you are on anger meds you need to get back on them

I'm not on meds. Its not that big of a deal at all. I get angry easy, but I don't take it out on anyone/thing. I just write a lot, and thats all it takes to stay calm.

 

[papasmerf]

I'm not on meds. Its not that big of a deal at all. I get angry easy, but I don't take it out on anyone/thing. I just write a lot, and thats all it takes to stay calm.

Then by all means post away

 

[SweetSerenity]

Then by all means post away

Heh, I rarely post my writings, I just wanted to know if I was overreacting, or if I should talk to her about it when she gets back. I just wasn't sure... Again, thank you for the help.

 

[moresex4me]

If she's doing this regularly, then she is using you to get to town and get home. That's pretty shitty. On the other hand, if last night was an anomaly, maybe she left because you weren't feeling well. Although you think she'd call to see how you're doing.

 

[SweetSerenity]

I mean a person I am dating that is a girl. We haven't slept together yet.

So she got back, I explained things to her. She spent about a half hour apologizing, and decided to make me a nice lunch to apologize. She says she won't do it again, and she has offered to start paying the gas and part of the food we eat.

I don't really know what to say or do about this. She seems genuinely sorry about it, but she also should have thought before she left.

 

[OddSox]

Hmm. When I first read your post I was about to ask you how old your daughter was - which should give you an indication of the maturity level you're dealing with here...

 

[CapitalGuy]

My opinion, not knowing either of you...but you asked

Did she go away to fuck the other people, and you're jealous? Or was it just a ride home. If it was just a convenient ride home, she has nothing to apologize for. She just wanted a ride home. You should apologize for making her feel that she's done something wrong. In this instance, you are coming across as a control freak. The kind of person who might perhaps one day raise a hand to their girlfriend if she "gets out of line." Seriously, if all she did was get a ride home to her house an hour away, once, you are waaaay over-reacting.

The fact that she feels sorry and apologetic about simply getting a ride home means she has a submissive personality and is open to being in abusive relationships. In that case, you are probably suited for each other.

Stop being so possessive.

 

[SweetSerenity]

Did she go away to fuck the other people, and you're jealous? Or was it just a ride home. If it was just a convenient ride home, she has nothing to apologize for. She just wanted a ride home. You should apologize for making her feel that she's done something wrong. In this instance, you are coming across as a control freak. The kind of person who might perhaps one day raise a hand to their girlfriend if she "gets out of line." Seriously, if all she did was get a ride home to her house an hour away, once, you are waaaay over-reacting.

The fact that she feels sorry and apologetic about simply getting a ride home means she has a submissive personality and is open to being in abusive relationships. In that case, you are probably suited for each other.

Stop being so possessive.

I'm the one who gives her the rides home. The person she went to see didn't, and couldn't, give her rides home. I am sorry to sound rude, but you really need to learn to read everything carefully first.
I find it wrong to come to town to see someone who feeds you and drives you home for free, and then leave for the night to go play games at someone else's house without any warning, then return 16 hours of no contact later and expect a ride home still, free of charge, and no one to be angry about it. To feed her and drive her home is not cheap. She eats far more than most people do. Her meals consist of about twice the food mine do, and after she is finished she will be hungry ten minutes later. So we have to spend $20+ in groceries each week specifically for her, and then pay for the gas to drive between kitchener and the far end of fergus every week.
She was asked the last time she did this to give us warning if she was planning to go somewhere else for the night.
Keep in mind that while she is in the city with me her parents have left her under my care and responsibility. They expect that she will be with me, at my apartment, because that is where she and I told them she would be. Instead she goes off to someplace where I have no idea where she really might be, I can only take her word for it.
So for what exatly am I supposed to apologize?

 

[papasmerf]

I'm the one who gives her the rides home. The person she went to see didn't, and couldn't, give her rides home. I am sorry to sound rude, but you really need to learn to read everything carefully first.
I find it wrong to come to town to see someone who feeds you and drives you home for free, and then leave for the night to go play games at someone else's house without any warning, then return 16 hours of no contact later and expect a ride home still, free of charge, and no one to be angry about it. To feed her and drive her home is not cheap. She eats far more than most people do. Her meals consist of about twice the food mine do, and after she is finished she will be hungry ten minutes later. So we have to spend $20+ in groceries each week specifically for her, and then pay for the gas to drive between kitchener and the far end of fergus every week.
She was asked the last time she did this to give us warning if she was planning to go somewhere else for the night.
Keep in mind that while she is in the city with me her parents have left her under my care and responsibility. They expect that she will be with me, at my apartment, because that is where she and I told them she would be. Instead she goes off to someplace where I have no idea where she really might be, I can only take her word for it.
So for what exatly am I supposed to apologize?

I am figuring the us you are talking about is you and your mom

 

[SweetSerenity]

I am figuring the us you are talking about is you and your mom

No, the us is me and the person I live with.

 

[papasmerf]

No, the us is me and the person I live with.

Thank you for clearing that up.

BTW you broke up and really need to move on the the next in line.

 

[hunter001]

You come across as controlling. Just from your posting.

One of my girls had been planning to come see me.

If you have more then "one girl" perhaps she doesn't see you a boyfriend material.

Knowing I was sick, she still wanted to come and hang out. We've done this a couple times before, she comes over, stays the night, then we drive her home the next day.
On fridays we have friends over to hang out and play games.

Maybe see came over for the company/games and not to hang out with you. She may have decided it would be more interesting to hang out with someone who wasn't sick.

She lives an hour away, so the gas to drive her home, and get back home myself after isn't exactly cheap. We also feed her while she is here. And she doesn't pay me back for any of this.

You might want to examine your motives. If you are doing it as a friend and enjoy her company then the money thing shouldn't be an issue. If you have expectations because you are spending money on her then that is something else...

b.t.w. I thing is rude to leave the party without letting you know first... Of course she may have left with notice because she knew what your reaction would be.