A true hobbyist's joke

[Mr Bret]

On their wedding night, the young bride Approached her new husband and asked For $20.00 for their first lovemaking Encounter. In his highly aroused state,Her husband readily agreed.This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that She needed.Arriving home around noon one day, she was Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.During the next few minutes, he explained that His employer was going through a process of corporate Downsizing, and he had been let go.It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find Another position that paid anywhere near what He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued By the bank which was worth over $2 million,And informed him that they Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.She explained that for more than Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,These holdings had multiplied and these were the Results of her savings and investments.Faced with evidence of cash and investments Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,I would have given you all my business!'That's when she shot him.You know, sometimes, men just don't know when To keep their mouths shut Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!

 

[SirWanker]

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife !"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night !

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best Toast of The night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the
Prize the other night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I
had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep"