A Conflicted Member!?

[Diode]

*****Note Please forgive Spelling and Grammar...This is stream Of Concinous Stuff*****

Ok...I have made love to the same woman ( and only her) for comming up to 19 years.
We met after High school, dated..fell in love..I took her Virginity..Got Married , bought House..and have two Young kids....
I love, her and always will..( and always have)

She is an excellent mother..a superb business woman..and my best friend.
Over the years sexual...encounters have ebbed an flowed..but as a rule been OK..never earth shattering..I belive I've tried to provide an atmosphere where sexual adventure was safe...(I'll admit only one side of the story..but my perception..nontheless)
But sex has been..Straightforward.
As I approach 40..I had hoped my desire would wane..but the last 5 years have seen an explosive increase In my horny-ness.
Wacking-off 4-5 times a day, porn...I still seem unsatisfied.
BTW I am not the type to pressure/conjole my wife ( Kids work..I know she's tierd) I will not force her!
In the last five years..I have Looked elsewhere..at SC and More recently at MP's. Simple HJ and BJ to relive tension. I have had the opportunity to "date" some very sexy..and I assume accomidating MILF's and Singles ( BY no means am I Hot...but I;m OK) I've turned down all approaches...I still inhearently think that the " love and tenderness" required for a real affair...Is the true "cheating"
Please understand...I am not pround..nor ashamed of what I have done,,It's just where I have said NO up until now.
Recently..I have thought..fantasized..about really spending some Sexual quality time with a SP.
I do not want to ruin my marraige or kids futures ..but my desire is for more than a quick HJ in a VIP booth.
So..I value your Input..TERB boys and TERB girls.
Can I enjoy a carnal romp with out F*****G up my good but somewhat humdrum life?
Are There any Escorts who understand where I am coming from and are willing to discuss with me how things work...and how they might help me...( I am Nervous as hell about this...)
Are there any TERB boys in the same situation as Diode?
A couple of rules Please....
I appreciate all input...but unless you have been married/toghther with you partner for more than 10 years..Please don;t say " You fucking married guys..what do you hobby for..If I was Married....." Yadayadayada:: I need Input from guys with life expierience.
I am resoved to make my own mind up..and won't do anthing I think is wrong..it;s just that what's wrong seems to change ..day to day.
Please don't critize me..I am just exploring options.

Thanks, A Heartfelt Diode

 

[Diode]

Thanks yychobbyist...But it's My ANODE and it's positively Charged!
My gut however is conflicted.

 

[BiggieE]

My only thought is..don't worry about how you would feel before....but how would you feel AFTER such an encounter...To be honest, instead of discussing this with us, I think you should be talking to your Beloved...Not about seeing an escort, but about your libido...I think if you discuss it with her in a rational manner...telling her how much you still love and care for her, she will be able to help you better than an escort...I mean, she' been your wife for 19 years...

 

[Diode]

Well I said together 19 years,,,married about 12....but..

Yes,,we have talked about all of this many times....
She knows I go to SCs ...sometimes even says ,," why don't yo out..and have fun"
BiggieE I not a young child who can't discuss feelings....
But I know what her limits are...I will not force it..My limits/desires have changed.....
Thanks for the input...
You do make a good point,,I'll tell her tonight,,,How much I love her!

 

[Anais North]

Your dilemma is far from unusual... ergo, there's this whole board called TERB, populated by a group of people pursuing interests very similar to yours... *smiles* . I think your honesty is wonderful. Sexual monogamy is practiced in earnest by wolves and geese, but humans just can't seem to get the hang of it... lol. Opinions are like assholes, and everyone has one, but in mine (opinion, not asshole), you have come to the right place. Attachment-free sex is a healthy and realistic option for you, in the marriage you've described (and you seem of very sound mind, despite your abysmal spelling... I'm a stickler... I love a man who can spell). There are risks in everything, and I'm sure you will be able to discern them in this. But after all, it's the oldest profession for a reason. I wish you the very best of luck, my dear.

PS. I'm honestly sorry for being a spelling N*z*, I just saw your disclaimer, which is why I'm editing my post.... whoops!

 

[Diode]

Spelling N*Z*...he he he

Anais North: Spelling was NEVER my thing as posts will show.
Calculus...Algebra..Chemistry..Biology...Electronics..and my fav Physics..stick to me like ..well,like hair on Ron Jeremy...
Funny my Wife is also a "perfect" speller..
NOW..
As you know spelling is a purely arbratery ( sp...yeah I know)
thing....
NOW Let;s talk Intergrals...related rates et all....
real mEAT and potatos..stuff

BTW you are very sweet...please PM me if interested in assisting this conflicted boy...

 

[danmand]

I cannot and will not give you any advice. I can tell you so much, however, that if you start seeing young SP's, you will lose your normal interest in women your own age. And it is pretty much an irreversable change.

 

[xarir]

I've never been married but I'm still going to toss my $0.02 in here.

I know 3 people who have been married but are now divorced. The first 2 told me that they felt they had certain needs (carnal) which were not being addressed by their partner. They ended up having affairs and ultimately getting divorced. The 3rd person I can't claim to know all that well but I know her hubby very well. She seemingly felt the need for a "normal" life which hubby apparently wasn't providing so she had a torrid affair and is now going through the process of the divorce. It's a messy proceeding - assets need to be revalued before they get split, the kids are caught up in things as well, hubby's work performance is suffering.

To my unmarried eyes, you seem to have a pretty stable life Diode. You've got your kids and a great friend in your wife. I can only hope that when I meet my wife, she'll tell me to go out & have fun at SCs!

I can fully understand your desire for carnal fun with an SP. That is why we all hobby after all. But keep in mind the potential downside of someone in your situation. If you think it's worth it then by all means proceed and have a fabulous time! But just make sure you use your big head on this one.

 

[wikiwild]

not married, never been. But I don't see why satisfying your sex drive is any different from satisfying your hunger-drive.

Physical needs are physical needs and if they are not satisfied, you can't really move on to taking care of emotional needs (see Maslow and his gosh-darn hierarchy of needs). Many people on this board have brought up a good point before that we can satisfy any other physical need at will if we have the means to do so. Why not sexual needs?

OTOH, and there is always another hand, do unto your wife as you would have her do unto you... i.e. would you care if she sought physical fulfillment elsewhere? Or are you ok so long as u don't know about it? Or does the possibility fill you with rage? etc.

And, of course, there is the old stand-by, 'what she don't know won't hurt her'. Omission-of-truth shall set you free.

 

[my2cents]

been down that road

I wanted to note that I did the same type of journey. Essentially the massage parlors strip clubs etc. weren't enough then came escorts. This can be addictive since your desire for more is being met.
However you have to be able to set limits as your fantasies and desires will increase once you get into some very hot and sexy SPs. You'll know why men pay for her company when you meet the right SPs. This can be consuming.
A word of warning condoms do not protect you from all STDs. Genetal warts can be passed on even with a condom. Obviously not through the condom but from the vaginal fluid. Do some homework on STDs and know the risks and not just from the obvious AIDS. Not trying to fear monger just know the facts. Personally the risk of the non life threatening STDs made me rethink my escort ventures. Even though I allways used condoms.
She may say go to SC and have fun but I doubt she expects you to cross the line. She may change her tone if she finds out.
Don't venture into an affair if you only want wild sex. Its not your emotional needs that need to be addressed its only your physical needs. An emotional affair is more damaging than paying for a sexual fanatasy.
Again your choice just want to pass on some words since you asked.

 

[BiggieE]

Ok...I read somewhere..(have'nt we all)..that every loving couple should take some time to get reaquainted...Kids, work, and life in gerneral take their toll...So here's a thought...Send the kids to their grandparents for the weekend...And then take your Beloved to Niagara Falls, get a Fallsview suite, have a candle lit dinner (they have some that have Fallsview too), then, it's back to your suite for a little carnal romping...IMO...You don't need an escort, you need to devote some time and attention to your Wife...You might be suprised how well this idea goes over...

 

[Diode]

Thanks guys..wow was I melancoly last night.
I think..I was thinking out loud..
I do have a better than great life...
I think I stay with the fooling around (a little bit) at MPs and SCs.

Somtimes one has to read one's own F****D thoughts to see clearly.
Thanks again...

 

[WhaWhaWha]

Hey just as long as your hobbying doesnt diminish what you have to offer her, I say "what's the harm?"

 

[wrong hole]

IMO

Dude

If you love your kids, wife and your life....don't do it.....why ruin a good thing for moments of self-gratification

Think about the look on your kids and wife's face if they found out

my advice.....stick to SC's

 

[mmouse]

sorry for dumb question, can't find answer...
What is SC?

 

[wrong hole]

Strip Club

 

[mmouse]

thanks

 

[Diode]

Who Knows?!

Thank you..to all..for the PM's and advice...MY the SPs in this city are HOT...Smart...and compasionate...
I'm still not sure...about the future..but....

 

[C Dick]

I am/was in a similar situation, 18 years for me. I also was uncomfortable with escorts and being married, but spent a lot of time in SC and MP. But still frustrated. I have had considerable success with getting my wife to understand my perspective, and to enhance our sex step by step. For us, the steps were:

- Agree to go on regular dates to enhance the relationship, and to give dates a fair priority so that they are not always cancelled for work or kids or whatever. Twice a month should be possible.
- Go to regular nightclubs. Wife gets pestered by single guys.
- Suggest "couples" nightclub. Go to off-premises swinger club. Wife enjoys dancing and not being pestered.
- Go to swinger club regularly, just to dance. Wife starts to meet and make friends with swingers, and discover what goes on, and that the swinger women are nice and normal.
- Wife suggests going to swinger party.

Next thing you know, your wife is a lot more open minded than she was, and things are a lot more interesting for you, with more variety. Some couples draw the line at the dances, or at same-room sex, or foreplay only, or wherever they are comfortable. It is a lot more pleasant in some ways to be doing these things with your wife, instead of behind her back. If you get jealous, you are a hypocrite, it may not be for you.

I still go to SCs, but now my wife comes sometimes, and is comfortable with me going without her.

 

[mister.b]

don't shit where you eat and you'll be fine and remember the rules don't fall in love.