Sexless marriage

If I could go back in time I would not have married too young.

Yeah, my too young, too serious, relationship collapsed before marriage and kids, and I kind of view that one as dodging a bullet.

I've often advised people here not to, "blow up their lives." I mean that in a, "Don't blow up your life some ill-conceived fit of whatever." sort of way. However, a person's fundamental happiness means a lot. At a certain point it's just better for a thing to end (ALMOST regardless of cost).
 
If I could go back in time I would not have married too young.
This quote says it all.

The sexless part is just a symptom. The real issue is getting locked into a lifelong contract before you even know who you are. You grow up, you change, and suddenly you're 39 and your 28-year-old spouse feels like a stranger.

Don't blow up your life over minor things, but absolutely blow it up if your fundamental happiness is at stake. Sunk cost fallacy ruins lives. Get out.
 
as a woman, i think prenups are smart - even post-nup (in the case of marrying too young)

i might live in a fantasy land but i do believe that honest communication is key

being cheated on sucks and finding out from someone other than your partner ruins any chance in salvaging the relationship

most civilian women won’t understand why SP’s are what you chose but you’re not looking for anything more than to fill the void of intimacy, and if paying for it is going to save face for yourself and for her (no one will see you out in public with another woman and taddle on you) 🤷🏼‍♀️

I can get civilian tail pretty much any time I want, if I lower my standards enough to include women I don't find attractive. I'll pay for sex with women who are out of my league, who wouldn't otherwise give any seriously consideration to me to their needs.

'You're really nice, but...' works both ways. I've met a lot of women who were 'into me', but the feeling wasn't mutual. In some cases, that resulted in anger on their part, in other cases, it led to platonic friendships. Some woman realize that knowing a guy who'll show up if they ask friends to help them move, or a guy who might go to an 'arthouse' movie with them, so they wouldn't have to go alone, or a guy who would just remove their shoes and put a blanket on them if they're too drunk to go home is something of considerable value.

There was a group of women I knew in the 1980's who used to invite me to go clubbing with them. I wasn't personally interested in any of them beyond casual friendship. My purpose was to act as a deterrent to keep horny guys away from their table. If they met guys they wanted to hang with, they would suggest that my presence was no longer needed. Many women have a guy like that, but few of them have a guy like that who isn't gay.

A woman can also be more relaxed in the presence of a man when they know that there are no unrequited feelings, and that they won't accidentally say or do something which will be misinterpreted.

What I got most out of those arrangements was when one of those ladies introduced me to one of their friends, who DID interest me, and I already had favourable reviews from a reliable source.
 
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An oldie but goodie:

In a small, poor and predominantly Jewish village in Belarus in the days of the Czar, the people pooled their money to buy a new heifer, (milk cow). Heifers need to give birth to a calf every 2-3 years, or their daily milk production will diminish.

Despite the best efforts of the town's bull, the new heifer continually refuffed the bull's advances.

The townspeople visited the Rabbi for advice. After a moment of contemplation, the Rabbi said "By any chance, is the new heifer from Minsk?".

"Yes", said the townspeople. "How did you know?" The Rabbi shrugged his shoulders and said "My wife is from Minsk.".
 
Reading through all the stories, it’s hard not to feel the quiet weight behind them. A lot of guys stayed because of the kids, the house, the fear of blowing everything up, and then one day realized the intimacy was already gone and wasn’t coming back. Seeing SPs didn’t cause that emptiness. It just became the only place left where they didn’t feel completely invisible. Not a perfect solution for anyone, but you can see why so many end up there.
 
Reading through all the stories, it’s hard not to feel the quiet weight behind them...... Seeing SPs didn’t cause that emptiness. It just became the only place left where they didn’t feel completely invisible. Not a perfect solution for anyone, but you can see why so many end up there.

Well said!
 
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Im not going to lie, ive been in a lot of long term relationships that were only held up because of us banging all the time. Once I got into my 30s I realized that sex was important to me and I dont want a marriage or a family so I stopped dating so I wasn't wasting women's time.

i see sp’s or use fetlife now. i have been a bull for a few couples in the gta and its helped them out. Ive been thanked by both parties after hubby “reclaims” her or she gets her hedonistic urges out of the way. I am not a super jacked, well endowed guy, just a normal every day dude (maybe thats what helps?).

My $00.02
 
20 years married. 3 years reduced sex + 17 years of sexless marriage. It is unbelievable and I would not have predicted it based on dating and living together. I stay for my kids as they worship their Mother. People love her. She's super nice. Do I get angry or blame my wife? I don't even know anymore... She obviously picks up on things as she'll insinuate and suggest sex only when things are getting really bad (work, home life, etc.). She's clearly working me. As time passes and because of this though, I'm not attracted to her. She's good looking, but I want a true partner. (Her parents are divorced which may affect her understanding).

Our kids are amazing. As they approach adulthood, I'm not sure what they pick up on... They won't see the Sex stuff, but for money issues? Maybe... I work a lot, ramping up as required, whereas she limits her hours drastically in order to stay healthy (and complains). My family time becomes limited and that bums me out. I wish I could share that side with the kids and warn them.

What I do know is that my good old Moms (my Mother) seems wise to it... I know her well. I don't know how she knows, but I can tell she knows... She reminds me that I used to enjoy life more and even brings up old girlfriends... I would not be surprised that any inheritance would be passed directly to my children so my wife can't touch it. She knows that I'll understand (and I would).

Seeing SPs is like a relief valve from my problems but serves as a reminder of my problems. Seeing civilians is extremely intoxicating and super-real... I get why people do it. I don't know how I would behave if I re-encountered an old "flame". I really had great girlfriends.

[No kidding: As I type this, my wife approaches me... So weird.]
 
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married relatively young the first time. Shortly after, I left the country, and because of my deployments we only saw each other for less than a month at a time between tours. I changed a great deal while deployed, and the marriage eventually broke down. That wasn’t her fault, and she deserved half of what we had built together.

In my second marriage, our sex life was phenomenal for the first 11 to 13 years, until she became ill. Sex and chemo isn’t a great mix.

One important caveat: I didn’t have children in either marriage.
Looking at my friends’ marriages, many seem to struggle when their children are young. Things often improve once the youngest reaches around eight years old and both parents can focus more on each other again.

I think we men sometimes need to take a hard look at ourselves and ask whether we’re part of the problem. Maybe we’re communicating poorly, failing to understand our partner, or our priorities have changed. Maybe we have changed maybe we haven’t.

I highly doubt a sexless relationship is solely the woman’s fault. More often than not, both people played a role in getting there.
 
For young guys: When you find a "good one", women are AMPLIFIERS to your life. They build families and relationships and make a zillion things a zillion times better. If you're a shit-head, those women deserve everything you own.

I get a bit sad when I meet and speak with old couples who've clearly been through everything together... Battle buddies that would die for each other.

My wife would die for our children, but would rat me out to the Police. It is tough to realize this.
 
.......
I think we men sometimes need to take a hard look at ourselves and ask whether we’re part of the problem. Maybe we’re communicating poorly, failing to understand our partner, or our priorities have changed. Maybe we have changed maybe we haven’t.

I highly doubt a sexless relationship is solely the woman’s fault. More often than not, both people played a role in getting there.

True. I don't blame my ex-wife only. I know we both contributed to the sexless situation. But very early on, even before the children, it was clear that our sex drives were totally mismatched. Maybe it was the excessive porn or strip clubs as a young man that warped my mind.
 
One of the principles of Feminism is that every woman should have the right to prevent a man from having sex.

Clearly this is happening in many marriages, based on the replies in this thread. In some cases, the male submits without resistance. In other cases, he rebels.

In my partially written screenplay which I can't get anyone to read, there's a scene where a cop is being given a test on the witness stand, to determine whether or not he possesses 'the equivalent of a grade 12 education'.

One of the questions is:

Bull is to steer as man is to ___________ ?

The correct answer is eunuch, but in the script, 'Jack, who asked the question, says "I would also have accepted 'Happily Married Man' or 'Family Man'.

The term 'animal husbandry' is used frequently in farming, with reference to farm animals. I worked on a dairy farm as a summer job in 1976/77. As with almost every dairy farm, there are multiple female cows, (heifers), but only one bull. The heifers' job is to produce milk. An heifer produces milk after giving birth to a calf, and continues to do so for approximately two years afterward, provided that the milk is removed from its body twice daily. The bull's only purpose is for procreation. Where I worked, he was always in his stall, standing, with a secure collar around his neck. I think the bull slept while standing. The only time the bull was released from his stall was when one of the heifers was scheduled for breeding. Each heifer was on a different schedule. If the barn had 48 heifers, two would be bred each month.

Cow sex lasts for about five seconds, and a lot of the bull's semen ends up on the barn floor. There's no foreplay.

The farm has no need for more than one bull. A good bull is expensive to buy, in the same way that a pedigreed dog is much more expensive to buy than one of a litter of mutts sold from a cardboard box on a street corner, or any thoroughbred race horse sired or foaled by a champion.

When the heifer is due to give birth, the farmer will usually keep her in the barn, rather than grazing with the other heifers. He doesn't want her to give birth in the field, because she might try to hide the calf, or it may be difficult to capture the calf and bring it back to the barn.

After the heifer gives birth, the calf is immediately separated from her, to avoid bonding between them. Cows are so stupid that within a couple of days, they have probably forgotten that they had given birth.

The newborn calf is kept in a separate pen, and where I worked, it was fed milk from a bucket for a few days, until a truck arrived to take it away.

If the newborn calf was female, I'm presuming that it might be raised until it reached sexual maturity, then sold as a heifer to some farmer. If the newborn calf was male. he would be butchered for veal. The male calf's only reason to exist was so that the heifer would produce milk. He would not be considered worthy for 'bull status', because he would have genes deemed inferior for reproduction. He's not from beef cattle stock, so there would be no reason to prolong his life while he grew and gained weight. Veal is delicious in my opinion, and that opinion is shared by many. Some people morally object to eating veal, because it comes from 'baby cows'. Those same people don't realize that the milk, butter and cheese that they eat could not be produced without the veal calves.

Yes, there is a point to all of this. There are feminists who 'feel' that animal husbandry techniques should be applied to humans. Their opinion is that only 'breeding males' should be having sex, and they should only be having sex when attempting to breed. Look on YouTube, and you can find videos of feminist women espousing this philosophy.

A similar situation exists with many older feminists who do not have a man in their life from whom they can ration or deny sex. What often happens is that they become 'crazy cat ladies' - they have multiple male cats living in their home, all of which have been neutered, and the euphemistic term they use is 'fixed'.

Un-neutered male cats will not peacefully share an enclosed space with each other. They will fight for food, and use urine to mark territory. These natural traits of the species are suppressed when the testicles are removed, and the house cats become relatively docile 'living stuffed animals'.

For the crazy cat lady, tending to the needs of her cats is a form of surrogate motherhood. A have an older sister who is a crazy cat lady, so I have been able to observe the behavior patterns first hand. The changes in behavior between an intact and a gelded male cat prompt many feminists and their sympathizers to believe that if a similar practice was applied to men, the world would be a better place - for them at least.

A problem exists for feminist women who have similarly been deemed 'unfit for reproductive purposes' by most men. This would include many women who are not facially attractive to a man, women with unappealing body shapes, most older women who are past their 'best before' date, and all women whom men believe do not possess genes that a man would want to pass on to offspring for which he planned to invest time, money and effort to raise them to maturity. Invariably, the majority of women who fit that profile do one of the following things:

Either they 'settle' for less than they wanted to 'own a man of their own', or they become lesbians or feminists, or sometimes both.

When a man ejaculates within a woman during vaginal sex, there are chemicals released which affect the dopamine centers of a woman's brain, leading to a euphoric feeling not dissimilar from that felt by ingesting narcotic drugs or eating chocolate. This is part of the reason why many women who are getting little to no sex are fat. They use different stimuli to receive the same 'high'.

There was one major change during the past 40-45 years which has swelled the number of women within that group: HIV.

Prior to the early 1980's, casual sex without condoms was the norm, and the percentage of Baby Boomers born before 1960 or so who have never had any STI is probably very low. Older members of this board such as @xmontrealer would be able to confirm that many prostitutes active in the 1970's and earlier routinely provided BBFS, and they would usually squeeze the guy's dick before the act, to see if there was any discharge, (a sign of gonorrhea). AIDS changed all of that. There are probably many women currently aged 60 or less who have NEVER had vaginal sex with a man who was not wearing a condom. I believe that that factor in many ways contributes to their anger, which makes men that much less likely to want to 'know them Apache style'.

Political Correctness Is...

How bitter women use sex as a weapon against men who don't want to fuck them.

5898c23a1900003b75e0a4a0.jpeg
 
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One of the principles of Feminism is that every woman should have the right to prevent a man from having sex.

Clearly this is happening in many marriages, based on the replies in this thread. In some cases, the male submits without resistance. In other cases, he rebels.

In my partially written screenplay which I can't get anyone to read, there's a scene where a cop is being given a test on the witness stand, to determine whether or not he possesses 'the equivalent of a grade 12 education'.

One of the questions is:

Bull is to steer as man is to ___________ ?

The correct answer is eunuch, but in the script, 'Jack, who asked the question, says "I would also have accepted 'Happily Married Man' or 'Family Man'.

The term 'animal husbandry' is used frequently in farming, with reference to farm animals. I worked on a dairy farm as a summer job in 1976/77. As with almost every dairy farm, there are multiple female cows, (heifers), but only one bull. The heifers' job is to produce milk. An heifer produces milk after giving birth to a calf, and continues to do so for approximately two years afterward, provided that the milk is removed from its body twice daily. The bull's only purpose is for procreation. Where I worked, he was always in his stall, standing, with a secure collar around his neck. I think the bull slept while standing. The only time the bull was released from his stall was when one of the heifers was scheduled for breeding. Each heifer was on a different schedule. If the barn had 48 heifers, two would be bred each month.

Cow sex lasts for about five seconds, and a lot of the bull's semen ends up on the barn floor. There's no foreplay.

The farm has no need for more than one bull. A good bull is expensive to buy, in the same way that a pedigreed dog is much more expensive to buy than one of a litter of mutts sold from a cardboard box on a street corner, or any thoroughbred race horse sired or foaled by a champion.

When the heifer is due to give birth, the farmer will usually keep her in the barn, rather than grazing with the other heifers. He doesn't want her to give birth in the field, because she might try to hide the calf, or it may be difficult to capture the calf and bring it back to the barn.

After the heifer gives birth, the calf is immediately separated from her, to avoid bonding between them. Cows are so stupid that within a couple of days, they have probably forgotten that they had given birth.

The newborn calf is kept in a separate pen, and where I worked, it was fed milk from a bucket for a few days, until a truck arrived to take it away.

If the newborn calf was female, I'm presuming that it might be raised until it reached sexual maturity, then sold as a heifer to some farmer. If the newborn calf was male. he would be butchered for veal. The male calf's only reason to exist was so that the heifer would produce milk. He would not be considered worthy for 'bull status', because he would have genes deemed inferior for reproduction. He's not from beef cattle stock, so there would be no reason to prolong his life while he grew and gained weight. Veal is delicious in my opinion, and that opinion is shared by many. Some people morally object to eating veal, because it comes from 'baby cows'. Those same people don't realize that the milk, butter and cheese that they eat could not be produced without the veal calves.

Yes, there is a point to all of this. There are feminists who 'feel' that animal husbandry techniques should be applied to humans. Their opinion is that only 'breeding males' should be having sex, and they should only be having sex when attempting to breed. Look on YouTube, and you can find videos of feminist women espousing this philosophy.

A similar situation exists with many older feminists who do not have a man in their life from whom they can ration or deny sex. What often happens is that they become 'crazy cat ladies' - they have multiple male cats living in their home, all of which have been neutered, and the euphemistic term they use is 'fixed'.

Un-neutered male cats will not peacefully share an enclosed space with each other. They will fight for food, and use urine to mark territory. These natural traits of the species are suppressed when the testicles are removed, and the house cats become relatively docile 'living stuffed animals'.

For the crazy cat lady, tending to the needs of her cats is a form of surrogate motherhood. A have an older sister who is a crazy cat lady, so I have been able to observe the behavior patterns first hand. The changes in behavior between an intact and a gelded male cat prompt many feminists and their sympathizers to believe that if a similar practice was applied to men, the world would be a better place - for them at least.

A problem exists for feminist women who have similarly been deemed 'unfit for reproductive purposes' by most men. This would include many women who are not facially attractive to a man, women with unappealing body shapes, most older women who are past their 'best before' date, and all women whom men believe do not possess genes that a man would want to pass on to offspring for which he planned to invest time, money and effort to raise them to maturity. Invariably, the majority of women who fit that profile do one of the following things:

Either they 'settle' for less than they wanted to 'own a man of their own', or they become lesbians or feminists, or sometimes both.

When a man ejaculates within a woman during vaginal sex, there are chemicals released which affect the dopamine centers of a woman's brain, leading to a euphoric feeling not dissimilar from that felt by ingesting narcotic drugs or eating chocolate. This is part of the reason why many women who are getting little to no sex are fat. They use different stimuli to receive the same 'high'.

There was one major change during the past 40-45 years which has swelled the number of women within that group: HIV.

Prior to the early 1980's, casual sex without condoms was the norm, and the percentage of Baby Boomers born before 1960 or so who have never had any STI is probably very low. Older members of this board such as @xmontrealer would be able to confirm that many prostitutes active in the 1970's and earlier routinely provided BBFS, and they would usually squeeze the guy's dick before the act, to see if there was any discharge, (a sign of gonorrhea). AIDS changed all of that. There are probably many women currently aged 60 or less who have NEVER had vaginal sex with a man who was not wearing a condom. I believe that that factor in many ways contributes to their anger, which makes men that much less likely to want to 'know them Apache style'.

Political Correctness Is...

How bitter women use sex as a weapon against men who don't want to fuck them.

View attachment 661176
I wonder why no one wants to read it.
 
True. I don't blame my ex-wife only. I know we both contributed to the sexless situation. But very early on, even before the children, it was clear that our sex drives were totally mismatched. Maybe it was the excessive porn or strip clubs as a young man that warped my mind.
I don’t blame any of my ex either. My first wife was simply young and stuck at home.
I came back as a different person.
Not her fault.
 
I wonder why no one wants to read it.

Some people have attention spans of sufficient duration to read longer posts. The fact that you are not one of them does not make you qualified to speak on their behalf.

If you were trying to be funny, don't give up your day job.
 
Some people have attention spans of sufficient duration to read longer posts. The fact that you are not one of them does not make you qualified to speak on their behalf.

If you were trying to be funny, don't give up your day job.
I wasn’t trying to be funny. My attention span is not the issue.

I was referring to your partially written script. You seem to assume people avoid reading it because of its length. I don’t believe that’s the reason.

People will read long material when it contains clear and coherent ideas.

The problem isn’t the length. It’s the content.
 
When it comes to sex between a wife and a husband sleeping in
the same bed it doesn't always take two to tango. So long as
she won't kick you off the bed you can still engage in certain
sexual activities while she is asleep. Next time when you get
that urge in the middle of the night try raise her legs and rim her
under the sheet. She might love it.
 
" There are probably many women currently aged 60 or less who have NEVER had vaginal sex with a man who was not wearing a condom. "

STIs are on the rise in Canada...

Canadian STI statistics are not usually itemized by age groups and sexual orientation in news items with clickbait headlines.

A while back, there was a brief epidemic of monkey pox. The vast majority of those infected were... you guessed it, 'men who have sex with men'.

STI rates are rising in Canada, for different reasons:

HIV is not the 'death sentence it was in the 1980's and early 1990's. The risk is still a ' crap shoot ', (pun intended), but recently developed antiviral drugs have reduced the risk considerably, similar now to playing high stakes poker for match sticks instead of with real money.

Most likely the rise in STI's is among younger people, (in Victorian England, the euphemism used for venereal disease was ' youthful errors ' ). The percentage of men under the age of 30 who only have sex with members of the opposite sex is considerably lower now than in the recent past, and the definition of what qualifies as a member of the opposite sex is now more 'fluid' than in the recent past, and all times before that. A lot more young people are engaging in anal sex nowadays, as a percentage of total sexual acts committed.

I highly doubt that there has been any statistically significant rise in STI's among Canadian feminists currently aged 35 or more.
 
I wasn’t trying to be funny. My attention span is not the issue.

I was referring to your partially written script. You seem to assume people avoid reading it because of its length. I don’t believe that’s the reason.

People will read long material when it contains clear and coherent ideas.

The problem isn’t the length. It’s the content.

The excerpt from my screenplay was two lines in post #56, with three additional short lines explaining the context of the quote. The farm stuff was additional text about the topic of this thread.

I won't be reading any more of your posts, but because you didn't troll me, I also won't be making an example of you as entertainment for the popcorn readers. I'll be Ignoring you from now on.
 
In my second marriage, our sex life was phenomenal for the first 11 to 13 years, until she became ill. Sex and chemo isn’t a great mix.

One important caveat: I didn’t have children in either marriage.
Looking at my friends’ marriages, many seem to struggle when their children are young. Things often improve once the youngest reaches around eight years old and both parents can focus more on each other again.

I think we men sometimes need to take a hard look at ourselves and ask whether we’re part of the problem. Maybe we’re communicating poorly, failing to understand our partner, or our priorities have changed. Maybe we have changed maybe we haven’t.

I highly doubt a sexless relationship is solely the woman’s fault. More often than not, both people played a role in getting there.
Damn man, good wisdom here and I relate. Hope you're doing better especially with your second marriage because long-term disability of your partner is a real kick in the ass.
 
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