Anyone in a successful long distance relationship?

bggolfingmaniac · Wednesday at 12:56 PM

Long story short, woman bumbled me in early August. We went out several times, amazing everything. She confessed 3 weeks in that she was only in Toronto for the summer, and that she and her kids live in Malta. She offered me every chance to get out but I am just smitten and she is too.

So has anyone ever successfully navigated a long distance relationship before? We are on WhatsApp a ton which certainly helps, and I am traveling to Malta for a week around Thanksgiving, but thats about all I can do vacation wise. I want this to work, the woman just gets me.

Climberx · Wednesday at 1:08 PM

Have tried it but only lasted about 6 months. It feels like a full time job at times. Have to be careful with how long you are physically apart for. Can't be away for periods sooo far in between. Maybe it is easier since she has children so has them to keep her busy. Sometimes what people say on Whatsapp and what they do in person are different, so manage expectations accordingly (even given the fact you have already met in person - you've only known her for a few weeks). Be extra weary of red flags while you guys are apart. Woman usually don't hide their red flags from men so pay attention. If you encounter what you consider a non-negotiable red flag, break it off immediately. Do not think you can change the person. The other person being long distance takes a special type of commitment and the additional expenses of travelling relatively frequently, etc.

greensquare · Wednesday at 2:04 PM

Climberx said:
Have tried it but only lasted about 6 months. It feels like a full time job at times. Have to be careful with how long you are physically apart for. Can't be away for periods sooo far in between. Maybe it is easier since she has children so has them to keep her busy. Sometimes what people say on Whatsapp and what they do in person are different, so manage expectations accordingly (even given the fact you have already met in person - you've only known her for a few weeks). Be extra weary of red flags while you guys are apart. Woman usually don't hide their red flags from men so pay attention. If you encounter what you consider a non-negotiable red flag, break it off immediately. Do not think you can change the person. The other person being long distance takes a special type of commitment and the additional expenses of travelling relatively frequently, etc.

What I highlighted in bold are very important.

Since you chat often slide in convos about important things like if you'd want kids together, if her political or religious views bother you, her thoughts on Covid and vaccines (many people broke up due to this) and of course with the current headlines def ask her about the Lindsay Clancy case too; no joke!!

Daveboy · Wednesday at 2:12 PM

This sounds like the beginning of a romance scam.

bggolfingmaniac · Wednesday at 2:18 PM

Daveboy said:
This sounds like the beginning of a romance scam.

Far from it here. We are Linkedin and on FB together - her work has her publicly out there. (speeches. for example) She knows she was disengenuous.

She is returning to Canada (she's originally from here) when her daughter goes to uni somewhere here so I'd need it to work long-distance wise for maybe 18 months.

Mrboobs · Wednesday at 2:39 PM

Get out, this won't work.

bggolfingmaniac · Wednesday at 2:48 PM

greensquare said:
What I highlighted in bold are very important.

Since you chat often slide in convos about important things like if you'd want kids together, if her political or religious views bother you, her thoughts on Covid and vaccines (many people broke up due to this) and of course with the current headlines def ask her about the Lindsay Clancy case too; no joke!!

We are likeminded on most major political and social issues, which helps.

LTO_3 · Wednesday at 3:33 PM

It MIGHT work but the odds are against you.

LTO_3

xix · Wednesday at 4:04 PM

It looks or sounds like she is searching for someone to host her daughter while at the University.

I run for the mountains. And not look back..

greensquare · Wednesday at 4:13 PM

Long as she's paying half the rent or mortgage and helping with food. Don't give anyone a free ride.

heres223 · Wednesday at 4:20 PM

Is she hiding her partner from you? The way I see it, she probably flew to Toronto to escape her life back at home for a bit and was also looking for a short-term fling

Maybe I'm too paranoid, though. Most fellas I know who went long distance didn't work out

bggolfingmaniac · Wednesday at 5:52 PM

Climberx said:
Have tried it but only lasted about 6 months. It feels like a full time job at times. Have to be careful with how long you are physically apart for. Can't be away for periods sooo far in between. Maybe it is easier since she has children so has them to keep her busy. Sometimes what people say on Whatsapp and what they do in person are different, so manage expectations accordingly (even given the fact you have already met in person - you've only known her for a few weeks). Be extra weary of red flags while you guys are apart. Woman usually don't hide their red flags from men so pay attention. If you encounter what you consider a non-negotiable red flag, break it off immediately. Do not think you can change the person. The other person being long distance takes a special type of commitment and the additional expenses of travelling relatively frequently, etc.

Thanks for the response - my gut is telling me to go for this one. After getting divorced and dating a ton (civvie, not SPs, I'm done with that) the last two years, I think I found what I want.

bggolfingmaniac · Wednesday at 6:35 PM

LTO_3 said:
It MIGHT work but the odds are against you.

LTO_3

We both understand that and she has told me that I am free to go get laid if I need it - her Euro ways, the divine sex and the intelligence of her liberalism are all huge turn ons. We are refreshingly honest with each other on every key subject and are taking it day by day. It's just rare for my brain and heart to be on the same page...

SinnamonFairbanks · Wednesday at 6:44 PM

It's really hard to find the person that you want.
I go on dating sites but no one compares to the person that i'm in a long distance thing with.

He was in a long distance relationship for 7 years and ended up marrying that person.

I have been in a long distance relationship for about 8 months but we dated for several years before that. Things changed and I needed to move away. We will be in a long distance thing for a couple of years.

If you found the person that's right for you. No one else will be able to fill their spot.

It's easy to cast aside people that are... I don't know not great. But when you finally find the person that means everything and checks all the boxes, you don't let that person go.

I will either be in a long distance relationship with this person or I will be with no one because no one else is as good.

No one else "does it" for me.

I have more fulfilling sex over the phone with him than I do with anyone in person. Sex with this person is mind blowing and even over the phone they make my brain tingle... And my pussy.

They are not worth losing, and they could never be replaced.

It can work and it has worked. You just have to put the effort in and it can be hard.

It depends on what people's priorities are, and it helps if there's an end goal.

You are saying that in less than two years, you can move in together or be closer to each other. That's a pretty solid end goal.

bggolfingmaniac said:
Thanks for the response - my gut is telling me to go for this one. After getting divorced and dating a ton (civvie, not SPs, I'm done with that) the last two years, I think I found what I want.

bggolfingmaniac · Wednesday at 7:29 PM

SinnamonFairbanks said:
It's really hard to find the person that you want.
I go on dating sites but no one compares to the person that i'm in a long distance thing with.

He was in a long distance relationship for 7 years and ended up marrying that person.

I have been in a long distance relationship for about 8 months but we dated for several years before that. Things changed and I needed to move away. We will be in a long distance thing for a couple of years.

If you found the person that's right for you. No one else will be able to fill their spot.

It's easy to cast aside people that are... I don't know not great. But when you finally find the person that means everything and checks all the boxes, you don't let that person go.

I will either be in a long distance relationship with this person or I will be with no one because no one else is as good.

No one else "does it" for me.

I have more fulfilling sex over the phone with him than I do with anyone in person. Sex with this person is mind blowing and even over the phone they make my brain tingle... And my pussy.

They are not worth losing, and they could never be replaced.

It can work and it has worked. You just have to put the effort in and it can be hard.

It depends on what people's priorities are, and it helps if there's an end goal.

You are saying that in less than two years, you can move in together or be closer to each other. That's a pretty solid end goal.

Thanks for sharing - I am just not used to my entire body and mind being on the same page on a woman. I realize how jaded a place like this can be, so some of the responses didn't shock me.

greensquare · Wednesday at 7:33 PM

Generally near a 2 year period if still doing long distance then somethings gotta give. Either one of you makes the move to live closer or one person eventually finds someone closer. Or one person can give into temptation and sleep around while not telling the other out of fear of losing them. Then that same person could develop feelings for the person nearby and eventually let you know since they've been hiding it. That's the chance with anything long distance. It may or may not work. Best of luck.

Valcazar · Wednesday at 8:28 PM

Just about three years, got engaged, didn't work out in the end.
Long distance was certainly part of all that, but I wouldn't put the blame on it in the end.

SinnamonFairbanks · Wednesday at 8:37 PM

If it feels right go for it. If someone lights that spark inside you, and it all makes sense. It's worth trying to make it work.

I honestly didn't understand dating, sex or marriage until I met one person.

I thought I HAD to be gay.

I am not gay. I just was meeting all of the wrong people.

bggolfingmaniac said:
Thanks for sharing - I am just not used to my entire body and mind being on the same page on a woman. I realize how jaded a place like this can be, so some of the responses didn't shock me.

itd131 · Wednesday at 9:38 PM

The only time I have seen this work is if there is a clear end date. For example, one person will be out of the country for a year, then returning. As an ongoing thing, don't bother lying to yourself, it's not going to work. If you really want it to work, one of you has to move. If neither of you is willing to do that, you don't want it badly enough. If she is planning to stay here when she comes back with her daughter, then maybe.

greensquare · Thursday at 1:17 PM

The above post makes good remarks.

Also as another user said between online (texting/chatting) there's a huge difference once in person. Not in person you say things including at times sexually that won't happen in person. In person daily interaction with someone brings red flags (yours and hers if any) into play. It's why some people when meeting in person only works out for so long then they end it compared to how they were online.

Anyone in a successful long distance relationship?

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