There is nothing that comes close to an intimate relationship with a woman based on trust and common purpose/interests.
By “intimate relationship”, I assume that you mean a
sexual relationship. (I do understand that you think that the intimacy should extend
beyond the physical.) That’s your subjective opinion. I have sublime memories of intimate unpaid sexual relationships with certain women. But I also greatly enjoy being in the company of my non-sexual female friends. And, for that matter, I also enjoy the intimate sexual relationship that I have with the sex worker who I see regularly these days. And we do have interests in common.
"You are virtually guaranteeing yourself a life of loneliness and isolation if you choose hookers as your only interaction with women."
That’s a straw-man argument. I doubt that
any of the guys on here who are arguing against marriage (or marriage-like relationships) are advocating that “hookers” should be anyone’s
ONLY method of interacting with women. I treasure my friendships with a wide variety of women. Some of them I’m very close with, including ex-girlfriends.
Then there’s your point that those of us who don’t marry are “virtually guaranteeing” ourselves “a life of loneliness and isolation”. Like you, I too am an older guy, but, although I never married, I am
not at all living a life of loneliness and isolation. I have a very full and very fun social life with lots of friends and family.
Is it possible that a period of physical decline is coming when I will be more isolated and am less able to have the same sort of active social life that I do now? Perhaps. (But not necessarily: my father was active and able-bodied almost to the end — he died quite suddenly.) The thing is, there are no guarantees in this life. Just because a man marries an amazing woman, that doesn’t mean he’s guaranteed to have her by his side until he dies. Often she dies first and then, if he’s lost his ability to get around, he’s potentially as lonely and isolated as anyone.
I knew a guy who married a really terrific, loving woman. When he got old, his medical problems became overwhelming for her — she was unable to care for him at home. She felt that she had no choice but to put him in a nursing home, where he felt miserable, alone, and isolated, even though she visited him every day.
So are unmarried guys definitely destined to be alone and isolated in old age? No, not necessarily. And are married guys definitely destined to
not be alone and isolated in old age? No, not necessarily. This is a poor argument for marriage.
"Go look at stats of men who are alone in their later years versus men who have partners. It's not pretty for men who are alone."
Aging isn’t pretty for anyone, married or not. Feel free to toss me some stats if you think it will help your argument, but statistics are not life. I can point to real stories of men who married and ended up miserable regardless.
"Paid sex ... promise(s) frictionless access to pussy. Great, what then? What happens after you scratch that itch for a year or two? You become transactional, critical, and stop being open to reciprocal relationship."
Speak for yourself Yeahyeahyeah. If you became “transactional, critical,” and not open to “reciprocal relationship(s)” as a result of paying for sex for two (or more) years, that’s unfortunate, but it should
not lead you to think that
every man who pays for sex is like you. I can’t say for sure how my friends and family view me, but they generally seem to enjoy my company and never (as far as I know) use words like
transactional, critical, or
not reciprocal in relation to me. Not even the escort who I’ve been paying regularly for over a decade does. We’ve been seeing each other for long enough that, if she has a complaint about me, she does
NOT hesitate to voice it in an angry tone. None of her complaints are about me being too transactional, or criticizing her too much, or not being reciprocal enough.
"Hookers (are) changed by the transaction of paid sex (and) men are also changed–and neither for the better."
Obviously you mean that we’re being changed for the worse. Evidence?
I’ve mentioned the escort who I’ve been seeing for over a decade. I didn’t know her before she was an escort, but I was one of her first clients, so if she was, over the years, corrupted by the profession, I should have noticed. She’s as wonderful now as she was then — a considerate, conscientious, honest, and sensitive person. She’s not the same person that she was back then — we all change — but she’s
not a worse person. She’s as lovable as ever.
I would be surprised if any of my friends or family think that
I’m worse as a person. I mentioned that I’m older. Friends start dying. As a result — at least for me — one becomes
more grateful for the people in one’s life who are still left, and one becomes more willing to
express that gratitude. I had lunch a few days ago with one of my closest and oldest friends and lets just say that we were expressing that gratitude to each other. Far from saying that I’ve become a worse person in the time that I’ve known him, the gist of his words was the opposite.
By the way, Yeahyeahyeah — that’s a great name.
Yeah, I am not married, and it will be silly to argue about marriage in a forum dedicated to having sex with escorts. I will say there is way too much skepticism towards any kind of relationship these days, and that people should be more open.
