In comparison - my wife is great on many fronts….but we have sex about once or twice a year for the last decade. I have a pretty good sex life - just not with my wife.
Indulge in Toronto, continue to work on marriage or both?
- Thread starter Newjackoff24
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Another thing I can say from experience, because I have also tried the online "outlet": this is NOT, by ANY means, a "lesser form" of actually being there in 3D! After my first appointment with a provider, I have NEVER logged on to any cam site again (and really wish that I would have done more 3D sessions with that money)! This is exactly why I asked if you have actually done any of the 3D things you were thinking about - these are completely different things in my experience!
I can only repeat what I suggested: the bottom layer of the needs pyramid is not "bad", nor the top layer "good", and in my experience taking care of the bottom layer actually provides a better foundation for the top one. The specific details of course are up to you!
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Very thoughtful response, thank you. You are right about the "if this, that". It's probably not the healthiest thing. But it's where I'm at. Maybe I need to take stock of everything we have done over last two years, it's pretty significant for a church ministry leader to be doing to stuff we have done together. I even hired a good looking male masseuse to massage her in our luxury hotel room at midnight. She was like putty in his hands (wasn't sexual by she moaned as he ran his hands over her back and legs) and I told her after he left that I was sexually aroused watching him. I had NEVER said anything like that to her before. Then we had loud sex and now we use massage as part of our lovemaking still even two years later. I mean, we have never told anyone at church that. But this stranger had an impact on us. That was probably one of the more wild and risky things I've done. I have to give her credit.
I haven't spoken directly about the 25 year anniversary trip but it did come up, and she felt awkward about it. She was telling a friend and it came up about me being in States and her galavanting overseas and her friend looked at me and her and was like "really? wow," and my wife got a little embarrassed.
However, I have told her how I was hurt by her prioritizing other things and people over me. For example, we had a very major life decision to make about 2 years ago and I gave her my thoughtful plan xyz and she basically disregarded it. I didn't make an issue out of it but it didn't thrill me, that's for sure. Then months later after she was talking with 10-15 min with our pastor (a different one) he literally told her the same thing and she comes home and says "ya maybe we should do xyz." I guess I regard that as a form of cheating. It's hard to explain. Like she's fucking another guys leadership. I think I actually told her I would rather she fuck a guy then follow another guys leadership or advice. Something like that.
Not to split hairs but my idea of "if this happens then I'm going to do this" is sex clubs (voyeur and masturbating) and a spa (topless babe and I tell her my fantasies, and I jack off to her). I know it's a form of cheating still but I really don't want to have penetrative sex with another woman. No interest. I don't want to feel another woman's pussy. I just like the sexual excitement, confession, watching and being watched. I have told that to my wife. She knows I like to masturbate for her sometimes.
More data for you. This business trip I'm going on, the one where I can divert to Toronto...I literally invited her to come with me. I could do the conference during the day and at night we can tool around, see some sights ... and have some making love time. It's a popular city. But she's like "nah...". We have taken trips together in last two years. All planned by me of course. Vegas. Ski trip. Glamping. And about 4 or 5 one night trips in last year. I take her antiquing and shopping, restaurant. She likes that. I do too. And at night we do raunchy fantasy stuff. I like that! So she likes to go places with me. But I just feel like here is an opportunity, you literally don't want to go and what the fuck? I know that alone isn't an excuse to retaliate.
In last three months I wrote and read to her a -true- story about how I was on a business trip years ago and was literally tempted to go to a sex club of sorts. Instead I went to a sex store and jacked off to porn to a woman that reminded me of my wife. I also called my wife on the phone while I was secretly masturbating just to hear her voice. ( After the story we had sex). But like hint hint, I'm going on a business trip again, maybe you come with me.
And yes, I know. My wife should have trust in me not to do this stuff when I'm alone. And she does trust me to be alone. At the end of the day, her not going on this upcoming trip doesn't bother me provided we are still on the same wavelength sexually. I wouldn't mind doing some phone sex with her one of those nights. That would be fun. Maybe that's a way to use the time to connect.
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I agree with this
I have had clients hire me as a third play partner with their significant other since it’s completely no strings attached!Give it antoher shot and maybe she will be likely to explore in the future
On the side note this is a very great thread it was an interesting read.
Thanks, lovely lady.I agree with this
Give it antoher shot and maybe she will be likely to explore in the future
On the side note this is a very great thread it was an interesting read.
I can only imagine what it would be like to have a third party. I'm hoping my wife enjoys the explicit story I'll be reading to her this week about how another man (from her home country) sexually gratifies her repeatedly in our bedroom. We did role play this about 2 months ago in our hotel. I pretended to be a college flame, a friend she knew growing up in another country and he's also a fully trained masseuse who reconnects with her, and her husband (me) knows it's going down and actually hired Him as a masseuse while I was away on business. I actually learned some phrases in her native language and she was laughing, very surprised we were conversing like that.
So, as my wife and I have literally role played an infidelity type fantasy, it's now only a reasonable step to then write an erotic story about what we role played and embellish it some more. And I --think-- she is seeing it that way too.
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I guess I have had a 3D session once. I had a strip club experience some years back when I was particularly frustrated with the marriage. Stripper gave me a lap dance and rubbed her bare breasts all over me. I told her I was going to cum and she just smiled and kept at it. I ejaculated in my pants and I will say it felt pretty delicious. I haven't been back as since then my wife and I started to make strides on sex and intimacy.
My friend, one of the most highly rated providers in the GTA said that she has been with couples to enrich their sexual experiences. Ahri has been a HUGE "fantasy" for me for a long while, the very unfortunate thing is that my booking window is very narrow and never aligns well with her hours (yet!), so I very much hope that you will "graduate" from erotic stories and beat me to booking with her!
Best wishes again.
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I really love that idea; that a sex worker could be a fun little treat the sexually frustrated married couples could enjoy together.I agree with this
Give it antoher shot and maybe she will be likely to explore in the future
On the side note this is a very great thread it was an interesting read.
If it's not TMI, I come to this industry from the world of polyamory, and group sex, swinging, and guest stars in the bedroom can be a really fun and wholesome way to switch things to and indulge in sexual novelty. Sex as social behaviour is a really fruitful way to think about it, and can be something fun to share with your friends, I'm addition to your committed long-term partner.
For what it's worth, swinger culture dates back to the days of World War 2 where GIs were trying to strengthen friendships into familial bonds, in the hopes of creating a larger family structure to take better care of any children left behind by any soldier killed in action.
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You are over thinking this. Just visit qqsquare, save your marriage and call it a day. https://qq.qqsquare.ca/
I agree, I wouldn't care less if my wife went on a trip on our anniversary, wouldn't have to worry about planning anything big or make up to her for not doing something special enough, etc
I wish you all the best and hopefully you and your wife find happiness. This is a tough situation you're in, and I don't envy you.
I've usually branched out (cam to cam and strip club) when I've been frustrated with her. Moving forward, if I do this, I would rather just enjoy the extracurricular playtime minus the feelings of irritation. There are times she seems very free spirited about sex and other times it's like her memory was wiped, and that drives me nuts. What's the point of progress if she acts like it's the first time I'm bringing up the thing we did or talked about? But either way, it's not worth it. I don't want to live feeling disgruntled. I don't hide it well so it's not benefiting anyone.
If I do the extracurricular playtime, I'm just going to resolve to also enjoy the challenge of trying to see how far we as a couple can branch out with erotica and fantasy, etc. even if we have to take a step forward and one back from time to time.
I was looking at Club Dynasty and Flirt (and M4 sex club) but I'll take a look.
I would definitely recommend an evening at M4 with your wife. Find a night where it's couples only, and then you can meet and chat with other people. There's no pressure to fuck them, it to even have sex with each other in front of other prurient prying eyes (although sometimes it's fun to know that's an option!) Everyone there will respect your boundaries and relationship, and you might get some fun new ideas you can bring home. You might also make some cool new friends that you might get cuddly with in the future (as always, no pressure!).
It's been my experience that sometimes sex drive isn't an inscrutable mystery, and if they're not feeling turned on and connected, there's usually a concrete reason. It doesn't even have to be anyone's fault, necessarily! Sometimes it's "someone at work implied I was old and I've been feeling like an undesirable schlubb ever since," or "this room is just a little too cool to be comfortable, and I can't lose myself in pleasure" or "I'm not looking forward to earning that huge pile of dishes". The more you connect with your wife on a personal and emotional level, the more you'll be able to connect sexually.
Do Both. However I suspect you will find that the sex vacation that's in your mind is not what happens in reality. Having said that you are out of practice and need some.
She's very religious. Very. The fact that we have done role play, she's jerked me off to pics of Sunny Leoni (my word that was fun!) and is receptive to me writing a story where another guy is literally fucking her is significant...but I have to be careful not to overstep. But yes, I would love to hire an escort...to fuck her. I know my dick would be stiff watching her get a good pounding and cum shot by a handsome stud.
I actually told her about 3 months ago that I made some AI pics of her getting fucked but she was concerned about online privacy (even though it was on my computer). Point is, I'm trying to cross that mental barrier and she's giving good signals. Right now I'll have to be satisfied writing about it and seeing if I can get her sexually aroused while reading it to her. I plan to have my hand down her panties while I read it so....good chance she's receptive!
We were supposed to do this story tonight but got derailed talking about kids. She's all upset about something so I'm going to delay it until tomorrow night so she's focused. Wasted a Viagra, dang it, ha.
In my opinion her VERY religious following (especially being Catholic) will make it very difficult for her to be acting out some of the fantasies that you describe. The fact you have open communication on your sexual fantasies and share them with her is a huge step. Her willingness to listen and not judge you speaks volumes.
You are correct, I mean 20 years ago I confessed my porn habit to her and there were lots of tears from her and prayers.
I then did it again 2 years ago (only unapologetically and more of an invite and challenge to our restrictive way of thinking) and that led us to a vacation months later and her laughing and giggling as she saw me spurting cum over pics of topless porn stars. We had a great vacation. Granted, since that time she has cooled towards me using nude pics (we have done more lingerie themed ladies and sexy videos) but day to day there is zero judgment from her. We sit in church and pray together at home and do devotions and none of this comes up as a problem. Nor should it. Her only concern that I not go back to jacking off to porn stars alone by myself and I'm happy to comply with those guidelines. And then we have done some role play in addition to me writing erotic stories.
The problem that I see with me going for the Toronto experience is that I essentially prove any of her underlying religious fears (assuming she has them) as correct. In other words: Here I am the last two years building the case for our journey into erotica and fantasy as harmless and also actually healthy... but then it also leads me to getting off to pretty ladies at Club Dynasty and going to a sex club? I don't think I can do two things at once.
If she did a 180, I think all bets are off and I buy a burner phone, download life 360, start researching best spas, and wait for the next business trip.
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Sex as social behavior, sex as fun and affection (without the need for it being defined as romantic) is something this culture has lots of trouble with.
(As anyone who has ever had any discussion about ethical non-monogamy can tell you.)
That's the legend swingers share, anyway.
(Probably later than WWII, but the military origins of "swinger" culture do seem pretty solid.)
