How do you personally handle the lack of genuine mutual attraction / the transactional nature of hobbying?

rhuarc29 said:

I don't have any problem with this at all, actually. I've never had a difficult time making the distinction between civvie relationships where a bond forms from mutual attraction and hobby "relationships" where it's a transactional bond. I go into each appointment knowing this is her job. Do some ladies grow to be attracted to you? Sure. But even in the vast majority of THOSE cases, that attraction would not stand the test of removing your wallet. In my almost decade and a half of hobbying, only in two instances did my bond with a lady pass that test. And I'm perfectly fine with that. Because I don't hobby for emotional validation.

I think, unfortunately, too many engage in the hobby because they're missing that emotional validation in their normal life. So they have this need for it to be "real" and get depressed whenever they get the inevitable reality check. It is dangerous to engage in the hobby if emotional validation is what you get from it.

Just accept that this hobby is transactional, and yet there are still genuine moment-to-moment experiences that can be had. Value that for what it is, and don't expect more from it than is available.

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well said, mate. It is what it is. Weigh the pros-and-cons of it and if it serves you, good; if it doesn't, find what you're looking for elsewhere. I'm delighted for those ladies who, for a reasonable price, sustain the illusion and the fantasy for a few hours. Recently I've been in touch with one regular I saw several times before she left the business. It's a delicate friendship, but a precious one. And I knew at the time she was capable of a more personal connection. That's why I kept returning and why, respecting her boundaries, I've enjoyed chatting with her for a few years now. Ladies like her are rare. After 10 yrs I'm still learning but the lessons are often delicious.

pistachio6969 said:

... The enthusiasm is all part of the service I'm paying for, not because she wants me there.
...

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Yeah, that's why you are paying for it, you're paying for good service, good fuck and that's where it stops. If you're looking for a connection, you're looking in the wrong place. There is obviously a human element to all of this but I wouldn't expect "connections". Positive attitude, getting along, the whole thing not being awkward, good vibes, good chat, yes, connection no.

For me the transactional nature of the relationship is the best part. Where else can I get to fuck a beautiful girl and then leave, without worrying about "should I call, should I wait for her to call, is she the right one?". No! If she's beautiful and delivered on the promises, I'm very happy....no different than a service I can get from a waitress at a high end restaurant. She makes the whole experience better, and I don't have to worry about a relationship once I'm done with the meal.

LTO_3 said:

Welcome to the hobby. Sadly that's the reality of what happens. You can try to avoid it - avoid LL and similar sites where it's the most common - but even with respected & well reviewed agency SPs and indies it can happen. It's happened to me (and all of us) a few times.

LTO_3

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i don't think any one advertising site caters specifically to robotic service providers, or those providers who'll treat you like their boyfriend. They are all a roll of the dice. Just research well and have clear communication, the rest is up to nature.

LTO_3 said:

Welcome to the hobby. Sadly that's the reality of what happens. You can try to avoid it - avoid LL and similar sites where it's the most common - but even with respected & well reviewed agency SPs and indies it can happen. It's happened to me (and all of us) a few times.

LTO_3

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It has nothing to do with LL lol none of these ladies actually ‘want’ us. I’m sure they can appreciate some of us but to actually say where you find the lady to contact her is nonsense. If they are good at what they do then it’s not obvious and we can even feel desired but at the end if they day they are seeing us because we pay them to. All of them.

pistachio6969 said:

Just to clarify what I mean, I'm not talking about providers who are cold, rushed, or make it blatantly obvious it's just business. I've had enjoyable experiences where the provider was warm, engaged, and made everything feel great in the moment.

But even in those perfect sessions, there's still this nagging awareness that none of it is rooted in genuine attraction or desire for me specifically. I know if the money wasn't there, she'd have zero interest in spending that time with me or seeing me again outside of paid appointments.

So the question isn't really about quality of service, it's more about how or if other guys reconcile that fundamental one-sidedness and still fully enjoy it without it eating at them.

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I think you simply have to come to the realization that you’re paying for a fantasy, nothing more. If it still eats at you, do your best to make the session as comfortable for the lady as possible. I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think… ladies will usually focus on a redeeming aspect of their clientele, so don’t read too much into it. Just enjoy the moment!

I don’t know if I’ve ever had a session where I didn’t feel like the other person was attracted to me. Whether that was the case or not, I’ll never know and would not want to interrogate it too much (though physiological signs are hard to ignore).

This is clearly related to how much emphasis is placed on the transactional nature of the interactions.

I do not enter an appointment thinking about the money. That part is over and done with at the point where I decide to make the booking.

This allows me to focus on connecting. I also tend to focus on providing mutual pleasure. I don’t just want to stick my dick in someone and pound away until I’m done, then go shower. Mutual stimulation, mutual orgasm, mutual comfort are all paramount.

Conversation, etiquette and manners, emotional honesty and presence, and cleanliness are all going to help with a mutual connection.

I’m not the most attractive man, and there’s definitely areas where I fall short, but the mutual attraction has always been there — I actually find my lack of attraction towards a provider has been the biggest hurdle, as it’s more likely to affect my behaviour in the above (not that I become an asshole, but I’m not as emotionally open or present in those cases).

Tptestuser said:

I don’t know if I’ve ever had a session where I didn’t feel like the other person was attracted to me. Whether that was the case or not, I’ll never know and would not want to interrogate it too much (though physiological signs are hard to ignore).

This is clearly related to how much emphasis is placed on the transactional nature of the interactions.

I do not enter an appointment thinking about the money. That part is over and done with at the point where I decide to make the booking.

This allows me to focus on connecting. I also tend to focus on providing mutual pleasure. I don’t just want to stick my dick in someone and pound away until I’m done, then go shower. Mutual stimulation, mutual orgasm, mutual comfort are all paramount.

Conversation, etiquette and manners, emotional honesty and presence, and cleanliness are all going to help with a mutual connection.

I’m not the most attractive man, and there’s definitely areas where I fall short, but the mutual attraction has always been there — I actually find my lack of attraction towards a provider has been the biggest hurdle, as it’s more likely to affect my behaviour in the above (not that I become an asshole, but I’m not as emotionally open or present in those cases).

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I understand that. Just because someone is good looking that doesn’t mean you will be attracted to them.

Tptestuser said:

I don’t know if I’ve ever had a session where I didn’t feel like the other person was attracted to me. Whether that was the case or not, I’ll never know and would not want to interrogate it too much (though physiological signs are hard to ignore).

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It's that you feel like they are always attracted to you is the job part of this. Good escorts want you to feel like they are hot for you. There's a difference in being attractive to someone and having that someone being attracted to you. I'm going to see a lady tonight, I've been seeing her 10 years or more. She always makes me feel like I'm the center of her universe. She legitimately tells me she appreciates the work I have done on myself the last couple years and that she thinks I'm pretty sexy now. But I also know she fucks guys for money, she dates women for pleasure. Mutual pleasure doesn't mean mutual attraction. She tells me I must have been a lesbian in my prior life because of how I eat pussy. Just because she thinks I'm decent looking and I please her in bed doesn't equate to attraction.

The fact that some of you guys feel like they are attracted to you is the product. That's what they are selling

Also mutual pleasure is likewise a part of the illusions (sometimes). A lot of these women are bi or into women and are only fucking you for money

A lot of them are grudgingly allowing you to go down on them even though they don't like to

The fact that you believe it is great, but it's like going to a magician and wondering if the rabbit really spontaneously appeared in the hat.

Of course not, but making the trick believable is the whole act

The very best ladies know making the client feel desired is the key for repeat clientele.

This is a very interesting thread. I personally am a demisexual, so Im attracted to personality, vibes and generosity. We are doing a job and our job is to make you feel special, appreciated and desired. I used to say I fall with a client a little bit everytime I see them.

But we as provider's have to protect our engery and business. Some clients will see you and want deals and discounts , so its tricky to share your admiration, they will use it against you and some demand more of our personal time. GFE that is paid is a lot different from the real thing. You need to figure out what attraction is to you and the other person. Some ppl are attracted to the physical some ppl like different things. I know personally that SW's do like/love/are attracted/ desire some clients. So find someone you have shared interests and enjoy one another's company.

I find genuine people seem to gravitate to each other in this industry.

Best of luck

Autumn-desilva said:

This is a very interesting thread. I personally am a demisexual, so Im attracted to personality, vibes and generosity. We are doing a job and our job is to make you feel special, appreciated and desired. I used to say I fall with a client a little bit everytime I see them.

But we as provider's have to protect our engery and business. Some clients will see you and want deals and discounts , so its tricky to share your admiration, they will use it against you and some demand more of our personal time. GFE that is paid is a lot different from the real thing. You need to figure out what attraction is to you and the other person. Some ppl are attracted to the physical some ppl like different things. I know personally that SW's do like/love/are attracted/ desire some clients. So find someone you have shared interests and enjoy one another's company.

I find genuine people seem to gravitate to each other in this industry.

Best of luck

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Good advice here.
I avoid SPs that are obviously and over the top faking it. 5 seconds after penetration or after I just start daty and they are coming …. Biggest turn off ever.
Find someone that you vibe with and it seems genuine (emphasize “seems”). Many of them enjoy what they do and are adept at the social aspect.
Hard to find but great when you do.
Live the fantasy for the hour, enjoy, then go on with your day.
I have a regular that I get along well with and I have started doing overnights. She’s a nympho and loves sex. We talk like friends before and after and she takes care of my morning wood happily. And I make her cum every time (no faking it … I know because she makes me work for it and I know what does it for her).
She’s my GF for the night and morning … until the next time.
(Don’t message me asking who … go find your own )
Just don’t expect this from every session … like I said … hard to find. You’re often meeting women far hotter than would be interested in you IRL. Stop expecting the majority to be attracted to you.

companionosiris said:

Reminds me of Valery @ LBD. She always told me I'm the only one that can make her cum with my fingers and tongue. In the last few sessions, often within the first few minutes. I have trust issues from a traumatic childhood, so I'm always going to believe she (and all the others) were faking it. They start gyrating almost like an epileptic until the climax and then say, "do whatever you want to me now". Or maybe the trust issues are from hobbying? Who knows. Who cares. How do I handle it? Very poorly. But I'm restrained, civil and disciplined enough to channel that energy into constructive things. If she was faking it, she's very good at it and deserves every dollar that she right-fully earned. I'm going to miss her work ethic.

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Yeah, you can never really know if they are faking it, and if they are faking it, I guess that's on them. But I usually figure that if they "cum fast and loud", it's performative. The few ladies I see who I have no reason to believe they are faking take a while and you can usually get a sense of the feeling in the way their body moves and how they breathe if they are having a good climax. Quite often they try to push your face away unless you have a good rapport with them on how to touch them during the orgasm. If they don't try to get you to stop licking or anything as they cum, that's a fake as far as I'm concerned.

pistachio6969 said:

Started seeing a few escorts, and it's mostly great for what it is. But every so often I get hit with the reality that she's not actually into me. There's no real chemistry or mutual desire.

It's performance, acting, whatever you want to call it. The enthusiasm is all part of the service I'm paying for, not because she wants me there.

So I'm genuinely curious, how do the rest of you deal with this part? I imagine a lot of us run into the same feeling at some point.

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Think of it this way, as a symbiotic relationship. She gets what she wants, and you get what you want. We’re all human, so by nature we’re not going to be attracted to everyone we meet. It can be hit or miss. Not to sound cold, but bear in mind that these encounters unfold within a business setting.

That said, it is possible to develop a genuine ‘business friendship’ for lack of a better term with regulars. I’ve been seeing one for the past 20 years (she’s out of the business now, married, kids etc). I don’t think of it as booking an appointment per se, but more along the lines of hanging out with a friend more or less. We talk about a lot of personal stuff too. However, we both keep our boundaries.

I think you need to take this hobby for what it is - an escape from reality. If you don’t hit it off with a particular SP, that ok. Try and find someone who matches your personality / wavelength and chances are you’ll bond over something. Most importantly, focus on the positives. You’re getting to spend time with someone you might not normally meet, and it’s a lot cheaper / less time consuming than a conventional relationship. I admit, I’ve been doing this so long that its evolved into more of a lifestyle than anything else. Given the choice, I actually prefer it to conventional dating.