How do you personally handle the lack of genuine mutual attraction / the transactional nature of hobbying?

Goodoer · Feb 23, 2026

newguy2201 said:
One girl was ranting saying "how do you guys do it? How do you fake liking these men?"

One women said "I don't fake it. I find something that I like about each man, a smile, his nose, his voice, and I focus on that so I am not faking"

This is how my brain operates. It is easy to like most people and to find them attractive. Even if it is just their personality. Bad attitude people are the trickiest and they better be gorgeous.

Life is short. I just want to have a good time and the want the same for others around me.

The real benefit to seeing SPs are that some of them really know how to work a cock.

DtheB · Feb 24, 2026

Ol' Dirty Bastard said:
And she knows if her looks and youthfulness weren't there, you'd have zero interest in spending that money with her or seeing her outside of this hobby.

I don't necessarily believe so. Many of them think that they will always be beautiful.

OntGuy2010 · Feb 24, 2026

To me this "hobbying" world and the "real" world are two very distinct entities, and I can clearly see benefits and costs to both! Took some time and experience to get there, they were definitely more "meshed" together at the beginning!
Some providers are so good, they can "blur" the lines very well - those are the most memorable appointments for sure, but need to be careful with those too! Again that separation is very important IMO.

rhuarc29 · Feb 24, 2026

I don't have any problem with this at all, actually. I've never had a difficult time making the distinction between civvie relationships where a bond forms from mutual attraction and hobby "relationships" where it's a transactional bond. I go into each appointment knowing this is her job. Do some ladies grow to be attracted to you? Sure. But even in the vast majority of THOSE cases, that attraction would not stand the test of removing your wallet. In my almost decade and a half of hobbying, only in two instances did my bond with a lady pass that test. And I'm perfectly fine with that. Because I don't hobby for emotional validation.

I think, unfortunately, too many engage in the hobby because they're missing that emotional validation in their normal life. So they have this need for it to be "real" and get depressed whenever they get the inevitable reality check. It is dangerous to engage in the hobby if emotional validation is what you get from it.

Just accept that this hobby is transactional, and yet there are still genuine moment-to-moment experiences that can be had. Value that for what it is, and don't expect more from it than is available.

DesRicardo · Feb 24, 2026

pistachio6969 said:
Started seeing a few escorts, and it's mostly great for what it is. But every so often I get hit with the reality that she's not actually into me. There's no real chemistry or mutual desire.

It's performance, acting, whatever you want to call it. The enthusiasm is all part of the service I'm paying for, not because she wants me there.

So I'm genuinely curious, how do the rest of you deal with this part? I imagine a lot of us run into the same feeling at some point.

I could never understand guys like you. This is all fun, pleasure and entertainment.

When a waitress says "Thank you, see you again.", do you really think there's more to it? Do you think the cook is hoping they touched your soul and connected with you? Everything is transactional. The store clerk, the bank teller, the call centre person on the other end of phone. All an act for the sake of continuing a transaction.

Now, does that change anything for you? NO. So why get all moody about it when it comes to this industry? If you want something deeper, go buy a ring and propose to someone.

Robert Mugabe · Feb 24, 2026

Resort to this.
A "double fake" refers to a deceptive tactic, situation, or person characterized by two layers of falsehood or a high degree of insincerity. While not a standard, singular idiom, it is used in various contexts to describe compounded dishonesty, manipulation, or complex trickery.

Shaquille Oatmeal · Feb 24, 2026

I just want to have fun.
For me, this is a hedonistic adventure so I have no expectations or need of mutual attraction.

The Options Menu · Feb 24, 2026

pistachio6969 said:
But even in those perfect sessions, there's still this nagging awareness that none of it is rooted in genuine attraction or desire for me specifically.

What you're looking for there is genuine attraction / connection / love, and that's not really something you buy by the hour. Though, sex workers are certianly more honest about the nature of the relationship than SOME women. If you need the 'real thing' then you need to put the work in and find it, and that almost certainly won't be with someone who has a financial interest in the status quo.

I view that bothering a person as a matter of low self esteem, or having a fragile ego (often from low self esteem). Get the basics right. Put a good foot forward. Don't be the worst part of someone else's day. Understand that you are the client, but it's shared human experience. Be "no strings attached" nice (up to the point where neither party gets out on a limb / is taken advantage of / feels obligated). Appreciate the good. Carry on.

If that's making you feel bad, or things are getting more complicated than that, then you need to move on, or take a break. Either from an individual provider, or the hobby.

Ahri · Feb 24, 2026

I can’t say that I have a genuine connection with EVERY client that sees me but there are a few clients that I genuinely enjoy seeing and I even keep in touch with even when I’m not working.

I even have an ex client who doesn’t see me anymore because we became friends and bonded through mutual interests.

Maybe this could just be from my personal experience

kherg007 said:
See my signature below.

After watching the Mr.McMahon documentary on Netflix I finally understood your signature

curvluvr · Feb 25, 2026

In my limited hobby experience, the my regulars are genuinely happy to see me. I don't have any doubt that they're genuine about it.
The most memorable ones are those who make me feel like we're long-lost lovers that have finally scheduled a time to hook up, and want to pounce each other when I enter the room. Those ladies are my regulars.
I've had other experiences that are more transactional where she lacked any sort of attraction (or didn't even try to fake it). One and done.
I realize that this is a hobby, and this is their source of income. But for the 30/60min that I'm with her alone in the room, she IS my girlfriend. That's the true GFE in my mind.

Marguwop · Feb 28, 2026

curvluvr said:
In my limited hobby experience, the my regulars are genuinely happy to see me. I don't have any doubt that they're genuine about it.
The most memorable ones are those who make me feel like we're long-lost lovers that have finally scheduled a time to hook up, and want to pounce each other when I enter the room. Those ladies are my regulars.
I've had other experiences that are more transactional where she lacked any sort of attraction (or didn't even try to fake it). One and done.
I realize that this is a hobby, and this is their source of income. But for the 30/60min that I'm with her alone in the room, she IS my girlfriend. That's the true GFE in my mind.

underrated take! pure gold

fall · Feb 28, 2026

pistachio6969 said:
Started seeing a few escorts, and it's mostly great for what it is. But every so often I get hit with the reality that she's not actually into me. There's no real chemistry or mutual desire.

It's performance, acting, whatever you want to call it. The enthusiasm is all part of the service I'm paying for, not because she wants me there.

So I'm genuinely curious, how do the rest of you deal with this part? I imagine a lot of us run into the same feeling at some point.

Simple: do not think about it. Enjoy the physical pleasure - this is the product that was offered (good SPs offer basic "feelings" acting for you to make it easier not to think about it). If you want feelings for sale - get a mistress if you can afford it

Nickelodeon · Feb 28, 2026

Not to be too crude, but if she's good at BBBJ and especially at BBBJ/CIM, I've achieved the desired level of intimacy of the moment. And I can leave soon after with no hang ups...just shaky legs.

Daveboy · Feb 28, 2026

pistachio6969 said:
Started seeing a few escorts, and it's mostly great for what it is. But every so often I get hit with the reality that she's not actually into me. There's no real chemistry or mutual desire.

It's performance, acting, whatever you want to call it. The enthusiasm is all part of the service I'm paying for, not because she wants me there.

So I'm genuinely curious, how do the rest of you deal with this part? I imagine a lot of us run into the same feeling at some point.

Are you joking? That is exactly what I'm paying for!

miamijoe · Feb 28, 2026

I'm not looking for that from an SP. I want to enjoy a mostly physical interaction with a very attractive woman. Of course I want to be with someone who's personality is nice to be around. But I'm there to enjoy myself on a carnal level more than anything else. Anything more than that is a bonus.

I want them to be kind and to tend to my needs, that's what I'm paying for. A real connection? I'll find that in the "real" world.

JohnAMacdongnot · Sunday at 12:55 AM

I adapt a separate personality called "the violator of women's honour", this man has no empathy and loves taking advantage of vulnerable young women, kissing, sucking, lickng, fingering, banging all 3 holes.

But seriously, booking a session should be no different than ordering a pizza, why would I care if the pizza I ordered enjoys me eating it?

"Have zero interest in spending that time with me or seeing me again outside of paid appointments", that's a good thing called no strings attached.

xix · Sunday at 1:54 AM

The first disappointment starts with..
- the photo of her is photo-choped or airbrushed
- is 5-10 years older
- her feelings that day or day before
- her attitude, emotional coherence
- what is she getting or what is the client? or what does the client bring to the table.?

If you know some psychology or being to 12 step program you will notice people are not authentic. This field of life was not, is not, will not be real. It may be for 1/100 but are you that ONE.

Enjoy the moment, if she is not for you, find another one. To understand this you have to go back to your youth. For example:

how did you decide?......
- Coke or Pepsi ?
- Which beer do you drink ?
- Alcohol vs wine?

Anyone in here should have started in the Strip Club, should have learned / taught you what type of body, height, size you want or like in a women.
then progress to MP then SW.

You have to understand the SW and the clients have issues.

double0 · Sunday at 7:58 PM

They are all attracted to me, I'm definitely the most handsome, most skilled and most charming customer they've ever had, so obvious there is always mutual attraction.

OntGuy2010 · Sunday at 11:05 PM

OntGuy2010 said:
To me this "hobbying" world and the "real" world are two very distinct entities, and I can clearly see benefits and costs to both! Took some time and experience to get there, they were definitely more "meshed" together at the beginning!
Some providers are so good, they can "blur" the lines very well - those are the most memorable appointments for sure, but need to be careful with those too! Again that separation is very important IMO.

The question in this thread I think is a good one, been thinking about this a bit more. I am no expert but from Psychology we have the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs as in the screen print below.
What I think "society wants" is to approach this hierarchy top-to-bottom, but with this hobby we are approaching this hierarchy bottom-to-top! To me it doesn't really matter which way we are going, as I said before I can clearly see plusses and minuses to both, as long as the full "structure" is covered! Us taking care of the "bottom" instead of the "top" is not a problem at all, it is the base of the whole thing after all, and in fact can also have many benefits in day to day reality! So there we go

StarryeyedA · Monday at 7:18 AM

OntGuy2010 said:
The question in this thread I think is a good one, been thinking about this a bit more. I am no expert but from Psychology we have the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs as in the screen print below.
What I think "society wants" is to approach this hierarchy top-to-bottom, but with this hobby we are approaching this hierarchy bottom-to-top! To me it doesn't really matter which way we are going, as I said before I can clearly see plusses and minuses to both, as long as the full "structure" is covered! Us taking care of the "bottom" instead of the "top" is not a problem at all, it is the base of the whole thing after all, and in fact can also have many benefits in day to day reality! So there we go

View attachment 557652

Whereas, a lot of the women including myself are coming into the industry to cover Physiological needs for ourselves and/or for family with us or from afar. Key point- getting those basic needs met in this modern day world.

I think it is helpful to remember this top to bottom *gap* when one might be worrying about reciprocated chemistry, feelings etc. The gap can produce different mindsets and goals for those of us who cross paths.

How do you personally handle the lack of genuine mutual attraction / the transactional nature of hobbying?

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