The art of approaching women

Mandala · Feb 19, 2026

Big Rig said:
If you do not approach strangers then you are restricting your potential partners to a very small fraction of the women out there simply because you do not walk in the same social circles

Think about that, anyone else find that ridiculous?

You are implying a false idea that every person you pass on the street is a potential partner as much as someone inside your social circles.

Social circles are filters, she has evidence you are not a creep as she gets to know you.

Cold approaching relies on physical attraction only with no compatability filters.
So she is supposed to do what? Date someone she has no idea about and may not even find attractive?

Cold approach can work but you need to find someone who will date with the only filter being a brief conversation and that seems an awkward recipe for burnout.

People need to find one person who fits, not a thousand burn outs. The cold approach is inefficient

For you, as a male, to overcome these social facts is a real hurdle.

1 Look for obvious cues like wearing a ring as rings are there for a reason.
Her style of dress or anything else about her that suggests compatability.

2 Are you at a place of mutual interest?

3 Is she is stressed, busy in a hurry?

4 If she willing to engage you easily?

I just thought of something very important -- if you approach just be yourself as that is the only filter she has so use it so time is not wasted

Myself, I have had cold meetings work but never just walking down the street as that is too cold.

At a beach, at the ex, at a gym where she was willing to risk the absence of a filter and I saw it through her quick look and smile. It is a lot easier for a male to interact without a filter than a female

So I just walked over without the filter as she was willing to forgo the filter it was her call and now I know two vital things about her immediatly . She is available and she is attracted to me. I am not saying I scored each time but I did approach without filters

I walked over easily as my plan is to be myself so she can see what she is getting without the filters helping her. That way we do not waste each others time

Zoot Allures · Feb 20, 2026

Intelligent insightful posting.

I like Mandlas' comment about filtering. It helps me to view the game through the right lense then writing about it forces clarity.

Filtering is what a social circle does and that is why sexes meet there. Without the filter how can you decide anything about the person except their looks?
Without the filter it is a shotgun approach and can be very tiring.

Without the social filter one needs to be created by you.

How you behave and dress are two filters you can create that she can see that are not as important if there is a social filter.
Another filter is the approach, the introduction, the first eye contact, the first smile the first joke. The key to this is, as Mandla said, be yourself. If you are the average Joe do not pretend to be otherwise, it will become obvious anyways and women have intuitive senses and will love that you are being real.

I am thinking there are two general approaches when there are no filters.
The first one is where she gives signals the second one she does not.

The first one is by far the easiest. She has signalled interest and that clears away the biggest concern and opens the door wide. You walk over and just say hello and be yourself. No pickup lines. You are now free to be more personal than if she had not signalled. By personal I mean honest comments about her attractiveness. "You have amazing vibes so I am saying hello. My name is Brad Pitt." That is the joke you need.
Just be who you are. So simple.

Always be thinking of her.

She has signalled and put herself out there. She has taken a risk. If you do not respond think of her frustration and self doubt. Stop thinking about yourself. Make sense?

Now the second scenario. She has not signalled you. You can encourage signals just by noticing her, then approach ony if she responds. This does happen. But, I am not sure how to play the game if there has been no signal.You just walk over? The odds are very high she wants nothing to do with you.
Anyone got ideas how to play that game ? I don't.

Zoot Allures · Feb 20, 2026

Another thing to understand is when it comes to sex, I think women want it more than men but men want it randomly and women want is to be slower, deeper with passion and with someone they enjoy and trust if not love. Sex can be beautiful and very healing emotionally, it helps you love yourself and that is what women want. To treat sex friviously can destroy its power. So bear that foremost in your mind. Women view sex
through a different lense than men and they see it through its proper lense IMHO.

Patron · Feb 21, 2026

Zoot Allures said:
Intelligent insightful posting.

I like Mandlas' comment about filtering. It helps me to view the game through the right lense then writing about it forces clarity.

Filtering is what a social circle does and that is why sexes meet there. Without the filter how can you decide anything about the person except their looks?
Without the filter it is a shotgun approach and can be very tiring.

Without the social filter one needs to be created by you.

How you behave and dress are two filters you can create that she can see that are not as important if there is a social filter.
Another filter is the approach, the introduction, the first eye contact, the first smile the first joke. The key to this is, as Mandla said, be yourself. If you are the average Joe do not pretend to be otherwise, it will become obvious anyways and women have intuitive senses and will love that you are being real.

I am thinking there are two general approaches when there are no filters.
The first one is where she gives signals the second one she does not.

The first one is by far the easiest. She has signalled interest and that clears away the biggest concern and opens the door wide. You walk over and just say hello and be yourself. No pickup lines. You are now free to be more personal than if she had not signalled. By personal I mean honest comments about her attractiveness. "You have amazing vibes so I am saying hello. My name is Brad Pitt." That is the joke you need.
Just be who you are. So simple.

Always be thinking of her.

She has signalled and put herself out there. She has taken a risk. If you do not respond think of her frustration and self doubt. Stop thinking about yourself. Make sense?

Now the second scenario. She has not signalled you. You can encourage signals just by noticing her, then approach ony if she responds. This does happen. But, I am not sure how to play the game if there has been no signal.You just walk over? The odds are very high she wants nothing to do with you.
Anyone got ideas how to play that game ? I don't.

In the second scenario, you clearly just don’t. Going up to a woman who hasn’t even smiled at you while she is innocently buying a jar of pickles goes against everything they have been arguing about consent for quite a while now. Even coming on too strong if she smiles might have the counterintuitive effect of keeping her from ever smiling at anyone again. And she likely smiled to be nice because the guy was checking her out.

Women aren’t passive any more. And they aren’t going out every day looking to get picked up.

This whole thread is a combo of male fantasy in a Time Machine. Or a silly Rom-Com.

The meeting process for civilian relationships is still online and through friends. As many others have mentioned, planned social activities catering toward singles is certainly a venue for more bold casual conversations.

Zoot Allures · Feb 21, 2026

Patron said:
In the second scenario, you clearly just don’t. Going up to a woman who hasn’t even smiled at you while she is innocently buying a jar of pickles goes against everything they have been arguing about consent for quite a while now.

Comment on environment or her taste not her looks, it is in the casualness of the delivery I would think. Find a reason to say something.
But this is not something I do

Patron said:
Even coming on too strong if she smiles might have the counterintuitive effect of keeping her from ever smiling at anyone again. And she likely smiled to be nice because the guy was checking her out.

I think that not coming on strong is the key

Patron said:
And they aren’t going out every day looking to get picked up.

This is the problem, but some want to meet someone, of course they do.

Patron said:
The meeting process for civilian relationships is still online and through friends. As many others have mentioned, planned social activities catering toward singles is certainly a venue for more bold casual conversations.

Yes, it is. But seeing somene that looks great and seems a great fit while watching life go by is wrong

simp2000 · Feb 21, 2026

newguy2201 said:
I'll throw my $.02 in here. I have always been the shy quiet guy who does not approach women. I was married for 19 years, then single for almost 7 before starting this lifestyle in Dec.

At the time I started, I was about 100lbs overweight, felt defeated and had zero self esteem. I told my friends that I was going to start working out and eating right and when I lost about 50 lbs to prove I was committed, I would start on the dating apps and approaching women for the first time.

2 things happened after my first SP experience in December. I realized I was more lonely than I thought, and somewhat paradoxically, my confidence and desire to work even harder to reach my goals shot through the roof.

Right away I started having a kind of "Fuck it, what's the worst that could happen" attitude and started going out of my way to interact with women I found attractive even if I thought they were "out of my league".

Nothing panned out there but it felt good to talk to women and feel like I was in the game, and also I had to recognize that I was still early in my "glow up" and not much had outwardly changed.

Then over the Xmas break even though I was nowhere near my goal weight, I decided to go on 2 dating apps to test the waters.

I started swiping on women that I was attracted to even if I thought they were out of my league.

Early results were not favourable. The women that were liking me were not attractive to me and I thought I would have to pause and come back after I had got closer to my goal.

Then just as I was thinking of turning off my profile, a woman that I found attractive who was fit and had beautiful eyes and was 10 years younger liked me, and we chatted for a few days.

I ended up asking her out but for personal reasons I shortly after ended the chat before she could answer. I realized I wasn't quite ready yet.

I am 3 months into my self improvement journey, and now I am down almost 30 lbs, lighter than I have been since my 30's, still working hard on myself.

Right now I am chatting with 2 women who I find attractive and I am most likely going to ask one or both of them out and see how the chemistry feels in person.

I never thought I would get here so quick. And part of me still wants to wait, keep seeing escorts while I level up and get back on the apps later

I am torn because even though I want love, affection, and something real, I also enjoy this new freedom I have found to be as sexually open as I want to be.

But the confidence to step outside my comfort zone was the key to it all.

Not sure if that helps anyone or moves the conversation along. I guess the message is work on your confidence and just try. You might be surprised by the results.

Yep, you're definitely a chick.

Anbarandy · Feb 21, 2026

Mandala said:
Curious about which cologne

I like the campfire woodsy smell. They actually use cedarwood and sandalwood oils.

I also buy the oils to put on cloths. Cinnamon oil as well. Never put directly on skin

Eau de Ass Pimple has done wonders for my je ne sais quoi, metrosexual appeal and magnetism.

And Les Toilette de Parks et Rec. body spray adds orders of magnitude to my feral, urban animal kavorka-ism vis-a-vis les damsels.

Think Pepe Le Pew on mega-dose, French super sexe pheromones

261252 · Feb 23, 2026

I did an intensive weekend course on the psychology of sales.

The most important technique works everywhere with anyone "people remember how you make them feel".

All the charlatans use it , politicians, salesmen because it works over and over again.

Being taught that feel good bull of manipulation I now always look for it and see it everywhere.

Tony Robbins smiles at you and says you can "breakthrough" your " self limiting beliefs" and become a star. Makes you feel good about yourself does it not?Millions follow him and open their wallets because he makes then feel good.

Saleswomen are usually good looking so when they laugh or smile or touch you if makes you feel good. That is why they are in sales not because they are good looking but because good looking women make you feel good. If someone not goodlooking made you feel even better then there would be no beautiful women in sales.

I was just at the car show. Women there dressed sharp, smiled and were good looking so you associte them with the car and then you feel good about the car. Total bull, of course, but it works. Look at the commercials with hot women. Marketing nonsense is it not?

But it works.

Dress nice, smile warmly because it makes who ever you meet feel good, not about you, but themselves

Patron · Feb 23, 2026

Zoot Allures said:
Yes, it is. But seeing somene that looks great and seems a great fit while watching life go by is wrong

All sounds great, except for the obvious.

80 percent of guys go for 20 percent of women.

A certain percentage of those 20 percent do sex work, and thank god for them.

But a John group is the worst group of guys to encourage to go make small talk to the really hot blonde chick buying pickles at the grocery store. Admire her, fantasize about her, and unless she really sends out a strong signal in response to your smile, for most guys here, just remember this cute song, Wish I Knew You When I Was Young.

But even if you are young, here is the reality of the cold approach. This photo of travelers waiting at JFK Airport is in several articles.

TSA PreCheck won't shut down after all, Global Entry remains suspended

The Department of Homeland Security reversed course, saying TSA PreCheck remains operational despite the government shutdown.

www.usatoday.com

Take a close look. Yes, the lady in the forefront is young and hot. A couple of relatively older ladies, can’t tell if the African-American lady with her face turned away is hot, and the darker-skinned lady in the back of the area isn’t looking at the camera so she is hard to gauge.

Okay, you optimistic studs, where do you go from here with respect to the women in the photo if you arrive at the gate? They are all glued to their phones and many have headphones or earbuds in. Which one do you pick? Do you sit across from one of them, especially the really cute one in the forefront and keep smiling at her in hopes that she looks up from her phone? Maybe eventually you say you eventually say you are going for food and ask her if she wants anything. But you probably need to make it a 15-30 minute process to avoid being obvious. And most likely she never looks up from her phone to acknowledge your planned and obvious smile.

All this stuff in the first few posts sounds great, but is basically impossible to put into practice in today’s world.

newguy2201 · Feb 23, 2026

I think there is tons of nuance in all these scenarios people are putting out there. Should we just walk up to random women going about their day with their faces in phones or headphones on and hit on them?

Probably not. I wouldn't. I think there is a time and place. But if you're in a waiting area and there is a woman there who is not otherwise engaged, starting a light conversation about the surroundings or something nearby might work. As long as you watch for her cues in case she starts signalling that she is not interested

But the other thing is to watch for cues that they give out that signals that they want you to approach/speak to them.

I told this story recently on Reddit. There was a time about 6 months before I met the woman I married and now divorced

I was at Crappy Tire and it was winter and there was a lineup. I saw this beautiful girl, a redhead in line ahead of me. Out of the corner of my eye I could have sworn I saw her turn to check me out.

But at that time my self esteem was so low. I would have never in a million years thought a woman like that could be into me.

She picked up a small bottle of WD 40 from the displays near the checkout, then said to me:

"Excuse me, but do you think this would help free my antenna on my car? It's frozen"

I said I don't know, but then we chatted, laughed, and joked for the next 5 minutes while we waited in line.

She paid for her stuff, turned to look at me and said "ok, goodbye" and kind of lingered for a second

I was clueless. About 30 minutes later I was like "doh!". I told the story to my female friend later that night and she said, you should have offered to help her with her antenna.

Damn! It's one of those things I will always wonder about, what if...

But it goes to show 2 things: she saw in me something I didn't, and I wasn't paying attention.

Zoot Allures · Feb 23, 2026

Patron said:
All sounds great, except for the obvious.

80 percent of guys go for 20 percent of women.

A certain percentage of those 20 percent do sex work, and thank god for them.

But a John group is the worst group of guys to encourage to go make small talk to the really hot blonde chick buying pickles at the grocery store. Admire her, fantasize about her, and unless she really sends out a strong signal in response to your smile, for most guys here, just remember this cute song, Wish I Knew You When I Was Young.

But even if you are young, here is the reality of the cold approach. This photo of travelers waiting at JFK Airport is in several articles.

TSA PreCheck won't shut down after all, Global Entry remains suspended

The Department of Homeland Security reversed course, saying TSA PreCheck remains operational despite the government shutdown.

www.usatoday.com

Take a close look. Yes, the lady in the forefront is young and hot. A couple of relatively older ladies, can’t tell if the African-American lady with her face turned away is hot, and the darker-skinned lady in the back of the area isn’t looking at the camera so she is hard to gauge.

Okay, you optimistic studs, where do you go from here with respect to the women in the photo if you arrive at the gate? They are all glued to their phones and many have headphones or earbuds in. Which one do you pick? Do you sit across from one of them, especially the really cute one in the forefront and keep smiling at her in hopes that she looks up from her phone? Maybe eventually you say you eventually say you are going for food and ask her if she wants anything. But you probably need to make it a 15-30 minute process to avoid being obvious. And most likely she never looks up from her phone to acknowledge your planned and obvious smile.

All this stuff in the first few posts sounds great, but is basically impossible to put into practice in today’s world.

Who said this is all about getting only the hottest women? I know, you did.

Patron · Feb 24, 2026

Zoot Allures said:
Who said this is all about getting only the hottest women? I know, you did.

Sorry, my bad. I just thought it was a realistic assumption given the overall topic of Terb.

Might have to do our own lyrics to the Revivalists classic song to make it “our song“ with the new love.

”Wish I would have known you when you were young,

Wish I would have known you when you were thin.

Wish I would have known you when your hair wasn’t grey”

Robert Mugabe · Feb 24, 2026

Patron said:
Sorry, my bad. I just thought it was a realistic assumption given the overall topic of Terb.

Might have to do our own lyrics to the Revivalists classic song to make it “our song“ with the new love.

”Wish I would have known you when you were young,

Wish I would have known you when you were thin.

Wish I would have known you when your hair wasn’t grey”

Patron · Feb 24, 2026

Robert Mugabe said:

Sorry, I will try to be an optimist.

So which would make a better Rom-Com?

The Redhead and Newguy2201 both bought tires at Crappy Tire at the same time and the threads both wear out at the same time, and they meet again and fall in so much love that they both ignore that the tires were supposed to get 10,000 more miles than they did.

Or hot Redhead decides her natural friendliness and like of meeting new guys would do well in the escort world, he books her, and they remember each other?

newguy2201 · Feb 24, 2026

Patron said:
Sorry, I will try to be an optimist.

So which would make a better Rom-Com?

The Redhead and Newguy2201 both bought tires at Crappy Tire at the same time and the threads both wear out at the same time, and they meet again and fall in so much love that they both ignore that the tires were supposed to get 10,000 more miles than they did.

Or hot Redhead decides her natural friendliness and like of meeting new guys would do well in the escort world, he books her, and they remember each other?

Hey, I'm going to be famous! I think a fair representation to play me would be Jason Momoa, although we might need to fit him with a prosthetic for the love scenes.

Zoot Allures · Feb 24, 2026

Patron said:
Sorry, my bad. I just thought it was a realistic assumption given the overall topic of Terb.

I never meant to imply that this thread is about approaching only super hot babes, but , as this is TERB I should have specified.

But now you got me thinking, the approach is different between the hot babes and the GND.

Some thoughts to spark conversation

1 Not all super hot babes will signal no interest because they do not get approached as beauty is intimidating. That is a fact

2 To get over approached the most I suspect you need to be over a 6 and less than 10, 7 ad 8 is the sweet spot

3 When I try to start a conversation with a 8 or 9 I oten get cold vibes as they get approached too often so I have said a joke about how I am not coming on because I cannot grace beauty the way it deserves then keep talking often they quickly change and we have had a date as friends and hug each other at the end

4 GNDs need a stronger signal thrown their way as they fear rejection or just say hello but always be respectful

5 It cuts both ways. Turn things around. I have had interest signalled when I was not interested which is fine but I would not want to be come on to strongly
so women are the same way. Easy to uunderstand. They are not conceited just want some privacy.

Mandala · Feb 25, 2026

I find women will stand near me if interested. a man do the same.

Find way to be near her and NOTICE her SIGNALS. They may be none, or worse, signals of no interest.

Always give proper space to a woman to allow her easy out while women have the right to stand closer to men

because men have to make the woman feel safe

You are not chasing her, you are testing her to see if she is interested

newguy2201 · Feb 25, 2026

Mandala said:
men do not as men have to make the woman feel safe more then women do to men

If Im reading this right, that men have no obligation to make women feel safe (or refrain from making them feel unsafe) then I couldn't disagree more.

For women, safety isn't just something they hope to feel. It's the first and most important thing they need to feel before they can feel anything else.

We as men have no idea how much fear women deal with every day just as part of being in this world. The very first thing a woman is looking for is whether we are a threat or not

Until she assesses that, there is no chance of her wanting to get to know you or assess whether there is attraction there.

Mandala · Feb 25, 2026

newguy2201 said:
If Im reading this right, that men have no obligation to make women feel safe (or refrain from making them feel unsafe) then I couldn't disagree more.

For women, safety isn't just something they hope to feel. It's the first and most important thing they need to feel before they can feel anything else.

We as men have no idea how much fear women deal with every day just as part of being in this world. The very first thing a woman is looking for is whether we are a threat or not

Until she assesses that, there is no chance of her wanting to get to know you or assess whether there is attraction there.

I meant men have to make a woman feel safe

women do not have to make men feel safe

therefore, a womans approach is different than a mans approach.

men shoud keep more physical distance when they approach
no sexual talk
do not compliment on her physical beauty but something about what she has done to look nice like style of dressing, her presense, her hair cut, the environment

Y_Diner · Feb 25, 2026

Confidence, smile, be funny, be a bit of dick but smile. Also, don’t be afraid of rejection, their only women. Just say okay cool. Don’t ever say sorry. Also try brushing your teeth, have a mints or gum, be well groomed. It’s not hard. Also remember it’s a numbers game. Approach dozens. Also good practice as well builds confidence.That’s just how it is for men.
Again can’t stress this enough, don’t be afraid they’re just women.

The art of approaching women

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