The art of approaching women

Mandala said:

The socially accepted way is to just casually notice her. That is your signal for her to respond, it is all about minmizing risk and avioded unwanted attention.

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Noticing her of course, but it's when she holds eye contact with you and smiles which is equivalent to the hanky drop.

xix said:

For most, not all.

I agree. But unless you are 15% guy then go approach.

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I would go so far as to say that women are fickle and doesn't necessarily mean the to 15% are a shoe in. However it definitely increases the chances of success.

I think in a world of inorganic meetings, the value of being able to create an organic meeting by saying hi, smiling , maintain 5-10 minutes of conversation by asking questions, being positive, being cognizant of body language, etc takes on significant added value.

It’s really not hard. You just have to dress nice, be positive, and get used to the initial awkwardness/nerves of approaching people.

Ehh, same story over and over. Here are the 3 rules for successful dating:
1. Be attractive
2. Don't be unattractive
3. Read rules 1 and 2 again.

That's pretty much it. Sometimes I watch a "dating" podcast called 'whatever'. A host once asked a bunch of young girl who came to his podcast if it's fine for them to date older guy, like in his 40s. The girls were like "it's gross, it gives us ick bla bla blah". Then the host asked them if they would date Henry Cavill who is 40, handsome and rich. And they were like 'sure' lol You could almost feel them getting wet from just looking at the picture of Henry haha

I always hear about how dating has changed, etc......but my nephews (22 and 24 yo) do just fine meeting women in bars and other places. To be fair...the younger of the two is definitely above average in looks, fitness, income for his age, etc....not true of the older.....but they both approach women with ease and confidence, realizing that they may get shot down, sometimes harshly, and that's ok.

io2471 said:

.....but they both approach women with ease and confidence, realizing that they may get shot down, sometimes harshly, and that's ok.

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That is a good space to be in. How did they get there?

I suspect it has to do with self talk. They do not think they are not attractive, they think she has the issue and let it slide.

I'll throw my $.02 in here. I have always been the shy quiet guy who does not approach women. I was married for 19 years, then single for almost 7 before starting this lifestyle in Dec.

At the time I started, I was about 100lbs overweight, felt defeated and had zero self esteem. I told my friends that I was going to start working out and eating right and when I lost about 50 lbs to prove I was committed, I would start on the dating apps and approaching women for the first time.

2 things happened after my first SP experience in December. I realized I was more lonely than I thought, and somewhat paradoxically, my confidence and desire to work even harder to reach my goals shot through the roof.

Right away I started having a kind of "Fuck it, what's the worst that could happen" attitude and started going out of my way to interact with women I found attractive even if I thought they were "out of my league".

Nothing panned out there but it felt good to talk to women and feel like I was in the game, and also I had to recognize that I was still early in my "glow up" and not much had outwardly changed.

Then over the Xmas break even though I was nowhere near my goal weight, I decided to go on 2 dating apps to test the waters.

I started swiping on women that I was attracted to even if I thought they were out of my league.

Early results were not favourable. The women that were liking me were not attractive to me and I thought I would have to pause and come back after I had got closer to my goal.

Then just as I was thinking of turning off my profile, a woman that I found attractive who was fit and had beautiful eyes and was 10 years younger liked me, and we chatted for a few days.

I ended up asking her out but for personal reasons I shortly after ended the chat before she could answer. I realized I wasn't quite ready yet.

I am 3 months into my self improvement journey, and now I am down almost 30 lbs, lighter than I have been since my 30's, still working hard on myself.

Right now I am chatting with 2 women who I find attractive and I am most likely going to ask one or both of them out and see how the chemistry feels in person.

I never thought I would get here so quick. And part of me still wants to wait, keep seeing escorts while I level up and get back on the apps later

I am torn because even though I want love, affection, and something real, I also enjoy this new freedom I have found to be as sexually open as I want to be.

But the confidence to step outside my comfort zone was the key to it all.

Not sure if that helps anyone or moves the conversation along. I guess the message is work on your confidence and just try. You might be surprised by the results.

Here is a pretty good piece about in-real life (IRL) encounters by an actual lady and her friends, including their frustration about so many of the actual attempted cold-call “pick-ups“ being by those irritating guys over 50. They are people with feelings, too.

None of the mentioned women seem passive, or just waiting for a guy to hit their G-spots with the right pick-up approach. She and her friends have an interesting list of qualifications including maturity, income, and age-appropriateness. As suspected, her approach to her bar adventure was to obtain new Instagram followers. Loved the part about one of her guy friends successfully getting the contact information of a lady IRL and then having her re-approach him and change her mind.


This whole thread is a nice companion one to the thread stating appreciation for sex workers.

And in a nod to an earlier post, even though the lady and her friends express an ick factor for guys over 50, she notes that the bar she went to is occasionally frequented by sex symbol Hugh Jackman, who is 57 years old, in case she doesn’t know.

And if the lady’s thoughts on IRL dating doesn’t depress you, try this one.

Mandala said:

Curious about which cologne

I like the campfire woodsy smell. They actually use cedarwood and sandalwood oils.

I also buy the oils to put on cloths. Cinnamon oil as well. Never put directly on skin

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I personally prefer subtle lighter fragrance! Here’s a men’s fragrance I really enjoy the smell off (take it with an grain of salt it’s just my preference LOL)



I don’t like the super manly scents like Sauvage, Aventus and Baccarat Rouge nothing wrong with them just too strong for my liking!

I never have a problem because I never 'hunt' a woman, so to speak.

There are so many things to talk about, its ridiculously easy. But you gotta talk to everyone, not just women, just get in the habit of being a conversationalist. Then its no different with women.

Of course you need to have some judgement. Some people give off a vibe that they don't want to talk, but a throw-away comment is enough to find out.

Waiting in a slow line is the best thing ever. People love to grumble together! But try to make it a funny grumble.

It also helps that I am not even remotely desperate.

Self talk is a huge issue.

Relect on what you are telling yourself

I find myself thinkng

What should i say?

What will she think?

What does it mean if she rejects me?

Are all your thoughts based on reality?

Probably not


Go over those thoughts and analyze like you are your own therapist


Cognitive Based Therapy (CBT) is very effective at analyng thoughts.

That is what it does.

Trained CBT therapy is very popular because it works.

It deals with the now and gets you to change your thoughts and habits
not through long term therapy but short term, only a few sessions

I have always told my clients from the day I’ve started. If you see someone you like, just approach her kindly, give a small compliment (nowadays the attention span is NOT long lol keep it cute, keep it short ) and ask her out on a date. If she says no , you have ABSOLUTELY nothing to lose. Your level of confidence shouldn’t tank, just use that energy to boost the fact that you went up to someone you deemed attractive and/or of interest that you don’t know and tried to mingle, and it’s always an easy thing to do. That will create a positive frequency and with that you attract more in life.

Sophia Hunny said:

I have always told my clients from the day I’ve started. If you see someone you like, just approach her kindly, give a small compliment (nowadays the attention span is NOT long lol keep it cute, keep it short ) and ask her out on a date. If she says no , you have ABSOLUTELY nothing to lose. Your level of confidence shouldn’t tank, just use that energy to boost the fact that you wdo I need to cahnge? ent up to someone you deemed attractive and/or of interest that you don’t know and tried to mingle, and it’s always an easy thing to do. That will create a positive frequency and with that you attract more in life.

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Then analyze if you get flamed

was I too fast?

is my social intelligence weak?

approached when she was busy?

all the signals said she was not interested?

was i awkward? lack of confidence in just being myself so you used cheap pickup lines

pickup lines make me cringe. WTF is she supposed to do? Applaud?

if the answers are yes how do I change?

or maybe nothing about you needs to change it could be she has issues of shyness or other personal issues

Sophia Hunny seem to suggest cold out of nowhere approach then straight to the pick up

I need signals myself as that reduces awkwardness all around

Confidence helps, but calm energy helps even more. If you walk up relaxed, make eye contact, smile, and say something simple and honest, that already puts you ahead of most guys. I use MeetMilfy website to boost my confidance. The filters and search tools made it easy to find exactly what I was looking for. I felt more confident expressing myself through my profile and messages. The experience was fun, exciting, and surprisingly authentic. I would definitely recommend online dating to anyone open to new possibilities.

I read a line today that I feel is relevant to this conversation:

"Pretty women aren't some mythical creature. They are just women who happen to be pretty"

I agree with others: no pickup lines or fancy ego games. Introduce yourself and make a conversation relevant to the surroundings and see what happens

Mandala said:

Then analyze if you get flamed

was I too fast?

is my social intelligence weak?

approached when she was busy?

all the signals said she was not interested?

was i awkward? lack of confidence in just being myself so you used cheap pickup lines

pickup lines make me cringe. WTF is she supposed to do? Applaud?

if the answers are yes how do I change?

or maybe nothing about you needs to change it could be she has issues of shyness or other personal issues

Sophia Hunny seem to suggest cold out of nowhere approach then straight to the pick up

I need signals myself as that reduces awkwardness all around

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Signals ? If you wait on her to give you a signal you might wait forever or never get it. Some women are so used to getting hit on, she’ll never give you a signal.
As the saying goes …

” close mouth, don’t get fed “

and that goes for every aspect of one’s life.

I’ve seen and experienced all kinds of approaches some were successful, some not at all. Keep it simple, and get to the point. If that’s cold to you coming from a woman who gets hit on regularly since I grew some breasts then I don’t know what to tell you. Awkwardness is part of any game. There’s no one way to approach women and there’s no text book for this ! I’ve been in a committed relationship with someone who simply just asked me why I was carrying my grocery bags home, no hello, no hi, no how are you. Sparked a conversation and we hit it off.

We’re not a monolith but I do encourage men to build some courage and be prepared for any case scenario. Again, nothing to lose.

resting this lovely case. xxx

Sophia Hunny said:

Signals ? If you wait on her to give you a signal you might wait forever or never get it. Some women are so used to getting hit on, she’ll never give you a signal.
As the saying goes …

” close mouth, don’t get fed “

Again, nothing to lose.

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Interesting thoughtful reply.

It also is a matter of sensitivity, at least with me.
l do not want to bother someone and force them to ignore or reject me.

Saying a passing comment that they can gracefully let slide to avoid encouragement
seems the best way to approach

I think of myself. If I was not interested because I am too busy, committed etc
I would not want come ons from women. It has happened and I find it awkward
to reject someone who is just being nice.

If you do not approach strangers then you are restricting your potential partners to a very small fraction of the women out there simply because you do not walk in the same social circles

Think about that, anyone else find that ridiculous?