(Sorry if this is a repost. I tried posting once and it didn't show so now I'm trying to remember what I wrote and retyping it.)
My wife and I have been together for twenty years now, and married for most of them. Our sexual pasts have differed wildly. Most notably, the fact I was a virgin when we met and she's the only woman I've ever been with. I could go into further details, but to be brief, over the past couple of years we have had on and off conversations about getting the services of an SP, but as you can guess, this comes with concerns and conditions. We hope that we can hear back from hobbyists in a similar place and their tips/experiences, as well as some private conversations with and SPs here who might have some answers or suggestions for us. I'll mention a few of our top concerns here to start things off.
Firstly is common enough concern: STIs. It would go a long way for our comfort to know what to look for in SPs that get regular testing, or what establishments cater to safe services. We would only be interested in safe play, but knowing what the SPs do on their end could be a balm on this fear.
Next is the most important one for us. We're both middle-aged and not exactly in our physical prime. Most notably, my wife struggles with her self image and esteem regarding her body. While she insists that this is something we do, she's worried about the hit her self esteem will take seeing me be intimate with a younger, more physically fit woman. She wants the confidence to do this and is quite turned on at the thought. But understandably, she cannot fully banish her worries yet. I love my wife dearly and think she's always beautiful, but we need an SP who can make her feel beautiful. She wants me to be the focus of this, but it's meaningless if she ends up feeling worse or inadequate. Together we want this to be a wonderful experience that she can come away from with more confidence. I love my wife and I only want to build her up, not tear her down. As a demisexual focused on me, she's going to make this happen because she knows I crave it. But I would hate myself forever if we went in half-cocked and let her love and kindness harm her rather than help her. My wife is my world.
So tldr; Married couple seeks advice on who to see and what to look for. We're excited and turned on at the idea, but still harbouring insecurities and concerns. My wife said not doing this is not an option, so we want to be as well equipped, safe and knowledgeable as we can be.
Thanks for your time.
Update directly from my wife: While I do like the idea of a bisexual provider, I'm incredibly demisexual and this idea makes me insanely jealous and terrified. I've attempted being in an open relationship before and have been cheated on way too many times and have always been left in the dust because of the other woman being more of a novelty than I. I've never had a partner whom I've given this level of trust and done things outside of my comfort level stay with me afterwards and I don't want to lose my heart to another experience again. I love my husband so much after being together 20 years that losing him will end me. I want to do this for him and I, but not right away. I know our trust level has to increase as does my self image and feeling solid love from my husband first.
Have you any ideas for us? I do not want to do massage whatsoever, I want it to be all at once so that firstly, my husband gets the experience he never had and secondly that we can both have this fantasy re-created for us and see what happens. We are aware that it may go nowhere once we eventually do go through with a SP and once the time comes, still take the risk.
My wife and I have been together for twenty years now, and married for most of them. Our sexual pasts have differed wildly. Most notably, the fact I was a virgin when we met and she's the only woman I've ever been with. I could go into further details, but to be brief, over the past couple of years we have had on and off conversations about getting the services of an SP, but as you can guess, this comes with concerns and conditions. We hope that we can hear back from hobbyists in a similar place and their tips/experiences, as well as some private conversations with and SPs here who might have some answers or suggestions for us. I'll mention a few of our top concerns here to start things off.
Firstly is common enough concern: STIs. It would go a long way for our comfort to know what to look for in SPs that get regular testing, or what establishments cater to safe services. We would only be interested in safe play, but knowing what the SPs do on their end could be a balm on this fear.
Next is the most important one for us. We're both middle-aged and not exactly in our physical prime. Most notably, my wife struggles with her self image and esteem regarding her body. While she insists that this is something we do, she's worried about the hit her self esteem will take seeing me be intimate with a younger, more physically fit woman. She wants the confidence to do this and is quite turned on at the thought. But understandably, she cannot fully banish her worries yet. I love my wife dearly and think she's always beautiful, but we need an SP who can make her feel beautiful. She wants me to be the focus of this, but it's meaningless if she ends up feeling worse or inadequate. Together we want this to be a wonderful experience that she can come away from with more confidence. I love my wife and I only want to build her up, not tear her down. As a demisexual focused on me, she's going to make this happen because she knows I crave it. But I would hate myself forever if we went in half-cocked and let her love and kindness harm her rather than help her. My wife is my world.
So tldr; Married couple seeks advice on who to see and what to look for. We're excited and turned on at the idea, but still harbouring insecurities and concerns. My wife said not doing this is not an option, so we want to be as well equipped, safe and knowledgeable as we can be.
Thanks for your time.
Update directly from my wife: While I do like the idea of a bisexual provider, I'm incredibly demisexual and this idea makes me insanely jealous and terrified. I've attempted being in an open relationship before and have been cheated on way too many times and have always been left in the dust because of the other woman being more of a novelty than I. I've never had a partner whom I've given this level of trust and done things outside of my comfort level stay with me afterwards and I don't want to lose my heart to another experience again. I love my husband so much after being together 20 years that losing him will end me. I want to do this for him and I, but not right away. I know our trust level has to increase as does my self image and feeling solid love from my husband first.
Have you any ideas for us? I do not want to do massage whatsoever, I want it to be all at once so that firstly, my husband gets the experience he never had and secondly that we can both have this fantasy re-created for us and see what happens. We are aware that it may go nowhere once we eventually do go through with a SP and once the time comes, still take the risk.
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