Funny things that happen in session ..

sexandweed said:

Saw this girl who offers CIM but no COF. I try to always finish this way, CIM.
One time I shot it in her eye.
On the next visit, shot it in her eye again.
On another visit, I shot it up her nose and she couldn’t breathe because her mouth was full of cum. So I had to scoop it out her nose with my finger, and of course I fed it to her

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Dang, nice job! :biggrin-new:

Poor girl. Gonorrhea is gonna catch on to her!

Wasn't funny at the time ........ I was visiting C&M (long time members know who this is) shortly after they left Jimmie's place and went indy on Gladstone near Bank. Connie and I had just gotten into things and were going hot and heavy when there was a loud pounding on the door. We stopped and waited and it happened again. No one wanted to open the door and there was no peephole. I suggested we just remain quiet so the three of us sat on the sofa all huddled together waiting for the cops to leave as of course we expected the worst. The girls thought Jimmie had turned them in to get even for them leaving and going indy. It was my first time being in the middle of a C&M sandwich but not the last.

Maggie texted someone she knew nearby who came and checked and found it was the painter Maggie hired who came by to collect money for the work he did for them. While it wasn't funny at the time the three of us had laughs over this for years.

Not long ago I did a duo with a non-escort friend of mine who works at McDonald's and the client knew this...

When we were about to go down on him, he said, "OMG yes ladies, please devour me like a McWrap!"

Her and I stopped what we were doing and had a laughing fit!

Another funny story that was written in one of my reviews by my regular client...

I was in the doggy position while receiving DATO and I love me some DATO...

I guess I was extra enthusiastic, writhing and moaning because when he was done and we faced each other, I realized his nose was bleeding.

He was so embarrassed, needlessly.
I took care of him, we put Kleenex up his nose and we continued the session.

Ever since then I try to be more careful with my bum so that it doesn't hurt anyone else.

Nobody wants to answer the question of why their nose is bruised and bleeding with "a hooker beat me up with her ass!"

Mine gotta be the fire alarm goes off in the building during the session.

Another one - in my 20s, with a civvie.. in a house rented on holiday w a few of my mates plus 2 dogs. One thing leads to another get back to the house just after sundown, take her to a bedroom, get all nekkid, no condom, so it's a bj. And it's not a good one. I know, hard to do a bad one back then as it usually only took 5 pumps to launch. But not this one. Its going on and on and the other lads going to be back soon so theres like this clock ticking in my head. So we're in the dark, I'm on my back, she's going at it...I close my eyes try to concentrate to think of things to help me launch. Finally I feel the launch sequence initiate...and just at launch we see 2 sets of dog eyes glowing about a foot away curiously staring at the bj and it caused her to jump back in startle just as the photon torpedoes fire - first one hits the headboard behind me, second hits me right in the eye, and it stings like hell and my eyes were closed as I squirm about cumming left and right. Finally stop cumming. I open my non jizzed eye, she's now laughing at her own self for the startle, there's a jizz blast dangling in her long black hair, and she goes to pet one of the dogs and there's a jizz blast on the dogs head and she pulls her hand up with a "eww.... jizz and German shepherd hair" lol. So i apologized for shooting up the place and kinda lied and said she turned me on so much i couldnt help it. Then we searched around trying to cleanup the damage and sperm blasts on my chest and the bed sheet and headboard and then trying to rinse my eye in the sink lol. Oh and as we got dressed to head out I stopped her to point out she still had the jizz strand in her hair.

KittyCaterina said:

Another funny story that was written in one of my reviews by my regular client...

I was in the doggy position while receiving DATO and I love me some DATO...

I guess I was extra enthusiastic, writhing and moaning because when he was done and we faced each other, I realized his nose was bleeding.

He was so embarrassed, needlessly.
I took care of him, we put Kleenex up his nose and we continued the session.

Ever since then I try to be more careful with my bum so that it doesn't hurt anyone else.

Nobody wants to answer the question of why their nose is bruised and bleeding with "a hooker beat me up with her ass!"

Click to expand...

Or better yet, how do you explain a broken nose

A provider I saw once told me her door was open and to just walk in when I get there. This was one of my first times ever seeing an SP. When I arrived it was dark out and I'd never been there before obviously. I walked up to the apartment complex, super nervous, and saw a door literally wide open with no one around. I figured that was the one, since she said the door was open for me to come in (clearly I wasn't thinking straight). I walked in and a lady was sitting on the couch with her dog completely stunned that some random dude just came into her house. I stood there also basically stun locked, looking at her just thinking. Thinking if I was getting scammed or if I was being messed with. Eventually I finally said, "you're not who I'm looking for are you?". I said sorry, and quickly left. I felt really bad that I'd scared the lady and her dog. The provider called me as I was walking away asking me where I was, thinking I was the one messing with her. I started to think, maybe that actually was her plan and she knew that girl and it was some sort of vetting process lol. I don't know, most likely not, and I was just really stupid. I got the proper apartment anyway and met her at the door. Ended up being a great experience with her.

I’ve fallen off the bed a handful of times

I sometimes have misjudged how much of the bed I have left (I rarely wear my glasses) and have taken a tumble or two while moving around/ switching positions

With a GF not an SP during a play night in a hotel. She's all dollied up, ass up tits down on the floor with her asshole gaped wide open with a speculum. I'm sitting on the edge of a chair milking up a massive load which I shoot all over the speculum and in her lovely gaped hole. "Get the camera, get the camera" she says. My legs are now stiff. I try to get up and swing a leg over her ass to get the camera. Unfortunately my leg doesn't get high enough and I catch the speculum with my foot. The cum soaked speculum gets kicked out of her asshole, flys across the room and bounces off the wall. After her tender hole doesn't hurt so much we end up laughing to the point of tears.