Effects of hobbying

[ravencroft]

Sex workers have shaped my entire adult life, and I am thankful for them for every moment of it:

• The first breasts I ever touched were lap dances on my legal birthday. A week later, I was practically living in the strip club spending my part-time job salary while going to university.
• I didn't want to pay for my first time having sex, and wound up having an awkward one-night stand instead in my very late teens, but the second through like twentieth times I had sex were all with SPs / MPAs thereafter and I learned a lot in my youth from them.
• I kept on that way while trying to date, gradually building confidence by learning from the ladies I paid for.
• I did struggle with addiction in my mid-20's because civilian dating/sex wasn't always as fun, and I couldn't stop scrolling the boards and hearing of exciting new adventures, so I often ended relationships the second they got stale so I could have a PSE-like experience blow my brains out.

I've now been patroning sex workers periodically for the better part of 25 years. Had some really exceptional times and very few bad ones, but most were quite pleasant (if not as memorable).
I've lost track of the hundreds of random SPs and MPAs that have pleasured me in some way shape or form, and you'd think you'd hit a point where "enough is enough", but I've come to realize that I never really wanted to settle down and the concept of sexual monogamy is incredibly horrifying to my soul (and libido).

That being said, I have no illusions that I'm mostly just a client/regular, and sometimes perhaps a preferred client (happy to see me and a friendly/flirty connection, sometimes bending the rules), but that's as far as it goes with 99.9% of the ladies I've encountered.
I had the occasional tryst (i.e. hooking up with an SP/MPA civie-style), but it was always short-lived (I make fairly good money, but not THAT good money to keep them in the lifestyle they were chasing), and even 2 I've been able to call friend and still keep in touch with to this day (though no longer see in session to maintain that healthy separation and appreciate the friendship).

How has this all changed me over two and a half decades?

1. I've realized it's about the freedom of selection and lack of obligation that arouses me most, though obviously some toned, nubile female physique doesn't hurt.
2. I also realized that I have to strike a balance if I'm dating someone, as it's not just my health at risk at that point and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone else, so if I start any relationship I get tested prior to sex, and then if I feel compelled to cheat (post honeymoon period) I only allow myself HJs so I go to safer MP joints where I won't be tempted to pursue extras.
3. It's still a shitty thing to do to a partner (I never claimed to be a good person), but at least I can sleep at night not worrying whether I've passed on an STI and am too chicken-shit to get re-tested and find out / torpedo my life and relationship.

So I'll probably continue seeing sex workers sporadically so long as I'm alive and able bodied since I have both the finances and the inclination to do so, within reason.

Hope that share helps someone out here. Each person has to find their way through life and what makes them tick / happy to get out of bed. For me, it's the sight, presence and prospect of numerous beautiful women with a healthy air or sensuality.

 

[johnd5050]

imagine you spend those $250/300 and treat a girl for diner! you'll get laid all night long and not just 1 hour.

Wishful thinking

 

[Ballsin Deep]

Wishful thinking

Exactly! my meals for 2 are running over $400 with a drinkable bottle of wine.

 

[johnd5050]

Exactly! my meals for 2 are running over $400 with a drinkable bottle of wine.

For that price, I rather see an SP and go home satisfied.
Better than a dinner date and a kiss on the cheek.

 

[poker]

Is it the kill? Or the thrill of the chase?

Here is my challenge to you… stop hobbying for a bit. Try an approach at least 2 woman a week. See if you can get a number. After 10, start keeping stats to see if you’re batting 300 or better. Have fun with approaches…. Be cheesy or a little outrageous in your openers.

 

[cupidallen]

the only thing will hold me back will be money. .. if I can find a way to make extra money -- I will hobby forever

 

[johnd5050]

If you are spending that much for dinner then she is just using for that classy meal

Really ?

 

[billie69]

On a first date with a civilian, you meet for coffee for 30 minutes and take it from there.

If she wants to go to a 5 star restaurant on a first date, that should be a red flag.

 

[Funtimez77]

Expensive dinner dates for a first date are a terrible idea IMO. It's note even about money but meeting a stranger for an expensive dinner for the first time is not even the best way to get to know someone. A coffee, a walk in the park, an activity, or just a couple of drinks at a bar is always way better than taking her out for a $300 dinner.

 

[dirtyharry555]

Marriage is a monster that preys on your instinct for companionship and the want of a little version of yourself running around. It is a deception. The odds highly favour you will divorce thus negating the companionship and limiting access to your wonderful mini you. Don’t think with your brain. Your smaller head will guide you down the path of fulfillment and enlightenment. I know it’s a negative opinion on marriage. But it’s also a positive one on your soul. So go bang some hotties and be happy!

Watch until the end.

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1579563882901032960

 

[barnacler]

I have not read much of this thread.

But what I will say is this:

I have made AMAZING connections with many women from this "hobby".

I have helped them, but Lord knows they have helped me more.

Sex in many cases has become a non-event, of no importance. Friendship has risen.

I have been at two funerals where I grieved more than I grieved for family members.

Several of the women in this field have ranked amongst the greatest influences in my life.

 

[SammyS]

Facts. I started doing this hobby almost 5 years ago when I was 25 because I was never great with women and they were never attracted to me. Now I am stuck and lately using SPs doesn't feel fulfilling to me anymore. Maybe I'm looking for real affection and intimacy from a women

Maybe you haven't found the right girl.
It's all in the connections you make...
Imagine you had an appt with a girl and your screwed up her address and you text her to say you would pay and she figures out where you are and picks you up in her car...
Imagine it's a special birthday for you and she arranges her schedule so she can see you on that special day... she dresses up and at the end you celebrate with the cake she bought you...
Connections... it's all in the connections!!!

 

[Robert Mugabe]

No adverse effects to report. Going swimmingly. Glad I started. Glad to continue. Alternative being hoping that special "miss right" comes along before my dick rots off.

 

[Scopez]

Found this video today and I resonated with parts of his breakdown. The 5 min mark is where he goes into discussing his experience with hobbying.


To the old/middle aged married men; my rant doesn't pertain to you, I'm not at that stage in life, so I have no comment.

as a young guy - I believe it's unhealty for relationships, and your self development. All that money could be spent bettering yourself, going to therapy to understand why you're trying to fill the void with a sex addiction.

If you're young and single, and your end goal is to find a partner - the earlier you can stop cold turkey the better. Financially it isn't worth it either; you could travel to asia instead of booking 5 escorts in a month, you could work on your approach with women, hit the gym, go to speech therapy... etc.

This is a pretty unfortunate addiction, but it's not too difficult to resist - just needs to be taken seriously. If you are a guy that wants to quit, have you tried... Like seriously? Have you seriously attempted to go 3 months without booking an escort?

Throughout my 5+ years of engaging in this I have had the privilege of going on many (civilian) dates, I have had girlfriends, FWB, etc... Those experiences almost always are more memorable than times with escorts ... why? The conversations at dinner, seeing someone is attracted to you while you speak with them, then the art of closing the deal after the date is a thrill like no other - Sex with real people who are actually attracted to you physically, emotionally and intellectually lead to a much stronger bond, and it feels natural with that real, organic chemistry.

With an escort the conversations tend to be superficial, the chemistry is almost always nonexistent, and even if you are having a good time, you know it will be coming to an end soon as they're ultimately trying to make money. I have had at least 3 escorts where I'd see them after their shift and hangout, watch a movie, order food for free / 15 min rate price, I have had those experiences... They're nice, but they don't come too often.

Dating in this city can be exhausting, and the proclivity to book an escort comes with ease, and is relatively stress free.. that guilt you carry while walking to an incall, scared to hand your phone to a friend because you don't know if they'll go on the internet and open a webpage, or you recieve a text from someone 5 days after your original inquiry with their rates, or your (partner) seeing something she shouldnt..


I have also been over the civilian hookup culture as I enter my late 20s, whereas before I loved the chase (and escorts were a good filler). Meeting someone this year who I really enjoy, more than any of my previous relationships has made me come to the realization that I would prefer to settle down and love someone without having a guilty conscience/ always carrying a secret.
Will I see an escort again from now until Spring 2024....? It's almost a certainty, but I would be lying if I said I'm proud to say that.

 

[SammyS]

those connections with SPs are still just connevtions for that moment

100% agree,,, but when you have the connection, it makes a difference between a good time and a fantastic time in my books any way.

 

[Ballsin Deep]

If you are spending that much for dinner then she is just using for that classy meal

I agree with you but let's be clear we are talking about my wife

 

[MindJohn]

I don't know into which classification I fit, so I don't know into whose ears I should pontificate when I ponder this subject.

(and I must admit to having perused only the first and latest single pages of this thread) (but it's a great topic)


Something mostly omitted from the prevailing thought processes is the directness (completely lacking a seeming chess match to woo a civilian woman into bed/sex) which arrives hand in hand with this hobby.

Now and again on this and similar boards we read of a virgin male visiting an escort and still not (exhibiting) the social finesse to get the ball rolling, so to speak.

Was it Julia Roberts (along with countless others who said) "I'm a sure thing!" ??

Being able to approach sex with a woman , knowing in advance that you're going to (get some, so to speak) is not paralleled in a great deal of early civilian dating and relationships.

It stands to reason that men, and anyone, would gain considerably from being able to rehearse in similar ways focusing on a sexual partner without first having been (nearly hyperventilating with hope, for far too long, and likely showing it ).

( {getting to know your sexual self, with the assistance/company of working girls} parallels getting to practice the challenges on Pac Man after your score goes beyond 100K or something, without always having had to go back and build up to that plateau just to get the same relatively small amount of practice time in that zone)


As to the "effects" of hobbying... I don't know that I can give a fair assessment... although looking back, had I known only the traditional "civilian" encounters in my life to date, it would have been a mostly unfortunate and considerably lacking path. There never really was a point in the road where I could have selected this fork, or that fork, and truly known the routine opportunities more common to many of you. So my best means of comparison is to just (admittedly guess-at) my own evolution both with, and without sexual encounters shared with working girls.

Doing just that reminds me of the first truly regular repeat encounter I ever knew in this arena... and considering how much different it seemed for the steady familiarity and the relative comfort and reliability known to that liaison. The chase out there on the streets is quite fun and exciting in its own way, but even when you chance upon a dynamo you'd like to know again and again, you're best off imagining that your encounter was just a one-time bit of good fortune.


So if ever I forge a traditional relationship with someone, I will have gained in countless fashion from the sense of having been truly used to a single partner and being routinely excited to be with that same partner again and again (even though for a fee).

I don't feel any "addiction" to this hobby... more accurately, it is there, when nothing else really is.


Of course it would be a grand experience to have unlimited funds and to witness myself poring through the ads and (making up random reasons) for selecting one, vs. another, and trying to effect for myself a sensational encounter, perhaps aided most by women who are quite good at matching who they are to who the male mind tends to expect them to be prior to first meeting.

In a way, though, unlimited funds would make the selection process far more difficult, where many twists of today's fate tend to narrow the playing field sufficiently so as to at least get me nearer to getting the aforementioned ball rolling on an actual encounter.


So list me with those who don't sense too much long-term effect from this hobby... and I've never cheated on anyone, and had no impulse to do so at the rare times I've been in a traditional relationship.


Each specific example among you is likely SO different as a function of life experiences that to make blanket statements of concern about some, merely because we all crossed this one path, seems most ideal for those wanting the random answer they're likely to conclude for/about themselves. That isn't exactly a scientific conclusion.

 

[steelcitysid]

A lot has been said here. Can't contain myself to this juicy topic. Here's my $0.02:
- In my mind, having fun with a SP is NOT cheating, its just business, for both parties. No feeling involved.
Cheers!

Anything you do with sp behind your partners back IS cheating. No matter what you try to tell yourself otherwise. Would you say the same if your wife or partner did it? Lol

 

[futurelegend]

If you're in a relationship and you think it won't ruin it, you're crazy. After seeing SPs, your wife just won't compare. You'll never want to have sex with her. I wish I never went down this road. Porn too can kill a relationship.

Don’t fully agree to this statement, as it’s too broad. I think if you’re aware of why you’re doing it and what you’re getting into and treat it as a service, rather than a relationship, I think you can successfully keep them separate.

I was married when I first started hobbying, but my relationship was done and we were just going through the paces. I think hobbying back then was a mistake. I spent time with these women, trying to fill an emotional and physical void, which really just shut me down further emotionally. I even started dating one while I was married.

I stayed away for over 10 years while I was single, because I could easily hit up online dating and within a day or two, I could be hooking up with someone, but this isn’t what I was looking for, I wanted a relationship.

I’ve recently (2 years) found the perfect girl for me. She’s incredible and treats me so well and is SMOKING hot. Hotter than pretty much any SP I’ve ever seen. I’ve started seeing MP’s again over the last couple of months, but I look at it completely differently now. I look at them as providing a service, just an RMT or chiropractor does…just a different nature. I had one offer FS, which I declined because that’s not what I was there for. That’s my boundary. I only see MP’s that offer something that my GF just can’t offer…not her fault. I won’t get into what, because it doesn’t matter, but I keep these experiences very professional and respectful and, honestly, the girls have really appreciated it…like I treat them as professionals, rather than some whore to do my bidding.

Is it cheating? Depends, would it hurt your SO if she found out? If so…yes. If she wouldn’t care because you’re open and have discussed it…no.

 

[Mrburritoman]

dont date an sp, it was the worst mistake of my life

another effect of long term hobbying is you will eventually become a misogynist

This guy's is right... I made the same mistake 4 times as I am decent to good looking and SPs end up enjoying the time with me. The problem comes when the lies begin and they all try to appear like good girls while in reality you never asked them to change.