Every once in a while, someone here suggests that it would be fun to read "johns reviews" written by SPs. Now, we all know why this idea -- while interesting in theory -- is not a good idea in practice. Privacy and all that.
So instead of johns reviews, what I propose to you for your entertainment purposes is a typology of pooners. Obviously, like any typology, the following focuses on stereotypical characteristics to produce a classification, and therefore, it doesn't pretend to be a representative account of the messiness and complexity of real people. And like most typologies, it probably leaves out more than it includes, both within and outside of the categories presented. So keeping in mind the epistemological limits of the exercise, and it's good humored intentions, here's my typology of johns (other SPs, please feel free to add on to it. And guys, it may be fun to read a similar typology of escorts):
The Veteran Pooner: Hobbying is a sport for this guy, and one at which he excels. He has been practicing and mastering his skills for many years, played in many leagues, professionals and amateurs, has many "field injuries" stories to tell, knows everything and everyone there is to know in the world of pooning, can recite stats on top of his head, and often gives back to the community by volunteering to coach new players.
As a client, he is often easy to recognize by his laid-back, knows-the-drill, been-there-done-that attitude. He usually knows how to make an SP feel comfortable and safe to get the best out of her. This, combined with his experience of the game which has given him a realistic set of expectations of his and his partners skills and abilities, makes him a relatively easy client to please. Give a good game, don't make sloppy pass, focus on the ball(s), and he should leave with a smile. In most case, he'll prefer a great offense game with only one goal, to a multi-score winning game due to a lousy defense.
The Business Man: The classic and quality suit, tie, and shoes he wears is the first clue, but what puts this guys in this category is his approach and attitude to the encounter. Basically, the Business Man brings his successful business skills and knowledges in the bedroom with him. He is goal oriented, has good people skills, expects and demands the best but within reasonable limits, isn't afraid to take calculated risks, is rational, understands that it's easier to attract flies with honey than with vinegar, and he will do what it takes to close the deal.
As a client, the Business Man is also relatively easy to please. There's no confusion with him about the transactional nature of the encounter, and he expects to receive the service he paid for, no more, no less. Deliver, with a smile and no hassle, and he's happy. If someone understands that time = money, it's him. He's not a time waster, typically has the courtesy to call if he's running late, and doesn't expect you to go over time for free. But he's not going to be happy if one hour in your time zone has only 45 minutes.
The Romantic: In many ways the opposite of the Business Man. The Romantic wants to forget as much as possible that this encounter is paid for, and wants to push to fantasy to its utter limits. He will often greet you with flowers or chocolates, with the envelop tactfully concealed in the gift. If he is receiving, there will be ambiance lighting and classic jazz playing, and he will have a choice of wine waiting for you. The Romantic wants some conversation and flirting before moving to the bedroom, and typically prefers a slow, sensual, erotic encounter to a porn-like romp.
As a client, he's the one who came up with and expect the GirlFriend Experience. While kissing is extremely important to him, his satisfaction comes from the "feeling" of the experience more than from the acronyms soup. He wants to believe in the illusion, and the worse you can do as an escort is ruin that fantasy for him. He is typically a very sweet, respectful, and well-mannered guy. While not usually highly demanding in terms of the "menu", he can be a bit demanding emotionally and mentally if you don't know how to subtly impose the limits of the fantasy without ruining it.
The Virgin: Whether to paid-sex or to sex in general, The Virgin has a lot of potential, but requires talent and work. He is usually extremely nervous, and the awkwardness of the monetary transaction doesn't help his nerves. He usually requires a good dose of reassuring, and if available, a glass of wine or a shot of vodka will be welcomed as well. Most virgins seem to do quite a bit of research before getting their cherry popped, and thanks to Terb, they usually know -- at least in theory -- the do's and dont's of seeing an escort. The execution may be lacking is smoothness, but the intention is there. He is also typically very respectful and well-mannered, and almost paranoid about his hygiene.
For the ethical whore, the responsibility of popping someone's cherry can be nerve-racking. There's pressure to meet often exaggerated expectations, and a responsibility to follow the campside rule of leaving your inexperienced partner in better shape than you found them. But The Virgin can also be extremely good for the ego, and if you are someone who takes pride in your work, there's a lot of gratification and fun in introducing someone to the pleasure of (paid-for) sex.
The Kamasutra in Thirty Minutes Guy: This is the guy who is to blame for so many escorts not offering 30 minutes sessions. He expects the action to start at the 1:14 minute mark of him setting foot in the door, and to last until the 30:00 min mark non-stop (except maybe for a condom change, if you have to insist), expects to go over the full menu at least twice (DATY is optional, no time to waste there), with all least 12 different awkward positions usually seen and performed only in porn. He's likely not going to be satisfied if there's no possibility for a spectacular money shot somewhere on your body, preferably on your face.
He is exhausting, and if it wasn't for the fact that he makes you feel like a blow-up doll, his obviously starved sex life could almost bring some sympathy out of you.
The ADD or Kid in a Candy Store Guy: The ADD/KICS guy share some similarities with the KITM guy, but they are two very different specimens. The ADD/KICS, like its name indicates, has the attention span of a kid in a candy store when there's a hot naked woman in front of him ready to do the naughty with him. So much to look at, fondle, taste, touch, smell, pound, stroke: it's just too much for his head(s) to focus on one thing. The longest he'll likely follow through with one part of your body or one position is usually no more than a minute. The ADD/KICS guy is, no surprise, a big fan of 69 and any other combination of multi-tasking sexual activities.
He is also quite exhausting, and short of ritalin, taking control of the action and imposing some much needed structure to the activity is necessary. If you can take control of the situation, he can be a really fun lay, and will most likely be enthusiastic about any suggestions you throw at him. For 2 minutes.
God's Gift to Women: This type of client is often young (under 35), relatively attractive and in shape (although not always), and some are slightly more endowed than the average human male population. But what distinguish the GGTW type are not his physical attributes, but rather his arrogance, and his mistaken impression that he is doing you a favor by paying you to have sex with him.
The GGTW guy typically likes to talk about your other clients, who of course he assumes are all old, fat, ugly, and smelly. It goes without saying in his mind that you are thanking your gods for every minutes that he -- rather than the old, fat, ugly and smelly guy -- is fucking you. The GGTW guy will often be offended if he doesn't get more from your menu than what your reviews/website suggest. After all, he is young and good looking/well endowed/a terrific lover/the bestest client/etc., not like all those old, fat, ugly and smelly other clients of yours. It's been heard of that some GGTW guys even ask for a discount, on the basis that they are young and good looking/well endowed/"you won't be disapointed".
*See below for more*
So instead of johns reviews, what I propose to you for your entertainment purposes is a typology of pooners. Obviously, like any typology, the following focuses on stereotypical characteristics to produce a classification, and therefore, it doesn't pretend to be a representative account of the messiness and complexity of real people. And like most typologies, it probably leaves out more than it includes, both within and outside of the categories presented. So keeping in mind the epistemological limits of the exercise, and it's good humored intentions, here's my typology of johns (other SPs, please feel free to add on to it. And guys, it may be fun to read a similar typology of escorts):
The Veteran Pooner: Hobbying is a sport for this guy, and one at which he excels. He has been practicing and mastering his skills for many years, played in many leagues, professionals and amateurs, has many "field injuries" stories to tell, knows everything and everyone there is to know in the world of pooning, can recite stats on top of his head, and often gives back to the community by volunteering to coach new players.
As a client, he is often easy to recognize by his laid-back, knows-the-drill, been-there-done-that attitude. He usually knows how to make an SP feel comfortable and safe to get the best out of her. This, combined with his experience of the game which has given him a realistic set of expectations of his and his partners skills and abilities, makes him a relatively easy client to please. Give a good game, don't make sloppy pass, focus on the ball(s), and he should leave with a smile. In most case, he'll prefer a great offense game with only one goal, to a multi-score winning game due to a lousy defense.
The Business Man: The classic and quality suit, tie, and shoes he wears is the first clue, but what puts this guys in this category is his approach and attitude to the encounter. Basically, the Business Man brings his successful business skills and knowledges in the bedroom with him. He is goal oriented, has good people skills, expects and demands the best but within reasonable limits, isn't afraid to take calculated risks, is rational, understands that it's easier to attract flies with honey than with vinegar, and he will do what it takes to close the deal.
As a client, the Business Man is also relatively easy to please. There's no confusion with him about the transactional nature of the encounter, and he expects to receive the service he paid for, no more, no less. Deliver, with a smile and no hassle, and he's happy. If someone understands that time = money, it's him. He's not a time waster, typically has the courtesy to call if he's running late, and doesn't expect you to go over time for free. But he's not going to be happy if one hour in your time zone has only 45 minutes.
The Romantic: In many ways the opposite of the Business Man. The Romantic wants to forget as much as possible that this encounter is paid for, and wants to push to fantasy to its utter limits. He will often greet you with flowers or chocolates, with the envelop tactfully concealed in the gift. If he is receiving, there will be ambiance lighting and classic jazz playing, and he will have a choice of wine waiting for you. The Romantic wants some conversation and flirting before moving to the bedroom, and typically prefers a slow, sensual, erotic encounter to a porn-like romp.
As a client, he's the one who came up with and expect the GirlFriend Experience. While kissing is extremely important to him, his satisfaction comes from the "feeling" of the experience more than from the acronyms soup. He wants to believe in the illusion, and the worse you can do as an escort is ruin that fantasy for him. He is typically a very sweet, respectful, and well-mannered guy. While not usually highly demanding in terms of the "menu", he can be a bit demanding emotionally and mentally if you don't know how to subtly impose the limits of the fantasy without ruining it.
The Virgin: Whether to paid-sex or to sex in general, The Virgin has a lot of potential, but requires talent and work. He is usually extremely nervous, and the awkwardness of the monetary transaction doesn't help his nerves. He usually requires a good dose of reassuring, and if available, a glass of wine or a shot of vodka will be welcomed as well. Most virgins seem to do quite a bit of research before getting their cherry popped, and thanks to Terb, they usually know -- at least in theory -- the do's and dont's of seeing an escort. The execution may be lacking is smoothness, but the intention is there. He is also typically very respectful and well-mannered, and almost paranoid about his hygiene.
For the ethical whore, the responsibility of popping someone's cherry can be nerve-racking. There's pressure to meet often exaggerated expectations, and a responsibility to follow the campside rule of leaving your inexperienced partner in better shape than you found them. But The Virgin can also be extremely good for the ego, and if you are someone who takes pride in your work, there's a lot of gratification and fun in introducing someone to the pleasure of (paid-for) sex.
The Kamasutra in Thirty Minutes Guy: This is the guy who is to blame for so many escorts not offering 30 minutes sessions. He expects the action to start at the 1:14 minute mark of him setting foot in the door, and to last until the 30:00 min mark non-stop (except maybe for a condom change, if you have to insist), expects to go over the full menu at least twice (DATY is optional, no time to waste there), with all least 12 different awkward positions usually seen and performed only in porn. He's likely not going to be satisfied if there's no possibility for a spectacular money shot somewhere on your body, preferably on your face.
He is exhausting, and if it wasn't for the fact that he makes you feel like a blow-up doll, his obviously starved sex life could almost bring some sympathy out of you.
The ADD or Kid in a Candy Store Guy: The ADD/KICS guy share some similarities with the KITM guy, but they are two very different specimens. The ADD/KICS, like its name indicates, has the attention span of a kid in a candy store when there's a hot naked woman in front of him ready to do the naughty with him. So much to look at, fondle, taste, touch, smell, pound, stroke: it's just too much for his head(s) to focus on one thing. The longest he'll likely follow through with one part of your body or one position is usually no more than a minute. The ADD/KICS guy is, no surprise, a big fan of 69 and any other combination of multi-tasking sexual activities.
He is also quite exhausting, and short of ritalin, taking control of the action and imposing some much needed structure to the activity is necessary. If you can take control of the situation, he can be a really fun lay, and will most likely be enthusiastic about any suggestions you throw at him. For 2 minutes.
God's Gift to Women: This type of client is often young (under 35), relatively attractive and in shape (although not always), and some are slightly more endowed than the average human male population. But what distinguish the GGTW type are not his physical attributes, but rather his arrogance, and his mistaken impression that he is doing you a favor by paying you to have sex with him.
The GGTW guy typically likes to talk about your other clients, who of course he assumes are all old, fat, ugly, and smelly. It goes without saying in his mind that you are thanking your gods for every minutes that he -- rather than the old, fat, ugly and smelly guy -- is fucking you. The GGTW guy will often be offended if he doesn't get more from your menu than what your reviews/website suggest. After all, he is young and good looking/well endowed/a terrific lover/the bestest client/etc., not like all those old, fat, ugly and smelly other clients of yours. It's been heard of that some GGTW guys even ask for a discount, on the basis that they are young and good looking/well endowed/"you won't be disapointed".
*See below for more*
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