How to properly interpret a Red Zone ad

bobistheowl · Jul 28, 2005

Height: Subtract 2-3 inches for heels.

Weight: Multiply by 1.2.

Age: Multiply by 1.2.

Bust: Add 2 inches, subtract 1 cup size.

Waist: Multiply by 1.25.

Hips: Multiply by 1.25.

GFE: Short massage, LK for 2 minutes or less, some nipple play, external digits, talking, single SOG.

PSE: Greek and Russian available for extra $$$.

Unrushed: Up to 80% of purchased time allowed. Will shower after session.

European: Does not shave, including legs and armpits.

Available 24/7: Don't call before 1 PM. Will be groggy and/or high on weed.

Girlfriends Available: Bait & Switch.

Open Minded: Nipple sucking available, YMMV on DATY. Dirty talk.

100% Return Rate: Has shill.

LoneSearcher · Jul 28, 2005

The mathematics of reality-and thinking with the "big head"

Godd laugh man!

Vancouver Femme Fatale · Jul 28, 2005

Are you talking about The RedZone? Because if you are you're talking about a directory I'm listed in. In which case, I'm nothing like what you described, and rather than the knee-slapping hilarity you perhaps anticipated, I find it pretty lame.

NicolesBoudoir · Jul 28, 2005

have to say it's pretty funny since there are alot on theredzone that can use those calculations and be right.....thank goodness I'm not one of them

Shallow Throat · Jul 28, 2005

VFF, the problem is that he isn't far from the truth and, in some cases, is being understated in his exaggerations. There are plenty of girls that give honest, accurate descriptions of themselves and their services, it's the girls that don't that tarnish the reputation of the many.
If you thought lying and bait and switch is a problem now, you should have been around before the internet when all you had were descriptions from some ad or by some agency over the phone.

tboy · Jul 28, 2005

This is a good one and too true. But as in all things, this doesn't apply to all but I'd say in about 45% of the cases. The problem is that we as customers usually don't find out until she comes to our door.

I think he forgot the following:

Passive: aka lies there like a dead fish on the shores of lake ontario
Uninterrupted: cell phone will only ring 3 times

Just remember ladies: this only applies to those that do exaggerate their services. Ms Femme: you finding it lame or not is basically irrelevant as I don't believe you've ever had the oppurtunity to find out the truth in his comments.

TheIronLady · Jul 28, 2005

yes it is bad when girls lie about their service and looks. It not only hurts them but all us girls that do give accurate info.

The session will be much better for all if you are pleased with the first impression at the door.

Guys if you get to the door and I am not what you expect then I would ask that you to tell me, rather then staying and being less then happy.

Vancouver Femme Fatale · Jul 29, 2005

Perhaps I was a little ovary in my response...as opposed to teste. *ducks*

Maybe it's a Toronto thing rather than a Vancouver thing as regards to problems with women on the RedZone; in which case I've over-reacted. To me it came out of left field as I've never really heard much as far as complaints about them out in my neck of the woods. I'd be pretty pissed - since I've been paying them for ages - if their reputation sucks unbeknownst to me.

And I definitely agree, as seen in my comments in other threads, that differing wildly from your photos and description burns everybody.

TheNiteHwk · Jul 29, 2005

They are everywhere...

When I read this yesterday I thought it was very funny. I even laughed out loud in my office and someone asked me what was so funny. I showed it to them and they laughed also. rotflmao.

I don't think it's only The Red Zone though. It's almost if not all advertising mediums (Internet and print media) descriptions etc are way off the mark.

One of my favs in the past was "I really 18" She was running that same ad for 4 years! LMAO.

The thing of it is I think is that in truth a lot of guys when it comes right down to it don't really care that much. Here on TERB we have higher expectations then the average consumer is what I'm trying to say. The average guy out there... when the girl gets to his door and she is not all that or not every thing she pumped her self up to be... the guy may be slightly disappointed... but really the bottom line is the end result. He just wants to get it wet and get off. As long as the girl is not butt ugly he is going to go for it. So IMO until more and more guys start to refuse at the door (and I don't see that happening any time soon) this problem will continue.

Of course for those that do have higher expectations etc... The educated consumers as I like to call them have TERB. And that's all good!

bobistheowl · Jul 29, 2005

To VFF: The thread starter was not meant to be a denounciation of all RedZone advertisers, or any one advertiser in particular. It's satire, in that it's a stretch of the truth, but not so much as to be absurd. The purpose was to provide a laugh to those who can feel a 'been there, done that' common experience. I can see that most of the people who posted comments have seen it as such.

It is unfortunate that many of the RedZone advertisers, (particularly the phone ads, of which I was thinking when I started the thread), describe themselves as having Barbie-like proportions, when the reality is far different. Any guy who has made an appointment with an SP from a RedZone ad more than three times, in the absence of a review from someone who took one for the team, has undoubtedly had an experience similar to what I described. Imagine how little business would be had from a 100% accurate ad such as this, (not anyone in particular, but many of us can relate):

Gentlemen...have you ever dreamed of spending some quality time with someone who is about as attractive as you are? Do you long for that imperfect woman who seems to have walked out of the pages of National Geographic magazine? If so, then I'm the one for you.

I'm 34, (look 33), with recently highlighted blonde hair, which I wear in an unflattering but low-maintainance style. I love to wear lots of makeup, to hide my skin blemishes. I'm 5'8'' tall in 4" heels, and weigh a very average 145 lbs. My breath-allowing measurements are 35B-29-40, with sensuous orange-peel thighs and derriere; the perfect pear-shaped figure. All-in-all, a perfect "6".

My pussy is deliciously stubbly, which offsets my appendectomy scar and laser-removed tattoo of a former boyfriend's name, (the latter I cover with lingerie, which I decline to remove).

Come spend a relaxing part of an hour with me and my curious cat in my basement studio apartment, complete with lukewarm and cold running water, and damp towels.

My services are uninspired and mechanical, and you'll rush yourself. All in all, a forgetable experience. One visit will show you why I change my name every few weeks.

TheNiteHwk · Jul 29, 2005

Sounds like one of my ex's.

Is her name Tina?

Vancouver Femme Fatale · Jul 29, 2005

I guess I just get really tired of the 'all SPs are liars' thing. You can say, well, "Well geez, I didn't mean you", but how does anybody else who doesn't know what I'm actually like be expected to know you didn't mean me, or the many, many other providers who've worked their asses off building a good reputation. It's just a tad discouraging.

As has been noted many times, SPs who are trying to do the right thing have enough problems dealing with the fall-out from SPs who do rip people off with inaccurate photos; why should we also be expected to be just fine with being stereotyped and generalised about, humourously or otherwise, by those who are supposed to be the good guys presumably looking to support those of us SPs trying to do a good job?

I know it wasn't intended to be offensive. I know that you really are the good guys. I get why it's funny...but do folks also get why it's annoying? Those adjectives are not mutually exclusive.

I hereby challenge bobistheowl to a duel. Recess, monkeybars, be there

glaeken · Jul 29, 2005

VFF,

There are a lot of good lawyers out there and I'm sure they don't take lawyer stereotypes personally. I work in IT and I don't take geek stereotypes personally either. If you're good at what you do then regardless of the conduct of others in your business you will have the reputation you deserve.

In the case of the Red Zone ads in Toronto (I can't speak for Vancouver) there is a significant percentage of ads that are exaggerated, have misleading/outdated pictures or are blatent B&S.

Although the original post was done a little tongue-in-cheek there is a lot of truth to it as well.

bobistheowl · Jul 29, 2005

VFF: Bad move in challenging me to monkey bars. I can throw a baseball with my left foot.

Vancouver Femme Fatale · Jul 29, 2005

Oh yeah? I can boob-slap a man into next week, and I got me some Kegel muscles that'll take off a man's finger at the second knuckle!

Don't make me hoot you Mr. Owl

LoneSearcher · Jul 30, 2005

VFF my dear,-"Boob-slap a man into next week??"

Sounds DDDelightful.Are you aware that the former Super-Busty Model/dancer "Tawny Peaks" had indeed "boob-slapped" a man(wimp though he was) with her "H-cups" and had subsequently gave him a whiplash?She was sued successfully and then had to settle out of court.I,on the other hand am made out of much sterner stuff...and can handle ANY woman's "boob-slap"(never tried H-cup though)-and will retaliate orally and vigourously with a vicious "tongue lashing"of my own.Beware VFF:I am of the mind to visit Vancouver (as I have relatives there) and am curious enough to try your mettle.Honestly,some of those women in Redzone/Eye/Now are liars and bait&switch artists and therefore tarnish the good ones too-our "job" is to find out-that's why there's TERB.If you don't like it...too bad.But I'll settle for a "good tongue-lashing" and being "chewed-out" by your no doubt lovely self.Cheers.

Your Kegel muscles..well that's a whole story in itself and I will match you "thrust for thrust" .'Nuff said.

Vancouver Femme Fatale · Jul 30, 2005

Damn! I been busted. Heh.

I have to say, with only 34 B's I really specialize more in nipnotism, whereby I entrance you by swaying them sensuously back and forth and then with ninja-like speed thrust them forward and poke you in the eyes!

They call me the The Cobra.

deep_blue · Jul 30, 2005

Oh No!

Vancouver Femme Fatale said:
Oh yeah? I can boob-slap a man into next week, and I got me some Kegel muscles that'll take off a man's finger at the second knuckle!

Don't make me hoot you Mr. Owl

Gee, I wonder how much you would charge for such a service. Its funny, you have a section in your web site entitled "Safety", what about the safety of a hapless client? You seem like a very dangerous woman.

fuji · Apr 7, 2006

Vancouver Femme Fatale said:
I guess I just get really tired of the 'all SPs are liars' thing. You can say, well, "Well geez, I didn't mean you", but how does anybody else who doesn't know what I'm actually like be expected to know you didn't mean me, or the many, many other providers who've worked their asses off building a good reputation. It's just a tad discouraging.

That's what review boards are for. The sad truth is that lying is so very, very common in this industry that everyone naturally has a pretty healthy suspicion of any information that is sourced from the provider. The solution to this is to have public reviews from credible posters who can be believed. The ads are a "starting point". If you see somoene whose stats look good, you go search for the reviews, and see how far off the truth it is.

Even the "reputable" agencies here in Toronto lie, most commonly about age. There's a thread somewhere in the incall section about an SP who has been "21 for 3 years now", and she works for what I'd call one of the most honest agencies we've got. It goes downhill fast from there.

Jokes like this are a healthy reaction to a situation that will never change. We can't change it, those are the cards we're dealt, might as well have a good laugh over it.

WhaWhaWha · Apr 7, 2006

This whole profession/hobby/industry is laced with disatisfaction. On both sides. The providers with their up-pricing, bait and switch, fibbing, short-shifting, clock-watching, rush-tugging, and fake orgasms (please just be honest or be quiet). The clientelle with their trolling, no-shows, haggling, attempts to cross boundaries (safety and personal), abusive behavior, and coarse manners. The SPs have had blacklists longer than we've had review boards but both been around long enough to even the playing field for the serious providers and hobbyists. It limits you in some respect to staying with the tried and true, but it least it increases your chances for satisfaction. New territory is still risky but it's also an adventure.

Good and bad sessions are sometimes just a matter of degrees. There is no book by the numbers session. Often client and SP click and often they don't. I recall one SP telling of a session that began with the client instructing her not to rip him off. She ended the session by immediately refunding his money and showing him the door. I recall some hobbyists coming to the board to profess their undying love for the SP following one session. I'd say in that case that the service was good and the customer was simply satisfied.

The redzone contains all walks of life as does the rest of the world. The honesty of the ads, once again is all about degrees. Some tell the truth, others deliberatly lie. But as George Costanza told Jerry Seinfeld, just before he took his polygraph test, "It's not a lie if you believe it."

How to properly interpret a Red Zone ad

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