Hobbyists or sex addicts???

[601]

I'm rather new to this Board, and to be honest, finding it interesting to peek so closely into the minds of those with an affliction similar to mine.

The first comment is that I've long tried to figure out whether this is a harmful addiction (as suggested by many), a latent immaturity, or just downright self-hurtful or antisocial behaviour. I've certainly never had a positive gut feeling about this, in spite of the pleasure sometimes found.

The notion of a community of like minded types, creating a permissive and enabling environment, and providing inside information on the best women to fuck behind your wife's (or girlfriend's or boyfriend's) back.... well it all seems a bit ridiculous.

I don't mean to be judgmental - it's just that I do battle with the temptation 24/7, and I personally see it as a problem, not a hobby, whether I am active with it or in a non-active period.

The women on this board often talk about the risks of this lifestyle, but the men don't. Fear of disease, fear of being busted, fear of being physically injured. The financial cost. These recriminations always were part of my morning-after experience.

I guess there's just a mentality here at Terb that I am not too sure about. What are you guys really all about? Aside from the pursuit of BBBJ's and the afterglow of a rare success, how do you really feel about this "hobby." I mean - does it affect your self esteem? Do all the 'secrets' cause cause a feeling of social isolation? Have you ever worried about getting a disease and infecting a loved one in your real worlds?

These were all concerns that haunted me when I was last active in this lifestyle - almost 3 years ago. The memory - and temptation - of the high that came with those occasional peak experiences still is strong, and still has a hold on me.

And obviously, I am here at TERB, so I am a part of this "community," not apart from it, but I seem to have a lot more misgivings about it than others have expressed.

So I'm wondering what you folks REALLY think about the lifestyle, for real. Hobby or addiction?

 

[Scarey]

Chances are......

Chances are you won't get an honest answer to that for the simple reason.....there are ladies present. I don't mean that in a mean-spirited way to you ladies. I say it because to answer a question like that will/would show a vulnerability in the guys that would be sensitive to show in front of members of the opposite sex.
Does sex addiction exist? Yup. Do all men who see SP's ,go to massage parlours, strip bars etc, have a sex addiction?. No, not at all. Here's kind of SA litmus test. Ask your self the next time your in a sexual situation. Would I be caught dead here under any other circumstance other then for sexual purposes. If you say no.....well that's be tween you and yourself.

 

[johnny]

as in any type of community, there are many differnt types of people at terb. I would agree that some have an addiction problem, some find it hard to meet a girl in a social situation, but many members are well educated and succesful. There has been talk on this board of safety regarding std's. For some people, this is harmless fun, for others it is harmful. no different i guess that a bottle of whiskey. some of us can have harmless fun drinking and some people it causes serious trouble too.

 

[Maryln]

Why men hire escorts

601: You are complicating something that is really very simple. You want to get laid and escorts provide that service with so strings attatched unlike an affair. Although the escort also offers good company and (I hope) conversation and most do enjoy their work. I f you feel guilty then that is human nature. Many, many men employ the services of an escort or mp attendant so you are not alone. Please go to Marc Perkel's site since he explains not only why men use an escort service but how to use an escort service (or independant for that matter) The man has great insight. http://sex.perkel.com/escort/index.htm. Just my 2cents, Maryln

 

[daty]

HON I AM CONFUSED?

Here it says .... you are in Hamilton

http://www.theredzone.com/cgi-bin/create.cgi?id=7133&cat=Hamilton&city=Hamilton&city2=

here Niagara

http://maryln.tripod.ca/



I e-mailed you the other day after seeing it on the redzone ( my e-mail name is something you would cook on outside ) your web site linked here cleared up the one rate question

HEY maybe with the two cities you are the ultimate one woman duo !!!!!!

 

[wollensak]

Self Esteem?

I participate in this "hobby" as a means of self-enlightenment.
GO ahead and laugh, but consider my situation: I've been married 19 years to a woman that is now completely uninterested in any intimate contact with me. We have a fine friendship but that's it. On top of this, thanks to cancer I am impotent. For this reason I obviously dont visit MPAs or Escorts - no shots on goal.

I do frequent strip clubs where I have on occasion been able to have a few nice intimate exchanges and have met some women who can make me feel appreciated. On the other hand, the ones that disrespect me can cause me a loss of self-esteem.

My situation is different than most. I am learning to feel better about my lack of sexuality. A good SC experience is therapeutic for me. Too bad most of the people doing this job are incapable of any real intimacy.

 

[Cave Carson]

Groan! Another post seeking to analyze/dissect the obvious! Call it what you want, but men are biologically programmed to lay pipe. The survival of the human race depends upon this detail. This simple biological imperative ends up causing us no end of time, money and trouble, right up to and including something called "marriage".

"Ask your self the next time your in a sexual situation. Would I be caught dead here under any other circumstance other then for sexual purposes?" - Scarey

Never troubled with women, have you? Are you a monk perchance?

 

[Maryln]

GOOD THREAD

this is a very good thread but sometimes it is best (as my good friend Gump used to say) not to analize oneself too much.
To DATY: I live btw Hamilton and Niagara Falls. The red zone encorages advertisers to advertise in up to 3 cities for no extra charge which is why you see the same ladies listed in different cities. In the base or first city the ad should read in yellow and in secondary cities Orange. Thought I would clear this point up. Stay naughty, maryln

 

[Captain Bly]

For gawd's sake lie back and enjoy it. If you don't enjoy it then you are wasting money that you could give to charity. All this analysis is really funny, a lot of guys trying to analyse why they want sex. because we are men, and women want it because they are women!!!!

Amen

 

[VatoLoco]

Vato...addicted???

IMHO this is an easy one for me now. After so much self-analyzes I came to a coclusion: This is not an addicion
for me.

At first though I was concerned for I am at a young age and the thought of HIV was devastating to me. I felt pretty much the same way 601 described: I thought something was wrong with me or that I was a loser; however, my point of view has changed now I still I think I'm a loser sometimes, ( well I'm lying I have a HUGE ego even though I am not great looking ) like today I was making calculations you see I tried to limit my "hunting" to once a month or every month and so, but lately I've overspent myself not only on SPs but
other things. I actually think I'm pretty monogamus even when it comes to seeing SPs for I try to stick to one that works, when you find something that works why try to fix/change it?? So just to give you an idea of what I spent
on the last month on my playmate: I see her once a week at 200 an hour now a month that's 800, then it hit me, 800 dollars!!! If my portfolio could talk or kick me in the balls for that matter I think I would be in trouble.
Now think 800 for 12 months 9600 a year an average return of
lets say 8-16 percent a year = DAMMM
This does not mean I regret it it just means I am simply gonna have to find a better job, lol, I think maybe a month
or so like that more then I will surely get bored anyways.

The point is that self analyzing yourself is not a bad thing
how else are you going to know who you are???
I salf analyse often, even the above post was me analyzing myself and I think I'm fine.

As for the addiction problem, well it's like any other addiction first admit you have it, accept it and decide what you want to do about it.

Ohh one more thing if any more ladies read this, you know it
you should gimme your websites or PM me because I am a good
repeat client, lol, and if we decide to become friends then
it may be good for the both of us if you know what I mean

 

[Cave Carson]

Despite what pop psychologists claim, I don't believe that a natural drive like sex can properly be classified as an addiction.

 

[Stoo]

...I've long tried to figure out whether this is a harmful addiction (as suggested by many), a latent immaturity, or just downright self-hurtful or antisocial behaviour...

Any reason why it can't be all of the above?

Seriously though, your thread reminds me of one I started when I was a new hobbyist. And as others have said, you probably won't get a straight answer here.

I can obviously only speak for myself, so here goes. (And be kind guys... this is only me!)

First, I am essentially a horny guy. For virtually all of my married life, I have had one or sometimes two mistresses (one at twelve years and counting...) I like sex and exploring the female form. Moreso, I enjoy the companionship of smart, strong, articulate women. Much to my surprise, the escorts I have seen have been exactly that... This reason alone accounts for the majority of my interest in hobbying.

Second, there are times when I crave intimate companionship... especially when I am feeling "down". The hope is always there that an encounter will make me feel better, but it rarely does for more than a few minutes (Sorry ladies...) I think that this "down" feeling comes as I result of my accepting that my marriage sucks (no fault of hers...) and I've been having a rough time with the "other woman" I think that this qualifies as self-destructive...

Third, I enjoy what is, in my mind, relatively high risk activities and most things I do, I tend to do to excess... I ski too fast, I dive too deep, I work too hard, I run too far etc etc. (This according to friends and family). If one (or two) woma/en is good, then five or six must be better...)

As for immaturity... well I'm 46 going on 32. I look younger than my age, I feel much younger than my age and my secretary frequently asks me when I'm going to "grow up".

And sure, we all worry about diseases. Those that don't are just in denial. So take precautions. "Cause you might get hit by a bus anyway.

This hobby ain't the solution to anybody's problems. But it can be a damn pleasant diversion. As long as you can afford it, enjoy it. If it creeps you out, don't do it anymore. It's that simple.

Stoo

P.S. But you gotta have a duo or two before you quit!

 

[VatoLoco]

WOW!!!

Stoo you are the man!! You have a wife, a mistress, and still actively participate in this hobby!! You must have a good job to be able to afford all three. Can i go for an interview?? Although I consider myself escentially monogamus
this hobby does require relatively deep pockets.
My point is: My respect to you my man for being able to juggle all those three women in your life.

PS do you have kids?? Would you mind adopting me if you are rich???

 

[Stoo]

I'm sure it sounds great, but, to be honest, in my next life, I ain't going to do it again. Leading a double life can be a little tiring... but I suppose it beats gardening.

Reading your post up above, you participate in the hobby more often than I do, it seems. With me, it's more of a "special event".

And no, I'm not rich... but I intend to change that in my next life too

Stoo

 

[VatoLoco]

Stoo are you hiring???

Well it seems that I do participate in this hobby a bit more than you, for me it's also special ocasions, the thing is that I love myself and like to treat myself to "special ocasions," a little bit more often than not.
The advantage I got is that I am not married and dont have children ( although I have a mother and brothers I have to help support since my father abandoned our family 2.5 years
ago, but I still manage to keep 50-60 % of my income ) and the only one suffering from my adventures are my mutual funds and my RSP, well considering I'm 20 years old, I have calculated I can afford this hobby as long as I am capable of thinking with the right head. Lately however I have been
having trouble doing this, but I am confident in my ability to come to my senses and get the blood pumping back up towards my brain lol

Now seriously Stoo, are you hiring anybody at your company??? I am starting to look for another job now so I will need some advice from you my fellow TERBers.

 

[ohioguy]

My 2 cents

I found this thread interesting, and it got me thinking why I am a hobbyist. I'm a relative rookie at this hobby north of the border, but have had my share of experiences in the States with SP's and MPA's over the last 2 years. I average about 1-2 experiences a month. I'm 28, unattached, average-looking, and not ready for a long-term relationship. I also make pretty decent money, but by no means am I rich. I have a pretty stressful job, and have found that a good time with a quality SP or MPA relaxes me. I have driven down to Niagara twice in the last 2 months, and have found that even the 3 1/2 hour drive is therapeutic. It allows me to distance myself from my life back in OH.

Mainly, before I settle down, I want to live out some of my fantasies. For example, the odds of me experiencing the touch of 2 absolutely gorgeous ladies at the same time on my own are slim to none, so if I have to pay for it, so be it (The duo of Sexy Cindy and Stacy comes to mind).

Addictive? Maybe. I have found that I would much rather pay for a good time than go back to picking up someone at a bar, and not knowing what kind of random shit was going to happen down the road. I pretty much know that the SP and I will go our separate ways after the encounter. Will I see her again? Maybe. But the main thing is that I won’t have to deal with any of the baggage that comes with relationships.

As for diseases, they worry me and I try to be careful, but you could catch something just as easily from a girl outside the business. The only way to guarantee you won’t catch anything is abstinence, period.

Who knows, tomorrow I might meet the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, and it would be the definite end of my hobbying days. But until that happens, I’m going to continue to be your everyday horny guy who periodically visits Canada for a good time.

 

[601]

Interesting responses

I've been watching this thread for a few days since starting it. Thanks for all the comments.

I guess that my current reflection about this issue is simply to state my bottom line which is that being involved with prostitutes (I'm intentionally not using the euphamistic 'SP') has certainly delivered many intense and peak experiences, but always left me feeling awful about myself. That never went away, and no amount of rationalization about my behaviour ever worked for very long.

It's been almost three years since I was over my head in the lifestyle, and it actually took a lot of inner change, and real-life changes too to break my own cycle. I'll elaborate on that some other time, if anyone is interested. And not surprisingly, it was a platonic friendship over time with an SP which helped me begin the process of getting my life together.

I am curious about the prostitutes who contribute to this Board. Are you here primarily to promote your businesses? Are you really at ease with your own choices? And somewhat unrelated to this thread, do you pay income taxes on your earnings? I ask that because that would give a bit of insight as to where you really stand in the bigger picture as far as good citizenship goes.

I can definitely say with 100% certainty that of the hundreds of encounters I had over the years, virtually all the SP's I met told me they were very, very unhappy about what they were doing, and felt totally stuck, for various reasons in a life they all wanted out of. I am dubious about comments to the contrary from the women on this board, after hearing so many times what it really is like emotionally to be in the sex trade.

Lastly, I don't agree that men were born to "lay pipe," as one contributor said, any more than women exist for sexual purposes alone.

The biggest problem with this "hobby" for me was that sexual desire and craving and behaviour became the centre of the universe, way beyond reasonable perspective, until it basically ate away at everything else I once cared about. I was filled with shame and fear of disease. I avoided real life intimacy and romance, simply because honesty about my life seemed impossible and I never really was sure if I was medically safe. That is quite a toll, aside from the financial cost.

There's lots of temptation still - certain kinds of experiences simply can't be had elsewhere. But on balance, not much that's good really comes from it, and I am pretty sure it is harmful to most of the men and women on both sides of these encounters.

I know someone said I was being judgmental, and I am sorry for that, but my own perception is that most of my judgment is directed inward at myself, not anyone else.

Let me say it again, given the experiences I have had, I am a part of this community, not apart from it, and my intention is to understand it and myself better, not to offend anyone.

 

[Cave Carson]

Just because you have trouble coming to terms with your own sexuality does not mean that everyone else does as well. To you guilt is a byproduct of sex. That's not something rooted in biology; that's something with its roots in some combination of upbringing and religion.

Sex is fun! Case closed. Lie back and enjoy it!

 

[VatoLoco]

Cave

I think you misunderstood 601, since he never said that he felt guilty after sex, he specifically said he felt guilty after sex with an SP which completely different. Sex with an SP involves first of all paying for "IT" and this alone may be traumatic to some guys. I used to feel that way at times
when I first began my encounters with escorts.
After a while I simply realized that with an SP you can do certain things that one may not dare do with a regular partner. Also you dont have to take them out, buy dinner and
chase after the "HOLLY GRAIL" for a couple of months only to encounter nothing more than an average experience.

Also I beblieve he never intended to make anyone feel guilty or convert to his thinking as he clearly expressed it he just wanted to know if there are guys who may feel the same way as him and why.

I just thought I should point this out.

Also now that I'm here I may add that i am completely terrified of STDs, that is why I stopped seeing SPs for a while. I want to have kids and a family so the thought of AIDS is just too much, I go and get tested every 3 months now, and every time it is just agony.
That's my thought on STDs. I hope you can use my thoughts 601 and I sincerely hope that you come to a conclusion as to
whether you are adicted or not.

 

[601]

To Cave Man and Vato

Cave -

The sexual drive is, of course, biologically rooted. I am not sure that the specific desire for sex with prostitutes has the same biological pedigree!

The human drive for physical survival and the male predisposition to defend and protect others we care about are also biologically rooted.

That may have something to do with the often-expressed fear of contracting a disease and infecting a loved one.


Vato

I thank you for your support on this, and your comments have indeed been very useful. I think you've touched some very important points.

I'm also noticing that the SP's seem to have dropped out of this thread. That's a bit sad, but also expected.

601