Elderly parents

[bearclaw]

At what point do the grown children take over the responsibilities?

 

[superman2006]

Depends how they treat their kids - if they kicked their kids out when they turn 18 , then don’t expect the kids to comeback & take care of them when they get older. You will be surprised on how many people out there failed at parenting and blamed their kids for everything

 

[xmontrealer]

Assuming the relationship hasn't been totally destroyed somewhere along the way, and is at least cordial, children should step up when it is obvious their assistance is required for their parents as they age, whether it is to manage their parents' financial affairs, or their health care, at a minimum...

Hopefully they live in the same city, as it's much harder to do from a distance.

 

[Conil]

At what point do the grown children take over the responsibilities?

When they're struggling, if you still love them.

 

[ShootNScoot]

At what point do the grown children take over the responsibilities?

Depends on the responsibilities:

Physical - house and property maintenance like yard work and shovelling snow… anything labour intensive… I’d say do it sooner than later to help them avoid injuries… even better get the grandchildren involved.

Finances and bill payments - as long as they are of sound mind and aware of what they have and how they spend, leave them be. I would say to ensure there is a POA in place. If they’ve dug themselves into a hole… then “take over” without making them feel like they’re taken over. Get their bills on PAD (if done on a CC, then do a same day bill payment from their checking account)

Technology, social media and modern day security - make things easy and low maintenance sooner than later. Automations, tracking (phone, tags), network and device protection, educate them about social media and phone scams… “no one wants to give you money, no one needs you to bail them out of jail, your computer doesn’t have a virus”

 

[Adamxx]

Depends on the responsibilities:

Physical - house and property maintenance like yard work and shovelling snow… anything labour intensive… I’d say do it sooner than later to help them avoid injuries… even better get the grandchildren involved.

Finances and bill payments - as long as they are of sound mind and aware of what they have and how they spend, leave them be. I would say to ensure there is a POA in place. If they’ve dug themselves into a hole… then “take over” without making them feel like they’re taken over. Get their bills on PAD (if done on a CC, then do a same day bill payment from their checking account)

Technology, social media and modern day security - make things easy and low maintenance sooner than later. Automations, tracking (phone, tags), network and device protection, educate them about social media and phone scams… “no one wants to give you money, no one needs you to bail them out of jail, your computer doesn’t have a virus”

I will add one to your list, which I did and it came in very useful. Not many are tech savvy, so along with assisting them with technology, speak to them about joint account, this allows you when the time comes, to manage their bills, as they often forget to pay bills or go to the bank to often due to memory lost. This allows you to respond accurately when they ask over and over, if their pensions came in and bills are paid, also you can shows proof. Also when they pass, you can access their accounts and avoid further headaches.

Word of caution here, if you do this you will be questioned over and over again by your siblings and other families. Alos if other siblings want to join-in, be careful, as too many cooks spoil the soup, and countability can be messy.

I had a joint account for over 15 years and only started to access it to pay bills in the last 5 years or so. One of my siblings had asked during the last 2 years, to join in when I told them I was managing their stuff, and I said if they want to fine, then I will remove my name, and they would have to manage all the necessary associated stuff. Obviously they backed off, as they did not wish to accept any responsibilities.

 

[speakercontrols]

Mother is mid-80s

I do the physical. Shoveling the driveway, maintenance, grocery shopping, cleaning and mopping, driving to appointments. I've installed grab bars throughout the house, moved her bed downstairs, totally renovated the room she's in so it's warm and works. She can clean her own toilets though. I don't give a shit. She gets embarrassed enough that she eventually cleans them.

Financial - I do her investing...THANK GOD!!!! She was with Investors Group, what a bunch of absolutely almost-criminal useless fuckers...and pay her bills, do her taxes. Joint on everything. She went from doing ok financially to absolutely no worries & she has zero clue how much money she now has coming out her ass. I provide one sibling with yearly updates. Given my mom is doing better than 10% annual RoR on her investments, I don't get questioned.

I'm the Executor and keep one sibling in the loop and let the other sibling (who's going to sue me no matter what because they're just seriously close to retarded). I've made the will so that retarded sibling gets her inheritance via a Trust. Creditors and 'the husband' can't access the principal of the Trusts.

For the In-laws (mid-80s) it's a little different since I can't interfere on what the wife does. However, I sit in on their financial meetings, starting to pay their bills, going over there once/twice a week for groceries, drive for appointments, advocate with the Doctors, and do the maintenance, grab bars. Their Investments are really conservative but I'm not touching that. Father in law has dementia and likes to 'walk' so I've 'installed' air tags on him.

It's getting a little busy.

 

[Robert Mugabe]

Depends how they treat their kids - if they kicked their kids out when they turn 18 , then don’t expect the kids to comeback & take care of them when they get older. You will be surprised on how many people out there failed at parenting and blamed their kids for everything

My mom kicked me out when I was 19. Eternally grateful to her. Best and kindest thing she could have done to kick me out of the nest. She said " I don't want you to be that guy living with his mother when he's thirty" which was a likely scenario considering my general "failure to launch". Good for her. Thanks mom.