The good ones do both. As far the house chores goes, we share. I'll admit it not down the middle, but we don't keep book on it either anymore. My relationships have been far from perfect and each person have the marks to prove it, but they work.
any other guys who don't want kids and never want to get married?
- Thread starter desert monk
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I think that every one of us is different in terms of our wants and needs. For some reason, getting married and having children, we believe that this provides fulfilment, happiness, blah blah blah.
The crap about being lonely is all bullshit. I am alone but I never feel lonely.
Quick story...for those of you who read the thread I started about my buddy who imported a lady from China...well, things aren't going so well now. He is a selfish dude and now realizes that she is not someone who can make him happy or more happy. But guess what, he can't get rid of her now.
The crap about being lonely is all bullshit. I am alone but I never feel lonely.
Quick story...for those of you who read the thread I started about my buddy who imported a lady from China...well, things aren't going so well now. He is a selfish dude and now realizes that she is not someone who can make him happy or more happy. But guess what, he can't get rid of her now.
it's scary how western men fucked themselves in the ass...it's hard to truly love a western woman who behaves like a man, and the majority of them does, and whoever does not is either taken or ugly
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You should just bite the bullet and get married. The person you're searching for doesn't exist. Hollywood created an image of the woman you seek but she isn't out there. A woman that will "truly love" you that's intelligent, caring, and independent (won't leech off you) doesn't exist. Ok, I'm sure there are some women that fit the profile, but they're so few that it's not worth you spending your life alone and sad looking for them.I'm actually at a critical crossroad in my life. I'm 35 years old, never married, never been in a relationship.
I think almost daily of what's best for me. I honestly still don't know. I love kids, but don't know if I really would want them. They take a lot of time, energy, and money. Given that I feel tired most of the time from depression, I can see them wearing me down.
I am very cynical. Is the woman going to only marry for her convenience, and just want me to support her? Will she leave me when I'm in difficulty and have no money? Just like a man in his fifties leaves a wife that is no longer young and pretty? Because he can afford to, and what's the point in staying with an old hag when you can marry a younger, better looking woman?
There is the complete freedom that I enjoy, being single. But lately it's getting boring. A lof of things that I do would be a lot more fun with someone special.
It's lonely being single. What will my life be when I'm old and have no one? I think it would be sad. So, then I guess marrying and having kids is a solution. But then, I would be getting married and having kids to cure my own problems, which is selfish. But then, isn't life about doing what's best for you?
My parents are getting old, and they really want to see me married have kids. They want to see me happy. They are great people, and if it would make THEM happy, I would probably marry just for that reason alone. I want to see them die happy. None of my siblings have children or ever will, though one is married. I think it's sad for my parents.
I have never met the right person. There's no point in getting married just for the sake of it, it has to be with the right person. Someone who's sexually attractive, kind, has high morals, intelligent, genuinely cares about me, wants kids, shares similar interests, and whom I enjoy being around with. There aren't many people like that left in the world, let alone those who would reciprocate their feelings of love towards me.
As the clock ticks, I am kind of stoic about the whole thing. I think everything happens for a reason, and we really have no control over our destiny. What happens is what is meant to be. We may not know the reason now, but later on we see the meaning of why things happened.
Maybe one day, out of the blue, I'll meet someone who I will truly love, and we will marry and have kids and live happily ever after. For whatever reason, it hasn't happened. I think that it's god's plan. I have experienced the freedom and loneliness that comes from this lifestyle. I don't know if I want it for the rest of my life. Perhaps when I finally do get married, this whole experience being single will make me appreciate the wife and kids I have. And maybe it'll make me reflect back to the time when I was single, free, and could spend all my money on myself, but was genuinely not happy because I had no one to share my life with.
I do think that if being single makes you happy, that you should remain single. Do whatever makes you happy. Everyone is different, and has different needs.
Do what 99% of people who are in a relationship do: compromise. You have to settle for less than the whole package.
Look around you. Are most of the couples that you see "in love"? You think that mismatched couple - the bombshell and the middle aged guy are in love? They're both getting something out of being together and it's not love. Do you think the two fatties holding hands and eating ice cream on the boardwalk wouldn't prefer to be married to the hard bodied models they see on tv if they actually had a choice? Once in awhile you do come across what appears like a perfect fit (and looks can be deceiving - sometimes their relationship is in turmoil), and it really is a case of true love. All you can do is envy that. They're among the select few that hit the jackpot.
But heed this warning. If and when you do get into a serious relationship, don't set yourself up for a fall. Leave that Hollywood "true love" fluff behind. The woman you have kids with, share your life, money, and secrets with could very well cheat on you. A lesson to take from hobbying is that women play men like a fiddle to their benefit. Don't ever assume that the woman you've gotten to know over the years won't fuck you over someday.
For example, as sure as the sun will shine, there will be a new thread on TERB each month from a guy asking if the SP he is spending money to have sex with really likes him and wants a real relationship. These men are simpletons, and there will never be a shortage of them. They are destined for failure. Try to not be one of them.
I was married briefly. Once bitten, twice shy I suppose.
I still believe it's possible. I like kids too but chances to have my own dwindle as I get older.
Marriage works best when children are involved. It can also work for two people getting older who are content with each other & monogomy.
Marriage is about compromise but it should be 50/50.
I still believe it's possible. I like kids too but chances to have my own dwindle as I get older.
Marriage works best when children are involved. It can also work for two people getting older who are content with each other & monogomy.
Marriage is about compromise but it should be 50/50.
Neither.
You're selfish (and I don't mean that in a negative way, it's just a statement of fact) and more importantly, you're HONEST about it. The last thing you should be is a husband or a father, and you KNOW it. Many people don't, and ruin other people's lives as a result. Kudos to you, and enjoy your life. As long as you're not hurting anybody else there is no problem.
"Children are like handguns. Fine for other people, but I don't want one in my house." Hangman
Two great posts. There are lots of people that should not be married or have kids, but do. I am single, live alone and love it. If I fall in love someday I'll do what I want. So many people get married and have kids for no other reason than they have nothing better to do and they thought it was what they should do next in life. So many crummy marriages and unhappiness.
I really don't think this is fair, for all you know there are probably not enough women to go around just like the situation in China and India.@StinkyNuts: I really think you should talk to a professional about what you wrote....35 and never been in a relationship points to bigger social issues than whether you will decide one day to get married...you need to experience being ina relationship first and it sounds like depression/outlook on life/ lack of social skills may be impeding that more than anything.
Having good friends is almost as much work sometimes! and you need those if you don't have a spouse or kids (and need them anyway)
I'm in a very similar situation to stinkynuts (been in two short-term relationships) and feel that once you remove all the women who just don't have time or desire for a relationship, or have a bad attitude, too high expectations, or too flaky/don't know what they want, there just isn't any choice for a guy in Toronto who's looking for a woman who's still of baby-making age that has any personality.
Agreed. The Man should protect himself.
I'm in the same boat. I think no-fault divorce and the one sided family court system have destroyed marriage. There's very little in it for men unless you want kids. Even if you do it to have kids, there's at least a 50/50 chance of divorce and you may never see them again.
Dead on. You are very wise Sir.
You should just bite the bullet and get married. The person you're searching for doesn't exist. Hollywood created an image of the woman you seek but she isn't out there. A woman that will "truly love" you that's intelligent, caring, and independent (won't leech off you) doesn't exist. Ok, I'm sure there are some women that fit the profile, but they're so few that it's not worth you spending your life alone and sad looking for them.
Do what 99% of people who are in a relationship do: compromise. You have to settle for less than the whole package.
Look around you. Are most of the couples that you see "in love"? You think that mismatched couple - the bombshell and the middle aged guy are in love? They're both getting something out of being together and it's not love. Do you think the two fatties holding hands and eating ice cream on the boardwalk wouldn't prefer to be married to the hard bodied models they see on tv if they actually had a choice? Once in awhile you do come across what appears like a perfect fit (and looks can be deceiving - sometimes their relationship is in turmoil), and it really is a case of true love. All you can do is envy that. They're among the select few that hit the jackpot.
But heed this warning. If and when you do get into a serious relationship, don't set yourself up for a fall. Leave that Hollywood "true love" fluff behind. The woman you have kids with, share your life, money, and secrets with could very well cheat on you. A lesson to take from hobbying is that women play men like a fiddle to their benefit. Don't ever assume that the woman you've gotten to know over the years won't fuck you over someday.
For example, as sure as the sun will shine, there will be a new thread on TERB each month from a guy asking if the SP he is spending money to have sex with really likes him and wants a real relationship. These men are simpletons, and there will never be a shortage of them. They are destined for failure. Try to not be one of them.
Amen Brother!
I'll never do it. That being said, I have to emphasize I have nothing against good relationships.
A friend of mine was in a damaging, dysfunctional relationship once. Arguments, resentments, tantrums, walking away from each other and then returning ten minutes later only to sulk, pout and not communicate. All this in public! I can only imagine what it must have been like in private. Finally, one day when we were alone, I asked him: "Why do you put up with this shit? This is an awful way to live. Walk away from this shit and get some peace in your life." He looked at me like a child who had soiled his pants in church and said: "I'd rather have something shitty than nothing at all."
In all honesty, this outlook has never, ever occurred to me. I simply don't see how anyone can live their life like this. You're better off single with the options in your life open than in this emotional prison that always ends badly. It still astounds me to see how many people sill don't know this.
I like my freedom. I have an interesting life because I have an interest in life itself. I don't fear growing old because only God knows how much time I have anyway so I want to get in as much as I can. If there is something I have learned is that there is always, always, always another woman who doesn't want to have dinner alone on Saturday night. I'm all for going to the theatre, parties, vacations and dinner with a lovely, feminine woman. I'm not going to sign any document though. Children will just put a cramp into that lifestyle that I worked so hard to earn. I have found an oeuvre that works for me and I will enjoy it for as long as the fates give me life.
I also see so many of my friends and colleagues marrying mostly for 'like' and seldom for 'love'. Within a few years, all these marriages fall apart and their lives are forever compromised. The men get lonely, succumb to desperation, fear aging and will settle with any woman that comes along and is sufficiently 'nice'. The lack of strength usually alters the rest of their lives for the worse. Sticking out the lonely times and finding your strength is a damn sight better than watching a woman who once said she loved you now trying to take your very own life away from you. Don't mortgage your soul to someone you married and then found out later was a total stranger. The women basically just wanted someone to pay their bills for them and won't let go until that arrangement is made to their convenience. It was fiscal for them all along with Love never involved, only 'like'. I have witnessed this same scenario repeated time and time again. Regrets and more regrets.
I will not be one of those men. I'd rather be dead.
For those that suit this particular outlook: this brief life is meant to be enjoyed. Do so while you can.
Well not everything you say is true. Sometimes the women you marry is a compliment to you, the Yin to your Yang, the waft to your weft; not a compromise at all. Most of the success I enjoy now is in large part because the woman I spent most my life with. I am a better person/professional/man because of her. My present SO and I reap the benefit of that growth in me and look forward at what's in store.Dead on. You are very wise Sir.
It's never perfect, but you hopefully work it out; if not, then move on.
As a biologist, I am aware 'love' is a chemical reaction, but sometimes it does amazing things. Sometimes it make people do crazy things. The trick is to harness the good stuff and use it well, then recognize the bad stuff and duck and run.
I don't ever remember being to a funeral, watching/listening people morn, and think or hear there goes my/her meal ticket and I've been to a few of real a-holes. Even afterwards it's not spoken of.
Put it this way, being a Dad is hands-down the best job I ever had. I literally would not trade it for a $50M Lotto Max winning ticket. And to put it another way, if one of my kids needed a heart, I would say here, take mine. No hesitation. If one of my friends needed a heart, I would say good luck with that. It is that simple. As for marriage, it is a risk whether it works out or not. But all of life is a risk. To me, the endless pursuit of money and selfish interests leads to only living a half-life. Without risking commitment to deeper relationships you are missing the big picture and missing what life is truly about.
When an old man dies and his young wife gets all his money, she just got the meal. No need for the ticket anymore.I don't ever remember being to a funeral, watching/listening people morn, and think or hear there goes my/her meal ticket and I've been to a few of real a-holes. Even afterwards it's not spoken of.
*On my knees praying* Dear Lord, why must I be responsible for enlightening fools??? Why me???
Okay, I made this thread ~8 months ago, and a lot has changed. About two months ago I met an awesome woman... She's drop-dead gorgeous, has a good job and is educated, same age as me, and we share some interests and goals in common. The main difference is, she really wants to have kids. Like it's her #1 or #2 priority in a long-term relationship. I'm not a kids person... But I'm willing to do the kids/family thing to have a long-term relationship with her (I think). I'm sick of being alone, sick of the women I've met, and would like something more serious. The threat of divorce doesn't bother me as much any more. It may happen, and if it does I'm fucked, but what's the alternative? The main thing this woman has going against her is she recently (as in 4 months ago) got out of a alcohol/drug treatment center, and is 5 months sober... and I think she has to do a lot of work on herself in that area. The problem now is, she has told me she wants to have kids in the next couple years, and feels that I'm indifferent to having kids and doesn't know if we are right for eachother. I would be lying if I said I really want children, I would rather just have a long term relationship (marriage or not). But that's not an option with this woman. Is it really worth holding out for someone better than this, for the sake of being scared of having kids? I know many guys will say I'd be stupid not to snatch her up... and that's how I feel. But at the same time, I'm pretty scared of signing on for something I can't take back and compromising who I am.
Prickly dilemma.. . . The main thing this woman has going against her is she recently (as in 4 months ago) got out of a alcohol/drug treatment center, and is 5 months sober... and I think she has to do a lot of work on herself in that area. . . .
The main thing, indeed, is the challenge of cultivating a relationship with someone in vulnerable recovery process.
You may find yourself burdened with emotional dependency problems ... or you may be in position to nurture a very caring, loving relationship.
Either way, children complicate the issue.
I'm single-childless and happy. You gotta travel and meet people and do new things.
Put that money aside for child care and take nice vacations.
I went to Washington DC for 5 days and then took Megabus straight to Toronto for 3 nights. I had a blast, yeah the first week back suck but it was fun while it last.
Get hobbies--not just hobbying--become a Best Buy freak.
Hit the beach and go jet skiing...I got a hot rod car for summer fun but Mich driving laws are cooler--I be without a license in Ontario, lol
You need to budget more time to have fun. Become a SC regular--but change what you do every so often..
Buy a new bed also, the more comfy you are it helps.
No, your not alone. Being single isn't viewed so bad by some of us--when I think of some of my neighbors wifes, it helps me out big time.
I hope never to father or raise any kids, don't see the point. Its work as far I care and if they get harmed, your butt is hung.
Put that money aside for child care and take nice vacations.
I went to Washington DC for 5 days and then took Megabus straight to Toronto for 3 nights. I had a blast, yeah the first week back suck but it was fun while it last.
Get hobbies--not just hobbying--become a Best Buy freak.
Hit the beach and go jet skiing...I got a hot rod car for summer fun but Mich driving laws are cooler--I be without a license in Ontario, lol
You need to budget more time to have fun. Become a SC regular--but change what you do every so often..
Buy a new bed also, the more comfy you are it helps.
No, your not alone. Being single isn't viewed so bad by some of us--when I think of some of my neighbors wifes, it helps me out big time.
I hope never to father or raise any kids, don't see the point. Its work as far I care and if they get harmed, your butt is hung.
what does being lonely mean? not having kids? there are millions of abandoned kids around the world... if one would only have the heart and compassion to adopt them, or atleast help them in some ways instead being the self-centered individual most are, the world would be a better placenot sure about all that...but you will get lonely at some point!
Your fuck, soon to be a dad--least she was honest with you. Some gals claim to take the pill and just one day become pregnant.Okay, I made this thread ~8 months ago, and a lot has changed. About two months ago I met an awesome woman... She's drop-dead gorgeous, has a good job and is educated, same age as me, and we share some interests and goals in common. The main difference is, she really wants to have kids.
I learned not to get hung up on certain people....now if I had every gal i ever wanted, well I might had became a dad as well. Today--mid 40's seems to be easier not to fuck as often.
I'm almost temped to go to Tampa next month and hit the beach and strip clubs but that airport security shit really pisses me off..our government is lying to us, its not plastic explosives they are looking for but drugs and cash--people sumggling..have they found any plastic explosives, hell no, do they find drugs or large amounts of cash, you bet, everyday.
So fuck flying I say, spring will come soon enough.
Good for you DM. I think the marriage-less and children-less life is the best! Pure freedom.
lonely? pffft
You end up paying a price for that though. At some point when you're older you won't have anyone in your life who truly cares about you. Do you want to end up a 70 year old man who has no family to care for him? No grandchildren to spoil or delight in? It happens to everyone in that position.
Loneliness is a myth. Why even bother to date civilians. You can get ruined by a girlfriend or by a common law relationship. A girlfriend can trap you by getting pregnant. It might not even be your kid. In the case of a marriage or common law breakup, the family court system will always favour the woman: you will lose all your money and may never see your kids. Be smart. Only see strippers, SPs or MPs. But don't be silly and fall in love with them or overspend. Like civilians, they only want your money.
