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Thread: Shitty Day At work. Tell Me Some Jokes.

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  1. #1

    Shitty Day At work. Tell Me Some Jokes.

    Duchebag bosses, annoying people, just all round shitty day at work. What are some jokes to lift my/your day?

  2. #2
    Fabulously Full Figured Jessica Rain's Avatar
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    Me: Knock Knock

    You: who's there?

    Me: Igotta

    You: Igotta who?

    Me: I gotta nothin' for you. Haven't had my coffee yet.

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  3. #3
    being courteous and polite are important to a girlfriend got mad at me because I didn't open the car door for her......instead I swam to the surface
    formerly twobigo

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Treading water as I float down the river of time.
    I was on the couch goin thru my facebook
    the wife was on her computer
    i said can you go to the kitchen and get me a beer
    No she said get it yourself
    then her phone pinged9 text) in the kitchen so she gets up to see who it was I
    I texted... since youre in the kitchen how bout that beer?

    doctors say I should be out of the ICU in a few days
    If you feel like you dont fit into this world
    Its because you were born to create a new one...

  5. #5
    Funniest 2 word joke...."midget shortage".

  6. #6
    Not a joke, but it may make you feel better...

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Zaibetter View Post
    Not a joke, but it may make you feel better...

    Wow, she’s a hidden gem for $80/ hh with full GFE! (Leolist reviews belong in Classifieds Review section)! ;-)

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by SchlongConery View Post
    Wow, she’s a hidden gem for $80/ hh with full GFE! (Leolist reviews belong in Classifieds Review section)! ;-)
    $140 for the hour is fair...

  9. #9
    Into Ties and Tail
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Durham & Toronto
    Forget about the people in your past... they didn't make it to your future for a reason

  10. #10
    Me: what is someone that needs to take drugs all the time?
    You: addicted

    Me: what is someone that needs to drink alcohol every day?
    You: addicted

    Me: what slapped you in your face today?
    You: a dick did

    "...for the first time, in that night alive with signs and stars, I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world. Finding it so much like myself—so like a brother, really—I felt that I had been happy and that I was happy again. For everything to be consummated, for me to feel less alone, I had only to wish that there be a large crowd of spectators the day of my execution and that they greet me with cries of hate."

  11. #11
    Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.

    When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"

    His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."

    "Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy.

    A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"

    "What do you mean?" said Dad.

    "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming"

    If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"

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