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Shitty Day At work. Tell Me Some Jokes.

glamphotographer

Well-known member
Nov 5, 2011
15,901
15,641
113
Canada
Duchebag bosses, annoying people, just all round shitty day at work. What are some jokes to lift my/your day?
 

Jasmine Raine

Well-known member
Jul 28, 2014
4,049
48
48
Me: Knock Knock

You: who's there?

Me: Igotta

You: Igotta who?

Me: I gotta nothin' for you. Haven't had my coffee yet.

Sorry.
 

ogibowt

Well-known member
Aug 3, 2008
5,929
2,411
113
being courteous and polite are important to a woman....my girlfriend got mad at me because I didn't open the car door for her......instead I swam to the surface
 

thumper18474

Well-known member
I was on the couch goin thru my facebook
the wife was on her computer
i said can you go to the kitchen and get me a beer
No she said get it yourself
then her phone pinged9 text) in the kitchen so she gets up to see who it was I
I texted... since youre in the kitchen how bout that beer?

doctors say I should be out of the ICU in a few days:crutch:
 

Celticman

Into Ties and Tail
Aug 13, 2009
8,914
80
48
Durham & Toronto
Forget about the people in your past... they didn't make it to your future for a reason
 

Smallcock

Active member
Jun 5, 2009
13,703
21
38
Me: what is someone that needs to take drugs all the time?
You: addicted

Me: what is someone that needs to drink alcohol every day?
You: addicted

Me: what slapped you in your face today?
You: a dick did
 

f1fanatic

Member
Apr 22, 2018
39
1
8
Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.

When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"

His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."

"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy.

A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"

"What do you mean?" said Dad.

"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming"

If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
 
Mar 13, 2017
52
0
6
Hello, If you gets a link called 'free porn' dont opin it. It is a birus wich deactivates your spelcheck and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it. Plaese warm yu frends, wanks
 

ogibowt

Well-known member
Aug 3, 2008
5,929
2,411
113
I like to stay healthy,,,,i ran 3 miles the other day ..I stopped and said ok lady keep your purse
 

SchlongConery

License to Shill
Jan 28, 2013
11,023
4,298
113
Three from sickipedia.net


I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he did fix the washing machine after all.



Just spent four hours waxing the car!Fuck knows how it gets so hairy...




My neighbour and her new boyfriend both have osteoporosis. They met on snapchat
 

Prentice

Well-known member
May 26, 2018
722
645
93
I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd been with.

She said yes, all the others had been nines and tens :blue:
 

Vader316

New member
Jun 23, 2009
10
0
1
What do you call a slutty Amish girl?

Two Mennonite



I may have a needle dick but I fuck like a sewing machine.
 

BrandyRose

Supporting Member
Nov 21, 2018
172
10
18
Toronto, ON
Doctor’s receptionist gets a call from a man who says he’s invisible
The doctor says, Tell him I can’t see him now”
 
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