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Thread: Shitty Day At work. Tell Me Some Jokes.

  1. #1

    Shitty Day At work. Tell Me Some Jokes.

    Duchebag bosses, annoying people, just all round shitty day at work. What are some jokes to lift my/your day?

  2. #2
    Fabulously Full Figured Jessica Rain's Avatar
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    Me: Knock Knock

    You: who's there?

    Me: Igotta

    You: Igotta who?

    Me: I gotta nothin' for you. Haven't had my coffee yet.

    Sorry.
    Fabulously Full Figured Fun

    Jessica Rain



    Website: www.jessicarain.ch

    Twitter: @MsJessicaRainSP

  3. #3
    being courteous and polite are important to a woman....my girlfriend got mad at me because I didn't open the car door for her......instead I swam to the surface
    formerly twobigo

  4. #4
    Senior Member
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    Treading water as I float down the river of time.
    Posts
    5,262
    I was on the couch goin thru my facebook
    the wife was on her computer
    i said can you go to the kitchen and get me a beer
    No she said get it yourself
    then her phone pinged9 text) in the kitchen so she gets up to see who it was I
    I texted... since youre in the kitchen how bout that beer?

    doctors say I should be out of the ICU in a few days
    A Preist..a Monk..and A Rabbit walk into a blood bank...
    The Rabbit says I think I might be a Type O

  5. #5
    Funniest 2 word joke...."midget shortage".

  6. #6
    Not a joke, but it may make you feel better...


  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Zaibetter View Post
    Not a joke, but it may make you feel better...


    Wow, she’s a hidden gem for $80/ hh with full GFE! (Leolist reviews belong in Classifieds Review section)! ;-)

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by SchlongConery View Post
    Wow, she’s a hidden gem for $80/ hh with full GFE! (Leolist reviews belong in Classifieds Review section)! ;-)
    $140 for the hour is fair...

  9. #9
    Into Ties and Tail
    Join Date
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    Durham & Toronto
    Posts
    8,936
    Forget about the people in your past... they didn't make it to your future for a reason

  10. #10
    Me: what is someone that needs to take drugs all the time?
    You: addicted

    Me: what is someone that needs to drink alcohol every day?
    You: addicted

    Me: what slapped you in your face today?
    You: a dick did


    Female mating strategy: "Alpha fucks - short term sexual needs - and Beta bucks - long term provisioning and security needs." :-(

    I want you to point your finger at me. I want you to call me names.

  11. #11
    Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.

    When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"

    His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."

    "Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy.

    A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"

    "What do you mean?" said Dad.

    "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming"

    If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"

  12. #12
    Hello, If you gets a link called 'free porn' dont opin it. It is a birus wich deactivates your spelcheck and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it. Plaese warm yu frends, wanks

  13. #13
    RockStar
    Join Date
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    playing with Scarlett Johansson in our underwear somewhere in iceland
    Posts
    3,194
    why did the sperm cross the road?

    “because I put on the wrong sock this morning.”



    French kissing involves all 34 muscles in the face.
    A pucker kiss involves only 2.


  14. #14
    I like to stay healthy,,,,i ran 3 miles the other day ..I stopped and said ok lady keep your purse
    formerly twobigo

  15. #15
    Three from sickipedia.net


    I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he did fix the washing machine after all.



    Just spent four hours waxing the car!Fuck knows how it gets so hairy...




    My neighbour and her new boyfriend both have osteoporosis. They met on snapchat
    “... there is no shame in not knowing. The problem arises when irrational thought and attendant behavior fill the vacuum left by ignorance.”

    -Neil deGrasse Tyson

  16. #16
    Justin Trudeau trying to be a leader. Doesn't get any funnier than that.

  17. #17
    I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd been with.

    She said yes, all the others had been nines and tens

  18. #18
    What do you call a slutty Amish girl?

    Two Mennonite



    I may have a needle dick but I fuck like a sewing machine.

  19. #19
    A magician was driving down the street and turns into a garage.

  20. #20
    Senior Member BrandyRose's Avatar
    Join Date
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    Toronto, ON
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    Doctor’s receptionist gets a call from a man who says he’s invisible
    The doctor says, Tell him I can’t see him now”

  21. #21
    Guy at a pub goes for a pee. Another guy comes in for a pee in the next urinal. First guy looks over and checks out the other guys penis and sees four dots on his dick and says what are those dots. Second guy says, when I get a hard-on they spell LOVE. Second guy checks out first guys penis and also sees four dots and asks what are those dots? First guy says when I get a hard-on they spell I LOVE YOU BABY!!!

  22. #22
    Wife asks husband to pass her a tube of lip balm. He mistakenly gives her a tube of super glue. She hasn't spoken to him since.

  23. #23
    Registered User
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    What rhymes with orange, no it doesn't.
    Solo sex act specialist!

  24. #24
    Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

    Answer: the rooster


    Female mating strategy: "Alpha fucks - short term sexual needs - and Beta bucks - long term provisioning and security needs." :-(

    I want you to point your finger at me. I want you to call me names.

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