Hoping to create a teachable moment after one of his supporters attacked a BBC cameraman at a rally in El Paso, TX, President Trump announced Tuesday he had invited the two men to join him at the White House so they could finish their altercation. “It’s time for these guys to acknowledge their differences and settle this disagreement with an honest exchange of blows—a no-holds-barred fight right here in the East Room,” Trump told reporters as workers behind him rolled away a grand piano, removed a Gilbert Stuart portrait of George Washington, and laid down a large tarp to protect the carpet from blood and sweat stains. “Last night in El Paso, tempers flared and a physical confrontation occurred. I believe it will be very productive for the two sides to come together, grab a couple bottles of beer, break them over their knees, and then just tear into each other, you know? Let’s let them finish this thing once and for all.” Sources confirmed Trump later phoned the assaulted cameraman, Ron Skeans, and reminded him to bring his video equipment, explaining that Americans were “definitely going to want to see footage of this.”
