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Could this be purely psychological?

brogalldude

Member
Feb 3, 2018
110
16
18
I'm in my mid 40's and I've only started this "hobby" a couple of weeks ago. But first, let me tell you a little something about myself. I still think about sex as much as I did in high school. It's always on my mind (que A.D.I.D.A.S song by Korn). I wouldn't say I'm out of shape, but I do have a little gut. I live a healthy lifestyle: I ride my bike a lot, especially to work, even in the cold winter sometimes. Being from California where I use to surf a lot, I do a lot of cardio here...jogging and cycling of course. I still wake up to a hard-on like no other. I enjoy sex a lot when I can get it-which is, not a lot. But I do frequently masterbate, especially with my go to fleshlight.

I feel like I'm kind of done with the dating scene for now. It's just too much work, with very little reward, so I decided to finally try Toronto's sex scene which I've heard a lot about before coming here. I started off visiting the MP. I've been to Allure and S9 and they have left me a very satisfied customer. This week I decided to skip the foreplay and went straight to booking an escort. I'm not going to do a review because of what had happened during the hour, but I can tell you that the SP was very sexy and hot as hell. She has been recently recommended on the incall threads and I was anxiously waiting all week to for my time with her.

So i get to her place and everything goes smoothly as possible. After my shower, we get straight to the action. We're doing all the positions: 69, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, bbbj, daty, dfk, and my favorite position, the doggy style. Then something terrible on the magnitude of the worst catastrophic event happen, I realized my cock was going limp. I couldn't keep it hard. We went back to bbbj (which felt so good), and my nightmare became real-I couldn't cum. I just knew it in my gut, I wouldn't be able to perform, my gun was jammed, couldn't even fire dummy rounds. SP was trying to relax me. And I assured her that it wasn't her, that it was me. She provided me with an amazing experience and I made sure that she knew that. I left really disappointed in myself. All week, I thought I could probably cum twice, first half from bbbj and end the second half with the doggy style, but no, ended with the walk of shame.

I don't know why I couldn't cum. I did fine with the MP, but with the SP, it was a no go. Then I thought, maybe because I was actually paying for the sex this time ( I don't consider MP paying for sex), my mind was fucking with me because I chose to skip the chase. You know, when you finally land that moment with a girl and she's going down on you, the chase is complete and the orgasmic reward is part of this primal hunt. The body is ready to discharge because the hunt was successful. Maybe because I skip the hunt, my brain psychologically deterred me from receiving the rewards-it's almost as if I cheated and my mind doesn't like it. Now, I don't consider going to an MP as buying sex because legally they' aren't allowed to do it, so when you find one to get you off, it's still technically part of the hunt and I guess my brain is fine with that.

I know, this all sounds like new age horseshit but I think my mind is fucking with me. I'm going to book another escort in a couple of days and have a nofap policy until I'm with SP to see if junior can still perform. I just hope this was just an anomaly and a one time thing or this is going to be a quick hobby.
 

rhuarc29

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2009
9,600
1,198
113
Good luck mate.
Probably psychological. Sounds like you got hung up on the payment part of things. You'll just have to get over that. I remember the first time going to an MPA and feeling weird about it. I got over it within three sessions.
If it helps, you're pretty much always paying for it anyway. With an SP, with an MPA, even with a civilian you took out to dinner. You pay for a girlfriend. You pay for a wife. In the hobby, it's just clearer that you're paying and you can't bullshit yourself.
Hopefully having a full clip will help you out next time.
 

CANTO

Member
Aug 13, 2012
140
4
18
I think it probably is psychological and it isn't that uncommon. I had some issues the first time I did P4P, but after a few sessions I got comfortable with the whole thing and everything works fine now. I think you will find that after you've gone for a few sessions with an escort everything will work like it is supposed to. Also don't be afraid to switch providers if you can't get comfortable with a particular one. There is one SPA I don't go to anymore because for some reason I just can't get comfortable there. I don't think they are doing anything wrong it is just for some reason I can never relax when I'm there, so I just go to different places and everything is fine.
 

oil&gas

Well-known member
Apr 16, 2002
12,310
1,665
113
Ghawar
Find a reputable SP and arrange the payment by electronic transfer
via paypal or interac in advance of your visit. That way you can perhaps
pretend you don't have to pay her for sex.
 

Mr Bret

Well-known member
Aug 13, 2012
5,394
847
113
Maybe you just enjoyed the MP experience more. The build up, the sensuality, whatever it was may have been missing with the sp.
Some guys prefer the MP experience over the SP experience. Some the other way round.
There have been a number of threads asking why guys enjoy MP over SP. There are probably many reasons, and probably different for many people.

If you enjoyed the MP, go that route. No shortage of quality MPs in the GTA.
 

likwid

Member
Nov 23, 2011
317
18
18
Sounds like you have a problem with paying for sex. That’s a self imposed limitation you’ve concocted in your mind due to arbitrary societal standards. For me now, while I’m having sex with an escort I tell myself that in my head and it turns me on even more.
 

sempel

Banned
Feb 23, 2017
3,649
25
0
Some MPA's get straight to action while with others, it takes a portion of the appointment and during that time, you usually converse a bit and you get to know her a bit and vice versa. So there's more connection versus most SP's where it's right down to business after a short introductory chat. I would suggest going back to the same SP because there's some familiarity and take a few minutes more to converse and develop a little relationship/rapport. Perhaps even massage her or have her massage you. Then get down to business and see if the results are different. If you think the problem is you, how is changing the SP going to help the situation - it won't. So keep some parts the same but change the approach.
 

brogalldude

Member
Feb 3, 2018
110
16
18
Hey, thanks for all the advice. I will definitely take a lot of them into consideration.But unfortunately, on this occasion, I've already jumped the gun. I saw another SP today from a different escort and the result was the same. I couldn't shoot for shit. I'm gonna slow down and go back to MP's where I know for sure junior won't misfire. I'm just gonna take all this slowly. I'v always been the type of person to just go to the extreme. When I decided to try skydiving, instead of doing tandem jumps (jumping out the plane attached to another person), I decided to bypass that and went straight to AFF-accelerated freefall (jumping out the plane with two professional skydivers but they aren't attached to you). Once you pull the chord, you're on your own. I did six jumps before deciding that lifestyle wasn't for me. I may have jumped the gun on this hobby too. I'm gonna slow down and just savor the experience. Thanks all/
 
Mar 13, 2017
52
0
6
Sometimes the thought of my wife and what I am doing crosses my mind, albeit it fleeting. That and a condom can do me in. More so the condom I must say.
 

Kirby2006

Active member
Jul 17, 2014
1,881
5
38
So i get to her place and everything goes smoothly as possible. After my shower, we get straight to the action. We're doing all the positions: 69, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, bbbj, daty, dfk, and my favorite position, the doggy style. Then something terrible on the magnitude of the worst catastrophic event happen, I realized my cock was going limp. I couldn't keep it hard. We went back to bbbj (which felt so good), and my nightmare became real-I couldn't cum. I just knew it in my gut, I wouldn't be able to perform, my gun was jammed, couldn't even fire dummy rounds. SP was trying to relax me. And I assured her that it wasn't her, that it was me. She provided me with an amazing experience and I made sure that she knew that. I left really disappointed in myself. All week, I thought I could probably cum twice, first half from bbbj and end the second half with the doggy style, but no, ended with the walk of shame.
It happens way more often than you think. No need for a walk of shame. You say you had an amazing time. Embrace it.
I'm quite a bit older than you it may explain it in my case but I shoot maybe 1% of the time. Having said that, the intensity level getting to the point where I used to shoot has gone through the roof. So much so that often we have to stop for a moment for me to regroup. I usually explain beforehand and most ladies take it as a challenge. Let her know you're having a good time and don't worry. Often the journey is more pleasurable than the destination.
 

essguy_

Active member
Nov 1, 2001
4,432
16
38
I went through a period like this with my ex-wife - where I actually had to fake orgasms! Then I stressed about it and had a couple times with SP's where I just couldn't cum. This was a point in my life when work stress was sky high and marital stress even higher. The more you think about it the worse it gets. In my case, it wasn't physiological, but my doc prescribed some Viagra and Cialis anyway. This did the trick in terms of just getting me going again. Stopped using both as they gave me congestion headaches but haven't had the problem since. If it keeps happening - get checked out by your doctor in case there's something going on.
 

Jasmine Raine

Well-known member
Jul 28, 2014
4,049
48
48
Clearly, I know nothing about this topic personally, but may I suggest that if and when you get back to seeing SPs, maybe stick to repeating with the one you like. After a couple of sessions with the same lady, you may notice your comfort level changing and that may make all the difference.

I only say this because I have a few clients who, for various reasons, needed a couple of sessions before they could get themselves fully out of their own head. The big one, that is.

GL
 

sempel

Banned
Feb 23, 2017
3,649
25
0
Irony - guy comes on here asking for advice because he can't get a shot off. Then he prematurely "jumps the gun" before waiting for said advice.
 

brogalldude

Member
Feb 3, 2018
110
16
18
Clearly, I know nothing about this topic personally, but may I suggest that if and when you get back to seeing SPs, maybe stick to repeating with the one you like. After a couple of sessions with the same lady, you may notice your comfort level changing and that may make all the difference.

I only say this because I have a few clients who, for various reasons, needed a couple of sessions before they could get themselves fully out of their own head. The big one, that is.

GL
Yeah, I just have to relax more i guess. Might have to do repeats with my fav MP/SP to build some solid confidence.


Irony - guy comes on here asking for advice because he can't get a shot off. Then he prematurely "jumps the gun" before waiting for said advice.
Haha, I love that. Life is strange and I couldn't help myself, but yeah. Gonna have to take it really slow now. Easy on the wallet too.
 

sempel

Banned
Feb 23, 2017
3,649
25
0
Haha, I love that. Life is strange and I couldn't help myself, but yeah. Gonna have to take it really slow now. Easy on the wallet too.
Glad you have a sense of humor. Trust me, you're not the first guy who asked for advice and either ignored it or jumped the gun.

I'll admit I'm curious about what the cause is. I'm still betting on my horse - comfort, which is usually easier to get with an MPA. I think if you hit up SP#1 again, result could be different with a little chit-chat first.
 

Kurt

Active member
Jun 20, 2002
753
240
43
54
Somewhere between here and there
I find that i have the same problems when doing fs but bj amd hj do the trick for me. I have had the same problem with Sp and with civilians.
 

yermama

Active member
Jun 11, 2017
539
53
28
Last time I visited an escort two weeks ago, I didn't even try PIV action. Basically no feeling down there.
 
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