Ok.
Years ago I was in California, hung out with friends and tried some excellent cactus burritos. Next day had to fly out. Went to the airport, got in the line made it up to agent (back when there were people there) and started up the process, thinking, hm, about that burrito... Agent says, 'uh, your ticket is for tomorrow', I look and realize it was. Was about to apologize and figure out what to do when I sharted. Wearing white pants. Apologized to the agent and I squirmed away to the washroom, moving very carefully with bags, back to the wall as much as possible. Made it and took over the handicapped stall as I needed some room. Fortunately some how my underwear held it all in and the white pants were still white. Cleaned myself up, grabbed clean underwear out of suitcase but then sat there not knowing what to do with the soiled pair. I should have trashed it, but instead thought the industrial toilets were up to the task. They weren't. So made a quick escape, just inches ahead of the ugly flood and ran from the airport.
Last time I'll eat cactus....