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Thread: RIP August Ames

  1. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Keebler Elf View Post
    Wow. Just wow. A person kills themself and same day this is the response someone thought is appropriate to post online. Blame the victim. Talk about heartless. But it's a GREAT example of exactly the kind of twitter bullying she endured so there's a lesson to be learned here.

    Sorry if you misinterpreted my comment, or how I formulated it, but I did not blame the victim for killing herself, or for anything that may have pushed her to do so. I was just analyzing the situation.

    I said that I found her comments inappropriate and I understand why they may have offended crossovers, bis, gays and the people fighting for gay rights. Nobody in this world is able to please everybody, all the time. Sometimes we say things that people disagree with.

    People were allowed to respond to her comments, in a polite and respectful manner... The people that took it the extremes and called her names, threatened her, and told her to kill herself, they all should be arrested for cyberbullying. This is unacceptable, and extremely dangerous, as it can push someone to do something irreversible, such as suicide.



    The following is what I posted elsewhere:




    Quote Originally Posted by MochaLaMulata View Post
    If a person plans on hitting social media with something controversial and/or offensive (to some), then that person needs to either fight for his/her stand or accept backlash and apologize.

    The suicide part, I can understand, as she was battling depression, probably accumulating stressfull events and this situation was probably the drop that made the glass spill. Maybe she just didn’t believe the situation would get any better with time, maybe she didn’t have the support from real friends and family (social media friends aren’t real friends)... Who knows what pushed her to end her life.

    My guess is that she wasn’t happy in the industry, maybe people or herself constantly told her she was going to do this all her life or that she wasn’t good or bright enough for anything else...

    Depression and sadness isn’t always apparent. The last thing most depressed people want, is for others to have pity and treat them differently. No one wants to feel "handicapped" or special, but for the wrong reasons.


    August Ames was allowed to refuse to work with a gay/bi/crossover actor if she desired to. All she had to do is say no, and that would have been it. I’m all for the right to make our own decisions in life.

    I’m totally against bullying, and I think some people pushed their opinions too far when replying to her tweets. There’s a major difference between being mature enough to respecfully state your opinion and have an open discussion with someone, and act like an idiot and start insulting, threatening and making fun of that person, just because.

    But what bothered me and other people, is the fact that she publicly acknowledged seeing something wrong with anyone accepting to shoot a scene with such actors, she acknowledged seeing something wrong with producers accepting to allow straight and gay to mix (when it was proven that her producer husband also produced gay/crossover porn)... She said she "didn’t know what they did in their private lives", as if gays/bis/crossovers all practice unprotected sex and are disease infected, as if no straight person can do the same. (It was also proven that she shot with crossover actors in the past)... Then she went on retweeting stuff other pornstars said like, gay pornstars supposedly don’t have to run the same amount of tests because they always use condoms... Now I don’t know if it’s an industry fact, but I sure hope they all get tested equally.

    I think she said too much useless, ignorant stuff publicly. Of course her comments were going to offend gays and people fighting for gay rights. She could have discussed her issues with producers, husband, close friends or pornstars, or she could have tried to find out who the replacement girl was to talk to her privately and "warn" her about the possible risks...

    Society needs a bit of politically correct and censorship, otherwise the world is going to get worst with people taking their freedom of speech to whole new and extreme levels. A bit like Mike Ward and the Jeremy Gabriel controversy... It was funny to everybody else but to Jeremy himself, and mind you, I love Mike Ward’s raw humour, he’s one of my favorite Quebec comics... Some people can laugh things out, and some can’t. Some people deal with similar situations perfectly and with a strong head, while others get defeated quickly.

  2. #50
    So a young porn actress died. Forgive me for not shedding a tear but although I know of her, I didn't know her personally and I'm not going to miss her. I think the two bigger issues are

    (1) did she die of something natural or was it something caused by her involvement in the industry (STD, suicide)? If it was the latter, that's not good. There's definitely a darker side to the industry
    (2) her comments and practices. Does she have the right not to work with a performer? Yes. For any reason - yes. Was it necessary to publicize her reasoning? No. Is any backlash her fault - probably.

    I believe medically speaking that men having sex with other men are more susceptible to STI transmission (I could be wrong but I believe there is a scientific reason). Simply put, if gay men have unprotected sex with a sick partner, the odds are higher they'll get sick. Doesn't mean for straight people the odds are significantly lower. And the porn industry involves many people having unprotected sex. So it's a matter of odds. This is however countered by stringent STI testing. So I don't really get her stance - her costars would have been tested and cleared. Maybe she assumed that the bisexual/gay stars were having unprotected sex after the testing but before shooting with her (the whole test timing thing has me wondering how safe it really is)? Either way, her straight co-stars could also have an STI too so it sounds like a double standard to me.
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  3. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mocha La Mulata View Post
    Sorry if you misinterpreted my comment, or how I formulated it, but I did not blame the victim for killing herself, or for anything that may have pushed her to do so.
    Actually, you did. But it's good to see you're backpedaling now and correcting your mistake. It takes a big person to admit when they're wrong.


    Post #29:

    Her body, her choice, ok, I agree. But why did she feel the need to go on social media and say that gays, bis and crossovers are more at risk of HIV/STDs...? And back herself up by saying that she’s not the only actress to refuse shooting with gays, bis and crossovers, and that she doesn’t know what these actors do in their private life... Didn’t she know that there are many gay/bi men still in the closet? You just never know who you’re dealing with...

    Of course her public comments were going to fire up on social media, offend a few and have people disagreeing out loud. I think she should have kept her thoughts and opinions to herself, and maybe try to contact that replacement girl privately to let her know about her worries. All she had to do is decline the role, which she did, but instead decided to also put her thoughts public.

    It’s unfortunate she didn’t feel capable of fixing her wrong, and overcome this situation like a champ. Maybe she received some threats after this, maybe she was already fed up with other stuff. The whole situation escalated in less than 3days. Bullying is a real problem that can ruin lives for ever.

    May she rest in peace."
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  4. #52
    Quote Originally Posted by Keebler Elf View Post
    Actually, you did. But it's good to see you're backpedaling now and correcting your mistake. It takes a big person to admit when they're wrong.


    Post #29:

    Her body, her choice, ok, I agree. But why did she feel the need to go on social media and say that gays, bis and crossovers are more at risk of HIV/STDs...? And back herself up by saying that she’s not the only actress to refuse shooting with gays, bis and crossovers, and that she doesn’t know what these actors do in their private life... Didn’t she know that there are many gay/bi men still in the closet? You just never know who you’re dealing with...

    Of course her public comments were going to fire up on social media, offend a few and have people disagreeing out loud. I think she should have kept her thoughts and opinions to herself, and maybe try to contact that replacement girl privately to let her know about her worries. All she had to do is decline the role, which she did, but instead decided to also put her thoughts public.

    It’s unfortunate she didn’t feel capable of fixing her wrong, and overcome this situation like a champ. Maybe she received some threats after this, maybe she was already fed up with other stuff. The whole situation escalated in less than 3days. Bullying is a real problem that can ruin lives for ever.

    May she rest in peace."
    Her body, her choice is referring to her choice not to perform with gays/bisexuals, not the suicide.

    I also don't think her suicide has much to do with her tweet and the responses. Yes that could drive some over the edge but she was apparently depressed for some time. Perhaps it's the hair that broke the camel's back but not the big cause. However, she did choose to post so she's subject to the backlash.
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  5. #53
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    She hung herself.

    RIP

  6. #54
    Quote Originally Posted by sempel View Post
    (2) her comments and practices. Does she have the right not to work with a performer? Yes. For any reason - yes. Was it necessary to publicize her reasoning? No. Is any backlash her fault - probably.
    How do you know she wasn't already taking flak and decided to get out ahead of the heat and attempt to justify herself?

  7. #55
    Quote Originally Posted by rhuarc29 View Post
    How do you know she wasn't already taking flak and decided to get out ahead of the heat and attempt to justify herself?
    Who's giving her flak? A producer, a director, an actor? Twitter is used to message fans and I'm sure most if not all fans didn't know anything until she decided to publicly present her opinion.

    To me, it's weird calling someone a homophobe if they don't want to sleep with the person - somehow seems like a contradiction. Also a bit of a double standard as a performer who chooses not to do interracial scenes is never labeled a racist.
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  8. #56
    Quote Originally Posted by The LoLRus View Post
    She hung herself.

    RIP
    That is one of the worst ways to kill yourself, it's not quick, most people don't know that how to do it properly and it leads to a slow death of stragulation.

    Learning this how she died was an extra blow.
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  9. #57
    Quote Originally Posted by sempel View Post
    Who's giving her flak? A producer, a director, an actor? Twitter is used to message fans and I'm sure most if not all fans didn't know anything until she decided to publicly present her opinion.
    Not saying that was the case, just saying it's highly plausible. Those working on the production would all know, and that would spread through word of mouth until it reached someone who really took issue with it. And far too easily these days people blast their issues on social media without thinking of the consequences. And yes, that goes for Mrs Ames as well.

  10. #58
    This tragedy is ripping the porn industry in half.

    Honestly the people who told her to kill herself, or threatened her and so on are assholes, but I don't like the idea that people can't offer criticism either, that has it's own issues.

    This whole thing is a clusterfuck and all kinds of welling meaning people have been or will be hurt.

    Some people in porn have said that those that criticized August Ames will not work again.

    I also fear this will divide straight and gay actors against each other. This is the biggest disaster I've ever seen and it's going to spiral far more out of control.

    I hope at least that there will be no more suicides, there has been too much of life already.
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  11. #59
    Quote Originally Posted by omegaphallic View Post
    This tragedy is ripping the porn industry in half.

    Honestly the people who told her to kill herself, or threatened her and so on are assholes, but I don't like the idea that people can't offer criticism either, that has it's own issues.

    This whole thing is a clusterfuck and all kinds of welling meaning people have been or will be hurt.

    Some people in porn have said that those that criticized August Ames will not work again.

    I also fear this will divide straight and gay actors against each other. This is the biggest disaster I've ever seen and it's going to spiral far more out of control.

    I hope at least that there will be no more suicides, there has been too much of life already.
    I know we all like to be supportive of women, sex is not as taboo, we are open-minded, etc. But I still find it weird that we are talking about the PORN industry and a PORN actress like she was a major contributor to this world. I reserve my sympathy in these matters for young talent (and I mean music, acting, sports talent) that die early while they are in their prime. Maybe it's just how I think - I probably value and appreciate these other things more.
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  12. #60
    http://www.nydailynews.com/entertain...icle-1.3683371

    Based on this article it looks like there was a lot more to her suicide than just the online bullying. She was alienated from her Father because he did not believe her when she claimed her Grandfather(his Dad) molested her. She was moved to a group home when she was 12 and her Mother was bipolar. Truly Sad.


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  13. #61
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    I really liked August Ames. She was a breath of fresh air. For awhile she seemed to have brought a bit of normalcy back to porn. GND looks. Nothing over the top. She put out some great scenes that I have enjoyed.

    So I guess I would call myself a fan, though a casual one I guess because I didnt obsess over her or anything.

    She may not have made the best decision in saying what she said and I do think she back pedaled a bit ...

    Depression...anxiety...panic...horrible things to live with. What may seem small and trivial to some are downright catastrophic to others. Does not discriminate by race...wealth...gender...sexuality. All are subject to it.

    Poor girl. She had so much life ahead of her. Sadly, she is one of many many out there. She just happened to have somewhat of a celebrity status which is why we are all talking about it.

  14. #62
    Quote Originally Posted by Calgacus View Post
    http://www.nydailynews.com/entertain...icle-1.3683371

    Based on this article it looks like there was a lot more to her suicide than just the online bullying. She was alienated from her Father because he did not believe her when she claimed her Grandfather(his Dad) molested her. She was moved to a group home when she was 12 and her Mother was bipolar. Truly Sad.
    This makes a lot more sense now. Not to minimize the hateful things that people said online, but it's too easy to jump on the band-wagon and say that nothing critical should ever be said online.

  15. #63
    Quote Originally Posted by Mocha La Mulata View Post
    Sorry if you misinterpreted my comment, or how I formulated it, but I did not blame the victim for killing herself, or for anything that may have pushed her to do so. I was just analyzing the situation.

    I said that I found her comments inappropriate and I understand why they may have offended crossovers, bis, gays and the people fighting for gay rights. Nobody in this world is able to please everybody, all the time. Sometimes we say things that people disagree with.

    People were allowed to respond to her comments, in a polite and respectful manner... The people that took it the extremes and called her names, threatened her, and told her to kill herself, they all should be arrested for cyberbullying. This is unacceptable, and extremely dangerous, as it can push someone to do something irreversible, such as suicide.



    The following is what I posted elsewhere:
    I agree, I don't like that there is no attempt separate those who'd merely criticized her logic from those who got really fucking nasty.

    And people really need to stop throwing around the term victim blaming, because while the way she was treated online really was horrible and her death is really horrible, August Ames committed suicide, she wasn't murdered, she inflicted the physical violence on herself, hurting her loved ones in the process. So yes it partly is her fault, no one else killed August Ames. She should turned twitter off or liberally used the ignore button.

    Look I cried when I found out August Ames died, and I cursed out her bullies and I do hold them partly responsible, but August Ames still had a lot to live for and she ultimately was the one who choose a horrible way to deal with this, so its not victim blaming to acknowledge some of the responsibility lay with the person who ultimately decided to commit suicide. August Ames had full agency and used it poorly.
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  16. #64
    Quote Originally Posted by explorerzip View Post
    This makes a lot more sense now. Not to minimize the hateful things that people said online, but it's too easy to jump on the band-wagon and say that nothing critical should ever be said online.
    I hate to say it, but your right, people say nasty shit to each other all the time on twitter and if doesn't lead to suicide.

    I had no idea she had such massive mental health issues going on. August Ames dad was a bad father, who should be ashamed of himself.

    She had multiple personalities, it makes me wonder who we we're dealing with at any given time?

    She seemed like she had it together.

    The mental health industry failed her, it needs to be changed, there needs to be non judgmental training in dealing with sex workers.
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  17. #65
    Quote Originally Posted by sempel View Post
    I know we all like to be supportive of women, sex is not as taboo, we are open-minded, etc. But I still find it weird that we are talking about the PORN industry and a PORN actress like she was a major contributor to this world. I reserve my sympathy in these matters for young talent (and I mean music, acting, sports talent) that die early while they are in their prime. Maybe it's just how I think - I probably value and appreciate these other things more.
    She was am young talent asshole, she spread more joy then you will asshole.
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  18. #66
    Quote Originally Posted by omegaphallic View Post
    This is the biggest disaster I've ever seen and it's going to spiral far more out of control.
    Seriously?? Get some perspective.....

    There were much bigger disasters going on all throughout the fall (how many people died thru the 3 or so major hurricanes to hit the carribean and the southern US?), or even the most recent wildfires in and around LA/California would be much much bigger disasters than this.

  19. #67
    Quote Originally Posted by golforge View Post
    Seriously?? Get some perspective.....

    There were much bigger disasters going on all throughout the fall (how many people died thru the 3 or so major hurricanes to hit the carribean and the southern US?), or even the most recent wildfires in and around LA/California would be much much bigger disasters than this.
    You are being too fucking literal. I not referring to eniviromental disaster, I'm talking online social disaster.
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  20. #68
    Quote Originally Posted by omegaphallic View Post
    I agree, I don't like that there is no attempt separate those who'd merely criticized her logic from those who got really fucking nasty.

    And people really need to stop throwing around the term victim blaming, because while the way she was treated online really was horrible and her death is really horrible, August Ames committed suicide, she wasn't murdered, she inflicted the physical violence on herself, hurting her loved ones in the process. So yes it partly is her fault, no one else killed August Ames. She should turned twitter off or liberally used the ignore button.

    Look I cried when I found out August Ames died, and I cursed out her bullies and I do hold them partly responsible, but August Ames still had a lot to live for and she ultimately was the one who choose a horrible way to deal with this, so its not victim blaming to acknowledge some of the responsibility lay with the person who ultimately decided to commit suicide. August Ames had full agency and used it poorly.
    Depression is more complicated than this and causes people to make irrational decisions. So I disagree that August had full control over her own actions. You also cannot say that the health care industry failed her because we don't know if she actually sought out help. Even if she did, she would have to stay committed to taking the medication or treatment.

    While some like to blame online bullying as the cause of her death, the truth is multi-facted

    1. Being sexually abused by her grandfather
    2. Strained relations with her father
    3. No relations with her mother
    4. Father likely disapproved of her porn career further straining relations and likely contributing to depression
    5. She likely felt that she had no future because she lost out on gigs

    I think that the strained relationship with her dad and losing out on gigs had more to do with her suicide than bullying. Bullying definitely contributed to her suicide, but not the root cause. She likely felt that her career was over and had no one to turn to even though she had her brother and husband. I think everyone can relate to feeling depressed if we lose a job especially if your life's work. The entertainment industry makes it worse because you constantly get showered with praise and awards. August may have felt betrayed when some of those same people turned on her.

  21. #69

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  22. #70
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    so the left is now promoting lgbt rape now?


    Take Off Your Dress, Bigot
    Except that last I checked, there’s a word for when a woman is threatened and bullied into sex with someone she feels uncomfortable with, for any reason whatsoever: “Rape.” Again, it’s worth noting that Ames and other performers believably insist that their aversion is simply about health risks, not discrimination. It doesn’t inspire confidence that gay activists have been arguing for some time that HIV infections should be a private matter. California even recently passed a law reducing the criminal charges related to knowingly exposing someone to deadly virus.

    Well, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that a mob that would tell Ames to kill herself if she won’t have sex with someone who has sex with other men would also happily pass a law requiring porn stars to be subject to penalties for discriminating in who they sleep with. Certainly, trans activists are already pushing the idea that you’re transphobic if you won’t sleep with transsexuals. You really have to marvel at how fast we’ve progressed from “Bake the cake, bigot” to “Take off your dress, bigot.”

    In the end, it’s hard to know what to say, because we’ve heard it all before and we’ll hear it again. Ames was an innocent young girl who was molested by her grandfather. Becoming a porn star gave her the illusion of gaining control over the most traumatic aspect of her childhood. When she made the mistake of trying to publicly assert control over who she had sex with as a Sex Positive Adult Film Star, hordes of angry people she’d never met bullied her and told her to kill herself. So she did.

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  23. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by Keebler Elf View Post
    Actually, you did. But it's good to see you're backpedaling now and correcting your mistake. It takes a big person to admit when they're wrong.


    Post #29:

    Her body, her choice, ok, I agree.

    But why did she feel the need to go on social media and say that gays, bis and crossovers are more at risk of HIV/STDs...? And back herself up by saying that she’s not the only actress to refuse shooting with gays, bis and crossovers, and that she doesn’t know what these actors do in their private life... Didn’t she know that there are many gay/bi men still in the closet?


    I think she should have kept her thoughts and opinions to herself

    It’s unfortunate she didn’t feel capable of fixing her wrong, and overcome this situation like a champ.

    I am not back pedalling nor do I think I said anything wrong. I still have the same opinion.

    Her body, her choice, ok, I agree.

    I meant that she had the right to refuse to work with a gay or crossover actor if she desired to... I did not mean that it was her choice (it was) to kill herself and that I agree with it.

    I think she should have kept her thoughts and opinions to herself

    Yes, I think what she said should not have went public. She had friends, family, colleagues, producers, and husband to talk about her gay-straight mixing issues privately... People reacted to what she said on twitter, had she not said anything, none of the opposite opinions or bullying would have happened.

    It’s unfortunate she didn’t feel capable of fixing her wrong, and overcome this situation like a champ.

    In my opinion, her wrong was not that she spoke up and shared her opinion. Her wrong was to say what she did publicly. Doing so privately, with the right people, would have been much better. It clearly offended gay, bis, crossovers and gay right advocates. When you hurt people, you apologize, even if you don't mean it and still think you're right.

    Many celebrities went through controversies and many made triumphant comebacks, overcoming the whole drama they were involved in. Hugh Grant's prostitute, Britney Spears' breakdown, Robert Downey Jr's drug problems, Bill Clinton and Lewinsky, Tiger Woods' cheating and drunk driving, Trump's misogyny comments, Alec Baldwin's daughter rant, John Galliano's racist comments, etc, etc, etc...

    No drama lasts forever, there’s always going to be new drama to forget the old one. I really do believe that time would have calmed people down and perhaps would have made her understand how some people were affected by her words. Taking some time back, offline, to consider every aspect of the situation, and returning with a thoughtful statement, instead of short meaningless tweets, would have made everything much better. Even though I didn’t like her last comments, I really don’t think they were that big of a deal, and she may not have meant any wrong, but still, she offended some people. An apology and statement, sooner or later, would have been nice.

    The bullying was extremely wrong, and may have been what ultimately made her take the decision to commit suicide, but it’s clear that much more stuff was going on in her life, way before that first tweet of hers that started this whole drama. She was already depressed, and I don’t think the porn industry helped in any way. This industry, to many, is filled with a bunch of people not wanting to get an education, not wanting to have real jobs, not wanting to have a real respectful purpose in life, not wanting to showcase their intelligence and talents (sorry, but fucking and sucking dick is no talent or purpose, be it in porn or escorting). Same for the sex industry, not many people think highly of escorts, strippers, etc...


    Quote Originally Posted by omegaphallic View Post
    I agree, I don't like that there is no attempt separate those who'd merely criticized her logic from those who got really fucking nasty.

    And people really need to stop throwing around the term victim blaming, because while the way she was treated online really was horrible and her death is really horrible, August Ames committed suicide, she wasn't murdered, she inflicted the physical violence on herself, hurting her loved ones in the process. So yes it partly is her fault, no one else killed August Ames. She should turned twitter off or liberally used the ignore button.

    August Ames still had a lot to live for and she ultimately was the one who choose a horrible way to deal with this, so its not victim blaming to acknowledge some of the responsibility lay with the person who ultimately decided to commit suicide. August Ames had full agency and used it poorly.

    I agree.

    Confronting her wasn't wrong, but the bullying was.

    There were many alternatives for her to fix the situation on twitter, and also to fix her many personal problems that added up since childhood.


    Quote Originally Posted by explorerzip View Post
    While some like to blame online bullying as the cause of her death, the truth is multi-facted

    1. Being sexually abused by her grandfather
    2. Strained relations with her father
    3. No relations with her mother
    4. Father likely disapproved of her porn career further straining relations and likely contributing to depression
    5. She likely felt that she had no future because she lost out on gigs

    She likely felt that her career was over and had no one to turn to even though she had her brother and husband.

    August may have felt betrayed when some of those same people turned on her.

    That is what I find horrible about social media and forums where people create usernames, discuss about random things online and become online friends... There is nothing real in there... Unless you met the person, you cannot know them, know how they are really, nor can you call them friends. I find it ridiculous when people accumulate friends and subscribers online and are proud of this and love to showoff how many they have. Cyber life isn't real life.

    Some people rather have 100+ fake friends, that never call them, never worry about them, never see them, or only see them to party or when it's convinient and that comment on their pics and leave thumbs up, rather than having just one or two that really care, and actually try to find time to talk and listen to them and see them, and even help them if needed.

    Society is crazy. Fame and fortune is much more important these days than real love and friendship. One person is enough to love and care for you, that is all you need in your life, but when all the superficial stuff prevents you from seeing that, then that is when everything goes wrong, one real person isn't enough, you become lonely, and lonely isn't a way to live...

  24. #72
    Quote Originally Posted by Mocha La Mulata View Post
    That is what I find horrible about social media and forums where people create usernames, discuss about random things online and become online friends... There is nothing real in there... Unless you met the person, you cannot know them, know how they are really, nor can you call them friends. I find it ridiculous when people accumulate friends and subscribers online and are proud of this and love to showoff how many they have. Cyber life isn't real life.

    Some people rather have 100+ fake friends, that never call them, never worry about them, never see them, but comment on their pics and leave thumbs up, than having just one or two that really care, and actually try to find time to talk and listen to them and see them, and even help them if needed.

    Society is crazy. Fame and fortune is much more important these days than real love and friendship. One person is enough to love and care for you, that is all you need in your life, but when all the superficial stuff prevents you from seeing that, then that is when everything goes wrong, one real person isn't enough, you become lonely, and lonely isn't a way to live...
    Yes, this is very sad and could be the reason for her downfall. No matter how many people praised her or wanted to be her friend, she was missing out on real and authentic relationships even though she had a loving brother and husband.

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