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Thread: Much Ado About Nothing

  1. #1

    Much Ado About Nothing

    It has been a coon's age since I even thought about terb, much less ventured onto the site, but I could write epic poems about my disappointment at the desolate nature of this once lively place. It was brought to my attention by someone I met tonight, out of sheer serendipity, and I decided to be inspired by it. What happened? Such a shame. But why don't we up the tempo a little bit. A smidgen warmer on the thermostat, cheapskate. Cmon, just let loose the fires and the furies. More, f*cker! Okie dokie now crank dat b*tch! We're almost there. Ok hot as disco!

    It's been a long and periodically dull many years from my last hobbying experience until today. It wasn't even meant to be, so to speak, yet here I am an hour later with a big Cheshire Kat ate the fricken tweety bird that really did taw a putty tat.

    "Dats some funny shit"

    I live a somewhat stressful life for reasons almost entirely out of my control. Ok I couldn't say that with a straight poker face. I started giggling like a schoolgirl that accidentally wandered into a nudist camp. Snicker snicker. I'm my own worst enemy most of the time. But I like it that way and to heck with anyone that thinks that its dysfunctional or that my mommy didn't cuddle me enough as a child or any of that other psycho babble that I tune out when I see my shrink that my now recently ex girlfriend insisted I regularly tune out like the stuff they suggest is music on the radio station at fricken work.

    "Screw er. Didn't I tell you never to mention that sk*nks name again? You never listen to me."

    "He has to process this a stage at a time. How many times do I have to explain the spiritual awakening and the painstaking steps he must understake to accept his fate."

    "blablablabla.....You're as much a buzz kill as him."

    Ummm.....don't listen to them. They are my inner voices. One is the I couldn't really give a shit what happens. One is the grown up. I don't really like either of them, but they haunt me like Peewee Herman traumatized me as a child. If at all possible, skip those icky bits. I know it's like not staring at two mating whales at Marineland at half time, but do your best to think of something off the beaten path. Puppies. Oh wait, they are doing it puppy style. Never mind.

    Where was I? Sometimes my train of thought get's a smidge derailed and I end up on tangents, spiels, and raving lunacy. Alas, I am what I am and it's all that I am, I'm Popeye the sailor man.

    "Feckin A. Me likey some Olive Oil right now."

    "Wretched pig. You can make something as innocent and pure as Popeye seem seedy and pornographic."

    "Weren't you the perv reading Anal Conquest Monthly last week? That was some seriously depraved reading."

    "Grumble grumble"

    Unicorns and pixie dust! Sparkles everywhere.

    Oh yeah, my story. Well, this pain in the ass life of mine reared its ugly head again as of late. I simply had to take this week off for a whole slew of reasons. The stress focussed itself in my upper back right at the same time as I attempted to lift one of those multiple hundred pound tractor tires by my little ole self.

    "I told you to lift with your knees bent. I told you!"

    "You also convinced him to go to the gym three times a week. At least he gets to peek at all the Cougar hotties there as they sweat on the treadmills. What did you think he was gonna do when that big ass tire was sitting there in the middle of the fricken laneway to exit fricken work on his day before his fricken holidays?"

    Long story short, not too many run of the mill RMTs still with appointments available at 6pm on a Monday evening. Some friends spoke highly of Jess, of www.jess-after-dark.com, so I thought what the heck.

    Jessica was easy to get in touch with, overly helpful in singling out what I was looking for in a session, and directed me to her humble abode. Her compendium of pictures on her website did her justice in the face to face too. I was pleasantly surprised when she answered the door.

    "You'd be 'pleasantly surprised' at the Ikea catalogue you rake!"

    "You'd be schwing all over that old chick in the Beverley Hillbillies.....you'd like to ride that polecat......"

    STFU!!!!

    "Watchoo talkin bout Willis? You want a co*kpunch cuz I got four fingers and a thumb that wanna aim for your punchworthy kazoo?"

    Cut it out! This is my story! You two always rain on my parade. I'm sick to death of you little shits. For number one, if you don't stop interrupting I'm not going to the nudie bar any more! For number two, I'm cancelling my subscription to Anal Conquest Monthly!

    **Eerie silence**

    That's better!

    Where the fack was I?

    Oh yeah Jess. The theme and thesis of this diatribe.

    Well you see, it's been a long time since I hobbied. But it all came back to me in the flash of that second. A flurry of wonderful memories of Shauna, Savannah, Victoria, Red Jenna, Roxxy, and far too many to mention pelted me with a Canadian winter of fun filled hours of time and companionship.

    Her pad is not what I expected, but in a very good way. It was well appointed and her inner sanctum was well stocked. She was a regular girl scout. Now I want to see her in a girl scout uniform. That's pretty f*ct ain't it?

    "Moans"

    "Fwapapapapapapa"

    The massage itself was competent and served its purpose. I was much more relaxed leaving her place then when I wandered inside. If she isn't professionally trained, then she missed her calling, for she could take on an entirely less steamy vocation in life and earn an affluent, well earned lifestyle for herself.

    Strangely enough, what I enjoyed most was getting to know this chick. It seems we had as much in common as we were complete and utterly opposite. Yet we somehow broached the subjects neither one of us wanted to delve into and broke the ice. In the end, the majority of our session was clinical or therapeutic interspersed with exciting and provocative conversation. That's one bright kid.

    After the majority of our session was over, I had to pee. Yes, I'm getting old. Sometimes I feel fortunate when I don't get up to relieve myself in any given eight hour period of slumber . Kinda a mood breaker, but that's not the way it came to pass.

    Whether you recall my long deleted reviews or not, I never kissed and told. That's the treasure of mine and Jess in this case. Even if I'm a raging adolescent stuck in a forty somethings aging mind and body, I am a gentleman first and foremost. At least in my outside voice.

    I will make an exception this one time.

    We played board games. Jess is quite a gamer.

    Can she ever string together words out of tiles like a pro! Who knew that you could come up with words like phallus so effortlessly in such a fast paced, competitive game?

    Who knew she could trap that rascally mousey so easily? We were even missing an elastic band or two to that fricken golden oldie!

    Who knew Jess could call me on my balderdash and bullshit? I don't think anyone ever has done that!!!

    Who knew that she was such an avid chess player? Ja wouldn't thunk eh? She took my little cannon fodder dudes and broke down my defences without a single droplet of perspiration. The little pope hat dudes fell to her mighty blows. The fricken horsies cantered off amidst a maelstrom of horsewhips of their aggressors. Before long, my king and queen were her beotches akin to the guillotined Louis XVI and that hottie Mary WTF in 1789.

    Hey I stayed on track for a while. How'd that happen? First time for everything.

    Bottom line is.....I had a great time. Whether I will continue as I once did in the way back when remains to be seen. This fortunate happenstance breathed some life and summoned up some nostalgia for me. I would highly recommend Jessica to anyone in this community.

    Now I can only hope that someone follows suit and breathes some life into this once fun community. The Kitchener forum of terb used to ooze awesome. Let's hope we can return to the grandeur of the past.

    Nuff said,

    TequilaSunrise
    The artist formerly known as MrOrange (MrO)
    Last edited by TequilaSunrise; 02-11-2014 at 12:42 AM. Reason: cuz I'm a spaz

  2. #2
    Welcome back, TequilaSunrise . . . or should I say TAFKAMrO

    You are not alone in recommending Miss Jessica. She's very skilled as a masseuse, and she's a model of truth in advertising.

    You're also not alone in missing the good old days, when the action was lively here and the lovely ladies would drop in to brighten the conversations.

    Would be nice to see a return to that civility again.

  3. #3
    Meat Manager
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Waterloo, ON
    Posts
    532
    MrO you certainly were a worthy opponent when it came to the battle of whips - I mean "wits"! The flowers you brought me are still alive and blooming - yay for not killing things and following the instructions on the little food packet thingy they came with! And in case everyone ws wondering what he was trying to say, it's that he came for the first time ever in all his years of hobbying, in session with me. I got to see his O face..... and then him doing the 'Home Alone' face in shock saying "this has never happened before". I guess some ladies are quitters but I battled on through, breaking down his defences and ultimately making a hot mess.

    I thank you for the fun session and hope you enjoy hobbying once again, and maybe I'll see you around a dimly lit room with other like minded perverts in the near furture

    KW's Happy Hands!

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Hiding in your basement ..and I unscewed all the light bulbs
    Posts
    1,477
    Sweet !!!

    Hey Now !

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