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Daughter of God

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K here's one of the earliest post in my online diary, I change names and took out WHERE things happen. And its gonna be a serial post since my entries are never less than 3 pages: [Anything enclosed like this is just me comenting it wasn't part of the entry]

[reply to bible thumber telling me to pray to Jesus to save myself] Save my soul you say? If I had one to save I probably wouldn't be here to start. I don't think having a soul and doing what I do is possible.... well, then I again I could be wrong. I know some that still have souls. Perhaps its better to say that if we had souls that were still intact we wouldn't be here hiding behind titles like "anon" now would we? [the comment was signed Anon] Yes, I think that will do.

But the sad truth is that my soul won't pay rent or buy me food. This job will do that and more.

Well, anyway. About my call. I did mention I stopped writing to see a client didn't I? Well that didn't go so well. Not that they ever do... well they do when the guys don't want to have sex (yes that does happen).

I was at home writing my previous entry when I got a call my from Unforgettable, and said a client was waiting to see me. She
sent out the driver to come and get me. An annoying man named Jake came, he has a thick accent I can't quite identify, he's 38 and he constantly babbles. If there's a pause in the conversation I turn up the music hoping he gets the idea, but unfortunately he never does. He'll turn it down and keep talking or try to talk over the music. Don't get me wrong! I'm not anti-social, I'm just irritated my stupid people. I see enough at work (escorts and clients alike), so I just prefer to have as little contact with them as possible unless absolutely necissary.

Anyway, I got in the car and gave him 20 bucks for picking me up. I was tempted to refuse to pay him since he made the drive so unpleasant for me - but you have to keep the driver's happy, if anything goes wrong they're the ones who break down the doors and pull you out. But somehow I think he'd leave me there - he's weak. I can tell that through his stories, he rambles on and on, trying to cover up the past - even though I wasn't there to witness his mistakes. That's true weakness.

My call was in ****. This guys name was Joe, apparently a regular of Susan. She's a girl that works at the agency too, and I can honestly call her a friend. She's the only other 18 year old there. She's jaded, but that's by a rough life, much like myself. She isn't fucked up by the industry, not yet anyway. So I can stand her company, infact, I enjoy it - most of the time. She isn't exactly open minded and tends to be cold with her clients. And she's not the brightest star in the sky. But I figured he's a client of hers then he had to be reasonable, otherwise she'd have told him off and he'd probably never call again. I failed to realize that some men LIKE that kind of abuse, or seem to because they keep calling back...

His apartment wasn't too attractive. I glanced around, taking in little details to get an accurate idea of the kind of guy I was dealing with. Single judging by the dishes in the sink, middle class working man, by the apartment and its furniture – and his hands were rough. I looked at the coffee table and a half empty bottle of wine was there.

Great- :rolleyes:

We commenced in the usual dull discussions. "hello, how are you? hows work? doing well? why are you up so late at night?" blah blah blah. He was buzzed but not stupid drunk, and he wasn't violent. So chances are I could handle the situation.

Silly me.

As protocol demands I picked up the phone and called the office. she picked up and I said everything was okay and I was willing to do the call. Whenever she asked if "everything's fine" I was always tempted to blurt out - OF COURSE NOT I'M HERE AREN'T I?? But SC wouldn't appreciate that now would he? Have to make the damn money. She told me to asked for his visa card and some ID. She read out the visa number the guy had recieved and I confirmed it was the same card and expire date and told her the signiture on both his cards was the same.

"I'll call you when the hours up." he said.

I hung up and proceeded to work out the reciept for him. I hated when people paid by credit card. IF its a VISA you get the money the next day, if its a Master card you get in in 3-4, if its American Express... a week. At Unforgettable... don't hold your breathe...

I looked up at his glazed over dull eyes and sighed to myself. Hopefully counting backwards from 1000 would help the evening go by faster...
 

Daughter of God

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before I could post the rest I have to ask Fred Zed something and I'm waiting for his reply! Sorry!
 

Daughter of God

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He was buzzed and eager to get started.
"Can I undress you?" he asked. I hate that. Whats with these middle class men having no tact - then again Jonathan was always so nice to me - he at least has integrity [I saw Jonathan the day before - I think he's one of my favourite clients always treated me like a Lady] Then again this guy was drunk - but somehow I don't imagine Jonathan being rude and blunt about it if he got drunk on one of my calls.

I stood and waited for him to invite me to sit down - [most clients did that later on when I changed agencies. You know offer me a drink act like it was a date. That really made it so much easier on me and I'd feel much more relaxed - they'd feel less like a 'client'].
But when I realized the invitation wasn't forthcoming I sat down with a sigh. He took off his shirt and started reaching for the buttons on mine but I moved his hand away gently "How about a drink first?" I thought he might get the idea of what I was hinting at, even if he thought I was a piece of meat I didn't want him treating me like it. Actually I found as the evening went on that I constantly compared him to Jonathan and Gary - the only two regulars I had [which isn't suprising since they were so nice to me I went out of my way to return the kindness - I think every girl thrives on kind clients in this business, they're what keep us going]

He then reached out and began to fondle my breasts. I don't even bother faking anything, I don't care, if he wasn't going to show me the basic respect that any woman deserves, I wasn't going to boost his ego. He leaned in to kiss me and I turned my head. "I don't kiss." And I didn't, even for the clients i enjoyed - its too invasive. I want a clear line between work and play - but then again SC hasn't kissed me in months... actually in the year and a half we've been together he's only kissed me twice... What so repulsive about me that he won't do that? Or is he doing the same thing I do with clients, trying to create a seperation? After all he always says that white girls aren't worth it... and I'm as white as it gets [I have blonde hair and blue eyes, incase your wondering what I meant by that statement]

"Sorry."

He got up and shed his clothes off, fairly quickly for a drunk man might I add. Increadible balance! I would have toppled over. I still had my skirt and shoes on. Then he sat down and looked at me expectantly. I never make a first move or offer anything unless he treats me like a princess - like Jonathan! Then I'll hold their hand or cuddle a bit, you know, just so they know its appreciated and that I don't consider them scum. Why don't I get more clients like that? At least I wouldn't cry myself to sleep as often, at least I'd feel human. Jessica [another esocrt] said she wants to switch agencies cause all the losers go to this one, she told me to find a really nice agency too, then I'd get better clients. How does one know a good agency from a bad? As far as I'm conserned they're all the same [lol can you tell I wasn't doing it for long??]
 

Daughter of God

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"Go down on me baby!" he blurts out. The tone in his voice was overly lustful - not passionate, just exaggerated hunger. I sighed and reached for my purse and realized I had no condoms on me. When I asked if he had any he said no. "Forget it, do it without." Yeah right!!! I almost broke up laughing.... well I would have if I wasn't so thoroughly disgusted. What kind of man with any self respect would even SUGGEST that? Not only is he putting himself in danger, but he's openly declaring he'll put ME in danger.

"Oh come on don't do this to me I'm so horny!" he begged. I told him I'd go out to the car and get some and be back in a flash, he probably thought he was going to get ripped off so I told him I wouldn't even put shoes on if it made him feel better and he could hold on to the visa receipt. Some girls I knew claimed they left condoms in the car, go to the car with the clients money and speed off, so I wanted to reassure him. Besides… I couldn't justify such an action. Does that seem strange? The girls I know thought it was dirty to sell their body so they rather just rip them off… but for some reason that put them on a LOWER scale of respect for me… I don't get my logic I just know that it seems more wrong. At least I was being honest - whether I wanted to be there or not, I couldn't lie to a complete stranger like that - MUCH LESS ROB HIM!

"Why wont you do it without?" Well its the era of STD's little boy!!. And the fact that you want me to do it without a condom means that you did so with other Escorts without, which doesn't give me much faith your clean.

"I don't see that many!" the fool claimed. "Look at me. Do I look like I have an 'STD." at this point I did laugh and told him I was in fact educated and did not come from a third world country so that stupid 50's line won't work on me. "Trust me! I trust your clean. Why won't you trust me? I mean I haven't had a girlfriend in 6 years. And the only other escort I ever see you know and you know she's clean. Ask the receptionist, i never see other escorts." Perhaps not at our agency but there are MANY others out there. I didn't bother saying that out loud. "I'm a middle aged construction worker," he continued, "I work hard. I like life. Do I look like a man who wants to die? So why would I have an STD. Hell I just had a check up two days ago. I can get you the medical exam records to show that I'm clean." On and on he rambled until I was ready to loose patience. I told him if he didn't' let me go get the condoms I'd just leave. Let him keep his money. I wasn't that desperate!

Then he said something really funny. "Your friend lets me do it," he claimed. At this I nearly burst at the seams laughing. There's no way in hell she would. "Oh really, I happen to have her number since we're such close friends, shall I call her and ask? I'm sure she'd love to talk to you after I asked you know." His eyes bulged, "Nonononono, "I don't want to put her on the spot".

He still argued with me. For 30 min! Eventually I told him he only had 30 min left so he could let me go get them, or I could sit there and argue with him for another 30min and make an easy$180. He then agreed. When I returned his mood was more sullen but what the hell did I care? An orgasm is an orgasm for him - and he didn't have the damned respect to acquiesce to my simple wish to remain healthy, what right did he have to enjoy the call? Were he kind and I burst his bubble somehow it might bother me - but he's not worth it. How could he lie so openly like that? Did he lack any sense of integrity? Perhaps its time to switch agencies, I thought to myself.

We proceeded into the bedroom and he was being awfuly rough, mistaking my sounds of pain and discomfort for pleasure - only making him get worse. And it didn't help that I didn't like him on a personal level - AT ALL. He had trouble staying up [yes he was that drunk] so he wanted to try doggy style. Fine I said. But my instincts went sharp. I had a gut feeling he would try to pull the condom off... hoping I wouldn't notice... I was on my hands and knees, very still listening to every sound in the room. He pulled out for a moment - That wasn't uncommon, men often liked to adjust things... but my stomach tightened. I heard the faint snap of latex and whirled around. He was taking it off!!!

"YOUR TAKING IT OFF!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "NONONO "he argued, "it was coming off by itself" he was just trying to fix it apparently . BULLSHIT! I've been doing this job long enough to be very aquatinted with sex and all that comes with it. And I could tell that condom was not slipping off, besides, the brand I used never slipped off no matter how ill adorned the man was.
 

Daughter of God

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"HOW DARE YOU PUT MY LIFE IN DANGER. HOW DARE YOU TAKE THE CHANCE OF RUINING MY LIFE, YOU MIGHT AS WELL PUT A GUN TO MY HEAD.!" I was yelling as I quickly put my clothes on. I was perfectly aware that his neighbours could probably hear me in the neighbouring appartments, actually i was counting on it. I wanted all of them to wake up and figure out a prostitute was yelling at him for being a jackass at 4 in the morning.

I was getting dressed to a chores of "Nonono I swear listen to me don't go! It was coming off" in a rage i went to the door put my shoes on, and grabbed the slip for the visa that was still on the coffee table. My hands were shaking so much I couldn't undo the lock. He then came and pushed himself between me and the door. My heart dropped. "Please don't let it end like this" I prayed silently

He asked me not to go and I demanded he undo the locks. "No. Not until you give me my money." There was now way that money was going back to him - if it came down to death or giving him the money, I would have chosen death. Because that made what just happened rape… it had happened once before, the client refused to pay - I never felt so dirty before. Somehow that exchange made it okay. I then dialed the number to my driver told him what was happening. I saw the "clients" face go white (he doesn't deserve a title so kind) and I handed him the phone. "Would you like to explain to him that you want your money back...."

"NONONO, just go."

And I did. I was in such a rage I was shocking

I ranted all the way back to the agency so that I wouldn’t start crying - if I converted the tears to anger at least I could hold off until I was alone. I was trembling like a leaf I was so upset…. [Without question he was one of the worst I ever saw so now you all see why I came here hating clients in general. That day put me in a REALLY bad mood for a really long time! But you all have proven me wrong.... and for that I must thank you!]
 

Daughter of God

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I'm happy to share - though I should have picked a happier experience - which I'll do next time!

Yeah, I remember first reading that comment… it hurt. I was upset at myself for letting some nameless, faceless person hurt me, but I couldn't help it. In some ways, the people here on TERB are much better than the rest of society. None of you live in that kind of absurd delusion.

One person once commented: "What's wrong with you? Didn't you learn the morals they teach in elementary school?"

To which I replied - Elementary school values? Do you think people in the sex trade are a minority? Do the math! Count all the people working as escorts(female/male/trans) , doms (female and male), street hookers, pimps, the drivers, the receptionists, the clients (female and male), count all the strippers (female and male) all the waitresses, bartenders, and DJ's, as well as the people going there, count all the porn stars (male and female) all the production crew, all the cashiers and all the people behind the counters and everyone renting. Count all the nude magazine models, all the photographers, editors, columnists. All the phone sex operators (male and female) and live video chats, all the web site owners, and all the people who pay to participate. Count all the sex toy companies and the people who design them, sell them and buy them. Count anyone that owns such establishment. There isn't one bill in your wallet that hasn't passed through the hands of someone in the sex industry first. Your elementary school morals simply don't apply to the real world (a world of people who continued their education passed the 8th grade). So actually what you see as a small group of sexually twisted people, happens to be somewhere more like one in five. One in five people in YOUR office, YOUR school, YOUR friends, YOUR family. Professors, doctors, bankers, nurses, students, drug addicts, gold diggers! They're all involved, people from EVERY SINGLE walk of life! From good families and bad! It seems to me you have to tear yourself away from the TV set or the anti-depression drugs your on, and look at reality for what it is. THEN you can judge accurately rather than sounding like a fool.

Yes, I think that your right - the closed mind is a dangerous thing. The illusion that the age of enlightenment has passed is rather clear to me now - we're still going through it and we got a fairly long hike to go.

And yes Jesus did preach acceptance, he let a prostitute into his home when everyone demanded he cast her out! And not only that, but he looked upon his own decibels with scorn - for there she was washing his feet with her tears and drying them with her hair, while the rest were too self absorbed to kneel before him lest they soil their robes.

Thanks Ben!!! ~warm smile~
 

Daughter of God

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At the moment my unhappiness stems from self-pity and in that I am the only one who can rescue myself, and I am the only one who can bring me happiness.

Though I wasn't as lucky as some working girls I did have a small group of clients that truly stuck to my memory - and that's why I even ventured on here in the first place... I just have to find time to write about them!!!
 

Jenn_angel

Banned
Jan 27, 2002
903
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In Rome with the Pope
This is for Daughter Of God...

I have decided after reading what you chose to share that I wanted to share with you. I feel that you may understand my feelings at the time of writing them. After I type in the published and copyrighted poem of mine (In the other part of my life), I will tell you how and why this particular selection came about.



The Corner...

Standing, waiting, watching, looking up to others as they swirl around you, wanting to touch them as if they were precious.
Hoping for the contact, and yet also the ability to leave them all behind, The voice, comes out of nowhere, to gain your focus.
Their hand touches you gently, and for a brief second they care.
The money, is always the same... Dirty... The feelings, are never real, and the dance, it is always over too soon.
They use what they can, and take what they can't, always trying for more.
The rare thoughtful one, is a joy, but it's not the same. As they pass, you see... The violence is brewing, the hate is deadly, and the love is lost...
Someday the corner will no longer be a place of violence and hate, and once more a place of love.




While I realise this may appear to pertain to certain aspects of life it does not. It was written for and about a friend who lived on the streets and died on the streets. She lived a life of sex, drugs, and turmoil. I loved her dearly but there was nothing I could do. She was not srong enough to help her self and I was not strong enough at the time to help her.

Every day I think about this young woman and reading your posts here make me think of her. It was hell to watch... But I was powerless that time.

Sometimes one does not have to live something to feel it... And sometimes it takes a lot to feel again. I hope that someday... Your corner is filled with love. When I say this I am not reffering to the love of others... But the love of yourself... Do not hate yourself for what you have done. And please do not hate others for contributing to it. It will only eat away at you.

Realise that in your position you become like me... The saving grace. The guardian angel trying to step in... To allow people to make a choice, and give them the option to leave.

I respect the situations you endured... I hate the fact that you were faced with them... And I am glad that you were able to leave that which caused you pain.

Take heart... We as strong women... Can prevail.

Oh and as far as the jacka$$ you wrote about... God help me... I wish there was a way to tell them apart in advance...!
 

Daughter of God

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Re: Jen

SPOOOOOOOOOOKY!

The first line of the poem you wrote reminded me of one I wrote:

The Lost Lanore

Wishing, hoping, dreaming, thinking,
The stars above me lightly twinkling,
Perhaps searching the lost Lanore,
With their volumes of forgotten lore.
Searching, Peering, Prying, Leering,
Probing land from shore to shore,
Weeping for the lost Lanore,
Yearning, Burning, Swearing Tearing.

Silver gems from withing her seeping,
As she cries out deeply weeping,
Fire burning from within her eyes,
Slashing, Gashing cold cruel lies,
Wandering the world in disguise.

Hear you the cries of lost Lanore,
From beneath your closed locked door?
See you the sad and mournful smile,
Of the moon who's rays beguile?
Understand you the darkness she abides,
Choosing silence as she dies,
From within us where she hides?


Oh Jen... you truly do have a warm and caring heart *warm hug* I'm proud to say I that at least on a shallow level, I know you. I'm learning to accept what has happened to me, but I feel a compelling urge to do something, to reach out to others, but I feel entirely helpless in that regard... *sigh* I'll never step out to the public like some escorts have done, I would crumble under the wieght of other peoples eyes (I'm very introverted naturally). Right now I do the best I can through emails, as an emotional support to girls who have run accross my diary and are or have been in the business. And after stumbling into hear a couple of clients (one in particular who I've grown quite fond of as a friend). Though unlike the rest, I will always remain in shadows.


In reference to the client this diary entry was about: the bottle should have been a good enough clue in advance lol I'm at fault for not leaving.
 

bootycall28

Banned
May 18, 2002
197
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0
Talk About Anxiety!!!

Daughter of God...are you sure you are in the right business?? You seem really angry in general. Sure your client was an ass, but your attitude in general leaves much to be desired. You sound really bitter...just plain bitter! People have to pay good money to spend time with you?? I would pay not to have to!

the bootyman
 

Bboy

TOPGUN
Aug 21, 2001
303
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at her six
Re: Talk About Anxiety!!!

bootycall28 said:
Daughter of God...are you sure you are in the right business?? You seem really angry in general. Sure your client was an ass, but your attitude in general leaves much to be desired. You sound really bitter...just plain bitter! People have to pay good money to spend time with you?? I would pay not to have to!

the bootyman

Bootyman, first I don't think you need worry about spending your hard earned money here....sit back, shut up, and maybe just maybe you'll learn something about life.
 

Foxhound

Banned
Jan 17, 2002
599
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0
Betwixt her thighs ideally!
Daughter of God!

"Well that didn't go so well. Not that they ever do... well they do when the guys don't want to have sex "

""I don't kiss." And I didn't, even for the clients i enjoyed - its too invasive. I want a clear line between work and play...trying to create a separation."

"At least I wouldn't cry myself to sleep as often, at least I'd feel human."

"...so now you all see why I came here hating clients in general."

Your problem is that first and foremost you hate yourself! You think it's dirty to sell your body, just like the bible thumpers would have you think! What is it that compels you to accept their twisted morals? Life is too short to feel guilty about that which should come naturally.

I agree with Bootycall! I would pay to insure myself against the possibility of ever meeting a woman like you! The only redeeming personal feature I can find from your post is that you are honest, which I believe to be the single most important ingredient of a person's character.

:eek:
 

Don

Active member
Aug 23, 2001
6,289
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Daughter of God - while I am sympathetic to your plight, I agree somewhat with Foxhound and Bootycall. If the business causes that much stress on yourself, then perhaps it is best for you to leave the business and pursue a career that will be more to your liking. No amount of money is worth that much emotional stress. The only reason why I can imagine that you wouldn't quit is because your lifestyle demands a certain amount of income that you can obtain only by being in the business. In that case consider yourself fortunate that you at least have the option to make more money than someone who has not the looks or ability or attitude to be a successful SP and has to work for peanuts.
 

simone

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Apr 26, 2002
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Let's not bash the ladies free speech....she obviously has had a few bad seeds and needs to vent. Regardless of how she has expressed herself, a bit of useful , loving , kind words from ones OLDER than herself might provide her a tool to help her in figuring out what she could be doing differently. I think it is good for everyone to see and read how deep one can get after having a bad experience, especially someone so young. As men and women we all should be interested and if not shhhhhhhhhh.
 

iguana

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"Can I undress you?"
Is this rude? It sounds quite normal, even a tad polite. I'm sure the business is very difficult at times, and if you need catharsis once in a while it's understandable..esp. as you are young. You seem like a very sensitive person..I feel sympathetioc to anyone who is put in uncomfortable positions by others...but I also feel sorry for johns sometimes. We pay a lot of money for what is often very poor treatment. It certainly goes both ways.
 

bootycall28

Banned
May 18, 2002
197
0
0
Bboy wrote:

Bootyman, first I don't think you need worry about spending your hard earned money here....sit back, shut up, and maybe just maybe you'll learn something about life.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bbitch,
I know enough to avoid people like Daughter of God and Yourself. Nothing but headaches, and horseshit. She might be your ideal sp..the type that treat many clients like some sub life form. I doubt you or daughter sp could teach me much about life. I try to avoid dissonance as much as possible. The depths you are at...I hope I never will see.

p.s. You and daughter have a good time taking your meds....but actually take them this time!

the bootyman
 
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