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USA HEADLINES from the Year 2040...

WoodPeckr

Protuberant Member
May 29, 2002
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Some Sunday Humor

1. Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.

2. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.

3. Baby conceived naturally....Scientists stumped.

4. Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

5. Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

6. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

7. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2042.

8. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.

9. Results of 35 year study: diet and exercise are the key to weight loss.

10. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

11. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

12. Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

13. Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

14. Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

15. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2041.

16. Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

17. Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with Congressman.
 

papasmerf

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Oct 22, 2002
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23 chapaquidick bridge is roeplace, kennedy's plate is found

24 DNA verifies kennedy's secerity was pregnant with TED's baby

25 Ted Kenedy charged with Murder

26 John Kerry, once senetor and 2004 presidentual canidate was found dead today, DNA links founder of Move-on.org

28 the Denocratic NationalCommitee today applied for WELFARE
 

verisimilitude

New member
Oct 15, 2004
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29. Israel joins the US, becomes the 51st state.

30. The US State of Quebec seeks yet another referendum to separate.

31. US officially turns Communist. No one's really been working or voting for years.

32. Water now traded on the commodities market, more valuable than Pork Bellies.

33. Entering work with a cold/flu is a quarantinable offense, because it infringes upon the rights of others.

34. Your television will detect your mood and automatically provide you with psychotherapy. Incidences of road rage decrease by 78%.

35. TERB membership reaches 100M, most of whom are US citizens.
 

papasmerf

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Oct 22, 2002
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36 Correction: US officially trun comunists into Soilent Green
 

langeweile

Banned
Sep 21, 2004
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37) Canada is still looking for the sponsorship money

38) Martin survive another minority goverment

39 ) Canada has finally a true conservative party

40) Alberta becones the 51st of the USA

41) Trudeau has been cloned from DNA and is running for prime minister

42) First court trial on aboriginal land claims will start soon

43) Where the hell is the mad cow.

44) Carolyn Parrish married to an American

45) The last breeed of dogs has been banned in Ontario

46) Tax rate in Quebec has reached 99%

47) Arabic, Chinese and japanese have been added as the official languages of Canada.

48) Heritage Ministers budget up to 1 trillion now.

49) Canadian Army buys used subs from Kenia. Martin claims "This is a good deal"

50) Military budget at an all time high of $ 1000
 

Manji

The Balance of Opposites
Jan 17, 2004
11,806
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53) US still looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction (and Osama)

54) OJ still looking for the real killers. Says he is close.

55) Britney and JLO still competing for the most marriages ever by a single person. Britney at 212 and JLO at 214.
 

papasmerf

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Oct 22, 2002
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56. The Canadian Government Initates Plan for National Healthcare.

When asked the minister for health said: "I am sure this will work fine, after all we had it up untill 2007 and it worked then"
 

MsKiss

New member
Apr 1, 2003
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57) Opra Winfrey buys her own galaxy, but still can't find anybody who wants to have sex with her.

Bonnie
 

Ref

Committee Member
Oct 29, 2002
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Reviving a long forgotten thread in this section. Some of the early threads were quite funny. Refreshing that there was not a clear Left vs. Right on every issue...

Some points:

* #6: Castro made it to 90, not too sure if Chelsea was a female or male at the time of this post
* #10: Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative - LOL!
* # 17: Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with Congressman. - Assuming the "metoo" movement is nothing but a Wikopedia entry in 2040.
* # 32: Water now traded on the commodities market, more valuable than Pork Bellies. - This could actually be a reality.
* # 41: Trudeau has been cloned from DNA and is running for prime minister. - Must have been too early to predict that Senior Trudeau's seed would have an off-spring in the PM office.
* jwmorrice: Red Sox say this will be their year to take it all. - The Red Sox went on to win it all a couple of weeks after his post and broke the "Curse of the Bambino". He has been silent on the boards for a few years but always enjoyed his posts.
* # 58: Donald Trump divorces Mary Kate Olsen - Even in 2004 Trump was in the politics section!
 

onthebottom

Never Been Justly Banned
Jan 10, 2002
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Hooterville
www.scubadiving.com
Holy resurrection Batman.....
 
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