Toronto Escorts

I wanted to share this with you...

Kayla

The Legend
Aug 27, 2001
1,185
78
48
In the Country
I am hoping..

.. that I will get the permission of all who posted to turn it into an article. I think it is a great thread where we all talk about deep dark feelings that are usually not discussed.
 

syn

"tlc"
Aug 31, 2001
917
0
0
downtown toronto
random thoughts ...

please be warned ... i have had a brutal, emotionally wrenching week. and i feel the need to vent a little .... please indulge me ...

before i go further, let me stress that i speak for myself only.

i came across the following quotation from nancy quan recently - she is the sp mentioned in the original post from phoenix dave:

Contrary to the latest stereotype (that prostitution is just "sex work"), selling sex is much more than a job. Having sex for money can become a way of relating to men -- and enjoying men -- that competes with your romantic life. Successful hookers are sharp-witted, hardheaded and hardworking but many are also diehard romantics. We want our emotional fantasies to come true, perhaps because we spend so much time fulfilling other people's fantasies.

when i read it over, i thought how much i could relate to her words. however much i have tried to pretend that i am above this type of romantic fool thinking ... that i am somehow stronger, less vulnerable ... truth be told - there is nothing i would want more than someone to see through my constant willingness to put other's people's happiness before mine. the funny thing is - i do it all the time, not just in intimate relationships. i am the perfect dinner party hostess, the designated driver and i pick up stray animals ... i have always gravitated to the 'helping professions'.

but if you looked at my personal life, you would see a pattern of involvement with emotionally distant men who have consistently demonstrated an inability to meet my emotional needs. and, i have tended to run from men who looked like they were going to get past my guard and break down my barriers ... and if you look close enough, i am sure that you would see fear in my eyes ... a fear of letting someone get close to me ...in case they walk away and break my heart.

people have commented that they find it strange that i have an inability to articulate my own needs, desires ... as i have explained before, i have spent half of my life in the sex trade. i have worked the streets, worked in an agency and worked independently. 'transaction-based' relationships have shaped my entire way of dealing with men throughout my adult life.

as i have mentioned on numerous occassions - i enjoyed my work as an sp. it's no secret that i miss it. i miss the excitement of meeting clients for the first time - i miss the sexual intimacy generated between myself and my regulars ... i miss the incredible, unpredictable sexual bond and chemistry that would occur randomly between me and a perfect stranger ... i miss experiencing the feelings when i knew that i had rocked someone's world beyond their expectations ... i miss the look of desire in someone's eyes ... the first time a client would peel down my bra to expose my breasts or touch me between my legs and feel the wetness ...

that being said, i did not enjoy myself all the time. i would disassociate at times ... even with some of my favourite regulars. i would shut down my emotions and turn off my feelings ... but what job is roses all the time? name one person that would not leave their job if they won the lottery ... i have met lawyers who hate their jobs, but do not have the courage to quit and abandon their hefty pay cheques. my friend is a nurse in a senior's home. how much does she enjoy cleaning soiled diapers or following the orders of some of the more obnoxious doctor's...?

... con't
 
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syn

"tlc"
Aug 31, 2001
917
0
0
downtown toronto
ii

i am full of questions. am i emotionally scarred? can i relate to men without 'playing' them? will i ever be able to trust a significant other? how can you trust someone after seeing so many clients cheat on their wives and loved ones? can one man make me happy for the rest of my life? will someone ever 'accept' my past? how much emotional baggage do i carry as a result of the biz? am i too hard on myself?

i have wondered if my inability to fall in love and have a 'loving relationship' led to my involvement in the biz ... or whether my involvement in the biz has led to my inability to have a relationship. what came first, the chicken or the egg? or does it even matter? when you get right down to it... this is me. and my decisions and experiences have shaped who i am today.

with respect to self-esteem, i have good days and bad days. some days i worry that i will be alone ... that i am unlovable ... other days i feel strong, centred, and feel that i do not need anyone to make me happy. if it is any consolation, the good days far outweigh the bad ones.

i can accept that i am one of the fortunate ones. other girls in the biz were not as lucky. i got off the streets. i did not develop a drug addiction. i worked as an independent sp in an upscale location and had the ability to choose my clientele and turn away people who made me uncomfortable. i had the ability to get an education ... the biz helped pay for seven years of university which has provided me with a 'legitimate' job ... a job that garners much respect.

here is the irony ... i sometimes look back on my days in the biz as happier times. i felt more 'real'. i feel like i play 'pretend' more now than i ever did in the biz. for example, i have sat through a series of work dinners with obnoxious, rude clients, while making polite conversation and laughing at jokes that really have made me cringe. i can recall sitting through unbearable job interviews as i was completing my degree, with potential employers that truly made me feel like a prostitute. i remember thinking, "i do not want to be like you ....", as these potential employers went on and on about thier firms.

i did not feel exploited as an sp - even when i worked on the streets at gerrard and church. if anything, i felt that the men were the ones who were usually exploited. i watched men call repeatedly for my beautiful working girl roommate, who would make faces over their shoulders and mock them behind their backs ... i saw such loneliness and desperation in some men ... or such an overwhelming eagerness to please or just be liked. perhaps one of the things that would astonish most people outside of the industry is the knowledge that many men pay women to give sexual satisfaction to her ... without really want much themselves. trust me, i had some earth shatteringly mindblowing sessions ....

then again, i did work with some women who hated their involvement in the biz. one close friend said that every one of her clients had taken a piece of her soul ... and i must admit that another close friend seemed to not only dislike working as an sp - she seemed to dislike men. but was she an academy award winning actress once the guy knocked on the door - and i am sure that her clients were none the wiser.
 
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syn

"tlc"
Aug 31, 2001
917
0
0
downtown toronto
iii

i remember reading once that women in the sex trade will be able to say that they truly CHOSE to work in the biz, when they are offered as many opportunites as men to make this kind of money on an hourly basis without spreading their legs ... [sorry if this isn't clear] ... well ... i have found myself in the position of having a choice ... and have found myself constantly wavering between my former life as an escort and my new position in the real world. i wonder how mellisa farley, the ardent feminist in dave's article would respond to my dilemma ... more than likely she would say that i have disassociated to such a degree that i can't be trusted to tie my own shoes!

last week i was at the doctor's office and noticed a discernable difference in the treatment i recieved once my occupation was noted. should my profession matter? why can't everyone get treated with respect?

when i was working as an sp, i hated the look that some men gave me - as if i was beneath them ... as a high school drop out, i bristled when i felt that some of my clients viewed me as someone lacking intelligence. in my head, i would always think - "i am smarter than you think ...maybe not booksmart, but street smart with common sense .... " maybe i should be thanking these men, as perhaps deep down inside they inspired me to succeed in spite of what they thought of me.

now ... when people look up to me because of my job title, i think ... if only you knew that just a few years ago i was a prostitute. such feelings keep me grounded ...
 
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syn

"tlc"
Aug 31, 2001
917
0
0
downtown toronto
iv

i left the biz in january, 2000.

how sad is it that i have faced more sexual violence outside of the biz, than while working?

last summer, while travelling overseas i was raped by a complete unknown assailant - a rogue taxi driver who drove me to an abandoned field during a torrential storm and raped me face down in a puddle of water ... i thought i was going to die - that he would either strangle me or drown me, as i could not breathe and my face was submerged in the water ... he raped me in front of my tiny, 99 lbs girlfriend who was unable to get him off me ... if you think it matters, i was dressed conservatively.

my initial reaction was that i had some sort of sign around my neck that invited sexual violence. granted, now i know that i was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time ... at the same time, it sickens me that i am now considered a 'victim', whereas if i had still been working in the industry, many would imply that i asked for it. somehow i would be blamed for the rape. or worse, people would assume that it would not really matter - after all the men i have been with ... what difference is one more?

in my first year of grad school, i was 'date-raped' by a fellow student during orientation week. i remember lying on my bed as this huge rugby player held me down and fucked me relentlessly ... i remember thinking, of all the girls in the class to rape, i was probably the one who was most likely to handle it emotionally, as i had learned to disassociate myself from unpleasant sexual experiences. i stared at the ceiling ... and concentrated on being passive and complacent - and trying to do everything possible to ensure that he did not get violent with me.

i almost quit school as a result of the rape by my fellow student... i considered suicide ... it took me months to stop crying myself to sleep ... to stop thinking that carrying on with my education was a futile endeavour, as no matter what i accomplished i would always have my past to haunt me ... it was the bleakest part of my life. i had been trying to leave the biz, but was still seeing some regular clients to pay my bills. imagine the violation of being raped in your own bed.

(i did not press charges against this guy, as i felt that my working girl past would be used against me and the guy would get off anyways - after reading of kayla's experience, i have to say that i am glad i took the easy way out ... who knows if i would have the strength to handle such a brutal cross examination.)
 
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syn

"tlc"
Aug 31, 2001
917
0
0
downtown toronto
v

it took me a long time to say that i was a 'prostitute'. somehow, i internalized the stigma of the word. i would say that i was an 'escort' ... now the term does not bother me as much, unless it is used in a pejorative fashion.

i kept my involvement in the biz a secret from most people. i believe that you would never have looked at me and guessed my 'secret life'. but i know that if i ever consider a life partner, i want him to know about my involvement in the biz ... and still love me.

there are days when i daydream about revealing my past ... maybe do an interview or write an article. i fantasize about using my new 'status' to dispell prevalent myths about girls in the biz. contrary to the views of the ardent feminist in the article that started this thread, i did go to university. i did save money. i invested in a home. i have something to show for my involvement in the biz.

while in confession mode, let me reveal that my secret ambition is to make a difference in the industry. perhaps open up my own agency and provide a place where women can make money in a safe environment where they will be respected ... and perhaps assist others avoid some of the mistakes i have made along the way ... until that day comes, i will probably continue to post on terb - offer my little perspective ... and hope that i can present a perspective of a woman who is sexual, intelligent, and sensitive ... maybe become terb's own hooker with a heart of gold ... *smile*

for the most part, i do not regret my past. i learned so much about me, men and life in general. i know that i am able to give pleasure ... that i can relate to people and that i can think on my feet ... many of the skills that i developed as an sp would look great on a resume. at the same time, deep down inside i know that i would not want my sisters or a daughter to enter the profession - though i know it is paternalistic of me! i know that i am strong and a survivor ... and i pray that my sisters and my future daughters do not have to make the same choices i did.
 
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Groucho

New member
Jan 28, 2002
75
0
0
75
Buffalo, NY
Kayla and Syndy
I've been watching the Olympics off and on, as many of us have been. I've seen people being called courageous for doing something that they've been trained to do, that they love to do, and that they've been applauded and rewarded for doing their whole life.
Their courage does not begin to match the courage that it took for the both of you to not only survive your experiences but to share those experiences with the rest of us. There is no more difficult thing in this world than to be an outcast. Both of you have been treated by society as outcasts and you've suffered for it. You both seem to have come through it, bloody but unbowed and I salute you for it.
You go, girls!!

Groucho
 

syn

"tlc"
Aug 31, 2001
917
0
0
downtown toronto
another perspective ...

even ann landers has a say ...

here is a reference about melissa farley's radical feminist theories from none other than ann landers...

Ann Landers Supports Sexwork!

In October of 1997, Ann Landers ran a column that included a letter from someone who was quoting Melissa Farley's research in order to try to dissuade women from choosing prostitution as a career. Since I believe that Farley's study was slanted and not entirely accurate, I felt compelled to write to Ann Landers to present my side of things. Ann's editors, of course, did a major chop job on my letter, but it DID get printed and, what's more, Ann actually saw my major point! She said that no one HAS to be a prostitute but that she supports decriminalization for those of us who enjoy our work!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE ORIGINAL LETTER:

Sunday, October 18, 1998

Dear Ann Landers:

I'm sure a lot of people write to you about career choices and look to you for guidance. Please, Ann, if anyone should ask about being a hooker, I hope you will discourage it.

A scientific study conducted by Melissa Farley, a psychologist at Kaiser Permanente, one of the nation's largest health maintenance organizations, concluded: "Working as a streetwalker can be as traumatic as going to war. Two-thirds of the prostitutes surveyed suffered from post-traumatic stress disorders."

Researchers interviewed 475 prostitutes in the United States, South Africa, Thailand, Turkey and Zambia. Sixty-two percent reported being raped, 73 percent said they had been assaulted and 68 percent said they had been threatened with a weapon. Nearly 70 percent of the women had experienced post-traumatic stress disorder, which is also known as shell shock or battle fatigue. They suffered from depression, anxiety, insomnia, flashbacks and nightmares.

Heard enough? I hope so.

-- Sacramento Ann Phan


Dear Phan:

I don't recall ever being asked about prostitution as a career choice, but if such a letter should cross my desk, I will remember your comments and describe the hazards. Thank you for all the women you may have saved today.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MY LETTER TO ANN:

Dear Ann:

On October 18th, you printed a letter from "Sacramento Ann Phan." That reader quoted from Melissa Farley's study and warned of the dangers of prostitution. I'd like the chance to tell my side of the story as well.

I'm not speaking about some study I read, Ann, I'm telling you about my own life. I am a 31-year-old woman with a bachelor's degree in Classical Studies and I have chosen to be a sexworker and have been for the last fourteen years. I am happy with my career and it burns me up everytime I read that we're all supposed to be messed up drug addicts who were abused as children, raped every time we turn around and so traumatized that we're afraid of our own shadows.

The statistics "Sacramento Ann Phan" quoted to you were for streetwalking prostitutes. I won't deny that streetwalking has to be a difficult and stressful life but not all prostitutes are streetwalkers. I work in a legal Nevada brothel and I can't begin to tell you how much I love it. I have a respectable, legal job. I get checked by a doctor every week. I earn my living making people feel happy and accepted -- what a blessing that is! And on top of all that, I make enough money that I only have to work two weeks each month and can take the other two weeks off to pursue my writing.

Ann, there's a reason that prostitution is called the "oldest profession." Prostitution isn't going to go away and instead of fighting it, we should be decriminalizing it and destigmatizing it. Sexwork is a viable career option. As long as prostitutes fear arrest, police are not our allies. In an effort to avoid arrest, women work under dangerous isolated conditions that lead to the abuse and murder that Dr. Farley's study reports.

The answer is not to tell women not to become prostitutes. To a woman who desperately needs to feed her children, the threat of abuse and death seems small compared to the threat of watching her babies starve before her eyes. The answer is to accept sexwork and make it possible for women to have safer, happier working conditions.

Thank you for letting me have a chance to share my experience, Ann

Magdalene Meretrix
Legally Licensed Prostitute
Madam Kitty's Fantasy Guest Ranch
Moundhouse, Nevada
Meretrix Online - Sexworker education and activism
http://www.realm-of-shade.com/meretrix
 

syn

"tlc"
Aug 31, 2001
917
0
0
downtown toronto
part ii

THE VERSION ANN PRINTED:

Prostitute defends "job," suggests it should be legalized

DEAR Ann Landers: A while back, you printed a letter about the dangers of prostitution. I would appreciate the opportunity to tell my side of the story. I hope you will print my letter because your assessment was not accurate.

I am a 31-year-old woman with a bachelor's degree from a well-known university. I have been a sex worker for the past 14 years and am happy with my career. It burns me up when I read studies that say we are messed-up drug addicts who were abused as children or that we are at risk of getting beaten up or raped by our customers.

I do not deny that streetwalking is a difficult and stressful way to make a living, but not all prostitutes are streetwalkers. I work in a brothel in Nevada and would not trade my job for any other that I know of. I perform a valuable service that is legal in most counties in this state. Every woman who works out of our house gets checked by a doctor every week. I have met some fascinating, successful, well-educated men through my profession. Many have been clients of mine for several years. I count among them doctors, lawyers, judges, college professors, politicians and business executives. I make enough money working only two weeks each month and can use the other two weeks to pursue my writing career and work toward a doctorate.

Ann, there's a reason prostitution is called "the world's oldest profession," and it isn't going away. Instead of fighting it, we should decriminalize it everywhere. For a woman who needs to feed her children, the threat of abuse is insignificant compared with watching her babies starve before her eyes. Legal sex work makes it possible for all women to have safer, stress-free working conditions. You should endorse it. -- Magdalene at Madam Kitty's

Dear Magdalene: I caught the significance of your name choice -- from the Bible yet. It is obvious that you enjoy your work, and as I have said before, there always will be a market for what you are selling.

For many years, I have been in favor of legalizing your profession and have said so. But please do not try to persuade anyone that babies would starve if their mothers did not go into prostitution. There are many other options -- government assistance is the best known. I won't go down the list of others, but no woman in America needs to sell her body to make a living -- unless, of course, she wants to.
 

syn

"tlc"
Aug 31, 2001
917
0
0
downtown toronto
more food for thought ...

Why I Made the Choice To Become A Prostitute

Copyright © 1996 Nikki Craft and Melissa Farley

I became a prostitute because . . .

1. I saw Pretty Baby and it reminded me of my stepfather and I thought I could get paid for it.

2. I saw Pretty Woman and I liked the clothes.

3. I saw a Demi Moore movie and I thought, Wow, what an easy and fun way to make a million dollars.

4. I like getting fucked by the football team, the fraternity brothers, and law students at graduation parties. I realized that gang rape could be a transcendental experience.

5. I figured that laying on my back and getting fucked by hundreds of men, and getting on my knees and sucking thousands of dicks, was the most profound empowerment a woman could have.

6. My vocational counselor and I discussed a whole lot of possibilities: doctor, lawyer, women's-studies teacher, legal secretary. I was offered a four-year scholarship at Stanford, but frankly, prostitution seemed the most rewarding job option available.

7. I worship the goddess and she told me, "Fuck mankind." I misunderstood her spiritual message and found myself in lifetime sexual servitude instead.

8. I came to appreciate the depth of Hugh Hefner's, Larry Flynt's, and Bob Guccione's understanding of my sexuality.

9. My boyfriend wanted me to do it. He said that being part of a stable of whores who worked for him could help me learn how to get along with other women.

10. My father wanted me to do it.

11. I met a nice man on alt.sex.prostitution.

12. Camille Paglia told me it was the feminist thing to do.

13. I felt coerced by my landlord, the day-care center, the utility companies, the grocer, my dealer and my plastic surgeons to pay my bills every month.

14. I didn't want to work at Red Lobster.

15. I wanted to be treated like a lady.

16. I went to COYOTE's Halloween extravaganza, the Hookers' Ball, and found out just how glamorous prostitution could be.

17. It's complicated, but I thought that working in the sex industry would increase my self-esteem. It's sort of like saying to the world, "I am the best Grade A ground beef" and being the cow.

18. And then, ya know, even though it all sounded really good, and selling fucks and blow jobs sounded really empowering, I realized that talking about it and writing books defending it would be even more empowering.

 

syn

"tlc"
Aug 31, 2001
917
0
0
downtown toronto
how is it possible ...

that feminists such as melissa farley can have such a narrow view?

what gives her the right to speak for me in such a condescending manner?

syn
 
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