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Football - Germany Vs. Greece

Cardinal Fang

Bazinga Bitches
Feb 14, 2002
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I'm right here
www.vatican.va
Good afternoon, and welcome to a packed Olympic stadium, Muenchen for the second leg of this exciting final.

German philosophers jog out of the dressing room.

The Germans playing 4-2-4, Leibnitz in goal, back four Kant, Hegel, Schopenhauer and Schelling, front-runners Schlegel, Wittgenstein, Nietzsche and Heidegger, and the mid-field duo of Beckenbauer and Jaspers. Beckenbauer obviously a bit of a surprise there.

Greek philosophers, all in togas, jog from the dressing room.

And here come the Greeks, led out by their veteran centre-half, Heraclitus.

Let's look at their team. As you'd expect, it's a much more defensive line-up. Plato's in goal, Socrates a front- runner there, and Aristotle as sweeper, Aristotle very much the man in form. One surprise is the inclusion of Archimedes.

An oriental referee, holding a large sandglass, walks down the centre line, flanked by two linesmen with haloes.

Well here comes the referee, Kung Fu Tsu Confucius, and his two linesmen, St Augustine and St Thomas Aquinas. And as the two skippers come together to shake hands, we're ready for the start of this very exciting final. The referee Mr Confucius checks his sand and... they're off!

The Germans and Greeks immediately turn away from the ball, hands on chins in deep contemplation.

Well there may be no score, but there's certainly no lack of excitement here. As you can see, Nietzsche has just been booked for arguing with the referee. He accused Confucius of having no free will, and Confucius he say, "Name go in book". And this is Nietzsche's third booking in four games.

We see a bearded figure in a track-suit is warming up on the touch-line.

And who's that? It's Karl Marx, Karl Marx is warming up. It looks as though there's going to be a substitution in the German side.

Marx removes the track-suit, under which he is wearing a suit. Marx begins some energetic knees-up running about.

Let's see it he can put some life into this German attack.

The referee blows his whistle; Marx stops and begins contemplating like the rest.

Evidently not. What a shame. Well now, with just over a minute left, a replay on Tuesday looks absolutely vital. There's Archimedes, and I think he's had an idea.

He runs towards the ball and kicks it.

Archimedes out to Socrates, Socrates back to Archimedes, Archimedes out to Heraclitus, he beats Hegel [who, like all the Germans, is still thinking]. Heraclitus a little flick, here he comes on the far post, Socrates is there, Socrates heads it in! Socrates has scored! The Greeks are going mad, the Greeks are going mad. Socrates scores, got a beautiful cross from Archimedes. The Germans are disputing it. Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics, Kant via the categorical imperative is holding that ontologically it exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming it was offside

Monty Python
 
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